The Confessions

LORELAI

I slept with Brax all night, his even breathing making me feel better, like he wasn’t about to die from a stupid poison arrow.

But my mind was a mess. It seemed so insignificant to be worrying about who my alphas had loved before me when we had humans declaring war, but I couldn’t help it.

They were my alphas. I didn’t want females coming out of the woodwork this late into our relationship.

Brax should have told me about her. Even if he didn’t love her the same, even if it was nothing now, I should have known that he had something that deep.

I didn’t care about past flings or fucks, but potential heirs and marriages? That seemed like a lie. Or at least it felt like one in my heart.

I swallowed and looked up at the ceiling and the woodwork, the wooden beams connecting the A-frame that led into the stone walls.

All so intricately connected, just like I was with my alphas, and yet one thing had made me feel like our foundations weren’t as strong as I thought they were.

Like I had so much more to learn about them, about the life I had chosen to live.

Sure, I knew how good they felt inside me, and I knew how much they loved me, but I needed more.

How could I be a luna of a pack when I had no idea what that meant? How could I love them as wholly as they needed if they’d found love in their own kind before? Was I enough?

The thoughts were an endless cycle, and as dawn crept over the horizon, peering through the glass, I shivered—the brisk early morning temperatures offering a taste of the winter to come.

I had barely considered winter. Normally it was a harsh time in the village. Crops barely grew, livestock got lean, some died, and it was harder to keep our own people fed, let alone the wolves.

But they barely visited during those months. Now I knew that was because of the no full moon during winter and the craziness that came with that, but how was that going to work now that Fractum had been invoked?

Was it going to be worse? I shuddered at the idea.

I really had to learn how to defend myself. I was a human, but I had the border power in me now and I could use that, even if I couldn’t use my shadows. Learning how to throw a punch or take down a crazy wolf might be beneficial too.

I blew out a breath and stood from the bed, my head still going around in circles as I thought about all the things I needed to do, to learn. It was a lot. But I could do it. I had to.

I went to the window, glad to see the sun through the stained glass instead of the gray clouds that had been everywhere lately.

My hand went to my stomach, rubbing the swell there. It fluttered under my touch and I smiled, warmth filling me.

I needed to see a doctor, make sure everything was physically okay with me and the baby. I wasn’t sure they could even do anything for me, but it would be nice to know how the birth was going to go.

I hated pain, and Mother had always said childbirth was the worst pain I would ever endure, but it would be worth it. That was terrifying.

Everything at the moment seemed terrifying. The pregnancy, the war, the powers and shadows that I didn’t fully understand yet… Even my future with my alphas was included in my fear.

But I couldn’t let it consume me. I had to stay strong and get through it all, even if it was an overwhelming idea.

I took a few deep breaths to calm myself, to steady my thoughts and racing pulse, then stowed every fear and worry I had deep inside myself.

I couldn’t let them control me or make my decisions, I had to make them myself.

And that started with finding out everything I needed to know about my alphas and their lives before me—even if it made me irrationally jealous and partially homicidal.

Kai came in then, swiping his hand through his dark hair before his eyes found me and he grinned, coming over and covering my lips with his.

I let his kiss take me away to the promise of his pleasure, holding him tight as he ran his tongue along mine.

I sighed as he lifted me up to meet him, his arm around my waist, my swell keeping us that little farther apart than usual.

He kissed down my neck, nipping at the flesh before his mouth found mine again. I broke away and held his face in my hands, kissing him softly, then looked at him, needing him to let me say what I had to say.

“Say anything you want, Little Human,” he whispered, then kissed me again, giving me no breath to use for my words.

I chuckled against him and broke apart. “Kai. We need to talk.”

“After.”

“Where’s Derik?”

“Politics. Boardroom. Does it matter? I can fill you up nice and good without him, Little Human.”

He grinned, kissing over my neck, pressing me back against the wall, his hands skimming over my breasts and down my waistline.

I sucked in a breath as he hitched my leg up against his body, kissing me until I forgot any thoughts I’d had on stopping him.

“Actually, I’m behind you and would like to hear what she has to say, if you don’t mind, Nikolai?” Derik said, a small smirk playing on his lips as he stood beside Brax’s bed.

