Chapter 15

I was bleeding. I was bleeding very badly. It hurt and it felt like my shoulder was on fire. The ambulance I was on was moving very fast. And I could barely keep my eyes open. I was panting for life. Maybe I am about to die.

"Gauri..." I could hear someone's voice. "Gauri... can you hear me?"

It was Keerthi didi's voice. I forced myself to stay awake. I opened my eyes. I wanted to know how come she was there. And if she was there, did that mean that things are okay now. Am I not going to die? But then...I was shot. With a bullet. I was freaking shot with a bullet. How is that I am going to be okay...? Everything just hurt.

"Gauri... Gauri, Listen to me," Keerthi didi said. "You are going to be okay. We are taking you to a hospital."

I nodded. Someone who looked like a paramedic came to me and flashed a light in my eyes. "Can you tell me how many fingers I am holding?" He held up some fingers. I could not see clearly. "Four...." I said.

"It's two," he said. "Do you remember your name?" he asked me.

"Jai..." I said.

"That's an acceptable answer." Keerthi didi seemed to be saying.

"Do you remember what happened?" The paramedic asked me.

The last few hours had been a blur. I tried to remember.

It was Happy's birthday. 31st December. So we were going to celebrate Happy's birthday along with the New Year's party. We had all gathered in the cafeteria after the classes. But there were no candles to put on the cake. I remember telling Varun that I will run to the store down the town and buy the candles. I had walked out alone.

What time was it now? It seemed like a lot of time had passed. "What time is it?" I managed to ask.

"It's 7," Keerthi didi said.

I had left the party at about 4 pm. When was I shot?? Was I unconscious all this while??? How much did I bleed out?? I am going to die, am not I?

Happy was jumping around in a dance, with a cone hat. I looked at Varun.

"Did you see Jai?" I asked.

"Nope. The last I saw him was when he left to buy the candles." Varun said to me. "He must be back by now. He probably will be hanging out with some junior girls or something."

I hope so. He usually does that lately.

"We should cut the cake," Dhruv said. "We got the candles now anyway."

"Where did you get it from?" I asked.

"From some class 9 students. They had some left from someone's birthday party. So let's just cut the cake."

"But Jai..." I said.

"Try calling him. I will call Happy. Let's cut the cake. EVERYONE," Dhruv called out. "Cake cutting time."

I took my phone to call Jai. The ring went on but no one was picking up. Odd... She would not ignore my call. She knows that I will get worried. But people were crowding around a table now to cut the cake. I joined with others. Ayisha joined me. She lightly took my hand. "What's wrong?" She asked. "You look tensed."

"We can't find Jai," I told her. "And he is not picking up his phone either."

"He will be fine." She squeezed my hand. "Jai is a big boy. What will happen to him? Maybe he went back to hostel..."

I hope. She squeezed my hand again. "Hey, he will be fine." She said. "Join the fun." I smiled at her and joined in with the cake cutting of Happy. Happy was looking really happy. Happier than usual. We clapped as he cut the cake and then Varun smeared him with the icing. The usual birthday pranks.

Later we all sat down at a table to eat some cake and chips and stuff, and hand Happy his birthday gifts. Happy was opening the gifts. Ayisha and I held a hand under the table. She was looking really nice tonight. She smiled at me. I smiled back at her.

I was wearing an oxygen mask now. And we were still on the roads. I pushed the oxygen mask away. "Where are we going?" I asked Keerthi didi. She was holding my hand and rubbing my palm. "Somewhere safe," She told me. "You will be fine, Gauri... We are taking you away from here. You will be in no danger now."

I was going away...

"Forever?" I asked.

"Yes," Keerthi didi said. "We have to hide you in a much safer place now."

I was going away forever...

"Veer," I mumbled to Keerthi didi. "He doesn't know. I have to tell him." I said, or more like managed to say. It hurt to talk.

"I will tell him later." She said.

"No. Now..." I said, trying to sit up.

"Gauri..." Keerthi didi pushed me back. "You can't get up."

"I have to talk to him," I said. "He will panic."

"I will call him. I will call him now. Okay..." She said, fetching her phone from her pocket. I noticed her hand was smeared with blood. My blood. Keerthi didi's hand shook as she made the call...

