Chapter 11

I woke up the next day to find Sameera didi in my room. As usual, I had woken up late. Veer was not around. But my chest was not bound. So on seeing Sameera didi, I grabbed the pillow and held it in my lap closing my chest. "Didi..." I called. "What are you doing inside?"

"Hey..." Sameera didi said. "Now don't freak out. I know you are a girl."

"Huh?"

"Veer didn't tell me. I found out by myself." She said. "So it's not his fault."

I kind of started to panic.

"Hey... it's okay. It's fine. I won't tell anyone." She said.

Okay. I felt a bit relaxed.

"And well... for today, Veer and I had this idea." She said. "Well, he is more into the plan than I am. But... anyway. We thought... for a day, you should get a break."

"A break?" I asked. Is this what Veer was talking about last night?

"Like a holiday." Sameera didi said. "Like a vacation."

"I am on a vacation," I said.

"A vacation from your exhausting act of being a guy." She said. And she sat on the bed. "I have acted as a man in plays. I feel so stuffy even if it's just for a day or hours. You have done this for years. You deserve a break, girl..."

"Eh..." I was not getting exactly what she is saying.

"Don't you feel like being a girl sometimes?" She asked me. "Aren't there things you wished that you could do?"

"Yeah. I kind of do. But I can't."

"You can now." She said. "For one day. You can..."

"Veer," I called panicking. "VEER..." I yelled louder. He appeared at the door of the room. "What's this about?" I asked him. He came to me and sat on the bed. He took my hand in his hand.

"This is not Dehradun or Mumbai, Jai." He said, in a caring voice. "And it's just one day. It's not like your uncle or anyone is going to find out. You can do all the things you want to do. Let yourself be free. Just...be Gauri for a day." He squeezed my hand. "It's okay..."

I looked between Veer and Sameera didi. They seemed to urge me to brave up. I was not sure if this was a good idea. But when I looked at Veer, and his eyes calmed me. It was as if he was giving me confidence. I nodded.

"We need to wax your legs." Sameera didi said.

"Huh?" I asked.

"You are going to wear a skirt, baby." She said.

Right. I looked at my reflection in the mirror of Sameera didi's room. I might need to shape my eyebrows as well. I have let them grow so wild over two years. But if I shape them, will they look weird afterwards when I return to be a boy?? To hell with it. I can adjust something. I grabbed the tweezers from Sameera didi's desk. Maybe just a bit not too much.

"And the most important..." Sameera didi asked. "Do you prefer black hair or brown hair?"

I looked back. She was holding two wigs. They were not plastic looking wigs. But real looking shiny hair. My mouth fell open.

I checked my watch as I waited outside in the living room. It was 11 am. I guess it sure took a lot of time for a girl to get ready. I checked my clothes. Blue jeans, a grey t-shirt and a white leather jacket. I looked cool enough. Sam didi had said I need to look my best since she is going to make Jai look so good that I might have a heart attack at the sight of her. I laughed. How much different she can look from what she looks now? I already think Jai look pretty cute.

The door to Sam didi's room opened and I looked back.

And I caught my breath.

The whole time she walked to me, I could not breathe.

"Look at his face." Sam didi made fun of me. "Oh, I wish I had a camera. Wait..." She took out her mobile and held it up to take my photo. I frowned at Sam didi. "You are so adorable." She laughed. "In fact, you both are so damn adorable. Stand together. Let me take a photo of you two."

I nodded. I pulled Jai closer to me and looked at Sam didi's phone. Jai was being awkward and shy. I looked at her. She was conscious...

But she need not be. She looked perfect. More than perfect. She looked amazing. Really really amazing.

She was wearing a white flower print dress that ended a few inches above her knees, showing perfect legs under. Her chest was totally not bound. And she had brown hair now. Wig probably. But they lay in natural ringlets around her shoulder. She was wearing makeup. I could not exactly say what was different about her, but there seemed to be a lot of difference. She looked more like her 15-year-old self in the photo. And she looked really really pretty. She was still wearing our friendship band though. I was too.

"Come on, Jai, smile." Sam didi told her, as she took the photos. "You have to."

Jai smiled, awkwardly. I took her hand in mine. She looked at me. I smiled at her. Then she smiled. Sam didi took our photos.

