Chapter 8

"I hate exams," I said as I stuffed my bag with the textbooks. "I hate hate hate exams." I grunted with each 'hate'.

"There is no one in this world who will love exams." Jai said, leaning to the table "Everybody hates exams."

"Well, not as much as I hate exams," I said. They came as a reminder of everything my parents expect from me. And the marks determine what type of lecture I was to expect from them. Exams mean dealing with parents. That is the only time they show any interest in me. It makes me feel sick.

"Funny how you perform so well despite hating exams," Jai smirked.

"It's not like I want to get so good marks," I said flinging the bag over my shoulder. Jai shook his head with a smile and turned to his bag and tried to stuff his big IITJEE guide in the bag. It did not fit. So he took out his brown notebook. And the old photo of his girl image fell to the floor. I went and picked it up. The sight of it still fascinates me.

"Don't you miss it though?" I asked Jai.

"Miss what?" he asked.

"The old you?" I asked handing him the photo back. He stuffed it into the notebook.

"Kind of." He said.

It would be a lie if I say I did not miss being me – Gauri. I was okay with being Jai. I liked Jai. I was comfortable as Jai. But I did miss my old self sometimes. I missed everything of the past. I missed daddy. I missed Pooja and Mehek, my best friends from my old school. I missed my house. It would be a lie if I am to say that I did not miss anything.

I saw Veer looking at me.

I gave him a smile. "Let's go. Or we're gonna be late for the exams." I told him.

We walked out. When we reached the classroom, students were crowded around studying in groups. We moved to our guys. Happy was making cheat sheets. I jumped at the opportunity. "Cool," I growled at him. "One for me as well."

"No. No... there are no copies." Happy said.

"But you are sharing with me, right?" I asked. I turned to Veer, "You will show me your answer sheet, right?"

"If it's safe." He said. That's enough. He hit my head with the book. "Don't get caught."

I won't. And I did study a bit this time. Just that Organic Chemistry always makes me want to puke. And hanging out with guys have its own benefits. Guys are more flexible than girls about cheating in exams.

Proving my point Anjali of our class looked over at us and said, "Guys, cheating your way in exams is not going to get you anywhere. I mean, later in your life, the cheat sheets are not going to get you anywhere."

"Oh shut up Anjali," Happy said to her. "I have never seen any adult make use of organic chemistry in their daily life ever. So there is no use in studying this crap anyway."

I laughed out loud. He was right. I don't see the need of studying organic chemistry either. I was going to manage my dad's, I mean, my company in the future if everything goes well. I can understand the need for maths in my life, as I might need maths to manage a few accounts. But then yeah... I don't see why I will ever need to learn organic chemistry.

Indian study system sucks. If only they teach me stuff that will help me in school. Stuff like how to deal with an evil uncle who wants to kill you. Stuff like law or how to fight back.

"So, how is it going people?" Varun asked coming to us. He put a hand around my shoulder as He looked down to Happy's cheat sheets. "Oh, those look good." He commented.

My eyes went up from my book to Varun's hand over Jai's shoulder. It bothered me.

Lately, it always bothered me when other guys touch her. I know that they think of her as a boy, and used to fling their arm around Jai or push her shoulder or touch casually all the time before and all. But it bothers me now. Like the same way, it bothered me when I found Varun and Jai sleeping beside each other. It stings something inside. I don't know why exactly though. I hope it is not jealousy. It surely may not be that... I pushed that dangerous thought away.

Maybe I am worried that they will find out that she is a girl. Or maybe this is some crazy protective instinct. Coz I get that a lot lately. I am protective of Jai. I had always been protective about Jai. Because of his whole - 'his life is in danger' thing going on. But ever since I had found that Jai is a girl, I have been feeling more protective than ever.

I know that I can't keep Jai away from boys and I should not coz that's insane. But it's better if the physical contact is as less as possible.

So I got up and pulled Jai to me, making Varun's hand fall off from her shoulder. That's better.

Jai looked at me questioningly. "Make sure you study this question," I showed her my book as a cover for my action. "It's going to come in the exam for sure."

The next day, I was walking to class with some study printouts in my hand when I bumped into someone and the printouts fell down.

"Oh my god, Veer, I am so sorry," The girl I bumped into said. Then only I noticed that it was Ayisha. She sat down on the floor and began to pick up the printouts. I joined her immediately. Feeling flustered in the presence of Ayisha, as usual. She was looking really pretty as usual. And I was as usual tongue-tied.

