chapter 17

Chapter 17MishalIt was a whirlwind of romance between Daniel and me in the next few days. At least, that is what it felt to me. Daniel and I were inseparable. Not in a literal sense, of course. At times when we were not texting, we managed to meet secretly on the terrace in the wee hours of the night and chatted with each other, with the same wall keeping us apart. He made me feel special. He invested so much time in me, and I did the same. I did not understand why he liked spending so much time with me. I was an ordinary person, but he did not think like that. Even though he had not expressively talked about his feelings for me, I could tell by the way he looked at me and the way he spoke to me that he was interested in me and felt something for me. Often, when we talked on the terrace at night, he wouldn’t miss the opportunity to flirt with me openly. He’d stare into my eyes and caress my fingers in a friendly way. He never made me feel that he was only interested in me romantically or sexually. If he were only after me for lust, I would have known that by now. He did make me feel like I had become his special friend and treated me in the same way. I had seen the respect that he had in his eyes for me. ‘Do you want a better view?’ I asked him one night as we stood on our respective terraces, resting our hands on the balcony railings and looking at the view ahead. He snorted. ‘What else could be a better view than this?’I smiled. ‘Let me show you.’I asked him to accompany me to the rooftop terrace of my house, and he looked at me in surprise as I was joking with him. I grinned at his expression and gestured for him to hop over to my side of the balcony. A spiral stairwell on my balcony led to the rooftop terrace. Daniel hopped over to my balcony and followed me to the rooftop area after climbing up the stairwell. He let out a deep sigh as soon as he stepped on the rooftop terrace and took in all the view. ‘So, do you like it?’ I asked him. He nodded. ‘I love it, mate.’We would often climb up to my rooftop terrace and have deep conversations about our lives. He would tell me all about his life back in Australia during our midnight conversations. He would tell me about his life in Sydney—the city where he grew up. He would tell me about his favourite places, his most favourite Bondi beach and how much he liked spending time there. He also told me about his estranged relationship with his Dad and showed me photos of his Dad’s new family. He may not have a great relationship with his Dad, but he did have immense love and admiration for his current wife and his stepsisters.I wanted to ask him how he managed to cope with his parent’s divorce, but I could not gather the courage to breach that subject. Not until I felt he was ready. Then, he told me what he did for a living. The tech company where he worked as a cyber-security engineer had allowed him to take a leave of two months, and he would have to go back sooner to resume his job. After hearing that part, a feeling of melancholy hit me hard. I was sad. All the time that I was spending with him, I had never thought about the moment when he would go back. I had to let him go, and there was nothing that would make him stop. When he noticed I became quiet at the mention of him going back sooner, he would change the topic and start telling me anecdotes of his past girlfriends. He would tell me how attractive, ambitious, and confident they were and why he could not have a stable relationship with them in the past. ‘Why not?’ I asked him, my elbows on the terrace wall, propping up my chin. He shrugged coolly. ‘I guess some people are just not meant to be.’‘But what about the feelings you had for them? Was it easier to let them go?’He bit his lower lip. ‘Honestly, I don’t think I have ever gotten myself emotionally attached with someone to the point that it became difficult for me to let them go.’I slowly nodded, looking at him thoughtfully. ‘Well, in that case, you have never been truly in love with anyone.’That piqued his interest, and he drew closer to me. ‘Why do you say that?’‘Because when you’re truly in love with someone, you can never let them go. Not so easily.’He raised his brows. ‘Is that so?’ I nodded. ‘MmHmm.’He bored his eyes into me, his expression becoming serious, and he whispered, ‘I do not want to let you go. How would you like to explain that?’I patted him casually on the arm. ‘Shut up, Daniel. You can’t be serious.’