Steeling Her: Chapter 24

“So . . . I’ll take your silence as a no?”

I was afraid to ask the damn question to her father and brothers, knowing that they’d give me such a hard time about it. I can safely say, they threatened me all sorts of unthinkable things that I’m pretty sure are categorized as torture techniques. I knew Carter meant a lot to them, but I was misinformed by how much. I couldn’t help but blurt the entire question out to them while they stared intensely back at me like I’ve all of a sudden grown five heads in the space of five seconds.

Then, when they started to frown a little, I couldn’t stop talking. I do that when I’m extremely nervous or get caught with something I most certainly shouldn’t be doing. So, it was suffice to say, I looked like a babbling idiot.

“Huh?” Carter asks me in a complete daze. She looks so adorable right now, I’m starting to melt into the floor boards. Wow, I sound like such a pussy right now.

“I said, I’ll take your silence as a no?” I repeat myself, feeling so embarrassed and ashamed that the first girl I’ve asked out has said no to me. Safe to say, I won’t be doing that again.

“Nick, I’m flattered, I really am, but I don’t want you asking for the sake of it? Unless I mean something to you? I don’t want to get hurt again . . .” She runs her hands through her hair with a pained expression on her face.

I know she’s remembering all those times she was asked out by those other assholes. Those assholes that have allowed me to pick back up the pieces. Those assholes are the reason as to why she’s so unsure with me right now, and I get why. But I want to show her I’m different. I know I have a track record of bedding an unspeakable amount of girls in my life, but I want to prove that there’s more to me than meets the eye.

“I promise, Carter, I won’t hurt you. I never want to hurt you. I may do some stupid shit, but what guy doesn’t these days?” She giggles up at me as I hold her flush with my body. The way she feels against me is calming all doubts in my mind about this entire thing. “I’m not like those guys, Carter. If I’m good enough to make a career out of football, then so be it. If I’m not, then thank fuck I studied for my degree like my mom told me to.” We laugh, knowing how true that statement was. My mother had drilled me and Haley into getting a degree first before anything else, especially over football. There were no negotiations with her on that. I remember her words exactly to this day.

“If you want to go pro, you get a degree first. Even if I have to beat it into you, Nicholas.”

My dad, on the other hand, would’ve wanted me to turn pro after high school and focus solely on football. If he had his way, I’d be pro right now. But I knew my mom was right, so I chose to sign the contract for Ole Miss and play as the starting quarterback. Best decision of my life, because I met this girl by coming here.

“I know you’ll make it, Nick. You’re so talented.” Those words put an even bigger smile on my face, knowing I have her support. Like a total idiot, I can’t stop smiling at this beautiful girl in front of me. She’s so perfect, it’s insane. The way she supports the people around her is such a beautiful thing, she’s not the type to talk someone down in order to get ahead in life. She’s the type to help them achieve what they want, even when she gets nothing from it. She’s that girl.

“It means a lot coming from you. Not because you’re a Steel, but because it’s you.” I lean down to capture her lips with mine and sigh at the feeling. All throughout dinner, I just want to sit on the sofa with her and hold her in my arms while we watch TV. That’s all I want. Maybe a make out session here and there? But I just want to be with her.

“So, do I get a chance to take you out? I should warn you, though, this is the first time I’ve ever asked a girl out, so I don’t know how this works? Judging on how I asked you, you should have pretty low expectations of the date.” I finally said the d-word, and it’s not dick.

Date.

If she says yes, I will be taking her on a date. The first date I’ve ever been on in my life. The electric surge of anticipating her answer is sending my nerves into excited overdrive; I can’t handle this.

Please, say yes.

Feeling her laugh against my lips, she finally stops, and I wait for the yes or no that will come out of her mouth. Oh God, please say yes.

“I’ll give you a chance. So, yeah.” I watch her cheeks turn a bright crimson red with a bite of her lower lip, and I start to do a happy dance in her living room. I look like one of those dads embarrassing their kids in front of their friends at a birthday party but I don’t care. She said yes!

