Chapter Sixteen: Cotton

It was dark. She heard her name being called. She needed to respond to it but she couldn't. She was falling farther and farther away from that voice. Their voice. Kestian's voice. She needed to do something but her thoughts and will had no purchase on her body. Everything was dark and heavy. She could just let go. It would be so easy to just let go and slip all the way into that warm enveloping darkness. Cotton knew what was in the darkness, or more accurately what was on the other side of it. Most people feared dying because they didn't know where they were going next. Cotton knew exactly where she was going, exactly whose army she would be joining, and exactly which souls would be under her command. Joining her mother's army was not something she looked forward to, but it was something she could count on.

She kept floating down. The darkness pressed around her.

"Cotton please," she heard again. They were far away above her, and their voice was distorted as if through water. Kestian.

Why were they calling to her? Cotton supposed Kestian certainly wouldn't actively want to see her die, no one would actually enjoy watching someone die. Well, Satine. But she was a special case. But why would Kestian be this upset? Cotton knew why she had become so attached to Kestian in just a few short weeks. They were fierce and forward. They were beautiful. They were sweet and thoughtful. They were strong, they had taught her dances. They had gotten her a flower crown. She felt safe with them. But what did they see in her? Why would they care about her? It was not as though she had known Kestian long. It was not as though she was their only partner. Kestian had the armorer, the priestess, and Cotton couldn't imagine they had any trouble finding others. They had lovers and friends and family. She had just blown into town, and she would blow out again. Or at least she would have blown back out again. Why would Kestian be begging like this. Who were they begging exactly? Why did they care like this? She was nothing, or worse.

Kestian kept calling out to her. She felt like a shadow a hand reach for hers.

She would reach up if she could. She would swim up away from this darkness back to the light, to their light. They were calling her name. Still. They held her hand. They caressed her face. She could feel it like the memory of a touch.

The darkness around her was changing. She wasn't exactly moving up, but the depths were moving further away. They ran their hand through her hair. There was a sharp and terrible pain in her arm. The depths vanished. She could feel her body again real and alive. She was alive. A warmth folded around her like a blanket, welcoming and safe. She opened her eyes to a dark room. Dim light came in through the window from the street below. She was in a bed Kestian sat on the floor next to her. They had a glow to them. It was a subtle radiance. It manifested whenever they did their magic especially but there was a little piece of it that was always there. A soft dim nimbus of light marked them. If she didn't see their light Cotton might have been able to sense it like perfume that hung about them as obvious as her own horns and tail would be if she did not disguise them. They were heavenborn.

“Kestian?" Cotton asked. She was floating somewhere between dreaming and waking.

"Cotton." They replied "you’re awake."

"Where, um, where are we?" She asked, looking around the room.

"This is my room." Kestian answered.

"But why are you on the floor?" Cotton asked.

"You needed the bed, lover."

"But why aren't you in bed with me?" She asked. It made no sense. They could share the bed they had shared the bed in the temple, why would Kestian be on the floor?

Kestian sighed patiently "you've had an eventful evening. And might not remember all of it. I didn't want you to feel scared if you woke up in a strange bed with no memory of how you got there."

"But I'd feel safer with you." Cotton said sleep making her honest "And it’s your bed."

Kestian touched their head against Cotton's. "Would you like me to share the bed with you?"

"Yes" Cotton said.

"Alright," Kestian stroked her face "I just need a moment"

It seemed like less than the space of a blink before Kestian slid into bed with her. She nestled back against their chest. She felt for an instant perfectly safe and loved.

