P.S. You’re Intolerable: Chapter 37

WE’D HAD A ROUGH night. Joey had been up and down, cranky as all get-out, and I’d barely slept for more than an hour straight.

By seven, we were up and dressed, Joey in her car seat, ready to go.

It was too early for this, but I couldn’t make myself wait another second to go see Elliot and find out where his head was.

He and I had done a lot. Said even more. But on this topic, our communication had really failed.

We were both coming from places of hurt and insecurity. I could be the brave one, though. I could put myself out there and tell him what I really wanted.

If he didn’t want the same, at least I would know. I could figure out what my next step was then, but I couldn’t skip this one.

This step was the most important.

“Okay, my love. Let’s go see our Elliot.”

I put the car seat down to sling my diaper bag over my shoulder and open the door. It was a good thing too. Otherwise, I would have dropped her.

Elliot was here.

Standing on my porch, his fist raised to knock on my door.

“Catherine?” His utter disbelief at my sudden appearance echoed my own feelings, except he was the one at my house.

He’d come for me. I knew that down to my bones.

“Elliot.”

Dropping my bag to the ground, I launched myself at him, and he caught me just in time, only losing a step or two. His arms trembled from how tight they locked around me, the breaths he squeezed out of me shuddering and ragged with relief.

“I was coming for you,” I whispered against his ear.

“You were?”

“Mmhmm. A minute later, and we would have missed each other.”

“Good thing I’m never late.”

Joey got tired of being inside the house on her own and let out a cry of indignation. I laughed, and Elliot took my face in his hands and kissed me hard and fast, then pushed the door open the rest of the way to reveal my waiting baby.

He chuffed. “You really were coming for me.”

“Yeah.” I leaned my head against his shoulder. “There are some things I should have said yesterday but didn’t.”

He had Joey out of her car seat and into his arms in seconds, then pulled me into the house with them. Joey plastered herself to his chest, nestling her head beneath his chin, and Elliot closed his eyes with a sigh. In that moment, they both looked right at home.

His eyes opened, and he tucked me under his other arm, his lips touching my forehead, then my temple.

“I want to hear everything you have to say, but first, come home with me.”

I blinked up at him. “I want that more than anything, but you’ll have to give me a few minutes. I need to pack.”

His lids lowered to half-mast. “Because you’re staying.”

I nodded. “Because I’m staying.”

We spent our morning cuddling, just the three of us. Talking about nothing important, touching and hugging, kissing and nuzzling.

My Elliot was ravenous for affection. Once we’d broken the seal a couple months ago, hugs came freely and often. He no longer denied he was a cuddler, and neither did I since he’d turned me into one.

Before him, I’d been just as touch-starved but hadn’t known it. Not until he’d cupped my belly to feel Joey rolling around in there and my heart had nearly broken free from my chest.

Elliot gave me what I needed, even when I didn’t recognize I was missing it.

When Joey started to get fussy, our cuddle session came to an end. I put her down for her morning nap and met Elliot in the study. He was on the couch, his face in his hands. I sat beside him, curling my arm around his back. For a minute, we stayed like that, me holding him while he took deep, heavy breaths.

He picked his head up and cradled my jaw. “I love you, sweetheart.”

I nodded. “I love you too.”

A long exhale, and his forehead rested on mine. “I should have said that sooner. A lot sooner.”

“I should have too.” I cupped the sides of his neck. “I want to stay here. To live here.”

“In my mind, you already did.” He drew back, locking on my eyes. “Another thing I should have said but didn’t.”

“I wish you had, but we both kept our mouths shut when we should have been talking.” I ran my thumb along his bottom lip. “I was afraid you wouldn’t say yes if I’d asked to stay.”

“How could you think that?”

I lifted a shoulder and tried to look away, but Elliot had me and wouldn’t let me go. “I got used to being unwanted. It’s what I’ve come to expect.” He opened his mouth to refute me, but I pressed on his chest. “I know you want me. You show me that every day. These are my own insecurities. It’ll take time to get over them.”