“FUCK YEAH!” I fist pump the air above me and she laughs at my reaction. “Okay, so I know it’s not the most perfect time to ask you out, but I had to take the opportunity since your family is here. Your dad came to visit our house and lectured us on asking the father of the girl we’d like to ask out, so I took the opportunity. But when exams are finished and you come back to college after the holidays, the first day back, I will take you out! I promise,” I tell her that. I won’t be able to take her out over the exam period, but I will afterwards. I don’t need her stressing about the date and her exams all at the same time. Her exams are her main focus, and I respect that, but I’m also dying to take her out.

Alright, dying is an understatement.

“Okay.” She bites down on her lower lip again and I groan at the sight. I clench my jaw at the thought of any possible action with her. Her soft touch on my skin. Me kissing her all over—STOP! Not now, Nick. Not now.

“Okay.” I motion back at her like a kid on Christmas morning. “Okay,” I repeat, feeling on cloud fucking nine because she said yes. She actually said yes. She can’t back out now, I’ve got her in my hold.

All mine.

“Okay, so I’m going to leave you now and start planning this. I’m not messing this up.” I grab my things on the table beside the door where Mrs. Steel had put them to make room at the dining table.

“Right now?” she asks.

“Why? Is it too soon?” I reply back, unsure at what she’s really implying. I don’t want to look weird if she thinks it’s far too soon to be planning this, but I’m just so thrilled right now.

“No, no! I don’t think I’ve known a guy this eager or organized about a date before? Especially with me . . .” She laughs and nervously hands me my charger that had fallen onto the floor.

“Is it a bad thing?” I ask slowly, trying to figure out where this going? Did I do something wrong already?

“No, it’s very sweet of you.” She blushes again and starts to smile. I’m smiling so hard, my cheeks are aching. I know I probably look like I’m high or something right now.

“I’ll take that!” I say. She giggles as ushers me towards the door and holds it open for me. I turn on my heel to once again face her. “Can I get a kiss goodbye?” She leans up on her toes to reach me and pulls me down for a mind-blowing kiss once again. Once she pulls away, I still have my eyes closed trying to restart my body’s beat. “Wow,” I mumble to myself.

“Bye, Nick,” she says, stroking my neck and making my eyes shoot open to stare back at her.

“Bye, Carter, sleep well. Try not to dream about me too much.” I wink at her, making her roll her eyes with a small laugh. I know I’ll be dreaming about you. We wave each other off as she shuts the door. I’m still smiling like a guy high on crack but stop once I hear her squeal down the hallway. I chuckle to myself in the corridor.

I certainly can’t help the grin on my face once I know she’s excited about this. Smiling to myself, I make my way back home alone in the darkness. She’s into this date, and I couldn’t be any happier.

***

“Haley, put the leftovers in the tupperware on the counter! NOW!” Listening to my mom yell at my younger sister gives me so much satisfaction that it’s not me. My dad even knows I’m smiling because of this. Serves her little ass right for snapping at me the entire day. She’s done nothing but moan about me and pitching sly digs in the process. Not just today, but ever since she found out about me and Carter.

Ellie is sitting on my lap watching Christmas movies with me and Dad, dozing off to sleep every now and then. The entire day yesterday, Ellie kept asking me if she could talk to Carter. She even texted her from my phone, asking what she was doing. Last night, when I called her, she stole my phone, ran back to her room, sat on her bed, and listened to her tell a story. I had to wait until she fell asleep so I could go back to talking with her.

Little nightmare.

Ellie does this thing with her hands when she falls asleep. Her fingers make circles and pulls on your hands so she can relax. My hands are huge compared to her, so it’s quite funny to see her tiny fingers make rings on my palm.

“You and your sister are in such foul moods lately. You’re both not going through puberty again, are you?” my dad jokes with me. He’s sitting on his own recliner and my mom sometimes sits on top of him. When I think of them doing that, I immediately think of me and Carter doing that. She cuddles up to me while I have my arms wrapped around her, shielding her from the world and keeping her warm and cozy.

That would be the best Christmas present I could ask from her.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m in a good mood, except when Haley comes anywhere near me,” I grumble back at him.

“I swear, if she gives me any more attitude, I will be put up for murder with my own daughter.” My mom storms into the room heading straight towards my dad. Once she does reach him, as I predicted, she climbs up on him and gives him his Christmas kiss, like always.