"I am really sorry." She repeated, "I did not see you."

"It's okay," I said. She gave me a smile. Ayisha's smile is really really pretty.

We got up as we picked up all the printouts, she handed me the printouts she picked up. Her finger brushed with me in the process. I hope I did not blush. She smiled again.

"See you around then," she said, drawing her long hair to the back of her ears. And she walked out of the class. I watched her walking away, and then after some seconds, looked back into class. Jai was looking at me with the naughty devil expression.

Okay, I am doomed. I will be teased for ages now...

I walked into the class and joined Jai.

"What?" I asked Jai. She had this teasing smirk.

"You are a dumbass," Jai said to me.

I frowned.

"You let the perfect opportunity just slip by," Jai said. "I mean, how hard it can be to just properly talk to her? All you said to her was 'it's okay'. You did not even say 'thank you' after she helped you pick up the printouts. But I guess it's progress because 'it's okay' is two words. Congratulations."

Is did not even say 'thank you'?? Crap...

"How difficult is it to talk with a girl??" Jai asked me.

"What am I supposed to talk with her?" I asked. "I don't know what to talk about with her." I mean, when she is in front of me, I can't think of anything and all I think of will be dumb things.

"Ask her out," Jai said as if it's not a big deal. "Hey... I totally forgot." She clutched her head. "We had a bet, didn't we? If I come under top 5 in any event in sports day, you were supposed to ask her out."

Yeah...I had totally forgotten about that too n the whole 'Jai is a girl' event.

"I totally won that bet. So...ask her out." Jai said. "For a movie."

"How?" I asked.

"You say - 'Hey, Ayisha...would you like to go for a movie with me?' How hard is that?"

"Out of the blue. Just like that?" I asked.

"Yeah. Out of the blue, just like that. She knows you like her, you dumbo." Jai hit my hand. "All you need is to ask her out. She will say yes. And you two will go on a date."

"And then what am I supposed to talk with her at the date?" I asked Jai.

"I don't know. You figure that out. I am not going to follow you to your date and give you instructions on how and what to talk about." Jai said.

I sank to my seat. She was right. But that is exactly why I was scared to ask Ayisha out. What if I make a total fool of myself and she hates me? I have never done this before. I was just 17. Is there a training guide on how to act on first dates? The thought of Ayisha and me being alone and talking freaks me out.

Maybe I should have dated a few other girls in the past and have a bit of practice. Some not-important girls. So that it would be okay even if I mess up. Coz I did not want to mess up with Ayisha.

Jai shook her head at me. "You are hopeless." She concluded.

He is hopeless.

Some days later, Jai and I were standing in the school corridor. The Exam had ended. After about two weeks it was the Navrathri holidays. I was thinking of reminding Jai about that. My eyes fell on Ayisha and her friends sitting at the steps. Ayisha and her friends were talking, laughing about something. I watched Ayisha for a while...

"Ask her out," Jai whispered to me.

"Do I have to?" I asked. I was wondering that after that talk with Jai that day...

"What?" Jai asked.

"Maybe I don't want to," I said, concluding...

I was confused about Ayisha now. I mean, I didn't know what I want. I did like her. But even before, the idea of a date with her have freaked me out. It was like, I was never at ease around her. She made me nervous. I used to think that was good since that means I like her that much. Now I was not so sure. I was not even sure if want to date Ayisha. No. I still liked her and all. But if the idea of a date with her is giving me stress, was it even worth it? If I don't even know what to talk about with her, why was I even bothering?

"What do you mean you don't want to? Don't you like her anymore?" Jai asked.

I shrugged. Things are confusing.

"Hm..." Jai said looking away.

He surely doesn't look at her a lot like he used to. Earlier he used to look at her like three hundred times a day. Now it's barely five or four times a day. Though he still behaves like an idiot when she is in front of him.

"Hm?" I asked.

Jai didn't say, but I felt the need to explain. "I mean I do like Ayisha and think she is pretty awesome. But... I don't feel any rush. Things are good enough now."

"Are you sure?" Jai asked me.

"Yeah..." I said. "Really."

I like how easy it is with Jai. How easy it is to talk with her. I don't have to worry before I talk with her. I don't have to be bothered about messing up or think about what she will think of me. But then, that is because it's Jai.