He grimaced, his hand on my jaw flexing. “I love you, Catherine. I don’t say that lightly.”

“I know. I believe you.”

“Let me explain what I mean by loving you.” His eyes darted between mine, and I waited on tenterhooks for him to finish talking so I could fall into him and kiss him until there was no air left. “This love I have for you is etched in my bones and has been growing since the moment I spotted you. If I thought you would agree, I would marry you today, tomorrow, next month. I have never loved anyone else, and knowing myself, I never will. You’re the only woman I want, and you can bank on that never changing. You are threaded through the tapestry of who I am. Even when I denied it, refused to look at you, shut off my feelings for you, you were weaving through me in inextricable ways. If you removed yourself now, I would be in tatters.”

His eyes closed, and his breath swept over my lips. “I was in tatters last night.”

“I was too,” I whispered. “I don’t know if I’ve loved you as long, but I do know I don’t want to live without you.”

“You won’t,” he promised, and I really did believe him now.

“When I packed my things yesterday, I left almost everything behind as an excuse to come back. And maybe I was hoping one night apart would be too much for us and I’d be brave enough to tell you what I really wanted.”

“It was too much.”

“For me as well. I barely slept, and Joey woke up four times. She missed you too.”

He shook his head. “I never knew how much you filled up this house until the two of you weren’t in it anymore. But if you don’t like it here, we can pick out a new house together.”

“Are you kidding? I love it here. I can picture Joey running through these halls and the yard—”

He stiffened, alarm widening his eyes. “I’ll have to have a fence put up. We can’t let her out there until there’s a fence.”

I grinned at him. “I think we have time. She can’t even sit up on her own yet. Running around is a while away.”

He slid his hand to the back of my hair, fisting it just shy of too tight. “I won’t let Liam take her from us.”

As adamant as he was, what lay beneath his statement was fear. I heard it in the slight quiver of his voice. The grip on my hair. The urgency in his eyes.

I’d missed this when I’d come into his office to seek comfort from him after my talk with Liam. I didn’t recognize then Elliot had been just as worried. He was attached to Joey and had taken care of her via me since he’d become aware of her existence. Of course he’d be worried about another man coming into the picture.

“No. He won’t take her. She’s ours.”

A rumble vibrated his chest. “That’s right, sweetheart. Josephine is ours. Mine and yours.”

“And you love her.”

“I do. I love that little girl and her mother too. You’re both mine.”

“We are.” I clasped his hand and brought it to my lips to kiss. “We’ll handle Liam together, all right? You’ll be with me every step. That would make me feel a whole lot better about it all anyway.”

His brow dropped into a stern line. “No more private phone calls.”

I quirked my lips. Stern Elliot made happy bubbles in my stomach. “And no more secret meetings.”

His answering huff had an edge of annoyance, but he acquiesced. “Fine. As long as you’re okay with me being underhanded if I need to.”

“I’m okay with that.”

He looked at me, serious as ever. “I’m putting your name on the deed to this house.”

I stopped myself from rolling my eyes. I knew he was serious and there was nothing I could do to stop him. “You know that’s crazy.”

“I don’t believe it is. Not with you. I’m not going to let you or Joey go, so there’s nothing crazy about giving you ownership of my house. You already own me, free and clear.”

“And you’re all I want.” Reaching back, I slid his hand from my hair and placed it on my chest, right over my fluttering heart. His fingers curled into my chest like he was wrapping them around my heart.

“I’m not your parents, Catherine. I won’t ever abandon you. Do you believe me?”

“I believe you, and I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you yesterday. I’m sorry I didn’t notice you needed reassurance from me. I love you, Elliot, and I want to be a family with you.”

He swallowed hard, his mouth opening and closing twice before he spoke. “I want that too. More than anything.”

“Hug.”

His arms closed around me with zero hesitation, and we fell backward on the couch, tangled around each other. I pressed my face into his chest, inhaled his warm, clean scent, and exhaled my relief.

I was home.