Chapter Nineteen: Cotton

The Circus had only traveled two days to get to the next town. It was of course nowhere near the size of the massive port city of Corsaña. As such it was likely that the circus would not be staying more than a few days but Cotton did not mind this at all. She liked to be on the move. Although she was quite happy with what had resulted from staying in one place. Kestian of course thought the town was miniscule, absolutely tiny. Cotton wondered how they would react when they stopped in a village that was actually small. Cotton had enjoyed traveling with Kestian, walking with them in the day and sleeping beside them at night. They were wonderful. Of course Cotton had known that before they left Corsaña. Before that last night in Corsaña. But she was still learning it more each day. Getting the big top up had been easy enough and all the various aerial apparatuses were in their places and double checked for safety.. As far as a day of setting and rehearsing went there was only one thing left for Cotton to do, introducing the newest member of her circus to her act.

"I don’t know about this." Belinda said staring up at the tight rope. "Isn’t their usually a net, or a wire or something for safety?"

"You won't need one, you won't fall." Cotton said.

"But how do you know that?" Belinda asked as she nervously wrung her hands around her parasol.

"Because that is the deal I brokered for you. For now, you get to dance across the tight rope with grace and beauty, traveling the continent, delighting and amazing all. And later you'll fight demons. But for now, you have far too much skill to fail. That torque on your wrist, the deal you made, will keep you from falling. Its magic Belinda, it’s what you came here for."

"And if I fall climbing up there?"

"Thats what the parasol is for dear." Rikvah cut in. She had finished her own rehearsing and had remained to help the new recruit.

"Belinda," Cotton said gently. "You wanted this you were excited for it, now get up there and do it."

Belinda looked nervously up again. Cotton sighed and handed her violin to Rikvah. "Let me see your parasol." She held out her hand.

"What for?" Belinda asked.

"A demonstration." Cotton said.

Belinda tentatively held out the parasol, Cotton took it from her, hung it on her arm and walked resolutely over to the high ladder and began to climb. She made it up to the platform and looked down at the little group below her. Kestian sat with extreme alertness in the first row of seats. They wanted to watch Cotton train her new performer. Rikvah stood with Belinda in the center of the ring looking the picture of motherly calm next to the young woman. A few groups waited impatiently in the stands and around the ring to have their turn for practice. Cotton was sure that Reina was also about in the big top somewhere, deftly avoiding her older siblings. Cotton sighed. Her circus knew what she was about to do, but Kestian was likely to startle out of their skin. She took the parasol off her arm, held it aloft and tipped forward off the platform towards the ground forty feet below.

There was the briefest moment of rush, not even long enough for her gut to tumble over itself before the parasol opened, caught her, and slowed her descent. Cotton floated down to the ground inside the ring. She flourished the parasol around her to close it and walked towards Belinda and Rikvah. She handed the parasol over to Belinda and said "now your turn."

Belinda took it looking down on it with awe.

"And as I mentioned," Cotton said as she took her violin and bow back from Rikvah "you should not even need it." She put her violin to her shoulder "now up you get."

Belinda hooked the parasol on her arm the way Cotton had and walked toward the ladder.

Cotton began to play. Her attention was jerked away by a shout from the top.

"Mommy!" Reina called from the platform. "Mommy I can fly too!"

"Baby don’t!" Rikvah screamed just as Reina stepped off the platform and began to plunge through the air towards the ring.

All Cotton could think was to grab her before she hit the ground she rolled up a chord on her violin and with it animated the tight rope. It came free and shot down to lash around Reina's leg and pulled her back up through the air away from the ground. The girl screamed. Cotton's heart pounded. She needed to put her down. She continued playing, lowering her slowly and safely to the ground. Reina was crying. Cotton could see a coil of scarlet around her leg. The rope had cut her badly. She was bleeding. Cotton and Rikvah rushed towards her. Cotton panicked. "I’m sorry, I'm sorry, I’m so sorry." She said.

