Steeling Her: Chapter 50

I finally got myself a new car. I have been waiting for it for a few weeks, and I finally have it; a crisp matte-black Mercedes G wagon. I’ve been waiting so long to get this car. I decided to wait until I got my contract with the Chargers to treat myself . . . and the bills. Hard work is finally paying off.

Now, I just have to decide on a home.

I’m finding it hard to find the right one. I have been everywhere in LA trying to find one, and I keep coming up short. One after another, none of them are to my taste. No light drenched home with the perfect scenery. No cozy vibe that screams out for a family. No level of privacy that is to my choice; I’m particular in everything I do. I want it all in the way I’d like it.

I’m on my way to another potential home in Bel Air, which seems to be the way I want to go. It’s exclusive and is very much a private place to live in, but I haven’t found the right one that ticks all the security boxes for me. I’m a private person and yet my face is plastered all over the tabloids. I could be standing next to a woman I don’t know and they’ll say we’re dating just for the fun of it, hoping to get a reaction or a comment from me. They’re like vultures.

Mansions upon mansions fill the streets behind the tall gates and palm trees. I drive down the road with barely any traffic on it until I get to my destination. I have the address in the GPS system already punched in, and it tells me to go a little further up the hill. I take one last left turn and see the home as the GPS tells me I have reached my destination. The gates are already open, and I see a car parked up in the entrance down the long driveway. I notice that it’s the real estate agent’s car when she slides out after she sees me pull up.

The driveway has a stretch to it and diverts down to the entrance of the home where a nice fountain pours water from the top. Once I find a space to park up, I turn the engine off and unbuckle myself to get out and greet her.

“Good morning.” She smiles as her heels click across the pavement to greet me.

“Morning.” I grunt because I’m a little tired and annoyed. I pull myself together when I truly get a look at the exterior of the freshly renovated home. Both of my eyebrows raise in surprise. It has a more modern feel to it, but there is an air of homeyness not far behind. It has fresh white walls with high windows hidden behind a cast iron electronic gate that is open for the showing.

“Yeah, I know. It’s nice, right?” She gauges my reaction and runs with it.

Fresh and crisp white paint, check; a modern design, check; large windows, check. Yet, there is an air privacy too; double check for that. All off to a good start. I’ve got a good feeling for this place compared to any of the other houses. I like it.

“I got news of this one yesterday and came to check it. It’s not on the market yet but it will be soon. I’ve asked the owners to give you a private viewing. They’re fans, by the way.” I stare at her with a deadpan look. She should know that I don’t want too much hassle from fans, which should include them, but Carrie rolls her eyes and smiles while walking away from me and toward the front door. I tuck my hands into my pockets and follow her.

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.” She giggles as she walks to ring the doorbell at the side. “This house has the standard intercom system, and this doorbell has a camera here. There are two more at the front gates and a few more around the property too,” she begins to rattle off and points to the places where she knows there are camera for the owner’s protection.

I get another quick look around the property from the outside before I enter and finally make up my mind. I check out the neatly kept garden that’s off to the side just behind the fountain, the garage with a space wide enough for five cars to park up comfortably along with the garage door rolled down to keep it tidy.

The house is huge; it may be a little too big for just me, but it’s worth a shot.

I look out towards the gated entrance where there is a good plot of grass. The trees hide the home for privacy. I never thought of having trees but they look useful for the privacy.

The two owners open the door and I fear for my life at first. The both of them are dressed in black with leather shoes to pair, and with a pair of smiles from the two men behind the large brown oak door, they open me up into another world. Grey and white walls surround us, and a ton of modern paintings hang eye level with us. Sculptures sit proudly on tabletops and on the floor, inviting me to come in and look around.

The inside of the home is exactly what I envisioned.

“Hi, Mr. Jackson, welcome to the house. We are both such big fans of yours,” they greet me. I shake both their hands and thank them for allowing me this viewing. “Not at all. Please, come in and have a walk around. We will be around the home, but I think Carrie knows the details anyway, so come on in and have a look around.” They stand back to allow me and Carrie walk in. I follow her. “We’ll be around the house, too, if you have any further questions,” the other guy says.

