27 - F-you

Meg's heart dropped when she saw Cade's response. Have a nice life. He might as well have said fuck you. For a moment, she regretted helping him, but she wasn't that kind of person. Yes, she took a weekend to come forward. She might have dragged her feet longer if she hadn't been threatened. Being with him had put her life in danger.

Responding angrily, she texted, You put my life in danger and I get a fuck you in response? But she didn't send it. Rices didn't lash out in anger. For a week, she thought about sending it.

It was time to take inventory of her life. Tyler was still taking time alone. Cade hated her. Her mother nagged her about everything. Meg wasn't sure Tyler would ever forgive her for letting him go. At work, they promoted another assistant editor. Meg couldn't imagine her life getting any worse. No one told her thirty was hell.

Waking on Saturday morning, she had an entire weekend ahead of her. When she was busy during the week, the pain of losing her friend was duller compared to the weekends. She ran on the trail along the Charles River. It included the popular esplanade where crowds gathered every Fourth of July to see the Boston Pops perform. It was the perfect place to run, walk or bike. In addition, the open spaces and paths were always busy on weekends with families, especially kids playing at the playground. Co-eds and other young people brought blankets to lie on the grass and enjoy the sun.

As a kid whenever they drove by on Storrow Drive, she always wished she could play at the playground with the normal kids. To her, normal kids didn't dress like they were in a photoshoot for The Gap or Gymboree or worse Hannah Andersson in perfect little dresses. Meg wanted to wear jeans with holes in the knees and a tee shirt with the Little Mermaid on it, or Belle or Aurora. She wished for a stain down her front from a jelly donut. Rices didn't eat deep-fried foods. At restaurants, she ordered a salad instead of fries. She loved going to Lucy's house because her mother broke all of Shannon Rice's rules. She ate Dunkin Donuts for breakfast at sleepovers and MacDonald's for dinner. Shannon Rice didn't know her daughter ate juicy hamburgers. When they were in high school, she, Emily and Lucy hung with Tyler, Mick, and Lucy's boyfriend of the semester in the basement playroom with no adults checking on them. They were good kids so nothing happened but some kissing, mostly nothing.

She felt free when she ran. The breeze off the river kept her cool. It helped clear her mind and release the pressures plaguing her. Not too long ago, she ran for fun, not therapy. Tyler never took Blue to the crowded paths, so she wouldn't run into them.

As she ran, it didn't clear her head, but it helped her think. She considered her position at the magazine. A few months before, the feature article was about getting the career and recognition the readers deserved. One suggestion was to ask the boss what actions were necessary to get ahead. Another was to see what opportunities were available in the labor market which included networking. Her first task was to read the article again and to research other jobs online.

She looked ahead as a black dog came running towards her. When she focused she saw the unforgettable shade of blue. His form told her he hadn't just picked up running. Like herself, he had trained, yet it was another thing they hadn't known about one another. Even with a beard and longer hair, she recognized him. He ran past her. Did he not see her?

Have a good life. She turned around and yelled, "Hey! Cade!" His step faltered as he slowed.

They both faced off walking as they caught their breath. She took the time to study him. He looked good but thinner. The facial hair covered his beautiful face. "All you had to say was have a nice life? I reached out because I care and was sorry and..." His dog walked up to her and sniffed her. She reached out and petted him.

"I forgive you. Accepted your apology. You can go on and..."

"And have a good life. I get it. What you went through wasn't fair. I can't imagine, and I see it took a toll on you."

"What happened to you that night? You disappeared." The accusation in his tone confused her.

"Can we step off the path?"

He nodded with a frown. Meanwhile, her body hummed. They were five feet apart, and she felt more than she ever felt naked next to Tyler. The realization caused her to frown. She followed him toward the river. Cade stood with his hands on his hips in a rigid stance, but his dog sat.

"That night?" His voice sounded defeated.

She looked at him. "I showed my ID to the female officer, but I was taught if there were police there were reporters. I had to leave, so I asked her to help me avoid the press. She took me out the back and drove me to Tyler's."

Cade's chin dropped. "You went..." Then he shook his head. "Never mind. The cops erased you from the record."

She nodded. "Eli told me. He said you had a good lawyer. Is she your sister?"

He nodded. "Listen, I don't know what you want me to say. You have your life and I hate to lose more respect for you."

"Why? Should I have looked for you that night? I was scared. You know who my father is?"

"I was scared too. I don't know what you want me to say. You have your life, I have mine."

He turned to leave. She yelled as tears welled up. "I want you to say our time together wasn't a mistake."

He stopped for a moment, but instead of turning around he jogged off. She slumped to the ground. Why was he so cold? He was the Cade she knew, but he had changed. Obviously, his experience would have changed him. Fear of prison, she shivered on a warm day.

She took out her phone and called Eli. "Meg, are you busy breaking more hearts?"

"I, um, I ran into Cade." She sobbed.

"What did he do to you?"

"Nothing. Except why is he angry at me? Is it because I took my time?"

Eli sighed. "He understood it was a lot for you. It was probably the only moment I liked him."

"Why?" Even still she wanted to defend him.

"Why? Because he told me you were in his hotel room. It made me angry when you were engaged to my brother."

She yelled so loud pigeons flew away. "I was never engaged."

"He wasn't happy when I said you were engaged to Tyler."

Meg let out a small cry. "You told him. No wonder he hates me. I would hate me."

"Why do you care if he hates you?"

She sighed. "Call it a flaw, but I don't like to be hated. It's bad enough Tyler hasn't forgiven me."

"He's hurt."

She sighed exasperatedly. "I know that. Before I turned thirty no one hated me, but now you do and..."

"I. Don't. Hate. You. I just love my little brother. It's my job."

"I know. Eli, I'm sorry I hurt him. He's my very best friend but not my lover. I'm sure you've met women you've liked as a person but weren't sexually attracted to."

"The threshold for men is low, but I know enough not to act on my interests."

She groaned. "You are no help." She hung up. Had Cade had a low bar too? He told her he lusted for her. She put her face in her hands as she remembered how sweet and gentle he was.

Like a slap in the face, she rehashed Eli's words. Cade knew about Tyler. "He must think I am worse than the bride. A liar and a cheat." She closed her eyes. Tyler was there. Sick. He must have thought they were perverted.

It was important to her for Cade to understand, but he would never answer her calls. Defeated, she ordered a car and slowly stood. It didn't take long for it to arrive. Luckily her parents had gone to Nantucket for the weekend. It was their tradition to celebrate their anniversary. Her family was steeped in tradition but she would never have a birthday dinner at the Copley again. Meg frowned, would Tyler join her to celebrate thirty-one?

Once home, she flopped on her bed. Refusing to cry, she sent a text. I have never been engaged.

No response came back, but she didn't expect one. Instead, she researched career advice. Following the recommendations she looked for jobs. Glancing at her bookshelf, she wondered if Gray Hoffman needed a personal editor. Meg sighed. Her parents had been invited to the most prestigious garden party of the season. If only Tyler would join her.

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