I guess I will confess my feelings and date them when I find someone like Jai. Someone I am totally at ease with. Someone, I don't get nervous around. Someone I can talk to. Someone I feel peaceful with. Like I feel with Jai.

Like how we are standing here. There is silence between us. We are not even talking. Yet this felt totally at ease, perfect in its own sense.

I turned to look at Jai casually. But her expression caught my interest. I followed Jai's gaze. She was looking at Ayisha and her friends. Ayisha and the team were all looking at and testing what appeared to be a lip gloss bottle. I looked back at Jai. She was looking at the lip gloss bottle with a bit adoring eyes. That bottle was this glass kind of looking cylinder with pink glossy stuff in it. The kind that girls might like. And find cute or whatever.

Does Jai like it too?

Jai indeed was looking at the bottle as the girls tested it on their lips and all... Jai sighed. She seemed to have forgotten my presence. I touched her hand, she looked at me. She looked a bit sad. Then she smiled all of a sudden, to cover her actual feelings, I guess. "Let's go to class." She said, "The bell is about to ring."

While walking back, I turned and looked at the girls. They looked really happy about that little lip gloss bottle, and they seemed to love it. And our school girls normally have many cosmetics and make-up stuff like that.

I have never given a thought about it before but, I guess, as a girl, Jai might want things like that too. I remembered her photo from two years back. She was wearing makeup in it. So I guess she was into those things before. I guess Jai have to hold back on many things because she is a guy now.

It's not like I am a big fan of makeup. I mean, I don't even understand why girls put those on and paint their faces. But yeah, Ayisha does look prettier with makeup. I don't deny that. And I guess the bottles and tubes and stuff are kinds of the type girls will get attracted to. So I guess, as long as Jai is indeed a female inside her boy act, she is sort of attracted to that stuff as well. But she has to hide her identity and gender. So she can't even hold that bottle in her hand or examine.

I tried to think in reverse. If I had to pretend that I was a girl, that thought revolted me. I was sure I can't manage to pretend that I am a girl for even an hour. But I tried to push through and think of it if I had to pretend that I am a girl, an actual girlie girl and then pretend that I had no interest in sports, or cool shoes or vehicles... Must be tough.

I looked at Jai. I wondered how much she might be holding back on. It never dawned on me that how difficult this acting might be for her. She has to pretend to be a completely different person 24x7. Each hour, each minute, each second...Must be exhausting.

It feels kind of unfair. Totally unfair. First, her father is murdered, and her life gets threatened, and to keep being alive, she has to pretend to be a boy. For three years. She had been going through this for two years already. How many hours is that???

Enough is enough. It's high time that Jai gets a break sometimes. She deserves a break. And some relaxation and some perks. She was not alone in this anymore.

I wanted to do something for Jai. Anything. So...the idea was to buy her a gift. Some girl stuff. Lipstick or whatever. It's not like she asked for it, but I did see that longing on her face that time. And she does not have to push herself so hard anymore. She can get what she wants to get. If she wants that pink glossy stuff in a bottle, she should get that.

I am going to get her that. But the problem is that I did not know where to buy that girl stuff from. There was no way I am going into a cosmetics shop. That will be freaking weird.

So I think of the stupidest idea ever.

I saw Ayisha sitting alone, in school steps the day after, reading a book. This is insane. But I walked to her and sat near her. She looked up from the book at me surprised. It's not usual that I sit near her. "Hey..." I said.

"Hey..." She told me with a smile. Going good so far. Not getting tongue-tied. Because at least I have an idea of what I want to say to her. I have a motive.

"Em... I need your help." I said. I can do this. Totally... Even when this is kind of like utter embracing and insane.

"What help?" She asked, adjusting her hair. Long beautiful black hair.

"Eh...Actually I need help from a girl, any girl, and I am not that close with many girls. I could have asked someone else. But you seemed like a better option. And well..."

"Just say it, Veer." She said. "It's okay."

"Eh... You know that lip-gloss thing you and your friends had yesterday." I said.

"This?" She pulled it out from her bag, looking confused. "I didn't know boys notice things like this?"

"I don't. I totally don't...just that... I need to buy a gift for someone. A girl...My cousin sister," I added, in case she misunderstands. I don't want her to think that I am buying a gift for another girl. Or that I had an interest in another girl "And I was wondering...where do you buy stuff like that?"