“Thank you, I like it so far. It’s what I’m looking for.” I admire the beautiful interior. “You’ve done an amazing job on it,” I compliment them on their work. “Did you design it yourselves?” I ask before I get shown around the home.

I’m standing in the large foyer with two grand staircases on either side of the room that lead to the second floor. White marble with beautiful sculptures and flowers decorate the table in the center underneath where the staircases meet. A lot of photos dot the walls next to the expensive paintings that seem to be a recurring theme. I’m not one for art, but I do think it brightens up the place.

“Yes, we designed it all. It took us over two years to get it done to what we wanted it to be. We had to get rid of some contractors at the beginning but we got there in the end.” They both chuckle like it’s an inside joke.

“Well, I think we should get started, What do you say, Nick?” Carrie opens her hand to point on the direction just off to my right so we can start to work our way around the house.

“Sure.” I nod and follow after her as I twirl my keys on my finger mindlessly. We walk into a room with three sofas, one of them being larger than the other two as the two smaller ones face one another, with a delicately small coffee table in the center and some coffee books stacked neatly on top. “The only thing is that the paintings and furniture are not part of the deal, but I can give you furniture recommendations and have that all sorted for you before you move in if you choose this house. This house has four floors; this is the ground floor, you have a basement and then you have two floors above this one. It’s a tall home with high ceilings, but it has a lot of space. Just what you wanted. This is what they call the sitting room. You know, to read books or to just have some me time. There’s no TV here but there are appliances behind if you choose to rearrange the rooms anyway and make it into something different,” she informs me.

“Gym?” I ask, she knows that this is a deal breaker for me.

“Follow me.” She smiles. She knows me all too well. We walk over to another door and she opens it to start walking down the stairs. “There is an elevator to get down, but I hate them.” She grips on to the railings as we head downstairs. She reaches over to turn on the lights and the stairs light up. “They have motion sensors, so it’ll turn on automatically when you start walking down. This is the gym; this is the only part of the house that will keep the equipment, so this part is part of the price,” she says as I happily admire the brand-new, state-of-the-art facilities of steel equipment mixed with dark grey plastic.

“You’ve got the full package for gym equipment down here. There is a sauna and steam room through those doors over there.” She points to where the doors are.

I walk down there to have a look. “And through here is an ice bath and cryotherapy chamber, all of which comes with the house if you choose it.” She opens the door and shows me the area.

“All of this comes with the house?” I ask and she nods. “I think you may have sold me just for this basement.” I smirk as I check it all out. Carrie laughs and shuts the lights off and walks down the other end of the room to open up another door.

How many doors does this place have? I wonder.

“Through here is just an empty room that they left unfurnished but they have said they planned to put a movie theater down here or a game room. It depends on what you want, there’s a lot of space to make multiple rooms as well.” I look at the large open space and start to think of all the things I could put down here.

I can see a movie theater, a games room, a pool table, and kids’ play room. I can see kids—my kids—running around down here.

“These three doors are for storage, so you can do what you like with them. No mould because the renovations are brand new, and there are certificates and surveys on the property that guarantees that it’s liveable, which I will hand over to you.” She smiles.

We walk back upstairs to continue the tour.

“This is the kitchen. It’s a smart kitchen, so there is a lot of technology in here. The entire house is a smart home, so you pretty much control everything from your phone. Switch on lights, preheat the oven, turn on the heat or air conditioning, etcetera. Two ovens, one grill, and two microwaves; one is located in the walk-in pantry. Again, for more storage. You have an electric stove on this island here. The island is made of rare white Italian marble. You have a sink and a side hose with a steamer next to it for cooking. The kitchen overlooks the back garden with an amazing view of the LA skyline.” Carrie walks me out to the sliding doors to allow me to be greeted with a spectacular view of the city’s skyscrapers.