‘What if I am?’I shrugged off his indirect way of flirting with me with a laugh. I always did that. He often would pass me hints like that and put me in tricky situations where I almost felt pressured to tell him what I actually felt for him. He would try to cajole me into speaking the truth, but I would sensibly pull myself out of that conversation every time he did that. I always chose to ignore his flirting and his indirect hints at us getting together. What else could I have done? I did not have any option besides keeping quiet. I had decided never to tell him about my real feelings. Not until I had told him about the truth. It was the only thing I’d kept from him, and I wished to tell him sooner. I just couldn’t find the right time. Every time I wanted to tell him, he would change the subject, or something else would come up. Sometimes, I felt like I was badly stuck. On the one hand, I was falling in love with him, but on the other hand, I was scared of losing him forever. Sadly, I knew the latter was more likely to happen the minute I uttered the truth in front of him. Therefore, I decided to keep my feelings aside—at least for some time—and enjoy the moments I had left to spend with him. The preparations for Rayaan’s fifteenth birthday were in full swing. I had already decided on the entire food menu for his birthday party. I was expecting Khadija, my older sister, and her toddler to come to Lahore any time now. She was supposed to fly in from Karachi a day before Rayaan’s birthday. I wanted to go and pick Khadija up from the airport myself, but she strictly refused as she wanted to surprise Rayaan on his birthday. Me or Amma picking her up from the airport would make Rayaan suspicious, and she did not want that to happen. ‘But, how are you going to come by yourself?’ I asked Khadija on the phone a day before the birthday party as I prepared the batter for the cupcakes. Since I knew Rayaan was a huge Super Mario fan, I wanted to surprise him with a Super Mario themed birthday party. I was making chocolate fudge cupcakes with vanilla frosting for that very reason. On top of them, I had to put Super Mario cupcake labels to go along with the theme. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll manage something,’ she assured me. ‘Hamza’s too young. Plus, Amma wouldn’t approve of the idea. She’d definitely ask me to pick you up from the airport.’‘Just give her a wrong time about my flight. I would be home before she realizes she has to ask you to get me from the airport.’I shook my head, and the phone cradled against my ear as I mixed the batter with the spatula. ‘I still think it is a terrible idea.’‘It’s okay, Mishi. Don’t worry. Acha, I need to hang up now. Still have to complete the packing. I’ll see you tomorrow then. Goodbye!’‘Insha Allah. See you tomorrow. Bye.’ I hung up the phone and put it on the kitchen island, only to mix the batter once again before putting them in the tray and finally into the oven. In the middle of that, I received a call from Daniel. Completely dazed by seeing his number on the phone screen, I set the cupcake tray aside and picked up the phone.‘Hey,’ I said, breathless.‘How’s it goin’ mate? Why aren’t you replying to my messages?’ he asked, sounding upset. ‘Jeez—I’m sorry. I was making cupcakes for Rayaan’s birthday party tomorrow.’‘Too good. Shall I come and help ya with anything?’‘No, I think I’m fine. Thanks anyway.’‘Are you home alone?’‘Um, yes, why?’‘Great, I’m comin’ then.’ He ended the call, leaving me as confused as ever. ‘What…? Hello?’ I said into the phone, but he had already hung up the phone.Daniel being Daniel, did not want to miss out on the opportunity of helping me with the birthday party preparations. After a few beats, I heard the doorbell ring. He was already here. I could literally hear the sounds of my heartbeat thudding in my ear. As much as I pretended not to become affected by his presence, I always failed. After a few seconds, he was already there in my kitchen, leaning against the doorframe and staring at me with a huge toothed grin. Dressed in a dark grey t-shirt and jeans, he looked handsome as always. I couldn’t help but smile at him. ‘What are you doing here?’ I asked him as I stood in front of him with my hands on my hips.  For a second, I did feel embarrassed about how I looked. With my hair tied in a messy bun, I was still clad in an oversized t-shirt and PJs—and an apron that made me look like a professional cook. I looked so ordinary in front of him—every single time. I wondered why he thought I was beautiful. Maybe he lied. He just wanted to make me happy. He did not want to give me any other reason to doubt myself.  ‘A wise man has said that a friend in need is a friend indeed,’ he said matter-of-factly as he took a few steps in my direction. ‘Wow. These look like one hell of fancy cupcakes.’ He pointed at the cupcake tray, and before he could reach out to touch the batter, I picked the tray right away. ‘What?’ he asked, a shadow of annoyance crossing on his face. ‘I have to put the tray in the oven.’ I opened the door of the oven, set the tray inside, and then pressed the buttons to set the right temperature. ‘Do you need help with anythin’? I heard him ask from behind. I turned around and watched him pick an apple from the fruit basket. He raised a brow as he looked at me. ‘Are you hungry?’ I asked as I placed my palms flat on the kitchen island. He took a bite of the apple. ‘Not much.’‘I have some pasta in the fridge. Shall I warm it up for you?’‘Nah, I’m good.’Dismissing his response, I opened the door of the fridge and took out the pasta. ‘I can see from your face that you’re hungry.’He shrugged and took another huge bite of the apple. I put the pasta in the microwave and pressed the button to start the timer. Once the timer was off, I took the pasta out of the microwave and set the plate on the island, gesturing for him to eat. ‘Have this.’