Happy was opening my gift when my mobile began to ring. I looked at my phone. It was Keerthi ma'am. I took the call confused. Why was she calling me?

"Hello..." I said. "Keerthi ma'am..."

"Veer," her voice was careful through the phone. It gave me a slight warning that something is not right. But it never did prepare me for what she said next. "Listen carefully okay," She continued in a soft and calm voice. "Gauri...has been shot."

It did not make sense.

"What?" I asked softly.

"Gauri... she is hurt. She has been shot."

I jumped up. The others looked at me. My hands and legs were going cold and numb. As if blood was draining from me. This is not some cruel prank, is it???

"She is alive. We are taking her to a hospital." Keerthi ma'am said.

"No..." I whispered. My mind was going blank. Jai was shot. As in a bullet??? Horror washed through me. Ayisha caught my hand. "Veer, what's wrong?" Ayisha asked worriedly. What's wrong? The world had just fallen apart.

"Is she going to be okay?" I asked on the phone.

"She lost a lot of blood." Keerthi didi said. What was that supposed to mean? She was supposed to tell me that Jai was okay. That she will live. That she will be fine. She was supposed to tell me that.

I could sense from Keerthi didi's voice that the conversation was not going okay. He was totally panicking. I knew he would. I can't do this to him. He needs to hear my voice to know I am fine. I need to tell him that I am fine.

"I'll talk to him," I managed to say. It still took all my effort to stay awake, and it still hurt to talk.

"Gauri..." didi said.

"Hand me the phone," I said. "I will talk to him. I need to talk to him."

Keerthi didi held the phone to my ear.

"Veer," I called.

"Veer," Jai's voice spoke. But her voice was so feeble. I clutched the phone tighter in my hand.

"Jai..." I called desperately. I did not care that everyone around me was watching me. "Jai..." I called desperately, my eyes filling up.

"Listen..." She said. "I got a bit hurt, okay? But I will be fine. I am going to be fine."

Only when I heard her voice that life seemed to come back to me. "Where are you?" I asked, desperately. I just wanted to be near her. See her with my own eyes and make sure that she was okay.

"They are taking me to a hospital." She said.

"I will come at once. Where are they taking you? I will come at once." I said.

"I don't know where they are taking me."

"Hand the phone to Keerthi ma'am," I said. I dried my tears. I can go to her. I will go to her. She is going to be okay. I just want to teleport myself to her at this moment.

Keerthi ma'am voice spoke next. "Hello..."

"Where are you taking her? I will come." I said.

"No, Veer. You can't come."

"What?" I asked. She is kidding me right???

"We are taking her to a safe place, Veer. She will be safe. Trust me. So please relax."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked. "Jai was shot. I NEED to see her. You can't stop me from seeing her."

"Veer, calm down." She said. "We can't tell you her location now."

"NO," I yelled, walking a few steps away from the table. "I am coming. I NEED TO SEE HER. YOU CAN'T MAKE ME STAY AWAY. It's Jai. I have to see her." They can't make me stay away when Jai is hurt. "She is my..." She is my what – family, brother, best friend, girlfriend? I realized she was way above all that. "She is my...Jai" was what came out. "Please..."

"Veer... I get you. But it's not safe for Gauri." Keerthi ma'am said. "The people who shot her, her uncle's men, are still around the school. They could follow you. Do you want to put her in further danger? Is that what you want??"

I was torn.

"You can't, Veer," Keerthi didi said. "Trust me. We will keep Gauri safe. You coming here will not help her at all."

I felt like someone put a rock inside my stomach. It hurt, it was a burden, a weight. I couldn't move. I was helpless. I was tied...

"Can I at least talk to her again?" I asked, feebly.

"She is really weak right now. She is barely conscious." Keerthi ma'am said. That just further slashed me. "But, she wants to talk to you. Here..." She said.

"Veer," Jai's voice came to me.

I sat down on the floor hearing her voice. I could not feel the strength in my legs to stand up. I leaned against the cafeteria bench as I sat on the ground. "Jai... Gauri..." I called.

"Hm?"

"Don't die..."

"I won't..."

"Promise me you will get better," I added.

"I promise." She said. I clutched the phone tighter.

"Veer..." she called me.

