The Last Dance (24)

Okay sooo, sorry for the long wait, but actually, this was much sooner than I expected, since I'm still in the middle of exams =(

It's a good thing for you I was so obsessed with this chapter, there were so many places I was going to cut it off, but then just kept going, and I promise it was worth the wait =) I love this chapter, you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll love me, then hate me, but that's all I'm going to say.

P.S!!!! Listen to this song, the lyrics are at the end and believe me, this song was like WRITTEN for this chapter. I swear, it was like destiny. I was listening to the radio a few days ago, flipping through, when this song caught my attention, I'd never even heard it before and then I found the lyrics and it was an OMG moment. It's like when the stars all line up perfectly in the sky... =)

ok enough ranting go read!

Comment and Vote?

Cheers,

xo.

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Recap:

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I turned to him with a smirk and he looked momentarily taken aback. I watched him tensely, and was rewarded with a breathtaking smile before he burst out laughing. It rang clear and loud, completely uninhibited, and I knew it came straight from the heart. I was surprised that no birds had taken flight at the sudden noise. He laughed for a long time, and I grinned, feeling happier just from hearing it.

"You are something else Cece" He said when he had managed to control himself.

"Well, I guess I'll take that as a compliment"

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Chapter 24 - Bend or Break?

I woke up the next morning feeling tired from not getting much sleep the night before. I guess we had stayed up longer than I thought. But then again, when I finally had fallen asleep it had been deep and peaceful.

I looked up and noticed with alarm that the sun was quite high in the sky. We'd already lost several hours of riding!

I turned to wake up John but didn't see him beside me anymore, nor was any of his stuff here. That was odd. If he'd been up early why hadn't he woken me up?

I rolled up my blankets and rubbed out any signs of where I'd slept. I was surprised to see that John had already done the same to his spot.

Walking out of the trees, I saw the horses still tethered where we'd left them last night, all packed and ready to leave.

I walked to the edge of the trees, keeping to the shadows so I could scan the road, with the plain stretching ahead of me as far as the eye could see. I felt heartened by the sight, knowing those grassy roads were the only thing separating me from home.

The familiar sound of a sword cutting through air caught my attention and I turned around, listening to where it had come from. I followed the noise back into the tress to a small clearing, my gaze landing on John while he was in the midst of a complex pattern dance, one I'd taught him.

I followed his movements in awe, surprised at the new grace in his steps. As I followed the downward swipe of his sword I realized, to my embarrassment, that he wasn't wearing a shirt. I felt my face go red and quickly turned away, but not before the image was imprinted in my mind.

I was extremely grateful that he was still too caught up in his training to notice my presence. My eyes drifted back there, despite my silent scolding, to admire the way his muscles flexed with each movement.

I forced my eyes away again. How pathetic. It's not like I hadn't seen men shirtless before. In fact, most of them trained that way in the summer months. But I'd never felt embarrassed by it before.

I had to announce my presence somehow.

Right.

Go ahead.

Say something.

Anytime now.

Anytime...

I cleared my throat hoping it would do the trick.

To my relief the swipe of the sword stopped and I looked up from beneath my eyelashes, not daring to raise my face any further so that the blush was obvious.

"Morning!" He said cheerfully, and as ever, completely unfazed.

"Why didn't you wake me?" The words came out as a squeak and I had to clear my throat and repeat myself to be heard.

He walked closer to me, breathing heavily, and reached past me to pull his shirt off the branch behind me.

"Sorry, you looked so peaceful I didn't want to wake you, and I figured we had plenty of time still." He was still breathless from the workout and his words came out in short bursts, sounding husky and deep.

My throat felt dry and I only nodded. I didn't even want to think about what his voice was doing to me right now.

My blush deepened and I was glad we stood in the shadows.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" he asked.

I could hear the smile in his voice.

"No" I replied with a scoff.

"Then why won't you look at me" he teased.

I shrugged "There's nothing to see."

Liar.

He laughed while pulling on his tunic "Ouch, aren't you even a little impressed?"

I raised my eyes to meet his now that there was no chance of embarrassing myself. The light cotton of his tunic still showed off his build. Impressed? He had no idea.

"Fishing for compliments are we?" I said instead.

"We are indeed, but I'm not likely to get any from you am I?" He asked with a pout.

I laughed "You're learning."

"And you're impressed."

"Am not."

He walked past me and I glimpsed a smile on his face. "Your blush says otherwise."

I felt a look of complete mortification cover my face.

Great. Just great. How embarrassing.

