The Past

LORELAI

I woke up sick again, shivering a little under the intensity of the feeling. The night was still dark, a slight breeze blowing in through the window.

I untangled myself from limbs and went to the bathroom. I splashed my face with water, then took a sip of the potion that had been left for me on the bedside table.

It instantly calmed the thrashings of my nausea and I breathed a sigh of relief.

I held my protruding stomach, the roundness noticeably growing every day. I knew human pregnancies didn’t normally grow so quickly, that I was really going to test the limits of my body in the growing months.

It would probably take more and more toxin to get me through, but I would do it. Not just for me, but for my alphas.

I looked down at them sleeping, frowning at the single alpha that had occupied my bed with me. It took me a second to remember Brax was still healing in the infirmary, but Kai wasn’t there either.

But I felt him. Something tugged inside me, a sadness, a fear that made my heart clench.

I followed that feeling out the doors onto the balcony, finding Kai there, wearing his linen shorts, leaning against the railing with his head bowed.

His tanned muscles looked strained, and our link was tense. I went forward and wrapped my arms around his back, my fingers stroking across his abs as I held him, my cheek pressed against his skin.

“Little Human,” he breathed, “are you okay?”

“Are you?” I countered as I let him go and moved to stand next to him.

I looked down on the city, the bars and buildings alive with activity even in the dead of night. Preparations and training were in full swing at all times now.

The moon was half-full, the stars bright, the air colder than normal. I shivered and inched closer to him. He tucked me under his arm and rubbed mine, warming me up.

“Go inside, Little Human, it is getting colder here,” he said, nodding toward the bed.

I shook my head. How could I leave when he clearly had something going on? He needed me.

“I can feel what you feel, Kai. What’s going on?” I asked softly, and he let out a deep breath.

“I’m nervous,” he admitted. “I’m nervous about the border coming down, the vampires becoming a part of our lives again.”

He tensed against me, and I held him tighter, my white nightgown blowing in the slight wind, my bump against the railing.

He tugged me back and sat down on the armchair on the balcony, pulling me onto him so I could curl into him. He wrapped his arms around me, tightly, warmly, making me feel safe and warm with him.

I kissed his lips softly before cupping his cheek and looking into his eyes.

“You hate vampires. Why?” I asked softly, knowing there was something there.

After seeing how he behaved with Silas and the other vamps, I knew there was history there, and I wanted to know what it was. Especially if it was warring in his head, keeping him from sleeping.

I wanted to be the one he could talk to, to help. I didn’t want to be just a body to him, I wanted to be his comfort when his mind went to the dark places and memories I could see behind his bright green eyes.

He kissed me, my cheek, my nose, my eyelids.

“It is too dark for a light like you, Little Human,” he whispered against my skin, and I caught his face in my hands.

“No, Kai. I want every part of you, even the dark pieces,” I said, and his features softened before his lips tugged on mine.

I sighed into him, his kiss making everything in me sink to my core. His tongue brushed along mine and I wrapped my arms around him, but then his fingers began to wander and I pulled back, grabbing his wrist.

“Kai, don’t distract me. Talk to me,” I said, and he sighed, a small smile playing on his lips before he gave in, his shoulders sagging as he pulled me back into him.

“Story time then, Little Human,” he said, and kissed the top of my head as I laid it on his chest.

I snuggled in, his skin against mine keeping me warm as we looked out at the dark sky. There was something peaceful about it, the soft glow of the border in the distance making it seem particularly magical.

“I was young, about your age when the vamps went to war with us all those years ago. It was when our packs were all separate still, and our pack was known as the most savage of them all. We were the brawn against the vampires.

“Derik’s pack, they organized us by strategy, so we were on the front line, the first wave of violence. Brax’s pack stayed with the humans, hiding them, protecting them as the last line.

“We were told that the vamps couldn’t technically help it, that their bloodlust and the humans’ blood had created a toxic uncontrollable urge, but our pack didn’t believe that.

“Vampires are smart, they have been around for as long as wolves, we knew they were just trying to take the humans for themselves.

“Having them at their disposal, putting them in their territory would weaken us, and if they put up a border like we did then we would have been fucked.

“So, we fought back, saved all of us, but there were so many casualties, so much bloodshed. At the time, I was obsessed with it. I wanted the pain and the carnage.

“I had been taught to crave that. To be the strongest, to be even more bloodthirsty than them. And I was.

“Until I was beaten. I fell to my knees in front of a much stronger vamp, and I thought I was done for. He could have killed me, maybe it would have been better if he had, but instead, he took me.”

Kai shuddered and I held him tighter, listening to every word, the picture in my mind getting darker, but it only made me care more. It didn’t make me want to run, it made me want to make him feel better.

He tightened his hold on me, his hand running up and down my stomach, the silk of my gown making the feeling soothing against it.

“They wanted answers from you? Like the prisoner?” I asked, and he nodded, his eyes growing darker.

“They said they wanted answers, but even when I gave them one that wouldn’t harm my family, they still hurt me. I think they wanted to break me. And they nearly did.