"You are getting your cousin sister a lip gloss as a gift?" Ayisha asked me. "That's too..."

"Odd and creepy for a guy. I know." I said. "But she is totally into makeup and stuff. And she asked for it. She is like only 13 and her parents won't let her buy cosmetics yet and..." Okay, I am a good liar. Where the hell are these lies coming up from? "She is like my real sister. So... And I am close with her." If Ayisha and I ever become close, how in the world am I going to explain to her that the 13-year-old cousin sister did never exist? "And she is kind of unwell so." I looked down.

"Oh... What is wrong with her?"

"She has a minor heart condition. Not that serious but... her parents won't allow her much outside the house, and she does not have many female friends."

Shit...Where is this coming from??

But she seemed to have bought my lie. Ayisha looked so touched. I felt terrible for lying to her. But it kind of slipped out of my tongue before I could stop it. God, I am such a bastard.

"So I wanted to buy her something she would like on her birthday. As I said, she is just turned 13, I mean, she is turning 13 and..." I was going on.

"It's kind of sweet of you," Ayisha said.

"Really?? Thanks," I said. "So you will help me?"

"Depends," She gave me a smart smile.

I looked confused.

"I will tell you where to get this if you buy me a coffee," Ayisha said smiling at me.

Wait, what?? Was she flirting with me???

So was Jai right all along that this girl did have some interest in me?? That she actually knew I had a crush on her and was sending signals or responding or something? I could really use some help from Jai right now. I can imagine Jai's expression on this turn of event.

"Veer?" Ayisha called my name.

"Huh? What... Oh, yeah...coffee. Totally... Come, let's go to the cafeteria." I got up. She got up with me smiling.

So we went to the cafeteria and got coffee. And Ayisha showed me how I can buy the exact same stuff she had from an online site. That was easier. Buying online was way easier.

And we did sort of small talk as well. We have never talked that much ever. She asked if I am really close with this 'cousin sister' of mine. I told her I was. I did feel guilty to lie to her. But the truth is, I was okay with lying to anyone to keep Jai's secret. Anything for Jai.

Then Ayisha and I went on to talk about my house and my family. I told her about my parents and their jobs. Ayisha told me how her father is also a doctor, but her mother did not work. So she had always had time with her mom and was never lonely. She just came to boarding school to get better schooling and better marks. And that she missed her mom and her mom missed her. That they talk on the phone every night for hours...

Ayisha was a really bright sort of person. So I sort of felt there was nothing common between us. Were as for Jai, when she feels sad, I somehow can relate with her... Even when I have not lost my parent in the way Jai has, but... There was something integrally sad about my past, and Jai had too. Her life is worse than mine, yet Jai is always sort of happy and bright...

After a second I realized what I was doing. I was thinking about Jai while I was with Ayisha. Right now, Ayisha and I were 'talking'; actually talking. All that I had dreaded about 'talking' with her was vanishing and we were actually talking. And I was thinking of only Jai???

That is messed up. And confusing.

I was here sitting comparing Ayisha to Jai. Since when do I compare Ayisha to Jai??

But for some reason I felt like for the rest of my life, I was going to compare all the girls I get close to with Jai.

Three days later, the parcel came from the online shopping site. I received it at the dorm front lobby and came back to the room. Jai was bathing. I paused in front of the bathroom door, smelling that smell just for a second. That smell gets to me every time. Even when I try to keep myself stable in the friend zone, the smell affects me.

She came out after some minutes, scrubbing her wet hair with a towel. "Did you order something online?" She asked looking at the parcel box.

I nodded. I was opening the box... "It's for you," I said. "Gift."

"What?" She asked, coming closer. I opened the box and handed her the small bottle of pink lip-gloss. She blinked at it for a second.

"Just because you can't take it outside of this room, or wear it, doesn't mean you can't own one," I said. She looked up. I felt a bit burdened. I mean, I just gave her a gift for no reason.

"Happy birthday," I said.

"It's not my birthday," She said.

"Consider it an early gift," I said, turning around. Avoiding those eyes. Her birthday is not for another 10 months. I picked up the bubble wrap from the parcel box. "Do you need this to pop the bubbles, or shall I throw it away." Changing the topic was easier.

This was awkward.

