chapter 7

Chapter 7MishalWe woke up to hearing news about our government lifting the COVID-19 restrictions in densely populated cities, including Lahore. As more people started getting vaccinated, the restrictions were being eased up in the country. Amma and I also decided to get vaccinated in the same week, and we did. All restaurants, cafes, shopping malls, public parks, etc., were being opened to the public. However, the public was still advised to follow the necessary protocols and SOPs regarding COVID-19. We could not go out without masks and had to maintain social distancing in public places at all times. The government easing COVID-19 restrictions on the public meant that my home-based food business would suffer to a great extent. With cafes, restaurants, and hotels being opened, people would not tend to order food online. They’d rather visit the restaurants and enjoy being back to normal life, even if they had to go there with masks on their faces or had to use the hand sanitizers from time to time. On the one hand, I was pleased that the lockdown was being elevated after months of waiting, but on the other hand, I was sad about my online food business. Would I still receive the same number of orders as I did during the lockdown phase? So when Sana invited me to her younger sister Sahiba’s birthday party, I did not show much excitement. Amma told me not to feel bad about the situation and reassured me that orders won’t get affected. She believed that we’d always get what Allah had planned for us. I was very young when Amma explained to me that Islam tells us the rizq (the provision of wealth/profit) is assigned to us at our birth, and on top of that, Allah made five promises of rizq. She reassured me that I did not have to worry about rizq because it was promised to us by Allah. Whenever she reminded me of this, my nerves felt calm, and I did not have anything to worry about. While I had nothing to be concerned about my food business, I surely had all the time to worry about Daniyal and his growing friendship with Anna, Sahiba’s best friend. As per Sana’s words, he was becoming fond of her, and so was she. Deep in my heart, I knew that Anna did not deserve him. But then, did I deserve him? I questioned myself again and again. No, I did not deserve him. I never deserved him after what I’d done to him. He might not know what wrong I did to him, but it did not matter as long as I knew about the whole thing. Hearing about Daniyal getting closer to Anna made me envious. Furious. Sad. Depressing. I was going through all sorts of these sad emotions, and I did not know how to overcome them. As I was getting ready for the birthday party and straightening my hair in front of the dresser, Amma barged into my room. ‘Mishi, I hope you know that you’re also going to take Rayaan with you.’I looked at her through the mirror reflection. ‘What? No way, Amma! I won’t.’‘Haw haye, why not?’ she asked, crossing her arms. ‘Amma, Rayaan will get bored there.’ ‘No, he won’t. I am sure Sana must have invited her younger cousin brothers and sisters.’I rolled my eyes.‘He will also get to eat some nice food at the party na. We haven’t prepared anything fancy for dinner, anyway,’ she said as a matter-of-factly. I shook my head dismissively. ‘I’ll make him get ready for the party in a few minutes. Theek hai?’‘As you say, Amma,’ I said because I could not handle arguing with her. Even if I did, I knew she would always win it. I decided to leave my straightened hair open and let them fall across my shoulders. With some light makeup and spectacles on my face, I was ready to leave for the party. ***A few minutes later, Rayaan and I walked down our gate, and I asked him to sit quietly in the passenger seat. He got inside the car, and I closed the door for him. As I walked around the car to get to the driver’s seat, I glanced at Nigar aunty’s house. It looked quiet and peaceful from the outside; no sounds could be heard from the inside. I wondered what Daniyal could be possibly doing at the moment. It wasn’t like I cared because there was no point. He was involved with someone else. It was too late for me to do anything. Also, it was not like I had planned to do anything, anyway. I was just concerned for him. I didn’t know why. ‘Baaji, what happened?’ Rayaan called me from the passenger seat. I came out of the trance because of his voice. ‘Um, nothing.’ I got inside the car and pulled the car out of the driveway.After Sana had told me about throwing a birthday party for Sahiba, I decided to get a birthday present for her. I’d gotten a really nice handbag for her because I knew how much both sisters loved collecting handbags. Sana’s house was located a few kilometers away from my place. The colony where she lived was not densely populated compared to our locality. Almost all houses were built at a good distance from one another, unlike our colony. I wished we also lived in the same colony just like Sana’s because then I wouldn’t have to face Daniyal every now and then and try to keep myself far away from his life. I parked the car right behind other vehicles just across Sana’s house. Rayaan wanted to hold the gift bag in his hands, so I let him. Holding his hand, I crossed the street and walked down the pathway leading to Sana’s gate. We walked past the gate and stepped on the porch. Not much to our surprise, the entrance door was already ajar. As we went inside, the music hit my ears. Apparently, Sana had converted her living hall into a dance floor. The entire hall was teeming with people, both adults and youngsters included. Some were swaying their bodies to the music beats, whereas others were just standing, having drinks, and chit-chatting. As I observed closely, almost half of the crowd was wearing masks, and the other half wasn’t. Sana had reassured us that all of the guests would be vaccinated, so we did not pose any threat to COVID-19. A table was set on the far end of the hall with the birthday cake, some cookies, cupcakes, and some goodie bags. Beyond the table, a ‘Happy Birthday’ banner was stuck to the wall. ‘Wow, baaji, this party looks so much fun!’ Rayaan said, his eyes gleaming with joy. I patted lightly at the back of his head. ‘Stop grinning like an idiot, Rayaan. Go and see if you can find any friends of yours.’‘Okay, baaji.’‘And, do not take off your mask, okay?’ ‘Sure, but can you take this from me?’ He handed over the gift bag to me and ran away into the crowd. ‘Be careful!’ I shouted after him, but he was long gone. Sighing, I took off my mask and then turned around to look for Sana. A few seconds later, I spotted her near the kitchen area and breathed a sigh of relief. It seemed like she was surrounded by some of her friends. Nevertheless, I went after her. Before I could call her, someone tapped on my shoulder from behind. ‘Hey, you are Mishal Khan from YouTube, right?’ a teen girl with braces on her teeth asked me. I nodded, completely dumbstruck. She grinned. ‘I’m a huge fan of yours!I wasn’t the kind of person who liked too much attention. Normally, I did not get to meet many fans or admirers when I stepped outside. So this still felt like a new experience to me, and to be honest, I wouldn’t say I liked it very much. I was a private person in real life. I did not become a YouTube to becoming popular. I just wanted to do something on my own and make money. So, when this teen approached me at a birthday party, I was slightly overwhelmed with the whole experience. ‘Thanks,’ I smiled at her sheepishly, not knowing how to respond in such a situation. ‘Can I take a selfie with you?’ she asked, blinking her eyes rapidly. I flushed at her sudden question. This was the first time someone had asked to take a selfie with me. As I said, I was not used to getting this sort of attention. When I looked at her face, I could tell she was waiting for my approval. I could not say no because she was my admirer, after all, and you couldn’t just go on and disappoint your admirers because of stupid reasons. So, I gave her a huge grin and nodded. She let out a chuckle, happy that I was willing to do this, and opened her front camera to take a selfie with me. I hoped she did not feel I was acting clumsy around her. We both grinned into the camera, and then she pressed the capture button, and it was done. ‘Yay! Thanks so much. I’m definitely going to put up a story on Instagram and tag you.’I tucked the hair behind my ears nervously. ‘Sure, thank you.’‘Have fun. See you!’ She waved at me and walked away. I could not believe I’d dealt with such a difficult situation so effortlessly. For a tiniest moment, I felt proud of myself. After successfully dealing with my fan, I turned around and looked out for Sana again. To my relief, she peeked at me through the crowd and waved at me enthusiastically. Smiling, I waved back at her. Then, she gestured for me to come close to her. I nodded at her from afar and made my way through the crowd. As I weaved my way through the group of people to avoid greeting any other fan or admirer again, I accidentally bumped into a tall guy with broad shoulders. ‘Oh! I’m so sorry!’ I apologized to him right away, without looking at his face. But, when I looked at him and recognized his face, I became hushed all of a sudden. Or I would say I was forced into silence because of the shock of finding him there. It was Daniyal standing right in front of me, a blank flabbergasted expression on his face. What was he doing at the party? Just when I thought about it deeply, I realized he was there because of Anna. Sahiba would have invited him and Anna to the party. ‘Uh, I’m sorry.’ He raised his hands in surrender. ‘I didn’t see ya comin. I should have been careful.’For a moment, I kept staring back at his slightly droopy eyes and did not say anything. Our eyes were locked for several seconds now. He looked so different that night. Different but nice. Maybe handsome? Dressed in a white pale blue button-down shirt and a pair of denim, he definitely looked insanely handsome. I did not even know why I was checking him out when I knew I should not have in the first place. ‘You good?’ he asked, raising a brow at me. I shook my head in response. ‘Yes, I’m fine.’‘Good on ya, mate. Glad to see ya here,’ he said, smiling. I could not miss out on his Australian accent. ‘So, are you here with someone?’ He nodded, pressing his lips together. ‘I’m here with a friend. She’s right there.’ He pointed at someone across the hall, and when I followed his gaze, I saw Anna standing at the far corner of the room, chatting with some girl I did not know. My intuition had been right. I knew he was there because of Anna. He was here with her. I turned around to look at him again, and he looked back at me. Our eyes locked again. Briefly. ‘Uh, how’s your Mum?’ he asked out of nowhere. Was he trying to have a conversation with me?‘She’s fine. Thanks for asking.‘By the way, she cooks amazin’ food.’ He complimented. Did he even know about my online food business? ‘Um, yes, actually, we…’ Before I could complete my sentence, Daniyal was interrupted by Anna’s voice. She called him over, and he just nodded at her. Politely, he excused himself and walked past me. Slightly disappointed, I turned to look at him and saw how he joined her and stood next to her as she introduced him to one of her friends. From their body language and chemistry, I could tell how close they had become in such a short span of time. Before feelings of envy engulfed me completely, Sana came to my rescue.  ‘I had been calling you for so long! Where have you been?’ she asked, holding me by my shoulders. ‘I’m right here,’ I said, trying to change my mood. ‘You have a lovely set up here.’Saba chuckled. ‘Thank you. Where’s Rayaan? You said you were bringing him along.’‘That kid did come along,’ I said with a laugh. ‘He must be here, playing with someone. Where’s the birthday girl?’ ‘Sahiba is right there.’ She waved at Sahiba, who was surrounded by her friends, and then gestured for her to come over. Sahiba excused herself and walked down to our side, greeting me with a hug. I hugged her back. ‘Wish you a very happy birthday. I got this present for you.’She looked at the gift bag and said, ‘That’s so sweet. Thank you!’ As Sahiba and Sana engaged in a quick conversation, I did not miss the chance to take a peek at Daniyal and Anna. They both were standing in the same place, interacting with the same people. I noticed Anna slightly leaning over Daniyal’s side, laughing and talking. This jealousy made me feel awful and insecure, so I decided to look away. I promised myself not to peek at them again. After a while, the birthday girl cut her cake, and everybody in the hall cheered for her. I glanced around to look for Rayaan and found him playing with some of the kids his age. I was surprised how quickly he’d made friends with kids here. Once the cake-cutting ceremony was over, Sana asked all the guests to start helping themselves with the dinner. I looked for Rayaan so I could make him eat some food before he tired himself out. Soon, everybody rushed to the buffet table. I held a glass of juice, and before I could take a sip, someone shoved me from the back, and the juice spilled all over me. Embarrassment aside, I couldn’t stand there with the dripping wet dress. ‘Shit.’ I grumbled.  ‘What happened?’ Sana came from behind and saw me struggling with the wet dress. I looked at her and made a crying face.  ‘It’s okay. Why don’t you use my washroom to clean it up?’I nodded and then made my way through the crowd, stepping onto the staircase and walking down the hallway leading to Sana’s room. The door was already open, so I peeked inside to make sure nobody was there. I stepped inside and reached for the washroom door only to be stopped mid-way. Some weird thudding and moaning sounds from the washroom took me by surprise. To my luck, the washroom door was slightly open, and I could peek at the view inside. What came before my eyes was extremely shocking. I found Anna sitting on the basin countertop, her arms locked around Daniyal’s neck. He was leaning onto her with his eyes closed. As he rested his hands on her hips, she moaned softly against his neck, her lips grazing his skin. The shock of watching them have a makeout session in the washroom left a deep impact on me, so much so that I shuddered from head to toe, and my feet faltered. When I took a few steps back in panic, my hand accidentally hit something on the dresser, and it came down crashing on the ground with a thud. Both of them freaked out when they saw me standing in the doorway. A shadow of shame crossed Daniyal’s face when he realized it was me who had caught them red-handed and not anyone else. Before I could make them feel more embarrassed, I rushed out of the room and ran down the hallway. Tears stung my eyes as I stepped down the staircase as fast as my legs could carry me. I grabbed Rayaan’s hand and made my way out of the house.DanielI was not anticipating getting caught by anyone, let alone the neighbor girl. But, I was also not anticipating having a full-on makeout session with Anna on our first date, that too amid the birthday party. Honestly, it wasn’t my decision. It was Anna’s. I wanted to take things slow with her considering she was from Pakistan. I had zero experience when it came to hanging out with girls out there. However, I was not aware Anna would be so fast. She was nothing like I had imagined how a typical Pakistani girl would be. She was the complete opposite of them. Fast, self-obsessed, and someone having adult temper tantrums. She was just like the girls I used to meet and connect with back in Australia. I realized this when I met her in person for the first time when I picked her up from her place. Even though it was not a bad thing that she turned out to be the kind of woman how I exactly wanted, I was still disappointed. She was not the person I was really looking for. She was undeniably beautiful in real life, much better than what she looked like on video calls and in photos that she used to share with me. But, I could not care less about her beauty when I heard her say and do some weird things when she was in the car with me. For example, she had only mean things to say about Mum’s car and that I did not like that. It was my Mum’s car, and I could not hear bad things about it even though I sometimes could not stand it. Then, she also put up her feet on the dashboard. That proved she lacked basic manners. However, despite all her adult temper tantrums and obnoxious behavior, I did not say anything and kept quiet.  We reached the party, and she did not miss the chance to introduce me to her friends. She told them we both were seeing each other. I had no idea dating could have been so fast and advanced, even in Pakistan. Not even for a tiniest moment, she made me feel she wasn’t easy around me. Even I did not feel any awkwardness around her, given we had been communicating for the past few days. And yet, I wasn’t really comfortable with her. There was something off between us, and I could already feel that. So, I felt relieved when I bumped into the neighbor girl out of the blue. I was amazed to find her at the same party. She looked different than what she looked normally. With her medium golden brown hair hanging loose over her shoulders and no spectacles on her face, she looked strikingly beautiful. That was the first time I got the opportunity to observe her from close. She had a round face with big, beautiful eyes, an elegant nose, and puffy, heart-shaped lips. I could tell she had a shy personality from the way she stared at me. As we started a conversation, I was halfway certain she was nothing like Anna, and perhaps that’s what attracted me the most. Before I could engage with her further, I was interrupted by Anna. Just then, it dawned on me that I had come to the party with someone else. As difficult as it was for me to break the conversation with the neighbor girl, I could tell she wasn’t pleased about it either. So, I was guilt-ridden and embarrassed when she caught me making out with Anna in the washroom. As I have mentioned before, it wasn’t my idea. It was Anna’s. She grabbed my hand and took me upstairs so she could find a perfect spot for making out with me. The makeout sesh aroused me so bad that the greedy, sexual side inside me could not stop