“Hi, baby,” my dad coos and rubs her back, going slightly lower and making me very uncomfortable.

“Hi, honey.” My mom smiles back to her husband of many years, feeling his wandering hands, and I try hold back from vomiting. “Seriously though, Nick, what is with the two of you? You’re both fighting like cats and dogs,” my mom asks directly to me. Knowing why we’re both at each other’s throats, today being no exception, I simply shrug my shoulders. I don’t want to go there. “Nicholas! Tell me right now or so help me God, I will murder the both of you.” She glowers at me, and I can’t help but sigh at her dramatics. Now I know where Haley gets it from.

“Haley and TJ have been getting together behind my back.” I try to act nonchalant but it makes my blood boil just thinking about it.

“Define ‘getting together’.” My dad’s interest has gone up by one hundred percent. It’s always like that when Haley gets involved with a guy. My dad is worse than I am when it comes to my sister dating anyone.

“We’re dating, Dad.” She comes in with a bowl of popcorn in her hand. TJ always comes over to see us on Christmas day for a movie and popcorn. He’s like a second son to my parents, but now, it’s going to be awkward.

“For how long? And why am I only being told this now?” he asks, grinding his teeth and making Ellie stir on me.

“Finally!” my mom squeals, running over to her daughter for her famous embrace.

“What?” my dad and I say simultaneously. She knew about it? Then it comes flooding back to me when TJ asked me to talk to my mom about it because she could see it from day one with the two of them.

“Oh, come on! Don’t tell me I was the only one who saw the way he acted around her when y’all were growing up together?” my mom mumbles into Haley’s shoulder, effectively making Haley scowl over to me. I hide my hand from my dad and show her the finger just to piss her off.

“Well, I’m glad it’s him and not any other punk around here.” He sighs and averts his attention back to the large screen on the wall.

“Am I the ONLY one here who thinks this is messed up?” I bark at them all for supporting her on this. Fuck that! I’m not backing down from this. Ellie stirs once again.

He chose her over our friendship, snaking around behind my back to get into my sister’s pants. She’s pissed because I like her roommate, what a fucking hypocrite.

“You can’t talk!” She snarls back at me and I sit up to challenge her.

Hit me with it, sis, I fucking dare you.

“Okay, now I’m completely lost with this.” My mom’s hands shoot up in surrender, dividing her attention between the both of us while we glare at one another.

We get interrupted by the doorbell. Knowing it’s TJ, Haley rises to her feet but my mom pushes her back onto the padding. “You two aren’t going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on! George, get the door!” My mom doesn’t even bother look away as my dad gets up from his seat to welcome Haley’s new boyfriend into his second home. We can all hear the greeting from both of them as they stroll into the room where there is so much tension filling it.

“Hey, Linn.” TJ meanders through his obstacles to get to my sister. Once he does, he leans down to kiss her on the lips. I scoff when see that shit. I don’t even have Carter here to calm me down.

“Hi, sweetie! How was your day?” My mom changes her tone into a more approachable one to her daughter’s boyfriend, but fling on his end. She’s grinning like a Cheshire cat right now, and it’s seriously creeping me out.

“It was fine. Couldn’t wait to leave the house though. I’ve got too many people there right now . . .” Silence fills the room, and he starts putting two and two together. I can’t even look at his stupid ass. “Should I come back later?” he queries. My mom races to defense mode but Haley got there first.

“No, no, TJ, you’re welcome in our home, you know that. Right, Nick? Tell him he’s welcome in our home.” Haley pushes me over the edge and I crack. I glare back at my annoying little sister, and I’m not talking about Ellie; she’s more mature than Haley.

“You’re not welcome in our home, TJ. Fuck off.” I state calmly but get a smack on the back of my head from my mom and a pillow to the face by my sister.

“That’s it! Everyone in the kitchen! NOW! Except for my little peach here. Honey, you stay asleep on the sofa,” she coos Ellie and takes her from me so I can stand up and walk to the kitchen. With a kiss from our mom, she falls back to sleep on the sofa alone.