I kind of felt touched. I really liked this lip-gloss when I saw it with Ayisha. I felt so envious of the girls. I did kind of wish if I was a girl then. I wished if I can be a girl for five minutes at least so I can go over and at least take a better look at this bottle in my hand now. I really liked it back then. I can't believe Veer actually noticed that?

And that he actually bought this for me.

It's so sweet of him. I felt a rush of emotions for him that I forgot everything.

Suddenly I was hugged from behind. I froze...

Don't just hug people. What is wrong with her???

That too just when she has finished taking a bath. I was hit with the smell of shampoo and smell of her...

The good thing was that she always – always – ties up her chest. So I can't feel her boobs press to me or anything. It was a good old flat chest.

"Thanks," she mumbled. Then she stepped back... She always keeps that 'friend' limit in hugging. Even when she was a 'guy'...eh...I mean, even when I thought she was a guy, she ended hugs in about one second. But I was okay with it because it feels weird to hug a friend longer than a second.

I turned to Jai as she left the hug. She was looking at the lip-gloss bottle with a smile.

"Seriously, I was sort of envious of the girls for having this," I said. It felt okay to tell him that. "You know there are a lot of things that I like to have or like to do, but cannot have or do because I am a guy and have to act like a guy..." I sat down on the bed.

"Like...I feel I am missing out a lot of things that I would have got if I lived as a girl. I was never that much of a girlie sort of girl. But still, I would not have minded dressing up some time and look pretty... Or own this kind of things," I held up the lip-gloss, "or have a nice looking skirt or a pair of black boots." I sighed. Or a pleated skirt, or a salwar suit. And I miss my long hair sometimes. It hurt me to cut off the long hair.

"I mean it's been two years. There are so many things that I am unable to do. It does not feel like so many big things when you are doing it in daily life. But when you are strictly told not to do things, and when you are not doing it for two years...yeah, even a small thing like this lip-gloss can mean a lot. So...Thanks, Veer..." I said, and got up. "I really mean it."

I smiled at her. "Mention not." I gifted her that exactly because I knew what she was feeling. No matter how much you hide it, Jai was indeed a girl. It does not change the fact that biologically, and psychologically and emotionally she is a female.

She looked so grateful that I stepped up and hugged her again. "Don't get all emotional," I hissed, as I felt she was going to cry or something. Making it all sloppy and emotional. But she did not cry. She just hugged me tight... We hugged for longer than a second now. And it didn't feel weird. Maybe because she was a girl now.

I love him... Well, not in a romantic kind of way, as I don't let my mind wander that way. But I really really love him. A lot. Really.

I felt comforted when he held me closer, gently. I was reminded of dad's hugs. I felt at ease. Actually, I wanted to just hold on to Veer forever. Stay there in his arms forever. If I can...

And as I kept the hug, I felt the flatness of her chest again. Has she tied it so tight??

She stepped back from me. I was looking at her chest. She noticed that and looked at me questioningly? As If asking 'dude, where are you looking at?'

I looked away.

But I could not put that thought out of my head.

No. I was not thinking about her boobs. I was thinking about her binding. She had fainted that day because she could not breathe properly. And she was living with this binding for two years. She also sleeps with the binding on. I was not sure how much good that was for her health. Because all say that at least when you sleep, put on something comfortable in which you can breathe properly. They advise you to never cover your head with your blanket while sleeping since you won't get enough oxygen. Getting oxygen while sleeping is really really important. And... Jai sleeps with her binding on.

Veer kept taking glances at me. I was pretty sure he was staring at my chest. Seriously??? Has he lost it??? What the hell is wrong with him?? Has he suddenly turned to a pervert or something?

"What?" I asked as he was still looking at my chest. "This is becoming creepy," I said.

"You know... you don't need to bind it down while you are in the room." He said. "I mean, I know the truth now, so... It's okay even if you don't."

Oh, So that's what this was about.

Then I felt I sound like a pervert, or like I was asking her to do something vulgar. "I just mean, it's not good for your health. At least when you sleep, you need to breathe properly. Else it is not good for your health."

Also, it felt that she is still all careful and conscious about her girl stuff in the room. I am sure she has girl stuff. But she hides and takes care of things too carefully. That must be a lot of stress and work for her.