Rikvah knelt beside her daughter and pulled her into her arms. I have to fix this, Cotton thought, I have to try and fix this. She began to play. She animated the rope again and carefully uncoiled it from around Reina's leg. Reina screamed again crying. Cotton had never been good at healing, but she had to try. Even if it was only a little. Even if it was only enough to then go find a cleric in the town. Cotton startled at the touch of a hand on her shoulder.

"Let me," Kestian said.

Cotton watched them step forward and kneel down. They placed their hand on Reina's leg and an aura of light began to shine around them. Reina stopped crying.

"There," Kestian said "that should be better."

Reina looked down at her leg and stood up. Her clothes were still stained with blood but she was apparently unhurt. Rikvah stood as well. "Are you alright my heart?"

Reina jumped twice as if to test the question. "Mommy I’m fine." She said.

Cotton stepped forward. "Reina" she said "you will not do that again." Her voice was stern, and her torque warmed and vibrated with magic as she spoke "you will not climb up there and you will not jump off. Am I understood?"

"Yes Cotton." Reina said looking down at the ground.

“Swear it on your iron.” Cotton said. even with the unique shape of Reina’s pact to swear on her iron would still be binding.

“I swear,” Reina said.

"Rikvah," Cotton said "I think you should,"

"Yes boss" Rikvah said before Cotton needed to finish. "Come on dear" Rikvah took her daughter’s hand and lead her out of the big top.

Cotton watched them go. Reina had skipped away with her mother back to their tent as if absolutely nothing had gone wrong. Cotton turned to address everyone still in the big top.

"Right, that's enough accident and injury for one day I think. Everyone see to themself."

There were general noises from the circus performers and crew as they dispersed.

Cotton felt Kestian's hand on her shoulder.

"Are you alright lover?" They asked.

"Me? I'm fine" Cotton said. "I didn't nearly fall to my death."

"Yes, and we'll discuss that little trick and what appropriate warning for it might be latter. But are you alright?" They asked again.

"Like I said, I'm fine." She repeated.

"Cotton you're shaking." Kestian said.

"She could have died. She could have fallen to her death and it would have been my fault." Cotton said.

"You prevented Reina from falling to any harm." Kestian said.

"Yes and I nearly sliced her leg off in the process." Cotton countered.

"Cotton, you saved her." Kestian said.

"No, you did that." Cotton replied.

"We'll call it a tandem effort then." Kestian said.

Cotton stepped away and began to pace "You don't understand, I should never have let this happen."

"Cotton it was an accident, and you prevented it being a tragedy." Kestian said.

"This is my circus, these are my people. I'm responsible for them." Cotton said.

"Cotton," Kestian said. Their voice was cool like water as they again laid a hand on her shoulder. "Let’s just go sit down. You need to breath."

Cotton became aware of the breath suddenly rushing into and then out of her lungs. "Alright." She said "alright." Maybe Kestian was right, maybe everything was fine, maybe she did just need to breath.

Kestian wrapped their arm around her and steered her from the big top to her own tent. Cotton leaned in and let their scent fill her nose as she breathed. They were just so perfect, so good. Cotton wondered not for the first time what someone like them was doing with someone like her. They walked together to Cotton's tent.

Cotton sat on her cot and ran her fingers back through her hair. "How do you do it?" She asked Kestian.

"Do what?" Kestian asked. They squatted in front of her and took her hand.

"You just knew what to do and you were calm and you didn't panic and you healed her. Reina skipped away as though nothing had happened. How is that even possible?"

Kestian swallowed. "There are a few ways to answer that question. First being calm comes with knowing what to do. And then that knowing just comes from practice. I'm not great at healing, I'm not a cleric. My oldest sister Bellatine, and Egeria too are much better at healing than me. My brother as well. Demelo, he's an oath knight but he's studied and practiced and devoted himself to healing. He's working as a medic now up in the Empire with the war."

"Are you honestly doubting yourself now?" Cotton asked.

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"Just being realistic about my abilities. A physical injury is always easier. If I can see what's wrong I can fix it." Kestian took a breath "but back in Corsaña, when you were,"

"Stop." Cotton said "I don’t want to—we don't have to talk about that."