“Amazing sunrises and sunsets can be viewed from here. You have your own fire pit to keep guests warm and another seating area just back there to watch the view. We, of course, have an infinity pool with a screen that comes up from the floor so you have have pool movie nights. The hot tub is over here. The barbecue area is sheltered. The house comes with its own gardener and housekeeper too.

“There is a small guest house over here with its own kitchen facilities, very similar to the kitchen in the main house; it’s only a bit smaller, with two guest rooms and a living room space.” I am in complete awe of this place. It’s a little overwhelming. This is everything I have wished for in a home. As I go deeper into the house, the boxes start to check themselves off.

“I know it’s part of your job to show me everywhere, but can we cut it back a little?” I ask after checking the time. I can’t be late for training today or I’ll be benched. Coach will make sure to follow through on those threats.

“Sure, I know you’re busy.” She nods, understanding that my time is a little valuable.

“Can I just see the master bedroom and the living room?” I ask to cut to the chase. I can already envision what the other rooms will look like; big, bright, and luxurious. I don’t mind not seeing the rest of the house, I just need to see the main areas; the rooms I will occupy most of my time in.

“Sure. Follow me.” We walk around the corner to see the spacious and comfortable living room. Very homey and welcoming. I know none of the furniture will be there, but I can still envision the stuff I want in this house. I can see a large TV mounted on the wall with a two large corner couches that join to make a giant U shape. This is the difference between here and the other ones I have seen. I couldn’t envision myself in any of the others but I can here.

For some strange reason, I can be here in this house.

“Happy?” she asks as I finish admiring the house. Everything is very basic here, but I know you can tailor it to fit your style. Guy styles are very laid back and minimalistic; mine is no different. I like it that way. It’s easier to keep.

“Yeah,” I mutter as I look up at the chandelier above me and think to myself, Carter would love that.

“Okay, I’ll take you up the the master bedroom then. Follow me. I know you’re short for time today and viewing this last minute before training, I don’t want to be the reason why you’re late.” She giggles as we race back to the foyer and go up one of the two staircases to get to the master bedroom. We walk to the right hand side of the gallery overlooking the entrance, down mute-colored walls that’ll lead to the first door on the left, facing the view of the backyard. She pushes the door open and walks through to get into another room. This time, the room is dark grey with a hint of blue and white.

Black oak furnishing make up the room, and even though it’s dark, there’s still a bright feel to it. There’s sense of comfort and belonging, much like what I’ve experienced with the rest of the house.

I love it.

I smile to the surrounding decor that I know I will get the chance to do myself and see the floor-to-ceiling windows that allow access to a balcony overlooking the beauty of the city. I could only imagine the sunset and sunrises that I will get to see.

“Carter would love this,” I whisper to myself. A lump in my throat gathers at the thought of not seeing or hearing from her in a while. It pains me to not hear her sweet voice. I long for her to say my name.

The haze of the buildings in the distance contrasts with the bright colors of the sky.

I crane my neck around to face the California king bed and begin to see her laying there, sleeping deep in the covers.

I haven’t heard from her since the impromptu call I made after my dads visited. I panicked and couldn’t wait to hear from her. I was also worried about what was said and how she was doing. Was she upset?

The silence is killing me inside, starting with my heart. It’s eating me alive, and I can feel it feasting on me.

“Nick?” I’m pulled out of my thoughts as I stare at the mesmerizing view. I can picture her with me in the house. Our home. I can picture us cuddling on the balcony seeing the sun setting. I can picture our family running around the house with the amount of space, not without a few things being knocked over.

“I think I’ve found it.” I smile and turn on my heel to face her watching me carefully with two hands clasped together in front of her face with wide eyes.

“You’re messing with me, right?” She gasps. I shake my head from side to side to let her know I’m 100 percent serious. She grins and bounces up and down. “Finally!” she screams with laughter which makes me smile.