I reluctantly turned around and walked slowly over to the horses where John was untying the reins. I suppose it didn't matter how red my face was now, nothing could be more embarrassing than that.

He handed me the reins for Cori with a surprisingly sweet smile, and turned away to mount up on Shadow.

I used the moment while his back was turned to let out the breath I'd been holding, since I'd been expecting him to rub it in.

I jumped up on Cori and followed his lead out of the line of trees, wondering where this new change had come from. He never did what I expected him to; it always came as a surprise. When I expected him to make fun of me he'd be sweet instead. When I joked around he'd sometimes get serious. I used to be able to predict his reaction to anything before, and now...

We'd been alone together too long.

That was probably it. But not for long, tonight we'd be back and these weird emotions would go away. I think.

Well, at least it was good to see that John was in a more cheerful mood, even if it HAD been at my expense. But I didn't like how often my gaze drifted over to him.

He talked easily, not bringing up this morning at all, and after a few minutes of feeling awkward I relaxed and was able to keep up with the conversation. When not talking we lapsed into a comfortable silence.

Two hours melted away quickly but as the distance between us and the castle shortened I noticed a small grimace forming on John's face. He adopted a look of apprehension soon after that, which only became grimmer as the journey went on. I couldn't even being to imagine what he was going through, much less how to fix it.

The atmosphere between us significantly changed and I could practically feel the tension in the air. It was so thick I felt like I could cut through it with a knife, and yet so fragile I was afraid a single word would shatter it.

Finally, a few tense hours later, the barest outline of the castle spires came into sight. John's pace slowed down and I followed suit, keeping a worried eye on him.

A few minutes later the whole castle could be seen, and he stopped altogether, contemplating it in silence. The sun was setting and already the sky was a swirl of dusty pink and purple. We'd decided earlier to wait until nightfall so that the cover of night could keep our return from being noticed too early.

I dismounted and took the reins from his limp hands, leading the horses away, to give him a few minutes alone.

When I'd gone far enough away I looked back at the shadow of the castle and then to the outline of the Prince.

He looked so lonely up there.

Was that how he felt back home too?

Unexpectedly a surge of guilt ran through me. Who was I to force him to go back if he truly didn't want to? Because I knew it was only on my account that he had agreed to come back, after I'd insensitively called him out for all his shortcomings the first night I'd found him. It seemed like years ago I'd yelled at him about his duty to the throne and his people, but what right did I have?

Maybe he was right before, maybe I didn't know him.

Sure, I knew John, the guy who could be as sweet and caring as he was annoying, but I hadn't found that out until recently. I may have known some personal things about him, but I knew nothing about Prince Johnathan.

The pressure, the stress, the constant attention and high expectations.

Really, what did I know about duty and honour and having a whole kingdom of people look up to you?

Nothing.

Less even than the court ladies because I avoided all the balls and state functions. Even with my father as a council elder, I'd never taken an interest with court politics or anything of the sort.

Realizing all this, I couldn't help but be ashamed at having judged him so harshly that day without any idea of what it was really like.

Everyone deserved the chance to forge their own path, whatever it may be. How would I ever react to being tied down like that, forced into a life I didn't want?

I knew it would drive me mad, and obviously it had driven him to the extreme measure of running away.

And I, in my ignorance had dragged him back after he'd only had a taste of the freedom I always enjoyed.

It wasn't right.

The guilt smacked into me like a wall, making my eyes sting with tears.

I looked back towards John and saw that he was walking slowly towards me. I blinked furiously trying to hide it before he could see.

I knew what I had to do. I had to let him go, at least give him the chance. But that didn't make the words any easier to say. Why did it take so long for me to realize? Why did I have to see it now when I'd already grown so attached?

I faced him and smiled weakly but he didn't seem convinced. A frown appeared on his face and I turned away, not bothering to hide my guilt.

John's POV

I stared at the castle, lit up by the last rays of the setting sun. I was a little apprehensive about getting back, but truthfully, I didn't mind it. I could deal with it now, having Cece on my side.

I looked over to see her staring off into the distance. She looked so vulnerable standing there with her arms hugging her sides for comfort. Lost almost, something I'd never seen on her before.

She was always so careful to act strong around me, always hated showing any sign of weakness. I still felt a little bad about embarrassing her this morning, but the words had fallen out before I could stop them.

I couldn't help it, she had just looked so sweet standing there blushing and refusing to look at me. And something about being around her these days always made me reckless.

Had it only been over a week ago that we'd hated each other? It seemed another life time away.

Her face looked pained now, as if she was having some kind of internal debate. I wanted so badly to make her feel better, something I'd been experiencing a lot lately.