Kestian looked at her gently and nodded. They took a step back and pulled her so they sat on the floor facing each other.

Cotton took a deep breath, hesitating to ask the next question. "You’re an oath knight, your magic comes from your goddess, how did you get it?"

Kestian took a breath and nodded. "I had just turned sixteen" they said "when I was first commissioned. I was just starting to worship with people and was coming to know my goddess better. I already knew at that point that my path would be one of a few either as a cleric or an oath knight. My brother Demelo and I already had dreams of being the latter and were training for it. As much as children could that is. One night a girl came into the temple. She was a tiny thing, and she was younger than me, younger than my little brother. She was covered in bruises and scrapes, some old some new. And she was pregnant. She had been forced, and then prevented from seeking help sooner. The clerics took care of her of course and it was decided the pregnancy would be transferred to my mother. The girl was made well and was cared for and kept safe. But such an offense could not be left unanswered. Demelo and I learned from her who the man was and where he could be found. And we went and delivered onto him the wrath and the justice of our goddess. When we returned to the temple we were given our commission. We took initial vows. We wouldn't take our final oaths till years later but that’s how it began for me. I began to feel my magic after that night."

"You've always been a hero" Cotton said. "You have your magic because you are brave and good."

"Theres a lot of ways someone can have magic." Kestian said. "Theres a lot of ways someone can be."

Cotton looked at them, their gaze was gentle and inviting, knowing. When she had woken up in Kestian's bed in Corsaña her horns had been out. There was no possible way it had gone without notice. "You know...about me." She said, "back in Corsaña you saw."

Kestian took her hand "I understand why you would keep it a secret, but you don't have to from me."

"Did you know before?" Cotton asked.

"No," Kestian said.

Cotton closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and let her horns and her tail show. She opened her eyes and looked up at Kestian. "Do you still want to stay?" She asked.

Kestian cupped her cheek and kissed her forehead. "Yes," they said "of course. Cotton I knew before you asked me to come with you."

"And you don't care?" Cotton asked, not able to believe.

"None of us get to choose who our parents are." Kestian said.

"But you're heavenborn. Shouldn't you hate me?" Cotton asked.

Suprise registered on Kestian's face. "Well first I am only required to hate evil and evil lies in actions not in being. But second how do you know I’m heavenborn?"

Cotton smiled and stifled a laugh. They looked so sweetly flustered and surprised. "Kestian its obvious, you literally glow."

"Only when I use my magic." Kestian said.

That made cotton laugh out loud "it is all the time." She said. "Do you not see it yourself? It’s like you have a little star inside you always glowing through the night."

"Really?" Kestian asked.

Cotton nodded "it’s soft, it’s subtle, but it’s always there."

Kestian smiled. "Would you like to see it get brighter?" They asked.

Cotton bit her lip. "Yes." She said against her better judgment.

Kestian kissed her and whispered, "you might need to look away at first."

Cotton knelt up. She placed her hands on Kestian's shoulders as she leaned close to kiss them and wrapper her tail behind their legs. Cotton closed her eyes. She felt the air warm and tingle around her and saw the brightness on the other side of her eyelids grow. She opened her eyes. Radiant light filled the tent and Kestian shown like a star, 6 seraphic wings of brilliant incandescent light spread from their back. Kestian looked down at Cotton with eyes glowing white hot. "You can look at me like this?" They asked.

"Yes" Cotton said.

"It doesn't hurt you?" They asked.

"Why would it?" Cotton asked.

"I've been told its too bright." They said.

"You're beautiful." Cotton said

Kestian pulled her into an embrace and kissed her as they flared their wings out and then folded them around her. Cotton pressed her body against them as she returned their kiss. In this moment all she wanted was to be close to them. Kestian trailed kisses down her jaw to her ear. “May I worship with you?” They whispered.

“Yes” Cotton whispered back.