her. More or less, I wanted the same thing from her. But I wasn’t aware that this could cost me too much. I did not expect the neighbor girl to walk in on us and catch us red-handed. The entire image I’d attempted to display in front of her was tarnished in just a few seconds. It wouldn’t be wrong of her to assume I was some fuck boy who never missed the chance of having makeout sessions with girls. To some extent, I agree, I was that kind of a person but I did not want to portray this image of mine in front of her. I wanted to show her my best side, and I did not know why. But, now, I had lost all the chances. My reputation was ruined, and there was nothing I could do about it. Damn! Damn! Damn! How could I be this stupid? As soon as the neighbor girl barged out of the room, I quickly ran my hand through my hair, embarrassed and tripped with guilt. Anna tried to calm me down about the situation, but I did not listen to her. Leaving her alone in the washroom, I walked out of the room, rushed down the hallway and onto the stairs. I looked for her in every nook and corner of the hall in desperation, but I couldn’t find her. Had she left the place already?***When I made sure she had left the party, I was furious at my own stupidity. I was stupid enough even to consider Anna’s idea. Why did I have to make out with her in the middle of the party? What was I even thinking? Was I even in my right mind? Because I was annoyed at myself, I left the party without informing Anna. She kept calling me on my number, but I did not attend her call. She even left me a few messages, and I ignored her in the best way possible. I did not regret speaking to her and getting to know her, but I regret what I did with her at the party. I had become a criminal in my own eyes. Mum had already slept when I reached home. I checked on her when she was asleep in her room and then walked outside only to be met with Khalid Butt. He passed me a stern glare, and I looked away. ‘She’s sleeping.’‘I know. Just saw that.’‘She’s still weak. She needs to rest.’I stifled a laugh, crossing my arms. ‘What are you implyin’?‘She told me how both of you have made plans to explore the city in the next few days.’‘Yeah, so?’ I raised a brow.‘I don’t think that’s possible at the moment. Her doctor has advised her to rest.’I continued looking at him indifferently. ‘You should understand that she needs to fully recover from the after effects of Corona. She hasn’t recovered completely yet.’I looked away again, biting my lower lip. ‘So, please, do not encourage her for sightseeing and other fun trips. If you want to explore the city, do it yourself.’‘Can you please stop showin’ that you are the only person in the world who cares about her?’He shook his head dismissively to disagree with me, but I cut him in between. ‘She’s my mother. Do you think I’m stupid not to know when she’s feeling fine and when not?’‘I’m just telling you to be careful.’‘Nah, mate, you don’t need to say anythin’. I know how to handle her.’He smirked. ‘Says someone who hasn’t come down to meet his mother in the last ten years.’I clenched my fist and gritted my teeth, my jaw hardening. ‘I would have never come here if it wasn’t for my Mum’s health. I hate being in this house, around you and your kids.’‘Oh, I didn’t know you still had so much hatred for us.’‘That’s all I have for you.’ I shook my head. ‘Nothing else.’‘Why don’t you get the hell out of here then? Huh?’ he asked, crossing his arms and looking at me sternly. I clicked my tongue in disapproval. ‘I won’t. Not until my Mum asks me to.’Amid our intense argument, we heard someone’s footsteps.  ‘Dad?’ Hammad walked in on us, looking at our infuriated faces. ‘Is everything okay?’I glared at him for a few seconds before heading back to my room. In some way, I was relieved when Hammad interrupted us because I wasn’t sure how my argument could have ended with Khalid. The way he tempted me a few minutes back, I could have punched him in the face. Or murdered him. Even better. I took off my shirt and threw it away on the bed, leaning my arm against the balcony window. As I breathed in and out, I closed my eyes to calm down my nerves for a few seconds. Just then, the scene when she caught me red-handed with Anna replayed before my eyes. I jerked open my eyes and looked out of the balcony window. I had to check on her and see if she was on the terrace. Within a few seconds, I wore the shirt I’d just taken off and rushed out onto the terrace. Disappointment hit me hard when I didn’t find her anywhere in sight. She wasn’t there where I was expecting her to be.