"Hm?" I asked, as tenderly, as affectionately as I can, as the love for her filled in every bit of my heart and mind. "What is it, baby?"

"It hurts. Really badly." Iclosed my eyes tightly. "When we see in movies, people do really fine evenafter getting shot, right? That's bullshit." She said with a laugh. I laughedthrough my tear. "But it hurts pretty badly." She said. I clutched the phone tighter.My eyes shedding tears again.

"And Veer..." I called. I remembered only now that I have never told him. I needed to tell him. I didn't want to die, but if I die, he will never know.

"Yeah?" His voice through the phone was soothing.

"I love you," I said.

It shattered me. I wanted to just somehow make myself appear by her side and take her into my arms and shower her with kisses, or lay by her side, taking her in my arms while she is in pain. I cried into the phone.

"I love you too..." I said. "More than anyone and anything in the world."

And that was it. The phone went silent.

"Jai... Jai..." I called panicked.

Keerthi ma'am's voice spoke next. "She went unconscious, Veer." She said.

I felt hurt and torn. I wanted to be with her. Near her. I wanted to hold her hand.

"I will keep you updated, okay?" She told me. I nodded. "Bye..." She hung up the call. I left my phone on the ground and just sat there. I could not bring myself to stand up.

It was Ayisha who came to my side. Her gentle hands went through my shoulder. It felt really soothing then. I looked at her. "Jai..." I tried to tell her. I tried to tell her that MY Jai was hurt.

"Jai will be fine." Ayisha squeezed my shoulder. "She will be okay."

I nodded.

"Wait a second." Happy was the one who spoke. His voice was sharp. "Am I the only one who does not understand the situation??? What the FUCK is going on?? Why is Jai being addressed as 'she'?"

I didn't have the strength to deal with this.

"Why was Veer calling Jai 'baby'?" Dhruv asked with a 'that's so atrocious' kind of tone.

"Yeah. It was weird. And what was the love confession???" Varun asked.

I didn't want to deal with this right now. Jai was hurt. And I can't even be near her. But thankfully Ayisha stood up and faced the boys. "Don't you get it?" She asked. "Jai is a girl."

"What?" Varun snapped.

"That doesn't even make sense," Dhruv said.

"Ayisha, you have lost it." Happy was saying. "Jai is a dude. We know him. He is a guy."

"No. I also thought that way." Ayisha said. "But...now it all makes sense. Veer, you were never gay, were you? All this while you were in love with a girl. Because Jai was a girl. No. Jai IS a girl."

"What nonsense." Happy yelled. "Someone shut her up. Our Jai is a guy. A total dude. Why is she suddenly making him a girl??"

I dried my tears and stood up. I turned to the boys. "Jai is a girl, guys," I said. Maybe it was time they knew the truth. "Her real name is Gauri. She had to pretend to be a guy for a while. Because of some reasons. Because she was not safe. Now...she was shot. She is hurt. She is okay, she is being taken to a hospital." This was all the explanation I could manage at that time. I was not feeling up to sit there and answer their questions and doubts. I turned around and walked out.

I stayed in my room. Our room. Jai's empty bed just seemed to be pricking me with a knife the whole time. I could not sleep because I was worried sick. She has got to be alright. She just...has to be.

I didn't feel like going to classes. So I stayed in.

I didn't know what to do. So I called my mom. She picked up the call, surprisingly.

"Veer..." She asked.

"What's the probability of life to death to someone who got shot by a bullet?" I asked her.

"What?" She asked, surprised. "Is this for some science project or..."

"Just tell me."

"Well, it depends on where the bullet went through."

Oh, shit... I didn't even ask her where was she shot at?

"If it's head or chest, near the heart..." Mom said. "Then death is most probable. Why?"

"They will live if it's not at head or heart, right?" I asked.

"Well... it also depends on how much blood they lost. Why are you asking this???"

Keerthi ma'am had mentioned how much blood she lost. I was again panicking.

"Veer... Are you okay, beta?" She asked, concerned.

"Jai was shot," I mumbled.

"Oh MY GOD..." She said appalled. "Is he okay..."

"I don't know." I cried. I wanted my mother then.

"Okay, calm down...Veer. Jai will be fine." She said. "Can you give me his details? Maybe I can contact the hospital he is in and talk to his doctor."