Brax had woken. His eyes were still drooping with sleep, but he rubbed them awake and slowly sat up.

Kai rolled his eyes and stepped back so I could talk. Standing there in front of them all was a little intimidating, but I had decided not to let myself be afraid, so I had to face them. I had to know.

Everything.

“I just found out about Danika. Brax’s ex,” I breathed out, and the room tensed. Brax even grimaced, which had me nervous to go on, but I pushed through it.

“She was meant to be a huge part of your life, Brax, and I feel sorry for her that five years were spent thinking she would be where I am in some way. Maybe not exactly, but in a way.

“Now she has nothing, and I feel her resentment. I don’t know how to fix that because I’m not giving any of you up, but I don’t think it was fair for me to find out like that,” I said, stepping forward and holding the end bar of Brax’s bed.

“I was going to tell you, Spitfire. I just hadn’t decided when,” Brax admitted sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

I nodded. “Well, before I was pregnant might have been a good start. Before you claimed me. Any point before now would have been preferable. Now I feel I’ve been lied to, and I hate feeling like that.

“What I need to know is, are there any other females that have been a serious fixture in your lives?

“I know none of you have mated, but have there been any others like Danika, who were going to bear your children? Or become your luna in case you didn’t mate?” I asked firmly, steeling myself for the answers.

“Danika was the only official one. Our parents had pushed the union for a while in case I didn’t mate, so it was always assumed. But it was never confirmed,” Brax said.

I nodded, swallowing the bitter acceptance, then turned to Kai, who grinned.

“I’ve only ever fucked, Little Human. Most of the females in the pack, if you want the full truth, but no ties or secret girlfriends here.

“They all know they are nothing but pack members to me. I’ve been waiting for you for a very long time,” he said, and I blushed at the intensity in his gaze.

My eyes went to Derik, my heart sinking when I saw his tense body and his eyes looking down.

“I know the ex talk is always awkward, Derik, but I need to know,” I said.

He nodded once, taking a breath before he looked at me and I saw the answer in his eyes.

“There was a girl. A female from our pack years ago. We had something, shared something, and were planning on being together. I felt a lot for her,” he murmured, and my heart clenched.

“Do you still?” I asked, and he shrugged.

“Hard to say. I’m glad she’s happy, but it fucked me up afterward,” he admitted.

I tried to push through the hurt that slashed through me at the thought of him loving someone as much as he did me. “Afterward?” I asked.

“After she mated with someone else,” he breathed out.

My eyes widened. I looked between my three alphas, who were somber as anything, and my stomach pulled, my heart hurting for him as I felt the pain in him. He had really loved her.

“I’m sorry, Derik,” I said, and Derik nodded, tears swimming in his eyes. I swallowed hard at the emotion that tried to come out.

“It’s the past now. You are our future,” he said.

I hoped that was true, but hearing that he had loved someone else just as fully as me and hearing the connection Brax had had with Danika made me think that maybe they gave their hearts out freely enough for our relationship not to be as exclusive as I thought.

And with Kai’s mating mark always in the back of my mind, it was hard to believe that what we had was any different.

I was just the virgin who had caught their attention and accidentally gotten knocked up. That didn’t mean I was going to keep their attention.

They could all mate without me. And then what would I be?

I had more self-deprecating thoughts to go over, but they came to a grinding halt when Kai moved to me, kissing me hard, his hand fisting in my hair and yanking my neck back.

His teeth bared a second before his canines sank into my neck. I moaned loudly, the instantaneous pleasure that came with the bite filling me, spreading through my veins until I was on an epic high that made me think all kinds of things.

Especially things to do with their giant wolf cocks and where they could put them.

“Kai,” I breathed, trying to get back to my talk, but he growled and claimed more of me, his toxin spreading with the pleasure, making me arch into him.

He yanked his teeth out of me, and I took a few steadying breaths as I adjusted to the toxin, the tingling beneath my skin begging me to claim my alphas right back.

He tilted my chin toward him, and his eyes were aflame with fury. “I don’t want to hear you question this ever again, do you hear me? We are yours, Little Human.