I never knew how to act around her though, because it seemed she reacted differently every time.

It was baffling still, trying to predict her reactions; I guess that was one thing that hadn't changed. At least I'd learned, if nothing else, not to move too fast with her. She got scared off easily, just getting this far had been agonizing.

Worth it though, not to feel her tense up every time I came too close to her. She probably hadn't even noticed the way she tensed up around me, but I had.

Every time.

And still, it wasn't enough; it got harder every time, pulling away before I did something to make her run away. But seeing her now, I couldn't stand here and do nothing. Not when she'd proved to be there for me time and time again. And she'd actually confided in me yesterday, trusted me enough to talk to me when she didn't have to. She'd even complimented me without being tricked into it.

I wished she would let herself care for me, but I knew that was asking too much. It went against her very personality to depend on anyone but herself.

That she even let me get this close was amazing. I liked to believe she'd developed some sort of soft spot for me, letting me into her life the way she had. Maybe it was good that she kept me at a distance though, since I was hardly sure of my own feelings for her. I knew I cared about her, a lot, but did this ceasefire between us only exist out here, away from the castle?

My legs moved me towards her on their own, driven by this irrational need to hold onto her. Keep her here with me and erase the creases of worry from her face.

She looked up seeing my approach and blinked rapidly, trying to keep back the tears that were making her eyes wide and glassy. She tried smiling at me, but when I grimaced in response her face sagged back into its former expression.

I knew then something was really bothering her. Otherwise she would have stubbornly kept that fake smile on her face whether I bought it or not.

I knew I had to be careful, I hoped I could be. I stopped a few steps away from her and hesitated.

Slowly, I lifted a hand to her cheek, gauging her reaction. She didn't flinch away from me, for which I was grateful, even relieved.

I traced her jaw with my finger, giving her the chance to pull away if she wanted, before gently turning her face towards me.

She opened her mouth to say something, to tell me off? But then changed her mind and closed it again.

She met my eyes for a moment, and whatever she saw in my face made her eyes widen before she turned her face away, but not completely. That was something.

I took a step closer, enough to slip an arm loosely around her waist.

She wouldn't look at me, but she didn't pull away either, or tense up for that matter. Could it be she was finally getting comfortable around me?

I moved my free hand under her chin and gently pulled her face up to meet my eyes yet again. I could see the confusion and fear in her eyes, a tear slipped out tracing a line down her cheek and she started blinking furiously again.

She tried, and failed to say something again, biting her lip to keep whatever words she wanted to say back.

I couldn't take it anymore seeing her look this fragile, having her right in my arms and doing nothing.

Was it taking advantage?

I don't know, but I couldn't resist, couldn't stop myself from leaning closer.

Her eyes widened further, panic flashing across them briefly before I pressed my lips down to hers.

It was like a volcanic eruption, the way heat moved like flowing lava to every part of me, wrapping me up in its warmth. It took all of my self control to be gentle with her, after wanting this for so long. And there was no denying I had.

I tightened my grip only slightly, still cautious, afraid to close the remaining distance between us.

Kissing her was like nothing I ever imagined. I had wanted to so many times before, always freezing at the last second, afraid of her rejection. But she didn't stop me; to my delight, she relaxed and returned the kiss softly.

A fire burned between us, but it wasn't the out of control flames like the forest fire. It was like the slow heat of fire embers, smouldering just beneath the surface, and even sweeter because of it, deceptive in its innocence.

I wanted to memorize every moment of this, the feel of her soft lips against mine, giving in to the kiss, the gentle trembling of her body in my embrace, even the feel of her wet eyelashes brushing my cheeks.

I wanted her closer to me, wanting to make the most of this moment while it lasted, because it would probably be my last, my only chance.

I tugged her forward and she tripped, falling into me, obviously not expecting it.

I could feel myself smiling against her lips, my body vibrating from silent laughter. The absurdity of it was hilarious. Only Celia, the girl who was deadly in a fight and never missed a step could stumble in the middle of a kiss, of all things.

And yet, she'd never been as perfect as she was right now, so alluring in her shyness and tentative movements.

I thought it was adorable, though I knew she must be embarrassed. I reached up to cup her cheek with my hand and from the warmth, could tell she was blushing.

She moved to free herself, but I wasn't ready to let go just yet. I put my arm around her, pulling her close to me in a tight hug.

She tensed only slightly, but didn't try pulling away again. I had expected it this time though, every time before I'd been the one to walk away, afraid to wait for her reaction, but not this time.