I don't know which hospital she is in. "It's okay, mom," I said. "His family took him. I don't exactly know where he is."

"Oh, baby..." Mom called me in a worried voice. "Are 'you' okay? I know he is like a brother to you..."

"Mom..." I called her.

"Hm?"

"I never appreciated the doctor's profession. Because of my hatred for you and dad, I had scorned the profession. But I so damn want some doctors to save Jai now. I can give someone anything to save Jai now. So I just wanted to know that I really appreciate your work. Your and dads."

"Oh Veer..." She said.

I just wanted to tell her that.

"I will call you later," I told her.

"Okay. Keep me updated." She said.

"I will," I said.

I waited. I tried calling Keerthi ma'am again. But her phone was coming unavailable.

By afternoon, I got a return call from Keerthi ma'am. I picked up the call. "Hello."

"Veer..."

"How is she?"

"Her operation is over. She is going to be okay, Veer. She is out of danger."

Oh, thank god. I felt happy tears in my eyes on that. "Can I see her?" I asked again.

"I am afraid that can't happen, Veer." Keerthi ma'am said. "As I said the school is being watched. Probably you are beige watched as well. They found her through you in the first place. "

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"It's not your fault, Veer," She said.

No. I wanted to know this now. "What? How?" I asked. Did I cause some danger to Jai which I did not even realize?

"It's..." Keerthi ma'am seemed to be hesitating.

"No. Tell me." I asked. "How did they find her anyway?"

"They had a suspicion of the area because of my phone call records anyway. But when they did not find Gauri there they had stopped searching for her. But then..."

"The what?"

"They made Pooja and Mehek talk. You know, Gauri's old friends. But it's not like they wanted to talk. They didn't know they were telling the secret to the enemy. They were tricked. They sent a girl as a spy to them. They ended up telling that girl about how they met Gauri during the Navrathri holidays. And they did not know where Gauri was or anything about her cover, since you did not tell them. But they had seen you. So they did talk about you. They knew your name. And... Well... Gauri's uncle's people searched for CCTV footage of you two from that day. And they had your name and your image, how you look."

I was feeling really really sick inside now. I caused this? Jai did not even want to have a break day. It was all my idea. I felt so horrible with guilt now that I did not know how I was going to manage this.

"And well, they had doubt about the school anyway. So they searched for you instead of Gauri Rai Choudhari in the school. And they found Veer Malik was enrolled in the school. So... They just had to keep checking your surroundings to notice Gauri."

I felt something clenching me down.

"I... I..."

"It was not your fault, Veer." Keerthi ma'am said.

"No. It is..." I said. "I can never... If I had never taken her outside that day, if we never arranged that meeting with her friends..."

"It was partially my fault as well. I allowed you to take her outside that day. You had asked for my permission. And it was me who arranged the meeting with her friends. So it's my fault than your fault. So don't blame yourself. I am sure Pooja and Mehek might also be feeling terrible now. Even when they did not know what they were doing when they spilt information about her." She said. "And we should be thankful that we found Gauri in time. That I knew about the whole thing beforehand."

"How did you know?"

"We planted a spy in her uncle's team." She said. "So he informed us that they had found Gauri and were going to attack. I moved at once. I came to Dehradun on the next flight with our people. But by the time we reached, she was already shot, and had lost a lot of blood."

"Where was she shot?"

"On the shoulder. It could have been on her heart. She just got lucky I guess. She lost a lot of blood. But the bullet was nowhere near the heart. So there were not many complications."

"She is okay now though, right?" I asked.

"Yes." She said. "the doctors said she will wake up in a day. Her vitals are stable."

I nodded.

"Veer..." Keerthi ma'am called.

"Yes."

"After she wakes up, we have to shift her elsewhere. Somewhere her uncle does not find out."

Yeah. I knew. That was safer for Jai. I understood. "Okay..."

"We can't tell you the location." She said.

"You mean... I can't meet her?" I asked. No. No way... I was already planning to go visit her at the hospital.

"No. Veer. As I told. You might be being watched." She said. "We can't risk it. Even your calls might be traced. So we can't be letting you contact her either."

"No." I jumped up. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Veer, you can't see her until she turns 18 and all this mess is sorted out." She said.