Kestian kissed her again deeply their tongue gently urging into her mouth. Cotton kissed them back eagerly and let out a quiet moan when Kestian pulled away. “Goddess I’ve been dying to do this with you” Kestian said and began trailing down Cotton’s jaw to her neck. Cotton gasped with quiet pleasure and ran a hand through Kestian’s hair. Kestian continued kissing and nudged away Cottons shirt to reach the top of her breasts as they reached up under her shirt with the other hand. Cotton wasted no time and pulled her shirt up and over her head. Kestian smiled against her skin and began to tug as the ties of her combinations with their teeth kissing each new inch of exposed skin as they went. Cotton reached back and untied and began to carefully pull off her boots unwilling to break with Kestian for even a moment. The feeling of their lips against their skin and the warmth of their glowing wings encircling them was too much to ever want to break away form. She tugged her boots off and began un fastening her pants. Kestian continued to kiss every inch of her. The feeling of their lips was intoxicating. She felt desired and safe and alive with pleasure. Cotton pushed down and tugged off her pants not breaking contact with Kestian for a moment. of all that had ever felt wrong and terrible this felt so right. Her combinations were next. Already open it was easy to slip one arm out and then the other before slipping them down her legs and off. She was naked with them and for these blissful moments nothing else mattered. Kestian continued kissing and nuzzling into her neck as their hands moved downward. “may I?” they whispered in her ear. “Yes” she breathed. Cotton felt a wave of chilling pleasure as Kestian pushed two fingers into her and goose bumps raised down her arms and across her chest. They touched her exactly as she had shown them at the spring. Cotton felt Kestian’s smile against her skin. “Just relax lover,” they said. Cotton tilted her head back as Kestian continued to gently push inside of her. She let herself fall back and be cradled on to Kestian’s wings. Kestian continued pushing inside them. Cotton felt her pleasure building like a fire inside her consuming her every fear and worry. Kestian continued pleasuring and kissing her until her climax took her and she cried out and shuddered collapsing back again onto Kestian’s wings. Kestian gave a satisfied hmm as the gently withdrew their fingers from her. They pulled Cotton into their arms and kissed her. They withdrew their wings and eased Cotton onto the ground laying next to them.

Cotton lay curled against Kestian on the floor of her tent. Kestian gently ran a finger up and down one of her horns.

"You’re beautiful too you know." They said. "You can present yourself however you want to present yourself and I know you have good reason for hiding but I want you to honestly know, you're beautiful like this."

Cotton held tighter to Kestian and buried her face in their chest. Kestian kissed the top of her head and then the point of one of her horns.

“Is it alright if I ask,” Kestian said “your friend back in Corsaña Linnaeus, how do you know him?”

“He’s my brother.” Cotton said. “I met him after my father died, when I started living in hell.”

“You grew up in hell?” Kestian asked.

“Since I was nine. I was with my father in before that.” Cotton was nervous where this conversation might lead. She could talk about her brother easily enough, but her sister and mother were another matter entirely.

"Do you have any other siblings?" Kestian asked.

Cotton did not want to lie so she told a version of the truth. "I’m sure I do." She said. "How many siblings do you have from your angelic parent?"

Kestian whistled as they blew out. "I feel like legion is a strong word, but I don't think putting the number in the lower hundreds would be an exaggeration."

"Well I certainly don't think I have that many." Cotton said. "But I also don't know. Linnaeus is probably the family member I am on best terms with, and I barely see him once a year."

"I’m sorry," Kestian said

"What for?" Cotton asked.

"I just can't imagine not being close with my family. I saw Bellatine nearly every day back in Corsaña, and then I wrote to my brother and other siblings and mother at least once a week."

"My family is not like that.” Cotton said “And besides, I have my circus."

"You have me too." Kestian said. "For now. Can I write to you when I go back to Corsaña?"

Cotton felt a familiar resignation creep over her. "When will you be going back?" She asked.

"Not yet," Kestian said. "I need to be away a month and it's only been a few days. I'll get to be with you for quite a while still."

"Good." Cotton said. She could hold on to this joy a little longer still. She snuggled herself against Kestian and closed her eyes "that’s good" she repeated. Cotton let herself push away her worries and future sadness and focused on the real moment around her. Kestian was here, her people were safe, that could be enough for her tonight.