“You did good,” I congratulate her on her commission. People have to make their money, but she stuck with me after a lot of no’s and uncertainty. She had a lot of patience for me and my determined vision. “I like it.” She smiles with two thumbs up. “I love it.” I nod in appreciation for the decor one final time.

“I will have all the paper work ready for you when it becomes available on the market. All you have to do is come into the office and sign on the dotted line after your lawyer has read through it. ” She claps. “I’m so happy for you! It really is an amazing home!” She looks around the room that’s stunningly decorated to my taste. It’s like they knew I’d be coming to see the house. “Ugh, I wish I could afford this house—”

“I would have fought you for it, Carrie, and you know it. I’m a professional competitor. I wouldn’t hold back and you know that,” I joke but I would have doubled the offer if I saw someone else making any kind of moves on the place.

“I know.” She rolls her eyes as we walk down the hallway to get back to the foyer. “It still doesn’t mean I wouldn’t put up a good fight though!” she teases. “Now, you don’t need to worry about this any further, I have it all handled,” she begins but we get interrupted by the two owners who had greeted us at the foyer.

“What’s the asking price?” I inquire before we leave.

“They are requesting twenty-five point five million for this one.” She winces a little, knowing she couldn’t afford it. Not many people can. I’m just incredibly privileged to work in this profession and get paid a lot for it. I take it in, even if it’s a little over the budget, but I think I will settle for it with ease.

“Hi there, guys,” Carrie greets the two owners.

“Well? How did it do?” they joke but at the same time, I can tell they want to know if they are going to sell this house or not.

I reach for their hands and shake them individually. “I love it.” I smile, making them sigh. “This home is truly beautiful, and the views are just incredible,” I express honestly. “Are you sure you want to sell it?” I joke and we dive into more of a light conversation about the property. The more they tell me the details of the place and the history, the more I fall in love with it.

I know this house has a thousand stories. I want mine to be a thousand and one.

My phone begins to buzz in my pocket. I know that it’s my alarm for me to get to training. I’m new to the team, and I can’t have the reputation of being tardy, so I better be going.

“I’m sorry. I have to go and train with the team, so if I don’t leave now, I will be late and get dropped.” I chuckle and shake their hands once more; which is more out of gratitude for their hospitality and kindness. They took the time out today to talk to me and convince me to get this house but the house spoke for itself.

“We couldn’t allow that as your fans either!” They laugh as we walk to the doorway. I bid the three of them goodbye. I wait until she leaves first; it allowed me to have that one last look at the house that is soon going to be mine. All is going well with the bid.

Usually, you don’t meet the owners but they made the effort to meet me. I’m also glad to have met them too. It made the process that little bit easier. They made it more of a home rather than a house they want to sell and move on.

I put my car in gear and move back down the long driveway, towards the gateway that had been open for my arrival and departure.

As I speed towards the training grounds, I can’t help but think about the house more and more. I’m beginning to let my mind wander back to my imaginary family that I have with Carter. Her laugh echoing through the home, her humming to a sound on the radio or TV as she cooks in the kitchen, her playing with Taylor and our imaginary kids in the playroom, it’s endless.

It’s my wish, but I don’t know if it’ll come true.

As soon as I make it to the training ground, I pull up into a free parking spot so I can go inside and start my training with the rest of the guys.

I pull out my bag and sling it over my shoulder when I step out of the car. The media are surrounding the entrance to the building. I put my shades on and grunt with disapproval. They’re so much worse out here; they follow your every move. They know everything about you and catch you off guard with the meddling questions they have.

They’re like vultures waiting for you to pass out so they can swoop in and pick your guts up for dinner. They’re ruthless and only care about the perfect shot, one that’s not perfect for you.

I lock up the car and make my way towards the crowded doors. I’m greeted with screams and yells from the people behind the lens. I put my headphones on and blast the music so I can drown out the annoyance surrounding me.

As I make my way down towards the changing room, I walk past old jerseys from legends, memorabilia, and iconic photos. I pass them all the time to get to the locker room, but I’m only really noticing them now.

Hopefully, I’ll leave a mark here too.