“It doesn’t matter who or what was before, and I don’t give a fuck about the future fate has for me because if you are not in it, I don’t want it. Everything in my body wants yours, not just my cock, but my soul. It is yours.

“You have claimed me as wholeheartedly as I have claimed you, and I do not want you to think that will ever change, because I promise you now, the second it does is the second I drive a poisoned arrow through my own heart,” Kai vowed.

The promise filled me with love and heat that had me leaning up to kiss him.

“I love you too, Kai,” I breathed, kissing him again until he let me go and reluctantly stepped back.

My eyes fell on Brax then, who looked all kinds of mad at me too.

“You cannot compare what this is with what was before. There is no comparison. I was doing what I was told, what was expected. I put myself into that role as much as I could, but that was nothing to what this is.

“This connection we have is one that I crave, one that I can’t live without, one that would rip my heart and soul out with it if it was ever to leave.

“You have to know that what that was with Danika, despite being an easy friendship and a good thing at the time, would never have been even a shadow of our connection. Every waking breath I take is better because I know you are taking one with me, next to me, connected to me.

“That is not something to ever doubt, Spitfire, and if I have to spend my entire life showing you instead of telling you, I will,” Brax vowed in return, his voice making promises that I believed because how could I not when they were said with such conviction?

“I feel the same. I am trying to believe that this my forever because I want it so fucking much, but seeing Danika and knowing that the feelings you have for me you’ve had for others before makes it hard to get past. But I’ll try. I want this to be real.”

Derik stepped forward then, sitting on the end of Brax’s bed, holding my hand in his as he kissed the top of it, then rubbed his thumb over the tingling skin he left behind.

“That’s what we’re trying to tell you, beautiful. None of us have ever felt this way before.

“Yes, we have been in love, well, the sane ones out of us have”—he eyed Kai, who just smirked—“but it is still nothing compared to you. Our breaths are not our own, our thoughts are not our own, our souls are not our own: they belong to you, beautiful.

“You’ve claimed us in every way, and without you, we are nothing. None of us have had that before. So whatever our pasts were, don’t let them get into that head of yours and tell you things that just aren’t true.

“You may be a human, a winter born, but the truth of it is, you are our alpha. I think at this point, you are the only one questioning that,” Derik said reassuringly.

I leaned down to kiss him, needing to feel the words on his lips that were burning their way into my heart.

I hated that I doubted them and what we had but the ex-love thing had shaken me, and I was human enough to be jealous about it.

“So I’m not going to have any other girlfriend surprises coming out? Or heirs I’m going to find out about later?” I asked, and laughed when Derik and Brax looked at Kai with droll stares.

He shrugged. “I’ve got the only female and the only heir I need right here,” he said before yanking me over to him and kissing me.

I grinned against the kiss, pulling back before he could take it as far as I know he wanted to.

“I want you all to be mine. I don’t want to share your hearts with anyone else,” I murmured, and he grinned.

“As long as our hearts beat, they will beat for you, Little Human.”

I smiled up at him, his words making me all warm and fuzzy again. He wrapped his arms around me, and I held him tight as Brax grabbed my hand from where he sat on the bed.

Derik came over then, his body enveloping me too and I sighed, their warmth melting away the negative thoughts and filling me with hope that maybe I was allowed to have all three of them.

Unless Kai mated, then I was fucked.

The alphas all tensed at that, but none of us said anything. It was too much after the emotional baggage we’d just gone through. We stayed silent, refusing to bring life to the words that would ruin everything about the moment.

But fate had other plans, ruining it anyway.

One of the pack members barged through the doors without knocking, interrupting our moment and officially ending any thoughts of a day of no stress, preferably fucking my alphas until sundown so I could show them how much their words meant to me.

But no. Instead I was faced with a female pack member barging in.

“Alphas. The prisoner won’t talk. He’s refusing no matter what we do. What are our orders?” she asked.

I froze for a moment, then looked up at Kai, who was wide-eyed.

My heart sank as I thought about this female with her red hair and green eyes all wild and fiery and how she could be the very reason my entire world collapsed on itself.