"So...have fun kids." She told us after that. "Get home before it's late."

"Yeah," I said. "Let's go." I held out my hand to Jai.

"Where are we going?" She asked. I did a double-take since it was totally not Jai's voice. It was a female voice.

"What happened to your voice?" I asked.

"This is my real voice." She said.

"Huh?" I asked. Even Jai's voice was fake??? "So I hear your real voice after two and half years?" I asked.

"I guess." She said.

"How can you fake your voice?" I asked amazed.

"Like this," She said in Jai's voice, I mean, Jai's male voice.

"Wow," I and Sam didi said at once.

Jai looked embarrassed. "Can we go now?" She asked.

"Yeah." I held out my hand.

She grabbed my hand. We walked out.

I can't believe I am out in the open streets dressed as a girl. This was like...weird. I held on to Veer's hand.

"All okay?" He asked me, leaning in. He looked so damn handsome today that even being near him made me feel nervous. That too dressed as a girl. We were acting like a total couple. I was holding his hand. He was looking really really handsome. This was weird. But good weird. Awesome kind of weird.

"Gauri..." he called me.

HUH????

What did he call me?

"I am going to call you that for today." Veer said. "Is that okay?"

I don't know. I know it's not a big deal. It's just my name. But when Veer called me that, it did feel like a flutter inside my stomach. It made my heart race. But I nodded. He smiled.

"Good. Now go do whatever you wanted to do for two years." He said.

I smiled. Wait...what all do I want to do? What is there to do?

I looked around. We were in a mall. We had come to the mall near Veer's house. I ran off to the nearest clothing shop I found. I ran to the female section and looking through the clothes on display. I felt so excited to be just looking. It was not like I was going to buy anything. But I felt so excited.

Wait, I can try them on, right?

"The trial rooms?" I asked the staff.

"That way, ma'am." The lady said.

I was just called 'ma'am' instead of 'sir'. Why does that word feel so special??? Ha... I did not know I missed being a girl this much. I grabbed a few skirts and dresses and ran to the trial room. Veer followed me.

She was so excited and happy that I can't describe. Her happiness radiated into me. Her smile got me happy. I felt so happy.

She went into the trial rooms and came out each time wearing a different outfit. She looked pretty in each of them though. I smiled at her excitement and happiness.

Next, we hit the cosmetic shop in the mall. Just to pick up the display items and not to be thought of as a total weirdo was refreshing.

Also the soft toy section in a department store. I did use to like teddy bears and stuffed toys a lot before. They were so soft and cuddly...

I ran around the place like a kid.

Jai put his hand to my shoulder and edged closer and whispered to me, "I don't want to interrupt your happiness. But... I sort of have our lunch reserved."

"You did not." I looked at him. What is this? A date?

"I did." He said. "Come along..." He said, holding out his hand. "And we have another surprise waiting for you at the venue of our lunch."

"Another surprise?" I asked.

"Yup."

"What is it?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"Veer..."

"I can't tell. It's a surprise..."

"No."

"Come on. You will find out." He said. I took his hand and followed him.

We entered an expensive-looking restaurant. I looked at Veer questioning. Where did he get money to reserve here?

"This one is entirely sponsored by your Keerthi didi." Veer said. "The surprise as well. Well, the idea was mine, but Keerthi ma'am did the execution."

"Wait, Keerthi didi is in the plan?" I asked. He has her number. I gave him her number in case of any emergency.

"Yup," He said. "She thinks you deserve a break in a while as well."

He led me into a private room. I looked around. Two girls were waiting inside the room. I freaked out in excitement. That was Pooja and Mehek. My best friends from back home.

"Gauri..." They yelled on seeing me. I cried out. My eyes filled with tears. I looked back at Veer. He did not. He gave me a smile. "Go..." He mouthed. I felt an overwhelming rush of emotions for him. Did he plan this? I turned around and hugged him. Tight. His arms around me were gentle and caring. I drew back. He smiled. "I will stay outside." He whispered to me. I nodded. He left.

I sat down with Pooja and Mehek.

"We took all the effort to come here, and you turn and hug a boy at the sight of us?" Pooja asked me. "So long of the friendship." She frowned. Playfully.