Everyone follows me out and I stand with my back leaning against the counter, my dad making his way around to me to stand next to me. Trying to make me cower for using language like that in his own home. The door to the living room closes shut and my mom saunters over to the counter where I’m at. “So, come on? What is going on with you?” She pushes, but I don’t look up from my feet. “Nick, answer me.” she sounds more irritated than the last time. “Nick—” She gets interrupted by my big mouth sister.

“He wants to bang my roommate.” My eyes snap up to her and start making my way over to her to tell her she’s wrong—all wrong. But TJ decides to step in and block me off.

“Move, TJ.” I get close to his face but my dad pulls me back to stop myself from being riled up even more, dragging me away by my shoulder. “You think that you’re the only one allowed to like someone, Haley? Is that right? Nobody else can have the opportunity to take someone out?” I smirk back because the look on her face tells me that she’s been thinking about this entire thing, this thing between me and Carter.

“You asked her out?” TJ sounds astonished.

“You asked a girl out?” my dad roars over at me. Why is he so mad?

“You asked her out!” My mom bounces up and down, excited that I finally had the balls to ask a girl out on an actual date without regretting it. Not even for a second would I regret it. I press my teeth together at how excited my mom is. Even TJ is smiling. The only two sour pusses in the room are Haley and my dad. I know the reason behind Haley, but I don’t know why my dad is so unhappy.

“AND, because of you, I’ve lost a friend! AGAIN!” Haley bellows at me, balling her small hands into fists. It’s almost comical.

“You chose to walk away from her, you idiot. Your fucking loss!” Again, I get smacked on the back of my head, but this time by my dad. His eyes are warning me to watch my language around ladies. I rub it, trying to get that sting out.

“I didn’t have a choice, Nick! I’m not picking her up when you decide to move on to another girl! I’m not going through that routine of her never wanting to see or talk to me again because you decided you’re bored of her!” Haley grinds her teeth almost down to her molars. She really takes after my dad when she’s angry. Her right finger points at me and then pokes the air after every point she makes, like my dad.

“That’s not going to happen,” I state confidently back to her, shutting her up in an instant. It is so silent in the kitchen, you could hear a pin drop. My dad storms out to the backyard where he starts to pace back and forth on the lawn. Everyone watches him as he looks like he needs to calm down.

Why in the holy hell is he pissed? This has fuck all to do with him!

“Nick, Haley, come sit for a moment. TJ, you go back inside, I’ll get George.” My mom walks out to grab my dad and escorts him back into the living room where TJ has run to.

Once they’re all inside, my mom strides back out and makes me take the seat opposite to Haley. Sitting in the middle and acting as the mediator, we all take a breather for a moment before she continues, “Look, I can both see that you’re hurting about TJ and Haley”—she looks at me but points to my sister—“and Nick and Carter”—she looks at Haley but points to me—“but you both need to accept that this was your choice, Haley, and your choice, Nick. I understand you’re hurt about losing a roommate and a friend, Haley, but see it from her view. The same goes for you, Nick, see it from TJ’s perspective. I can see that both you boys care deeply about them, and the girls care about you both too.” She stands up to her full height and starts to walk towards the living room once more. “Which is why I’m going to leave you two to talk to each other so you can get it from your point of views. No more fighting, please, it breaks my heart seeing you both like this.” She looks at us both solemnly before she shuts the door behind her.

Now it’s just us two. Alone.

***

Nick is sitting across from me, silent and deadly. His demeanor has me slowly pissing myself off. But I don’t want to speak first. This is all his fault. He’s as quiet as a mouse and is shifting in his seat in front of me.

“I like her, Haley.” There it is. He caved first. “I like her a lot.” He fiddles with the glass on the table, refusing to meet my stare. I start to smile, not believing in his bullshit. It’s the same story, but different girl. I feel bad for Carter, she actually thinks my brother will stay with her. “Wipe that stupid smile off your face, Haley. I know what you’re thinking. I really do like her.” I’m offended by his choice of words. That is not the way to get me to approve of their little budding romance that will flop as soon as it gets going.

“Is that what you keep telling her so you can get some?” I joke but he doesn’t take it lightly at all. He slams the glass down on the table, making me jump a little.