“Every day, the vampires drained me almost to death, beat me within an inch of my life, but I never begged for release.

“I waited and I waited. I was close to being alpha, I was the strongest in my pack, surely my family was going to find me. Surely it was only one more day of torture I had to endure.”

He shook his head, the pain in his voice and his eyes piercing my heart, making it bleed for him. I kissed his chest, my eyes stinging with tears.

“They never came, did they?” I whispered, and he shook his head, his jaw clenched.

“I was a captive with the vampires for three years before I escaped. I tore through a lot of them to do it, almost died trying to get back to the werewolf territory.

“I was lucky the border was passable because I was a wolf going into my own territory. When I get back, I expected relief, or a welcome, or even a bit of sympathy for what I had endured for my pack, silent, never giving up our secrets.

“I had withstood a lot in that time so the vamps couldn’t get the information they wanted.”

“What did your family say?”

He scoffed drily. “My family. My parents looked at me like I was worth nothing. Every ounce of respect I had earned before I left was gone. Every battle I had won, every secret I had kept meant nothing to them.

“I had been captured, I hadn’t escaped for three years, which meant I was weak. It meant they sent me back to the bottom of the pack. The bitch boy,” he said, his voice cold and dangerous.

Tears had started falling down my cheeks, but I’m not sure when. I wiped them away, my heart aching for what he must have felt in those moments, the pain of his family turning on him like that.

“The only one who talked to me with anything but degradation after that was Beenie. But she was a mess.

“While I was gone, my brother, Rowan, had tried to get to the top of the pack. Our family had been alphas for years, it was expected that either of us sons or even Beenie would fight our way to the top.

“If one of us didn’t, then when my parents lost their ability to shift—as all of us do eventually, our magic runs out and we grow old—then the alpha title would go to the next family who had managed to fight their way through the ranks.

“My brother wasn’t strong enough. He had been killed. Beenie hadn’t gotten over it.

“My parents were angry that our family was going to lose our spot as alphas, and after the war, a lot of their magic was used up. The time to hand over the packs to the heirs was coming up fast—not just in ours—and I had a lot of wolves to fight through to get back on top.

“But I was determined to do it. Not for my parents, but for Rowan and his legacy. I was meant to be alpha. The beast in my blood demanded it.

“So, I got stronger. I trained, I fought, I destroyed every wolf that stood in my way, and then I finally made it to the top.

“I killed that motherfucker who had stolen my brother’s life, and I earned every ounce of respect back in the pack just before my parents had to hand it over.”

I nodded, knowing it would have taken a lot, but Kai was strong, and not just physically; his will was one of the strongest I’d seen, unless I was taking off my clothes.

He smirked down at me, his lips pressing on my fingers.

“Very true, Little Human. I have taken down wolves, vampires, and demons that hide in the darkest corner of my mind, but I am a simple slave when it comes to you.”

He kissed my hand again, his lips soft and his voice rough.

I smiled, my heart warming with his words. I was glad he could smile now, after everything. I was glad he’d found solace in something, a peace.

I didn’t want that taken away from him. The mating mark was bullshit and unfair of the fates to bestow, to threaten. He deserved happiness, and he wanted it with me as much as I did.

Why could it not be enough?

He sighed and looked over the sky again. “The fates, the witches, whoever decide our path have a plan, Little Human, but if it doesn’t include you, I will not follow it,” he vowed.

“I know, Kai,” I whispered. “I’ll walk into hell with you if that is what it takes.”

His lips crashed on mine. I mirrored his passion, everything fading away as my core tightened, my thighs growing hot with pressure.

Kai slid my straps from my shoulders, his fingers gentle, caressing my skin as I sighed against the touch.

I burned beneath his fingertips, my mind swirling with a fierce desire as he adjusted me on his lap. I moved with him, parting my thighs, straddling him, his kiss demanding, his hands urgent as he tore at the rest of my gown.

It fell from my body, pooling at my waist over my swollen stomach, the cold air and my hot blood making my nipples harden against him.

He filled his hand with the flesh of my breast, and I sucked in a breath, my teeth nipping at his bottom lip before I met his kiss, my tiny moans and sighs filling the peaceful night.

“You know you deserved more than they gave you, don’t you, Kai? Your loyalty should not have been punished,” I whispered against him as he kissed over my chest, his lips closing over my peak.

My breath hitched, and my fingers dug into his hair.

“It’s the world we live in, Little Human. Loyalty is punished. My loyalty to the pack was, and my loyalty to you has been,” he breathed back, and I kissed away his words, refusing to agree with them.

We couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t handle him belonging to someone else.

That fucking mark was nothing, it was nothing compared to what we had, and I wasn’t going to let some magical force take him away from me or decide he couldn’t love me anymore.

I was a magical force too, and I’d use every last drop of it trying to figure out how to stop him from mating.

He groaned against me, his lips everywhere, his face nuzzling into my neck as I rubbed myself against the hard ridge of his cock between my thighs.