‘I told ya I was good.’‘Daniel, please sit and eat.’He shook his head and did as I said. As he began to eat the pasta, I sat next to him on the kitchen counter and watched him silently. Sensing that I was keenly looking at him, he paused eating midway and looked up at me. He raised a brow. ‘You wanna eat?’ I shook my head. ‘I’m not hungry.’He nodded. ‘By the way, that’s really sick, mate.’I was taken aback. ‘Sick what? You did not like the pasta?’He shook his head fervently. ‘No, I meant to say that this pasta is really awesome.’ I sighed. ‘Oh yes. Your Australian slang. How can I forget that?’He grinned. ‘Yeah.’I smiled back at him and cast my eyes downwards. ‘’Where are your homies by the way?’ he asked between the mouthfuls. ‘Amma and Rayaan have gone to the market. She had to get a few things for the birthday party.’‘Cool,’ he said as he took another spoonful of pasta and ate it. ‘Are you done with the decorations?’‘Not yet. I am yet to fill up the balloons and put the birthday banner on the wall.’‘Don’t worry. I’ll help you with everything.’I smiled at him thoughtfully. ‘What am I gonna do without you?’‘Is everything okay?’ he asked, looking at me intently. I nodded. ‘Yes.’He shook his head slowly and put down the fork on the plate. ‘No, you don’t seem okay. What’s wrong? You can tell me.’ He was quick to catch the gloomy expression on my face. He was really good at reading faces.  ‘It’s nothing,’ I told him, looking away. ‘Hey.’ He reached for my hand. ‘Tell me what’s bothering ya?’When he brought up that question, it suddenly dawned on me that I could perhaps request him to pick up my sister from the airport the next day. It would make things easier for me, and I wouldn’t have to worry about Khadija struggling with a toddler in tow at the airport. That way, even Amma wouldn’t get any chance to fret. But, how would I ask him to do this favour for me? Would it be too much to ask? I did not even know if he would be comfortable driving on the roads of Lahore. I had not seen him doing that. ‘Mitchelle?’ he asked, getting hold of my attention once again. ‘It’s actually about Khadija.’‘Your older sister?’I nodded. ‘What about her? Is she not coming?’‘She is coming tomorrow.’‘That’s exciting. Aren’t you stoked?’‘I am, but I can’t go to the airport and pick her up.’‘Why can’t you go?’ ‘Because that will make Rayaan suspicious, and we, especially Khadija, do not want that. She wants to surprise him.’‘Oh.’I pressed my lips in a thin line. ‘Yes.’He looked at me considerately. ‘No worries. I got your back.’A look of surprise came over my face all of a sudden. ‘I’ll go and pick your sister up from the airport,’ he declared. ‘But you’re not familiar with driving around here, and the airport is a bit far away.’ ‘No worries, mate. I got this.’I whispered, my shoulders slumping. ‘Daniel, are you sure?’He leaned closer while holding my hand and looked into my eyes. ‘I would do this for you… only if…’‘Only if…?’‘Only if… you hand over that cupcake to me.’ He gestured at the oven and winked at me.I couldn’t help but pat him lightly on his arm. ‘No, I’m serious.’I stared hard at him. ‘Really?’ ‘Yes, I want one. Right now.’I shook my head in disbelief. ‘Fine. Let me get one for you.’ I stood on my feet and walked over to the kitchen island to get my hands on the first batch of ready cupcakes. I picked the best one for Daniel and set it on his plate. Just when I was about to turn around and pass him the plate, I bumped into him. He was quick to grab the plate from my hands before it crashed down on the floor. Our fingers briefly touched, and we looked into each other's eyes, my breath and heartbeat becoming erratic at the same time. He smelled of citrus and wood and all things amazing, and I just could not take my eyes off him. My breath became unsteady as I watched him part his lips slowly and take a step towards me, closing the distance between us. The plate was still intact in his hands, the cupcake still atop it. A loose strand of hair came off my bun and dropped in front of my face, blocking the view of his beautiful face. He raised his free hand to brush the same loose strand of hair out of my face, looking at me affectionately. The moment he tucked the strand behind my ear and his finger caressed the skin of my ear briefly, I felt a jolt of electric current running through my entire body. He did not move away; instead, his hand stayed in the same position, his fingers still grazing my skin. ‘You know what?’ he whispered, his voice making me go weak in my knees. I raised my both brows slowly as a gesture to know what he was going to say. ‘You look as ugly as sin from up close…’ And then, he burst into laughter and took a huge bite of the cupcake, sending me into a complete shock. Before I could hit him, he ran away from the kitchen, still laughing. I could not believe he made me feel that sexual tension for nothing. When was he ever serious?Daniel‘G’day, mate, how are ya goin’? I asked Hammad the next day when I found him cleaning his car in the garage. It wasn’t usual to find Hammad at home all the time as he was doing a full-time job at some pharmaceutical company. I could only see him home during the weekends, and today, it was a Saturday. He turned to look at me, holding a wet sponge in his hands. ‘Hey.’