“You can think what you fucking want, Haley, I don’t need your goddamn signature of approval. I can date whoever I want to date. I can date her for as long as I want. She’s the best thing that’s ever fucking happened to me in a long time. So, you and your little fuck buddy can—”

“Don’t you dare, Nick! Don’t you dare! I love him! I have since I was five! Don’t be such an asshole about it . . .” I sigh, trying to calm myself down by releasing my fisted hands. “I know it’s stupid, but I do. I can’t stop thinking about him. I just want to be with him all the time. He’s like the other piece of me now.” I’m so frustrated at brother about this. He can be such an inconsiderate asshole at the worst of times.

We’ve yet to talk about his latest conquest.

There’s something so different in the air when I’m with TJ. I fell hard for him in the past, and had my heart broken too, but I’m so deep into this with him, and I couldn’t be happier. I just wish my brother wouldn’t be so hung up on it. I know it bothers, TJ, a lot. He wants his best friend back. Wholly.

“You really love him?” He softens his tone, and I blink up at him. Once I nod, he turns his head to the side and sighs. He stares out of the glass doors to the cold and damp ground, weeds laced along the side of the pathway. “Why him?” he asks, still not looking at me.

“I honestly don’t even know?” I chuckle to myself, defeated, trying to figure that out myself. I shake my head and laugh about us and how we’ve come full circle. “He was my very first kiss. My feelings for him grew stronger each day I saw him come home with you from school. When you both would play outside, I would catch myself just watching him. I could’ve sat there and watched him all day. Then, as you both grew up and became more interested in girls, I was left so broken hearted by him. Watching all those girls fall for him, not truly knowing the TJ I know, it broke me every time he was with a girl. But even after all that, I still couldn’t stop loving him. It’s hard to stop when you’re up to your neck in it.

“But it’s my turn now, I get to be that girl that I was so jealous of. I get to hold his hand, hug him, watch him play football . . . shirtless.” I laugh at my brother’s grimacing face. “I can be that girl, but the difference is, I know the real dorky TJ and not the smooth-talking charmer he was with girls. Because even knowing he’s weird and nerdy, I still can’t stop loving him . . . I never could.” I feel my eyes water up. I’m finally speaking my true feelings to Nick, who has his hand resting under his chin and propping up his head. I hold them back because I know he hates seeing me, my mom, or Ellie cry. He’s never been a good comforter. It usually made us laugh when he’d try, thus, cheering us up a little. “I’m so drawn to him Nick, and I know it’s soon, but he’s the one for me . . . Well, on my end anyway.” I look down at my fingers, rubbing them across the cold table.

“I never knew that’s how you felt, Haley . . .” There was a long pause of silence between us. It’s long and dragged out, and it becomes uncomfortable.

“It’s how I’ve always felt when it comes to him,” I whisper, making eye contact with him. The next thing I feel is his hand take hold of mine on the table.

Sighing deeply, he smacks his head onto the table, then bangs it lightly again, making me smile, because I know exactly what he’s doing. He’s giving into this. He’s allowing himself to accept it, accept that there’s this strong connection between me and his best friend. Judging by his face, I can tell he’s having an internal battle about it. It’s confirmed when he bangs his head on the table again.

“I can’t believe I’m about to say this . . .” he mumbles to the wood. Before looking up at me, he sighs loudly once again and leans back on his chair. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s still fucking weird . . . but I suppose you guys can date. I suppose. I’ll come around to the idea of it . . . eventually.” As if I sprinkled salt into his wounds, he scrunches up his face and finally accepts it. “It’s still weird as fuck though . . . and I will beat the shit out of him if he hurts you! I mean it . . .I won’t hold back, Haley, you know this . . .” He points over the table at me and I nod, even though I know that he won’t. He’s always been the best big brother to me, even now.

I still love him, regardless.

“Don’t I know . . . But please Nick, don’t let it affect your friendship with him. He really misses hanging out with you. He misses being with you,” I confess, I know TJ won’t say shit about missing him, but I know he’s been down about not having him around like he used to. I can tell. “He misses his best friend.” I’m trying to push him to go and speak to TJ about all of this, to get his side too.