"That's like seven months away," I yelled at Keerthi ma'am. "Are you telling me that I can't see her or talk to her for seven months???" Seven months???

"Maybe even longer than that."

"NO," I yelled. "No. You know what. I want to see her. I want to see her now."

"Veer..."

"I don't care. I want to see her now. Right now. Tell me which hospital she is in."

"We can't, Veer." Her voice was strict. "And I already told you the reason. Do you want to put her life in danger again???"

And my hands and legs were tied again. It felt excruciating. The fact that I can't see her for seven months. Or longer than that... But the fact was that I could not put Jai's life in danger again. Her safety was above everything to me. I can't...I just can't....risk it again.

"Okay," I said. "I... I will not insist."

"Okay, Veer." She said. "And... also... Thanks for everything you have done for Gauri till now."

I did not do it for her 'thank you'. I probably love Gauri more than Keerthi ma'am ever did. No. I love Gauri more than anyone in this world loves her.

"Just promise me you will keep her safe," I said to Keerthi ma'am.

"I will, Veer," She said. "I promise. We all are trying our best."

I nodded even when she can't see it over the phone. "Okay... then..." I said. I guess this is it.

"Hm... Take care, Veer," she hung up.

I dropped back to my bed.

In the evening, the guys came into my room. They looked hesitating.

"She is okay now," I told them. "The operation went fine. She is out of danger."

They nodded. They came to me.

"So..." Varun asked hesitating, "Jai was actually a girl?"

I nodded.

"No freaking way," he said stunned.

"And you always knew?" Dhruv asked me.

"No," I said. "I found out about it at the beginning of this school year. Actually at sports meet."

"So even you did not know for two years?" Varun asked sitting down on the bed.

"Yup. I had no idea."

"Ffffffuuukkk," Varun said, totally stunned.

Happy seemed to really silent. I could understand his shock. He was really close with Jai. He might be feeling betrayed. Like I had.

"Guy... It's not like she wanted to do this. She had no choice." I said. I looked at Happy, "Happy, I know how you must be feeling. But trust me, she did care for all of you. She did consider all of you her friends. It was not an issue of trust or whatever. She did not mean to hurt any of you in any way. She really did not have a choice."

"What's the story?" Dhruv asked. "We would like to know."

I nodded. So I began to tell them the story of Gauri Rai Choudhari – the girl who lost both her parents at the young age of 15 and was in danger to her life. The guys listened.

"Jai had this much sad past?" Happy asked almost in tears. "I never knew. He never showed. He was always so happy."

"Yeah," I said. "She should be awarded Oscar award for acting. Always the perfect actor."

"I miss him already," Varun said. "It feels weird that he is not here. I mean, we all are here and he is not. This feels like so much like a void."

Ask me. They won't be feeling any worse than I felt.

"By the way..." Sahil asked. "The 'I love you' part from the phone conversation kind of stayed in mind. So...where you guys like together???"

I shrugged. Were we? Were we not? It was never official.

"But he is with Ayisha." Happy suddenly said.

"Yeah. But he freaking went ballistic when Jai was shot. Any fool can see it's not friendship. I mean didn't you hear the conversation?" Dhruv said. He turned me. "And I can totally get it. You guys were so damn close. You were like brothers... Oh...wait, does that make her your sister?"

"No," I said. Then to the guys' horror, I added. "We've kissed."

Their mouth hung open. "Wait..." I said. "Before you judge me or anything... I need to show you all this."

I took my mobile and fetched the photo from Jai's girl day. I held out her photo in zoom to the guys.

"That's Jai???" Happy's eyes went wide. I smiled. "Yeah," I said, handing the boys my phone. They went through the photo with wide eyes and open mouths, more or less speechless.

"She is like...pretty," Varun said amazed.

"I know," I said.

"Well, I had always felt Jai looked like a girl though," Sahil said. "Now it makes sense."

"So when is he coming back?" Happy asked me giving me my phone back. I tensed.

"She is not coming back guys," I said. "She can't."

The boys went tensed on this as well.

"Forever?" Happy asked me. "You mean we won't be able to see him ever??"

I did not know the answer to that.

"He fucking left even without a proper goodbye." Happy cried. I noticed that he had tears in his eyes. "We didn't even get to say goodbye."

I know. Neither did I...