I change out of my clothes and into my gym clothes so I can get going. I notice that there are a few guys still changing too. That tells me I’m not as late as I thought I was.

My headphones are still on, so I remove them so I can really focus today. The team usually plays some sort of background music to keep the training fun for the weights session, but the field session is complete and utter focus; no music no playing around.

We start with weights and move to field.

I’m in the room lifting my weights and listening to TJ complain about the fact that Haley won’t let him buy a new car when he has three already and she has one of her own.

Not by the money she’s made.

“Look at it though, it’s so shiny!” he whines and quivers his lower lip.

“I don’t know why you’re trying to convince me. I’m not getting married to you, so that whole lip shit doesn’t work with me, remember? I know you like the back of my hand, TJ, it’s not going to work.” I breathe heavily while I push the weight up and down. TJ is meant to be spotting me but he’s too busy about the car. “Plus, you already have three of them. Shouldn’t you be saving for—oh, I don’t know—a wedding?” I ask sarcastically.

Chris later joins us for him to actually spot me while TJ complains about the vehicle that he’s not allowed to buy, courtesy of Haley.

“But she’s your sister, can’t you just talk to her?” he begs me.

“No.” I set the bar down on the resting plates and sit myself up to take a breather. I’ve been going at it pretty hard today. I’m full of good energy and I have the need to put it somewhere, but I know my body will later hate me for it. “It doesn’t work like that.” I shake my head and reach for some water while simultaneously stretching my legs and arms to loosen them up.

“What? Yes it does!” He waves off my comment.

“Have you met Haley? She doesn’t listen to single word I say. You have better luck going through my dad than me. It goes in one ear and out the other with her.” I take a deep breath to slow my heart rate and lie back to relax after gulping down some of the water filled with electrolytes. The sweat is pumping out of me, but I feel good for it.

“But it’s my money!” he says and I raise both eyebrows in surprise. He’s not wrong, but he would have been bitch slapped by his fiancé if she heard him.

“Would you say that to Haley?” Chris teases, connecting the dots.

TJ springs up his middle finger in response.

“Thought so,” Chris teases again. “You mind if I train here?” Chris pats me to switch with him. I spot for him as he lifts.

“Sure.” It’s taken some time for Chris to get used to me, but we’re getting there. It’s always the three of us and the three girls. We’re an unlikely trio but it works.

“Speaking of sisters,” Perez begins and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at the idiot’s voice, “was that your sister in that suit the other day, Chris?” Perez smirks at Chris, who won’t bite but I most certainly will.

Hasn’t he learned his lesson?

“Don’t go there, Perez.” Chris grunts as he lifts and drops the bar with ease, not letting Perez distract him from the workout. I, however, am about to take the bar from Chris and swing it at Perez’s face if he says another word about Carter.

“What?” he teases for a reaction. “I’m just saying, you’re sister is hot, man—”

“You’re not her type,” he says in a cutting tone which is very unlike Chris. I know Perez is itching for a fight. He’s a smug asshole that thinks he’s entitled to every girl he sees.

“Still, a guy can try. She workout? She was in here for the interview for the new physical therapist position, right? Where does she work? Maybe I’ll pay her visit, my inner thigh is very painful these—”

I see red and go for him. I grab him by his shirt and clench it in both of my hands. I slam him against the wall, knocking the wind out of him and hitting the back of his head, making him a little dazed by the move. A rush of teammates join us to tear him away from me, but I’m too much in the zone. “Have some fucking manners talking about women, you fucking asshole!” I roar at him only for his eyes to widen.

The beast has arrived.

The side of me that I hate but have come to accept.

“Run your goddamn mouth, Perez, I fucking dare you!” I growl. “If I ever hear her name come out of your mouth or if you speak about her like that, I will send you through the fucking wall, you got that?” The pain I’ve pushed down for so many years has come out to play today. “I said, you got that!” I yell, making him flinch in my hands and under my heated stare.

I’m pretty sure he can see the flames in my eyes.