I know TJ tried talking to him that day when I stayed over at the house and talked all night with him, but Nick just brushed him off and cut ties with him. I could hear their conversation when they started to yell at each other. TJ’s face really broke my heart. He doesn’t talk about it, but I know he got beat hard by my brother verbally.

“I’ll have a talk with him, but right now, my main focus is to find out why the hell you thought it was okay to talk to Carter that way at the house. Even when she was helping TJ out, you still had the nerve to degrade her. I wasn’t okay with that, Haley, and I could tell neither was TJ, or her for that matter.” His brows furrow in a heartbeat when he mentioned her name. He has never, in all my time of knowing my brother, defended a girl. Ever.

“I thought she used me to get to you . . . and she was my roommate; she went behind my back to get with you—” He holds up his hand to stop me from talking.

“Let me stop you right there, what is it that you think we’ve done exactly?” His tone is sharp. It’s weird to see him so passionate about standing up for her. It’s making me realize, maybe that was not what I thought it was originally?

“You fucked her and are going to move on?-” He starts to laugh loudly. I know it’s not a humorous one, not by any stretch of my imagination.

“Of course you did—” He shakes his head and leans back on his elbows.

“Well, it’s a routine with you. How am I not meant to draw to that conclusion? I just felt betrayed by you both . . .” I bite back because he’s starting to annoy me again. He does this in every argument we have. He gets smug and always thinks he’s in the right when it’s not always the case.

“And you didn’t even listen to her when she told you it’s not like that between us! You fucking hurt her, Haley, you really hurt her. You know she’s shy and always in her shell, for you to have said that you hoped the sex was worth your friendship ending really annoyed me but completely demeaned her. That was wrong, Haley, and you know it.”

“She stayed the night with you!” I yell back.

“So? You stayed with TJ! Have you guys fucked?” I hesitate and he knows it.

“On second thoughts, don’t you even answer that. I sure as hell do not need to know!” He shudders and the thought of me and TJ sleeping together. We have, and it was amazing. I’m trying not to think about it because this isn’t the time to be talking or thinking about TJ’s amazing technique. “You really hurt her Haley,” he tells me softly like he’s wearing her emotions. I hadn’t realized how badly I distressed her.

I was just so angry with the two of them. Seeing her straddling my brothers lap and kissing him really pushed all the word vomit I know inside of me out through my mouth.

“You know how sensitive she is, she’s been through enough, and you slut shaming her didn’t help one bit! Danielle even agrees with me.” I know she does, she tried to talk to me about it a few times but I always just walked away from her and to TJ. “You keep saying that ‘It’s not like that between us’ when you talk about you and TJ, well it’s the same for me and Carter. I like her, I really fucking like her, Haley, so much that she’s driving me insane because she’s constantly in my head twenty-four seven and I can’t get her out . . .” He slumps back into the seat and stares up at the ceiling like he’s trying to figure out something. I know one thing for sure right now: he’s thinking about her.

“I thought I was used by her to get to you—” I stutter out.

“You know that’s not even remotely true, you know she’s not that type of person, but I know that’s your defense mechanism with the girls I messed around with. But you’re forgetting that she has that same mechanism with her brothers. She knows what you were thinking and she understood why you acted the way you did because she has been through the exact same thing too, except with two older brothers and not one.

“She gets it, she’s so understanding and forgiving that it blows my mind whenever I spoke bad about the way you reacted, she would defend it. She defended you, Haley, when she didn’t have to.

“She values your friendship. She told me that she was amazed at how easy you find it to talk to people, she was amazed that you even considered her a friend, she was so amazed that you liked her enough to call her your friend without knowing who her family is, or thinking she’s super weird and walking away once you’ve gotten what you wanted from her.

“She gets why you’re reacting like this, and I truly respect that about her, because I would’ve given you a piece of my mind if I was her.” He exhales loudly.

That entire speech shuts me up, and I start to feel bad about what I’ve said. I knew I wasn’t nice to her, but I felt like it all needed to be said in order to get my disapproval across.

“There’s something about her. I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something about her that makes me want to always be around her. It’s like this force is pulling me to her . . .” I know exactly what he’s talking about and this thought shakes me to my core, because that look in his eye is the exact same one my dad gives to my mom when he tells her one thing and one thing only.