‘Do ya need any help?’He wiped the windshield with the help of the sponge. ‘I’m good.’I put my hands into the pockets of my jeans as I took a few steps in his direction. ‘Hey, um, can I ask for a favor?’‘Go ahead.’‘I have to go to the airport to pick up someone today. Would you like to join me for the drive?’‘Are you going to pick Khadija up from the airport?’ he asked as he looked at me in the middle of wiping the windshield. I furrowed my brows. ‘Yeah, how do you know that?’‘Well, Rubina aunty did ask me for this favour.’For a moment, I was surprised as well as disappointed. If Mishal’s mother had already asked Hammad for the favour, why did Mishal ask me then? Perhaps she did not know that her mother had already spoken to Hammad about it, or she wouldn’t have asked me.  ‘What did you tell her then?’ I asked him, bringing myself back from the thoughts. ‘I didn’t tell her anything. She’s still probably waiting to hear from me.’‘I don’t think she is because Mishal asked me to pick up her sister from the airport.’He smirked, keeping his eyes on the car. ‘When they didn’t hear from me, they chose to ask you.’I shrugged. ‘So what? I don’t think that’s a bad idea.’‘Maybe.’‘So, uh, would you come along with me?’He looked at me. ‘Why?’‘Just like that, mate. Perhaps this little road trip can help us catch up. What do ya think?’He shot me a considerate look. I raised a brow at him as I waited for his response.‘When do we leave?’ he asked. ‘Mishal told me her sister’s flight’s arriving in an hour.’‘Hmm. So that means we should leave for the airport right away then.’I nodded. ‘I guess we should.’‘Let me get into some other clothes. Be right back.’‘Sure.’ I watched him as he walked back inside. I fished out my cell phone from my jeans pocket and typed a text for Mishal. Going to pick up your sister from the airport…with Hammad. Hope the journey goes well. See ya soon x***Mishal was right. The airport was not as close as I thought it would be. As per the Google Maps, it would take us around half an hour to reach the airport. If it wasn’t for Hammad, I did not know how I would be able to go to the airport on my own. In the worst-case scenario, I would have taken an Uber and driven to the airport to pick up her sister. Because there was no way I could say no to Mishal. I could not let her down. I would do anything in my capacity to take away all her worries. Even if it required me to sit with a taciturn and morose person like Hammad for some time. Hammad had agreed to join me on the airport trip only if we drove in his car. He owned a Honda Civic, 2018 model, in black color. It was a fine car. I could tell that by seeing how he had taken care of its upkeep. Even the interior of the fine exuded luxury and comfort. Almost every other day, I saw him washing the car all by himself. While we were on our way to the airport, Hammad turned up the music system, and the car filled up with the loud beats of the music. From the music beats, I could tell it was a Bollywood song. I did not know South East Asians had such a strong affiliation with Bollywood. First Mishal… and now Hammad… Bearing the thought, I rolled my eyes and stared out the window. ‘You can change the song if you don’t like it,’ Hammad’s voice distracted me from my thoughts.I turned to look at him. ‘No, it’s fine by me.’He nodded. ‘Okay.’As I looked out the window again, I heard my cell phone beep. When I checked it, it was a new text message from Mishal.Mishal: What? Did you really go with him? Daniel: Of course, we’re on the way.Mishal: I just found out from Amma that she had also asked Hammad to pick Khadija up from the airport. I am sorry I didn’t know that, or I wouldn’t have bothered you. Daniel: It’s all right, mate. No worries. Mishal: Where you guys reached?Daniel: About to reach. Will text ya later. I closed the messaging app and looked out the window again. I heard Hammad clear up his throat. ‘So, Daniyal,’ he began.I looked at him, my lips pressed in a thin line. ‘Yep?’‘What did you want to talk to me about?’I gave him a considerate look for a few seconds before asking, ‘Is everything good between us?’I watched him as he furrowed his brows. ‘Why are you asking that?’‘You know very well why I’m asking that.’He shot me a look for a few seconds before diverting his gaze back to the road. I continued. ‘After what happened between us in the past, I know things have never been good between us.’