“Nick, take it easy!” Chris manages to pull me off of him eventually but I nearly swing for him again. TJ catches my fist before it manages to hurt anyone. “Walk it off, Nick.” Chris pushes me to the other side of the room. “And you”—he points at Perez—“don’t talk about my sister like that or you won’t just be dealing with him.” He nods in my direction as I feel my heart race. My chest rises and falls out of pure anger. Chris is the opposite of me right now. He’s calm while I’m . . . not.

It’s like Averman all over again.

“Fucking dickhead,” Perez mutters while maintaining eye contact with me. I launch myself at him once more only to be blocked by Chris and TJ. They put their body weight on me as they push me against the wall.

“Get out of here!” Chris points for him to leave. Perez is stubborn and stays where he is, not listening to a word anyone is saying.

“You fucking go near her, I’m coming after you Perez,” I bark but TJ places a hand over my mouth to shut me up.

“Whatever, she’s not even worth it,” he says and I feel Chris release his weight off me, like something ticked in his mind.

“Not worth it?” he asks out loud, his words laced with disbelief. “The only fucking person who isn’t worth it is you, kid.” As Chris gets closer to Perez, his eyes widen in fear because it’s Chris; he is one of the nicest guys on the team. He hardly fights with anyone because he’s having so much fun. “Keep talking and you’ll wind yourself in the hospital bed shitting out of a tube due to the coma I’ll put you in.

“Never speak about my sister like you deserve to have her, because you don’t. She’s not an object that you can throw to the side when you’re done. She’s my sister, my younger sister, who would slap the goddamn manners back into you. Say one more thing about her and you’ll be dealing with a different version of me, Perez.”

We all pause to see if he’s brave enough to push Chris. Nobody has ever seen this side of him before. “I thought so. If you ever speak about a woman being ‘not worth it’ because they’ve rejected you, you can think again. I never want to hear you speaking about any girl like that. It’s fucking disgusting, and when you have your own daughter, you’ll soon realize the way you speak about a woman is highly demeaning and derogatory. This goes for some of you too! Fix your attitudes and your mouths, now!” Chris cracked too. We all were not expecting it, hence the complete silence.

The silence was later interrupted by the coaching staff arriving back from their meeting. They burst through the door, not knowing what’s going on, and once they see us all together in a crowd, they slowly walk over to us.

“What the hell is going on?” Kevin, the coach for the running back players, exclaims. “TJ, get off him!” He waves his clipboard for TJ to remove himself off of me. “Well?” he asks once more but nobody speaks a single word. Instead, my eyes wander back to Perez. I watch him as he watches me. With my most threatening stare, I notice he’s on edge too. He’s outnumbered by the most respected players in the game.

“Nothing, I’m going to do field work,” he huffs and leaves with the entire staff staring at his retreating frame.

He’s young, stupid, and gets on my nerves.

“Alright, alright! Everyone, get back to work! Come on, we have an important game coming up this weekend!” The head coach claps to get people moving again. He read the tension in the room quite easily and diffused it.

To say I wanted to ram my body into Perez on purpose throughout the training session on the field is the biggest understatement of the century, but the wise words of Chris Steel to “let it go” told me to back off. He would warn me to not bother with it all. Holding grudges only adds to the weight on your shoulders. You have to move on so you can move upwards in life.

What started off as a good day turned into a sour one very quickly.

“It’s only going to be a shit day if you allow it to be. You’re in control of your reactions, so if you want to be hot headed and start swinging with your fists, Nick, you’re only disappointing yourself.” Chris pats my shoulder for comfort after practice. The entire time, I’ve been holding back from reacting to Perez’s taunts.

To take my mind off it, I let Chris and TJ see the photos of the house I’ve finally agreed to buy. They were pleased for me and impressed with the place. They talked me through the process, so I would know what to expect. This is my first home, and I know no matter where I am in the world, I will always come back to it. I have been renting since coming out of college knowing that once I make it out here, I will settle. It’s where I’ve always wanted to be.