There was light coming in the window now and Cotton was alone in the bed. She woke with a start but with no memory of the dream that had jolted her awake. That was likely for the best. She didn't know where she was. She looked around the room. It was mostly bare. There was the bed. A side table, a trunk, a narrow wardrobe, a dressing stand for armor. Kestian. This must be Kestian's room. But it didn't look like the cells at the temple. Where was she? Her head pounded and she reached up to squeeze it. Horns. Her horns were out. She tried to move her tail. It was out as well. Shit! She thought. Kestian could have seen. What would they think of her? Gods dead and alive they were heavenborn. If they knew they would hate her. If they knew she wouldn't be lying in their bed. She ruffled her hair and concentrated. Shifting her form was something she had learned to do early on. Her father never made her when they were at home but he told her it was safer to disguise herself around other people. She thought of the feeling and sound of his magic as he played and how it would settle on her. She would look just like any other human girl. She missed her father; she missed that feeling of his magic washing over he like water in a bath. Safe and clean and warm. When she dismissed her horns and tail now it was not like her father's magic. Though she hated it, when she hid her horns and tail the feeling of her magic reminded her much more of her mother. She startled and looked over as the door opened.

"Cotton, you're awake" Kestian said.

"Kestian" she coughed. She noticed suddenly how dry her mouth was.

"I’m sorry." They said as they knelt down beside the bed. "I meant to be back sooner. I didn't want you to have to wake up alone."

"It’s fine."

"It’s not" Kestian said. They gently ran their fingers through Cotton's hair and rested their hand on the back of her head. "How are you feeling?" They asked.

"I’m fine." Cotton said quickly.

Kestian looked at them with such gentleness and concern they felt undone. So she told them the truth. "I feel I have a tent spike driven right between my eyes and then going out the back of my head at my neck. My eyes are so dry they're twitching. And my mouth tastes disgusting. Gods my breath is probably atrocious." Cotton put a hand over her mouth and leaned back.

Kestian gently took her hand, kissed her knuckles and leaned their head against hers. They reached their hand around and began to gently massage her neck. Cotton groaned and lowered her head onto Kestian's shoulder. Kestian smirked audibly. "Egeria can get you something for the headache, would you like some water?"

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"Yes but please don't stop what you’re doing."

Kestian chuckled "wouldn’t dream of it." They said.

Cotton closed her eyes a moment and took a deep breath. Kestian smelled like sleep and sweat but still also like the orange trees whose scent wafted up through the window, and the incense which burned in her temple as well as on the small table in the corner below a holy symbol.

"Is that better?" They asked.

"A little" Cotton said. She lifted her head and looked at them. She felt a familiar shiver run up her spine and twitch in her neck. She suddenly could not meet Kestian's eyes.

"What, um, what happened last night exactly. I'm sorry it’s just I mean obviously you took care of me which thank you for but I also I really, I really need to know, please?" She looked down at a spot on the floor and focused on it intently. Her breath was uneven. She could feel her diaphragm fluttering. There was no use in being scared now, she thought to herself, whatever had happened had happened. In this moment she was safe.

Kestian laid a hand on her arm, "what’s the last thing you remember?" They asked.

"We had gotten dinner down by the water, and then we were in a tavern, there was a big circle dance and I actually knew it so I wanted to join in. We got separated because, circle dance. I ended the dance with this guy and he wanted to buy me a drink, and then" Cotton swallowed the lump in her throat "and then I think he charmed me. I remember him pulling me towards the bar but it’s all foggy after that"

Cotton couldn't look up. She could feel herself shaking. The familiar fear and shame had coiled around her sternum and spine.

Kestian's voice was gentle in a way that could only come from inclination and practice both. "He did charm you, but you fought it."

"Not hard enough apparently." She said.

Kestian tisked softly "it won't help you to think that way. What happened last night wasn't your fault it was his."

"But what happened?" Cotton asked.

"When I came over he was pulling you towards the door. I didn't know it at the time but he had slipped some kind of patch on your arm, it was a poison. We left, I directed the bouncer over to him. We were maybe a block or so away when you collapsed. The temple was too far so I brought you here. Egeria healed you and we put you to bed."

Cotton took a deep breath. "Thank you," she said. She felt her tension rising in the following silence.

"May I hold you?" Kestian asked.

Cotton nodded and still did not look up. She felt their arms wrap around her and collapsed into them. Cotton shuddered in an attempt to hold back tears. She didn’t want to cry in front of Kestian, not like this.