‘Daniyal…’ Hammad began. ‘Whatever happened in the past stays in the past. We shouldn’t think about that.’I exclaimed. ‘But I always think about that. I haven’t forgotten any bit of it. How can I forget something that changed my life completely? That incident ruined my childhood, and perhaps you guys don’t even realize that.’He sighed slowly. ‘I know, Daniyal. I know how hard it must be on you and Mom. She made you leave the house, the country. Mom had to stay apart from you all these years, and I know how much she has suffered.I listened to him intently, keeping my eyes fixed on his side profile. ‘But, at the end of the day, we must realize that people make mistakes. Bad things happen to them. Back then, we were kids, and whatever happened between you and Fariha was… reckless.’ ‘Let me clarify again that I did not make any mistake back then. I did not do anything wrong with Fariha. She misunderstood me, and she made a false accusation against me because of that misunderstanding. I did nothing. I was innocent.’‘How can it be a false accusation when someone did testify against you at that time?’For a second, my brain short-circuited, and I was furious. ‘Who was the fucking person who testified against me? Can you tell me that?’He sighed again. ‘Daniyal, listen, bro, you shouldn’t clarify to me about anything.’I interrupted him. ‘Tell me who the fuck testified against me?’‘It doesn’t matter now. We have come a long way since then, all right? We have nothing against you in our hearts now. We have buried that topic, and we would never bring it up again.’I sucked in a breath. ‘No, I don’t think you guys have buried that topic. Sometimes, I can still see the animosity in your dad’s eyes. Even in yours.’‘It’s not like that,’ he clarified. I looked away. ‘It is like that, mate. I know you guys still blame me for that incident. You guys still hate me for that.’‘I swear we have moved on from that incident. We have nothing against you now. You can ask Fariha if you don’t believe me.’I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath. ‘Yeah, right, mate.’‘Anyways, how are you liking it in Lahore?’ He was quick to change the topic. I nodded lightly. ‘It’s been amazing, yeah.’‘How’s your job?’ ‘It’s sick, mate. I have to be back to work soon.’‘When are you leaving?’‘Soon.’‘When Covid’s over, I shall plan a trip to Sydney,’ he grinned. ‘Sure, mate. You should definitely plan something like that.’ I checked my cell phone to see if I had received any messages from Mishal, but there were none. After a little pause, Hammad asked. ‘So, what’s going on between you and Mishal?’All of a sudden, I became alert at the mention of her name. I wasn’t affected by him bringing up her name but the kind of question he asked. I knitted my brows. ‘What do ya mean?’ ‘It seems like you both have bonded really well.’Since I did not want him to think about Mishal and me in a negative light, I decided to show him another side of our relationship. ‘We both have become good friends.’‘Just friends, right?’ He shot me a look with a raised brow. I nodded, looking at him with a guarded expression. He smiled. ‘That makes me relieved, I guess.’The hair on my arm stood up when I heard him say that. ‘Why do you say that?‘Isn’t it too apparent?’ He blushed. My face fell. ‘What?’He grinned. ‘I love her, man. Can’t you see it?I stared back at him unflinchingly, not blinking my eyes even for a few seconds. He added. ‘Why do you think I would be relieved to know you guys are just friends and nothing else?’Shocked, I sank back in my seat and became quiet. I did not know how to react after hearing Hammad express his feelings for Mishal in front of me. I could not digest that. I just could not. I was in deep shock. It felt like I tumbled into a deep well and could do nothing to pull myself up. Noticing that I was silent, Hammad started grinning again. ‘I’m sorry for sounding so stupid.’My lips quivered as I looked at him, silent. ‘It’s just that I love her like crazy.’I asked in a whisper. ‘Since… when?’‘For as long as I can remember.’I flinched. ‘Is… Is Mishal aware of your feelings?’‘I think so, yes. I have passed her hints so many times. She must know what I feel for her.’‘And what about her?’‘What about her?’ he asked, shooting me a look. ‘What does she feel for you?’‘I think she feels the same for me. She may not accept it, but she knows she has feelings for me deep down.’There came another shock. ‘Really?’ ‘Yep. Even her mother, Rubina aunty wants us to get married.’ ‘And what does Mishal want?’‘She wants the same. She just won’t accept it,’ he said matter-of-factly. I nodded, pressing my lips together. ‘Right.’How could Mishal not tell me what Hammad thought of her? Why did she never tell me how much her mother wanted her to end up with Hammad? Why would she keep this from me? Why? I did not even know what she thought of Hammad. What if she secretly liked him as well? What if she was also unaware of her feelings for Hammad? In case that turned out to be true, I knew I would lose her forever. I was going to get hurt once again. As I looked out the window, I struggled hard to blink away the tears that began to form in my eyes. Was this the moment when I realized I was going to lose her? Was this the moment I realized I was falling head over heels with Mishal? I would be damned if I was in love with her. Or maybe I was already damned, and I just came to know about it.