"No. No..." I was still in tears. "I missed you guys. So much..." Only when I saw them in front of me I understood how much I missed them. "Really." I dried my tears. I was thankful that Sameera didi put on waterproof make-up and mascara on me.

Pooja, Mehek and I hung out all afternoon. We went for a bit more shopping. Sure we could not buy anything for me. But I could help them with the shopping. And we talked. They filled me up about everything happening back home in my old school. It was like I was back being 14. It was fun and like old times. Girls day out. Talk about clothes, make-up, boys, gossips...

"Your boyfriend is hot," Mehek told me.

Veer was hanging out nearby. He was mostly being left alone, and being bored. But it didn't look like he minded it much. I did keep glancing at him now and then. To make sure he was okay.

"He is not exactly my boyfriend," I told the girls.

"Huh?" Pooja asked.

"He totally is," Mehek said.

"Yeah. We are not blind. We can see the way you look at each other."

"Yeah. The way he looks at you and the way you look at him." Mehek said.

I looked back at Veer. He was standing staring at me. He smiled when I looked at him. My heart started to beat harder again.

"He is not my boyfriend," I told the girls, turning back to them. "He is more than that," I added quietly. He was. So much more. He is my everything right now. And that is why I can't risk anything with him.

The girls left at 6. They had a return flight to catch. I waved them bye, as Veer came and stood behind me.

"Tired?" he asked me.

I turned to him and shook my head. I have never been less tired ever.

"Good." He smiled. "Now...you got to do girl shopping. You got your hang with your friends. Next, you got to go on a date with a boy." He gave me a smart smile.

"Do I get to choose the guy?" I asked back.

"No." he shook his head.

I laughed. "That's unfair," I said.

"Okay." He said. "I will ask properly then. Gauri, will go on a date with me?"

I laughed. "Yes," I said. So dramatic. He laughed.

He took me to the ice rink in Ambiance Mall. I did have told Veer once that I liked skating. He remembered. But I skated after such a long time that I was out of touch. Veer was not that good either. We had to hold our hand, and most of the time, we collided with each other. But it was fun. Really fun... I laughed, and I yelped when I fell down and my naked legs came in contact with ice. Maybe not that good of a time to have worn a dress. But it was still fun.

And Veer sometimes pulled me closer to him to get a balance. And we look into each other's eyes. And I feel my insides clench again. It was like I was becoming another person. Not Jai. And it was okay to feel this way about Veer while I was this other person, this girl.

It was okay to let my heart run wild and bring out everything I had buried in my heart for two full years.

Yeah.... For two full years.

He didn't know I was a girl, I knew I was a girl and that he was a boy, and that we were becoming really really close. I had never let my mind go to these thoughts for him. I had held them back so strongly... Locked them deep inside. All those accumulated slips of my mind in the past two years, all were logged in with details and held deep inside in some corner. I had held them bound back strongly.

I couldn't anymore.

He was making me feel so special from this morning. Doing all this for me. And now he was looking at me with those eyes. I felt like I am melting. Like I just wanted to melt. It was like fire lit inside my body melting me all over. I felt scared of the intensity of my emotions again. I stepped away from him.

I looked at her confused. It was like someone took something away from me when she stepped away from me. I wanted her near me. Close...

"I feel hungry." She suddenly said.

I looked at my watch. It was 8:30. "Let's go," I told her. I held out my hand. She didn't immediately take my hand. I looked up in confusion. I thought we were going in this holding hand thing so naturally. I even felt hurt that she did not take my hand.

"Gauri..." I called. The name did not feel that unfamiliar to my lips now that I had been calling her that the whole day. In fact, I even liked that name.

She took my hand. Okay...

"Are you okay?" I asked her. She was acting weird.

She nodded.

"Let's go eat," I said.

We slid into a booth in a pizza hut. Jai frowned. "Aren't we supposed to be on a date?" She asked.

"Well, I am 17. This is the date I can afford." I told her. She laughed.

It's more like if I ever have a real date; if me and Jai, if WE ever hate a real date, this is the kind of place we will probably go, I guess. I wanted to make this feel as real as possible. She seemed to get that.

She was already looking through the menu card.

But she was strangely silent during the whole dinner. I was starting to wonder if it was a bit too much for a day. Maybe she feels uneasy about being outside dressed as a girl. She was not okay with this idea in the first place. Maybe it was time to head home.