"Shhh" Kestian soothed and gently moved so that Cotton sat in their lap on the bed. "It’s alright," they whispered "it’s alright you're safe now."

Kestian held the silence for her.

"You slept in the bed with me last night." Cotton said, her statement a question.

"I did. You asked me to. Was that alright?"

Cotton nodded her head against their shoulder.

Kestian scratched her head and kissed her forehead.

"Where did you go this morning?" Cotton asked.

Kestian sighed. "I had a meeting with my boss."

"I didn't get you in trouble did I? Kest I'm sorry."

"No, no, nothing like that. He was actually very understanding of the situation. This was about something else."

"Kestian, what’s wrong?" Cotton leaned back to look up at them.

"He says I need to take a vacation. Apparently I haven't taken enough time off and it essential."

"Well how much time off have you taken?" Cotton asked.

"I take two days off every week." Kestian said.

"Isn’t that a guild requirement anyway?"

"But I'm not even part of a guild, and also how do you know that?"

"Because I'm in the bardic guild of story, also I head a large performance troupe most of whom are entertainers guild. Although there are still a few with independent minstrel licenses but that’s not important."

"And do you make your people take vacations?" Kestian asked.

"I run a circus not a pleasure house it’s different." Cotton said.

Kestian smiled a small laugh "I suppose there are quite different requirements."

"But you're upset about it, having to take time off, why?" Cotton asked.

"I don’t know. I like my job, I like my friends, I'm good at what I do. This is more than just a job to me it is part of my oath, part of how I serve and honor my goddess. I don’t know what else to do. Even if it is just for a month."

Cotton could feel their tension and wanted desperately to help them. A thought occurred to her. "Well," she said "you could always run away with the circus."

Kestian didn't respond immediately. Cotton smiled up at them nervously. Kestian cupped her face in their hand. "Do you mean that?" They asked. Cotton could practically taste the hope in their voice. She smiled. "Kestian Cere Thaedra," she said, "run away with me." There was a voice in the back of her head screaming that this was a bad idea. Let this one get away it said. But all she could focus on was Kestian in front of her. Their beautiful and hopeful face.

"Cotton Talarna," they said, "yes."

Cotton's smile broadened and she wrapped her arms around Kestian and kissed them. Kestian returned her kiss and pulled her in. Cottom wrapped her legs around them. They stood and walked to brace her against a patch of bare cool wall. The worry incited by the little voice in her head was rapidly receding back to the corner of her mind. Kestian trailed kisses from Cotton's mouth down her neck and across her shoulder. They took one of the ribbon ties of her combinations in their teeth and pulled to release it. Cotton let out a laugh as Kestian let the ribbon fall from their mouth. "These are exceptional by the way." They said with a smile.

Cotton kissed them. “Well be careful how many more threads you pull, I have no confidence that I could get this all put back together and I have a final show to give today." Realization fell in her mind like a load of bricks. "Shit," she swore, taking in the full morning light streaming through the window. "I have a final show today. What time is it?"

"I don’t know. Three Hours till mid day perhaps, maybe two?" Kestian set her down and began to retie the ribbon at her shoulder.

"That's not great, that’s not great." She repeated Kestian handed her her shirt from where she had folded it on top of the chest. Cotton took it gratefully and quickly got dressed only sitting to tug on and lace up her boots.

"When is your show?"

"Hour before midday" she said, "do you think you'll come?”

"I am going to have a lot of loose ends to tie up if I'm running away with you. When are we leaving?”

“Not latter than 2 past midday. But I can convince them to wait for you, I know the lady in charge."

“Who Gemma?” Kestian asked.

Cotton laughed as she finished tying her boots and stood up. Kestian wrapped her in a hug and spun her around before kissing her tenderly.

Cotton squealed with delight. "I have got to go!" She said, "I will see you this afternoon" Cotton tip toed to kiss them one more time and then rushed out the door.