I couldn't bring myself to leave, whatever the outcome.

After what seemed like an eternity she put her arms around me, relaxing into my embrace. It warmed me right up despite the chilly night.

I knew it wouldn't last. She didn't feel that way about me.

It was a stretch for her just calling me a friend. I'd heard her explain our relationship to people before. She always hesitated, never knowing how to respond. She always settled on friends, but doubted even that with the words that followed. 'If that... maybe...' They always followed, always hurt me to hear.

What was I then? If not even a friend?

No, I wouldn't think about that, not now while I had her.

I found her lips again and kissed her long and deep. Her arms tightened around me and I gladly pulled her closer.

Her body trembled still; I hoped she wasn't afraid I would hurt her. I never would again. I tried to convey that to her now, since the right words always failed me when I was around her.

Did she feel it too? This undeniable force between us? Because it felt stronger than gravity to me.

I wished it could last forever, but it was naive to think that. This moment seemed detached from reality, like a dream in its beauty and perfection. And like all dreams, it would end too soon.

As if sensing my thoughts, she suddenly tensed up, and I reluctantly pulled away, knowing it was probably what she wanted.

I mourned the feel of her pulling away and the cold it left behind.

We stood awkwardly facing each other, and I could swear I saw regret behind her eyes, but it was quickly obscured by a fresh glaze of moisture.

No tears escaped her control this time, and I couldn't read the emotions racing across her eyes, thought I imagined they mirrored my own.

Her cheeks were still flushed, she still looked glowing and radiant in my eyes, but she couldn't ever be mine.

I didn't regret kissing her though, not for a moment. While I'd never kissed another girl before, I knew none could possibly compare after this.

Finally she took a breath and met my eyes, with a look of determination.

"Go" She whispered.

I took an unconscious step back feeling shocked and confused.

Had I gone too far this time? Did she really want me gone?

I blinked back my own tears, hoping she couldn't see. I couldn't lose her, not now.

Was it too hard for her to be around me now? Did she think it was some kind of obligation to stay away from me? Why hadn't I thought of that possibility before I so recklessly kissed her?

"I'm sorry" I pleaded desperately "I--"

"Don't be sorry" She interrupted.

"Then why do you want me to go?" I heard my voice crack near the end and swallowed frantically, trying to hold back a sob.

If it meant nothing to her then why should it mean a thing to me? But it did, more than I was willing to admit.

Her eyes widened in shock. "This isn't about that" She said gesturing between us.

My shoulders sagged in relief, but I was even more confused now, if not that then what?

"What is it about then?" I whispered, not daring to believe she was okay with what happened.

She shivered and turned her face away from me.

"I meant, you can go, you don't have to come back to the castle with me. It isn't what you want, I'm sorry it took so long for me to see that" She said sadly.

"I don't understand."

"You're free to go, go live whatever life you want, not the one you think you have to. I'll make something up, or tell them the truth I'll... figure it out..."

I regarded her curiously as realization dawned on me.

She thought she was forcing me to go back to the castle. How wrong she was.

But now I was filled with doubts. What brought on this sudden remorse? Was it that she didn't want me back? Was this her way of turning me down gently?

I fixed her with an intense stare. "Do you want me to leave? Do you think I can't do it?" I asked sadly.

She wouldn't meet my eyes "No, that's not it at all. Of course you can do it; of course you'll be great but... if it's not what you want I don't want to be the one to make you."

"But... do you... want me to stay?" I asked hesitantly, afraid of her answer.

"This isn't about me John, it's your choice."

I glared at her, waiting until she met my eyes "When will you see that it is about you too, whether you'll admit it or not. I need to know" I added softly.

Celia's POV

How could I answer that question now? After what just happened?

It had been hard enough finding the strength to tell him he could go after he'd kissed me.

It still seemed unreal. He kissed me. John kissed me. I could hardly wrap the idea around my head, wouldn't even have believed it had it not just happened.

And I let him.

He gave me plenty of chances to stop him, but I didn't. There was no denying it this time, no explaining it away.

He'd known exactly what he was doing; I had seen it in his eyes just before he closed the distance between us. I couldn't just brush it away this time. Not when I still felt it in every part of my body.

I should have known he felt that way. It seemed so obvious now, but then, I guess it had been from the start. I just didn't want to see it.

And yet for every time he'd had that look in his eyes, there was one when he'd joke shamelessly just for amusement. Not even counting all the times he'd done something serious and either left before I had a chance to react, or act as if it was nothing.

What was even harder to accept though was how I was letting myself feel about him.