“I need you,” he breathed harshly, his eyes fierce with desire.

I nodded and sat up so he could pull himself free of his shorts. I wrapped my arm around his neck as he positioned himself at my entrance, his hand guiding my hips before I sank onto him.

I gasped as he sucked in a breath. My body took him in slowly as I lowered myself, stretching to fit his length inside. My pussy clutched him tightly until he was entirely sheathed within me.

I started moving, riding him slow, lifting myself almost completely off him before sinking back down. He groaned loudly and met me each time with a luxurious stroke.

My head fell back as his hand cupped my breast, his mouth teasing the nipple until my pace quickened, the fire inside me burning brighter.

I moaned as I fucked him, claiming his as mine, a promise not to abandon him like his family had. I would get us out of this. I had to.

I shuddered against him, my breasts his meal as my pussy fucked him. He felt so good inside me, filling me with every glorious inch of him.

My body was full, my heart was full as I held him to me, his mouth leaving kisses and marks over my pale skin. His fingers dug into my hips, holding me steady as I used his shoulders as leverage.

Pleasure radiated through me, and I moaned as he moved against me, pushing into me harder so his thick tip hit the spot inside me that made my entire body shake.

My nails dug into him and I rode him harder, picking up my pace, the chair scratching against the balcony, the squeaking making me move faster.

I gripped the back of it, my knuckles white, my entire body tight with tension as I moaned against the kiss he yanked my face into.

His tongue slid against mine, his arm around the arch in my back, his other hand guiding my hips onto him with every fierce thrust he met my body with.

I thought I was going to collapse, my thighs burning either side of his, I thought that my breaths would cease to exist the longer he drove into me, but he gave me more.

More of himself, more pleasure, more intensity.

He fucked me, hard and dangerous until I was coming apart at the seams, the pleasure having nowhere else to go.

I exploded around his cock, my orgasm ripping me apart, my pussy clamping down on him as he stroked it with furious pumps until he swelled inside me and his own release claimed him.

I cried out as he did, his desperate thrusts chasing the tail of my orgasm, his feral growl ripping through the silence until he stilled in me and I was finally able to climb down from the high he had given me.

I sagged against him, my body sticky with sweat, my breaths harsh in the night as they matched his. He ran his fingers over my bare back, squeezing my ass lightly as he sighed.

I looked up at him, his eyes staring back at me. I held the side of his face, and he turned to kiss it.

“You make it all better, Little Human. The darkness doesn’t seem as terrifying when you’re there with me,” he whispered, and I smiled.

“I’ll always find you in the dark, Kai.”

“Good. I won’t survive there without you.” He kissed my hand again before I leaned against his chest.

I traced the lines of his tattoo and kissed his pec. “You don’t have to.”

And I knew it was a promise I was going to have to fight to keep. That the mating brand could make it a lie, but I was going to fight it, I was going to find any way to stop it from happening.

I had to see Tabitha and talk to Cain, but Kai wasn’t getting taken from me. I needed him and he needed me. I was going to make sure he had me.

He pressed his lips on my head, his cock still half-swollen inside me.

“You are my mate, Little Human. I don’t care what brand I have.

“I know what it feels like inside when the idea of losing you strikes my mind, and I know how I feel when you walk into the room. That is not a mere love connection.

“Whatever the fates think they are doing, I will change their minds. You are my mate. I will die by those words.”

My heart filled with hope at those words. I wanted them to be true so fucking badly.

“You’re not dying, Kai, not while I’m alive to do something about it.”

He snuggled me closer, and I closed my eyes against him.

“I’m not scared of dying. I’m scared of becoming the monster my pack made me when those vampires get through that border. I don’t think you could be mine if that’s who I have to become to protect you,” he admitted.

I sat back on his lap, frowning at him, reading how much he believed those words. I shook my head defiantly.

“We grew up hearing of the savages and beasts. I wasn’t scared of you when I believed those stories, and I’m not scared of you now.

“Your past isn’t who you are, Kai. Your family may have abandoned you, but I will not. You are mine as much as I am yours and that won’t change, especially if becoming that monster is done to protect us.

“We’re your family now and I promise you, we are here for you. All versions of you,” I promised, leaning in to steal the protest from his lips with a searing kiss.

Footsteps on the balcony had me breaking from him, covering my chest as I looked up at the interruption. It was Derik though, and my arms fell away.

Derik had pulled on his pants, the strings still undone, his face serious.

“She’s right, brother, we won’t leave you to face those demons on your own. We’ll be right there with you,” he said, and Kai swallowed hard, his throat bobbing before he nodded.

Derik’s hand went to his shoulder. “Vampires or not, we’ll come out of this,” he said, and I latched on to Derik’s optimism.

I let it fill me as wholly as Kai’s cum had and closed my eyes against my alpha.

I needed to believe there was a happily ever after, I needed to believe there was a way out where no one I loved got hurt and the humans survived my father.

If I lost sight of that hope, then there was nothing left but despair. I could handle anything but that.