My brother has fallen for my roommate, and he doesn’t even realize it. The first ever girl he’s asked out in his entire life, and it’s my roommate.

I watch him smile, knowing he’s thinking about her. He’s smitten by her.

“Like you said, it’s weird when I see you both, so give me a little time. Also, I’ll still be skeptical about it initially, but once I know there’s something there, I won’t be . . . I want you to be happy, and if it’s with Carter, then so be it.” I nod at him. My brother is so blind, he doesn’t even know that he’s so smitten by her. Dumb idiot.

As long as it’s not Maya, I’m all good.

My roommate is the first girl my brother is taking on a date.

“Got it. Same goes for me . . . I’m still wary about TJ’s intentions, but as long as he doesn’t mess with my little sister, I won’t have to hurt him like I hurt Ryan for overstaying his welcome with Carter.” I suddenly realize something.

“Is that why you and Ryan have been fighting? Because of her!” I sit there, shocked by the confession, and watch his head nod, acknowledging that I’ve all of a sudden linked it all together. They have fought so much over her, and it all begins to make so much sense now. “You really do like her . . .” I whisper what I thought was to myself, but I see him nod again. Smiling at nothing but the table in front of him like the total idiot he is, I watch him as he begins to think about her once again. That subtle smile never leaves his face.

He then stands up on his feet and makes his way around the table gesturing me to do the same. So, I push myself up onto my feet and stand next to my abnormally tall brother and he engulfs me in a hug, and I give him one back.

“I don’t want to fight with you, sis,” he whispers to me. I sigh, not wanting to fight with him either. He’s my big brother, and I love him. I always will love him.

“Me neither, Nick.” I hug him tight missing him so much.

“You know I’ve always got your back right?” I rub my cheek on his chest up and down, telling him I know that already because we’re family. I’ve got his back and he’s got mine. “And you have to apologize to her about what you said. I know you didn’t mean it; I know you were just upset, but Haley, don’t say shit like that again about her . . . or me, and I won’t comment on your relationship with TJ,” he orders me, and I know he’s right. I do need to apologize to Carter, that all the stuff I said just fell out of my mouth. It was like word vomit that I couldn’t stop.

“Okay, I’ll talk to her when we’re back in college, and . . . I’m sorry,” I apologize to him for being the way I was. I owe him that, but he also owes me and TJ one.

“I’m sorry too, sis, I love you.” He squeezes me one last time then lets me go.

“I love you too.” I smile up at him. We push the chairs back under the table and make our way inside to our family, TJ included. Once the door opens, everyone’s attention falls to the two of us, unsure of what went down outside. Ellie is sleeping soundly on the sofa beside TJ, who is stroking her hair. I can’t help the goofy smile on my face once I see him again. Hot guys alone are my weakness, but hot guys that are amazing with kids takes the cake. But Nick goes over and seats himself next to him.

“You hurt her, I hurt you . . . Got it?” TJ nods back and shakes his hand. I melt at the look he gives me when he averts his attention back to me, those beautiful hazel eyes shining at me, and I get that butterfly feeling like always. My stomach and heart are doing flips out of sync with each other every time he gives me that look.

“Hey, beautiful,” TJ whispers up to me. I immediately roll my eyes and blush, smiling uncontrollably at his words. No matter what he says to me, I blush. Every time. Right now, I know I look hideous, yet he thinks I’m beautiful.

“Hey, handsome.” I lean in to peck him lightly on the lips, knowing that plenty of eyes are watching us, including Nick’s, who scrunches up his nose in disapproval. We’ll have to take baby steps around him.

I sit on the other side of TJ, lifting Ellie up slightly so she can fall asleep on top of me. TJ’s hand moves from his lap to around my shoulders to pull me closer to his body and kiss my head. I smile into the crook of his neck. I’m happy that Nick didn’t move away from us, he sat there and talked to him like normal as I just stared at TJ, who looks so happy to be talking with Nick again.

God, I’m so deep with him.

This guy is the love of my life and he likes me back. I feel so ecstatic right now. It’s Christmas day, and I have everyone I love around me. I look around to my family who are so engrossed in watching The Grinch, with Jim Carey, of course. All smiles and everyone happy.

Everyone except my dad.