Not that I would ever let him know, not now, when I knew it was exactly what he wanted.

He wasn't mine. He could never be mine. He belonged to someone else, someone who could be his queen. Not an upstart lady knight like me. I didn't want that life anyway, but it hurt knowing someone else would have it. I would have to go back and watch him fall in love with someone else.

I had hated pulling away, hadn't wanted to do it, but the kiss was just proof that he was only going back for me.

I couldn't let him do that. I'd had to offer him a way out. And now he wanted me to choose.

I shook my head miserably. It would be even worse, now that I'd had a taste of something so sweet. Bittersweet more like.

The last rays of the sun were behind him and I could see the torment in his face; hope and desperation, pain and confusion.

It hurt just to look at.

What should I do?

I wanted him to be happy, something I'd never considered before.

Did I want him to stay?

Yes, the answer came immediately to me.

I didn't want to lose the bond we'd made even if it now hung on a precarious balance. But would he be happy stuck there in the life he never wanted in the first place?

If I said no, he'd probably leave, make a new life, probably in the forest with our new friends, but would it hurt him to think I didn't want him around?

I knew it would, and I don't think I could live with it.

Before it wouldn't have even fazed me that he might be hurt by something I said, but now it made a big difference. And I knew what he'd said was right. This was about me.

I sighed uneasily and looked at him. He was still staring at me intently, waiting for my answer, and I knew all at once I would pick the selfish answer.

I'd rather have him resent his life at the castle than me. But maybe he would grow to like being King, whereas he would never stop resenting me.

I almost felt sick with myself as the words that could change everything forced its way out.

Selfish.

"Yes... I... want you to stay" I whispered.

His shoulders sagged, from relief or resignation I didn't know, but he smiled weakly at me once more.

"I was hoping you'd say that. I... need you there..."

I shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to say what I knew I had to. These words pained me even more than the last.

"John... we can't... this can't happen again... the High Ball... and you..."

I trailed off not being able to say anything more. I just stared at him anxiously, hoping he would understand, though I regretted it already.

He frowned in confusion for a while before realization dawned on him.

The Ball. Where he'd have to pick a wife. We'd both known it all along.

He blinked rapidly and looked away. I couldn't even being to read the emotions on his face, but they were gone as fast as they'd come.

He turned back to me, and for a moment I saw a look in his eyes that made me want to reach out to him, but I knew I couldn't. Not while the wound was so fresh between us.

He nodded slowly, miserably. "So... what now?" He asked thickly.

And I knew what he meant without even having to hear the words. "You said we were friends..." I began. "...and we still are. I won't leave you just because..." I trailed off again, gesturing between us.

I managed a shaky smile, though I knew it didn't reach my eyes, and I knew he could tell. Still, he fought to return it.

I turned away before he could see the tears that refused to be blinked back. I felt, if anything, worse than before.

Yes I was glad that he was staying, but at what cost? Would he end up resenting me anyway because of what I'd just done? I certainly hated myself for it.

This whole journey had been about bringing him back before he got hurt, and yet I was sure I'd just managed to hurt him more than the forest ever could have.

Wordlessly, we each took our reins and trudged slowly on towards the castle, shielded by the shadows of the night that could, for a moment, mask all our misery and doubts.

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Theo Tams - Wait for You

So the truth came out

But I took my anger and laid it down

You see well I'm not gonna to fight

So take my sword my shield my pride

Turning your body you tell me no, I cannot make it

Kissing you lips oh it kills me no, I cannot take it

Tell me the truth love did we just bend or did we break it?

Living a lie is not easy

Throw a stone into the sky and it will come back to you

Beggars will beg thieves will steal and liars will bend the truth

And if you pick a flower you know it's bound to die

And I will wait for you

Well I stood still and stared in your eyes

I could trace the path of the tears you cried

And cried and cried and cried

Turning your body you tell me no, I cannot make it

Kissing you lips oh it kills me no, I cannot take it

Tell me the truth love did we just bend or did we break it?

Living a lie is not easy

Throw a stone into the sky and it will come back to you

Beggars will beg thieves will steal and liars will bend the truth

And if you pick a flower you know it's bound to die

And I will wait for you

I never wanna see you cry

I never wanna leave your side

I only wanna live this life standing next to you

I will wait for you

Turning your body you tell me no, I cannot make it

Kissing you lips oh it kills me no, I cannot take it

Throw a stone into the sky and it will come back to you

Beggars will beg thieves will steal and liars will bend the truth

And if you pick a flower you know it's bound to die

And I will wait for you

So the truth same out

But i took my anger and laid it down