Ever since I was a kid and saw the movies and TV shows that were set in LA, I knew I always belonged here. The two things I don’t like about living here is the paparazzi and the social climbers.

The paparazzi are following your every move and say things to get you to react so they get the million dollar shot of you. The social climbers are leeches, and once they latch on to you, there is no way of getting away from them. They will follow you around until they get what they want.

I’ve only been out here for a few months, but I’ve already seen the two things I hate most in action.

Some of the football players think they’re gods and think they can do whatever or whoever they want. Girls fall for the power trip they’re on. I can’t even deny that it wasn’t my style. It was, but I’ve changed for the better. I get no happiness from it, and it only made me go deeper into the black hole I’m in.

Now, I’m struggling to get out and keep my head above water.

The media’s perception of me hasn’t helped. I’m the broody, stone-cold, dark football player of the NFL. Heartless, some might say, but I swear I’m not that bad. I just like to keep to myself. I don’t thrive in the limelight. I’m here to do the one thing I’ve been hired and trained to do; that’s to win games and play football.

“So, when’s the party?” TJ teases once we reach the showers. I smirk to myself and lay my towel on the free bench outside the cubicle to the shower.

“Who said you’re invited?” I joke back, making him chuckle before pulling his drenched shirt off over his head.

“Pfft. You know I am the party, Nick.” He strips further and opens the door to clean himself. I follow suit to the door next to him; same goes for Jason and Chris, who go to the showers on either side of us.

“You must show me the new place, Jackson. I heard it’s got a good view of the LA skyline.” Jason begins to wash his chest. I turn the knob for some running hot water.

“Once the deal is hopefully sealed, I will take you guys up there for a look around. It’s a pretty sweet view. I’m glad I took the time to see it this morning. I was going to change my mind because I was so frustrated with finding the right place.” I shrug as we begin our shower talk.

“Bachelor pad?” Jason jokes but I don’t take it very lightly. He knows it so he quickly apologizes for it after realizing my sudden silence. “Bad joke.” He weakly smiles at me. I accept it and we move on from it.

I knew he didn’t mean anything by it, he’s not that type of guy to bring a person down like that. It’s the prying ears around us. I would have a problem with repeating it to everyone and their mother. I have a bad enough stigma about me out there, I don’t need other things to add to the list. It’s all my own stupid fault for it, too, but I’m trying to step back and look after myself. Out here, it’s very cutthroat; one minute, you’re the next big thing and then that could all change in an instant.

The broody, bad boy bachelor pad. I can see it now.

I groan to myself at the thought of it. Maybe I’m over thinking it?

“Stop being so uptight about things.” TJ rolls his eyes heavenward at me. I sigh, knowing that he’s right, I’ve been nothing but an uptight asshole since I graduated from college. It’s unfortunately the sour route I took after the breakup.

I broke down and killed the man I was before, and I can’t shake this side of me off. I hate this version of me, but I don’t do much to change it. I find it hard. If I don’t have any expectations for myself, I won’t be disappointed. The only thing I allowed myself to look forward to was signing with the Chargers and moving out here. I knew I could push myself to do it and become the quarterback for the team. It’s the only thing that’s hasn’t disappointed me.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you Jason,” I apologize as well for being an ass. He presses his lips together and nods in appreciation for the apology. He’s a good guy; ever since I first met him, I knew we’d get along.

He’s carefree and goes with the flow. Not your average football player, he’s a little nerdy and reads a lot. You can tell he’s a well educated guy and took his college experience seriously. He’s a psychology major graduate and is pretty smart.

After we’re finished in the showers, we get dressed and leave the compound. Chris and Jason leave together because they live near each other. Normally, I would catch a ride with TJ because we live together, but I have my car since I drove here from the house I saw this morning.

Only a few weeks left and I can finally move into my own place, have my own time, and do what I want in my own company. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for TJ and Haley for letting me crash with them, but it’s time I moved out and into my own space.

And this new house has “Nick’s space” written all over it.

For now.