"Live a bit relaxed and free when you are inside the room. You don't need to be all careful and conscious anymore. I know the truth now... I understand. So... Just relax a bit." I walked over to her; I put my hand on her shoulder. "While that door to this room is closed, you are safe in here. You don't need to stress over anything. Just be yourself. At least you should be able to breathe freely in here. And not stress over little details... So... Just relax, okay, buddy? You are not alone anymore. I am here for you."

I had been toeing around eggshells for two years that, I had got so much used to this stress of being careful that, I had not even noticed that how much effort I did put in details. I had got used to it. The chest binding. The boy voice. The other things I need to take care of like – getting rid of tampons. I had got used to everything. But... I did felt good when he said I was safe in the room. That I need not be so cautious anymore. That I was not alone. I felt something warm inside me.

He was right. He knew I was a girl. I need not be scared of getting found out anymore. At least not when I am inside the room.

So I smiled at him and nodded.

So that night I stayed in the bathroom a bit extra long. I took off my chest binding and put on my backup bra. I had only two backup bras. I did buy them online for emergencies. And I put on my t-shit back. I felt strange. It was after two years that I had put on a bra and took out this chest binding. I was surprised at how easy I could breathe. Usually, I bind it down so tight that I would have difficulty breathing. So whenever I go for a bath the first thing I do is take it off and breathe freely. But I was breathing freely now. I let out a long breath and grabbed the door of the bathroom to step out.

Then I paused...

I felt so damn shy and conscious all of a sudden. Of Veer... He will be outside.

I felt kind of naked. Even when I was fully clothed... But to walk out there without binding down my chest was practically going out there naked. I closed my eyes tightly...

It's just Veer – I told myself.

But no... It IS Veer.

I felt my heartbeat rising. I felt nervous...I felt something tingling down in my stomach.

But then, I can't simply stand here like this forever.

Jai came out of the bathroom. I was getting ready to go to bed, making my bed.

I turned around. Her chest was not bound down. I could detect the difference in her chest. It was a slight difference. Jai was not that busty. Still, the deference was detectable for a boy's eyes. And I felt she was finding it really awkward...

"Um...So good night" Yeah, Jai sounded awkward. And then without even waiting for my reply, she jumped into her bed and covered herself with her blanket.

I smiled. Cute...

I got into bed and tried to sleep myself. But I could not. My heart kept beating a bit fast. Jai felt more like a girl than ever before.

After a while, I realized that Jai was not asleep either. She was turning and changing her position of sleep constantly. Usually, she was a sound sleeper.

"What happened?" I asked. "You can't fall asleep?"

No reply came for a few seconds. Then doubtfully she said, "mm." After a second she sat up. "I guess, I just have to put the binding back."

I sat up, "Don't." I said.

"I can't sleep." She said. "I mean, I am just so used to that thing that it feels weird without it. It feels like I am not wearing anything. I feel naked. So...it's uncomfortable. Because of that, I can't even fall asleep."

"But it's bad for your health," I said. I really did not want to make this sound as if I am eager to see her unbounded chest. This was certainly not like that. "You know how bad it is to not get proper oxygen while you are asleep? You might have given yourself some illness by these two years of lack of oxygen. You could die in your sleep and you won't know. I thought all this effort was to keep you alive." She looked at me and she seemed to agree.

"You will get used to it," I mumbled, feeling pretty embarrassed.

Jai seemed to be thinking.

"Wasn't it really uncomfortable to sleep with the binding at first?" I asked, cautiously.

"Yeah." She admitted. "It felt stuffy and hot, and totally uncomfortable at first."

"So if you got used to that, you will get used to this as well," I said. "So, go to sleep." I lay back down, to avoid the awkward talk on my chest. Feeling flustered and heart still beating fast. I felt Jai lying back down...

That was one hell of an awkward conversation.

I did need to talk to her about one other thing though...

"Hm..about Navrathiri holidays..." I said, "You are coming to my house, right?"

"Am I?" She asked, doubtfully. "Still?"

"Yeah," I said.

"Hm, you need me there to talk to your parents, right?" She asked.

"Yeah," I said. That is there. But that is not the only reason. I cannot simply leave her alone in the hostel and go home. I had trouble with that idea even when she was a boy. But now...now that she is a girl... nope, not happening. I will leave her alone over my death bed. I will die of worry and anxiety if I leave her alone in the dorm. I Can't. She can't even actually expect me to leave her alone, right? "If you are not coming with me, I am not going either," I said.

"I will come," Jai said.

Good. "Okay." I smiled.