I could not concentrate on what I was eating. My emotions were a mess. An internal fight was going on. I tried to convince myself of all the reasons I needed to stay away from Veer. But then, him being near me was breaking away all resolutions and making me restless. Like something is drawing me to Veer.

It was confusing. It was messed up.

My plan was to walk home. It was not that far. And it can act as a nice nighttime stroll. It was a nice plan. Except that Jai was way too silent.

"Did you not enjoy today?" I asked her nervously.

"No. I did." She said, looking distracted. "Thanks."

"Then why are you..." I did not know the word – unhappy? Distracted? Lost?

"Are you feeling unwell?" I asked her. She did not reply.

"Gauri..." I called. She paused and looked at me. "You okay?"

He is calling me 'Gauri' again. It's making me feel that I am not Jai. He is distancing me from Jai who is not allowed to have feelings for Veer. And by that, he is making it feel like it was okay for Gauri to feel this way about him. I am Gauri now... a girl. And I can't stop feeling this way about the most important boy in my life. I wanted him. I wanted him to want me. As cheesy and embarrassing as this sound, I wanted to melt in his arms.

Suddenly it began to rain.

Oh shit. Rain...

Veer grabbed my hand and ran to get away from the rain.

I could not find any tree or bus stop to hide under. But there was an ATM nearby. It was a small booth. I pushed open the door and took Jai inside with me and closed the door. We did kind of get wet because of the rain. So as the AC in the ATM room hit, it gave me a shiver. Besides, it was a small room. So I had to cramp closer to Jai. I checked the rain to see if it was going to stop any soon.

Veer was so close. I looked up at his face. He was not looking at me. He was looking outside. His hair had water drops stuck to it. His cheeks and neck had some water too. My eyes fell to his light brown skin, his jawline, his Adam's apple, his neck... The droplets of water on the strands of hair which fell to his forehead.

"I don't think the rain is going to stop any soon," I said, turning to Jai. I froze. Too close... I had to hold my breath.

I stepped back involuntarily.

She grabbed the edge of my jacket. She was looking down, avoiding my eyes. But she certainly grabbed the end of my jacket. As if asking me to not move back. I was not sure if she meant exactly that. But I wanted to take a chance. I stepped closer to her. There was tension in the air. It felt like we both were holding breath. The rain splashed onto the glass door of the ATM booth. Time stood still.

Then she looked up at me. And every doubt, every fear, every hesitation in me vanished. Evaporated. Like they never existed.

I was sure now.

"There is one more thing I missed out while being a boy," I told him, in a soft voice. He looked curious. "I have not got a chance of a first kiss," I said.

And edged closer.

I pressed her against the wall as my lips found hers. As my inside erupted in thousand fireworks. I kissed her. My Jai. My Gauri. I loved her. I was in love with her. So much that it almost hurt. I didn't care about anything else. I wanted her. She was mine. All along.

I put my hand on her shoulder and pulled her close as I kissed her. I let my emotions take full control of me. There was no reason to hold back anymore. I let my feelings go wild. Pulling her lips in, urging for more. I needed more. I wanted closer...I held her closer and deepened the kiss.

Now, this felt like melting. I clutched the hem of Veer's jacket tightly and had my eyes pressed shut as his intense kiss was making me feel crazy and dizzy. I kissed him back, edging up, hungrily. I have never felt this insanely out of control before. I wanted to just be Veer's. Everything else just vanished from my mind. I wanted Veer to make me his possession or something. The lust in me was alarming.

I could feel my mind getting to places I would have trouble returning from. I had to stop at some point. If this goes on, it's going to get a bit complicated. Firstly, this was an ATM room. Second, it was Jai. I can't unleash my lust on her. Not yet.

So after a point, I stepped back. It took all my effort to step back. But I did. And we both were so damn breathless. I panted looking at her. I still could feel the overwhelming rush of emotions in me for her.

I didn't like that the kiss ended. But guess, it lasted long enough. I looked outside. The rain had stopped.

"The rain stopped," I told Veer.

He nodded. I was slowly getting back to reality. We kissed. Veer and I. Veer and I kissed. OMFG.

I opened the door of the ATM room and walked out.