forty-six

Heavy sadness clouded Jisung's mind and it hindered him from forming a single positive thought. He had needed hours to comprehend that Minho had left him willingly without hesitation.

For hours, he laid in bed and stared at the ceiling until he eventually cried himself to sleep.

When the sun rose the next morning, soft rays of light fell through his windows, but he felt more dead than alive, not seeing a point in getting up.

Everything seemed blue and unusual. No one was there anymore to wake him up, eat breakfast with him, and keep him company.

He stared at the white ceiling above him with empty eyes. Eventually, he reached for his phone on the nightstand, unlocking it and scrolling through social media for a while before he went through the photos saved on his device.

It turned out to be a bad idea and it made him feel even worse than before. The weight on his chest nearly crushed when his eyes fell on a picture that he took not long ago. It showed Minho kissing him on the cheek, glowing orbs of light floating around them.

The photo looked really beautiful, almost like a painting, and it showed him what he had just lost. It was like a punch to the gut and his tears came back instantly. A pitiful sob shook his body and the screen blurred before his eyes.

"Why did you leave me?" He cried. "Am I not good enough for you?"

He used his sleeve to dry his tears, erratically rubbing his eyes until they turned red, but his tears couldn't be stopped. They kept flowing down his cheeks like an endless river.

"C-Come back," he whispered, but knowing that Minho wouldn't be able to hear him broke him even more.

He stared at the delete button on the screen conflictedly, a part of him wanting to get rid of the damn photo. His thumb hovered over it, trembling, but they never moved.

He couldn't do it. Deleting the picture was almost the same as forgetting about Minho, but how could he?

He wasn't ready to forget all the time they shared together and everything they went through. Minho was engraved in his heart... and he always will.

His heart ached painfully as his eyes hovered over the photo, lingering on Minho's soft features; the warmth in his eyes, and the happiness his smile conveyed.

Jisung longed to see him again, to touch him, and to be with him. Why had Minho turned his back on him? Why did he leave him without hesitation? He felt betrayed and alone.

Curling his body into a ball, he lied on the bed and clawed at his shirt, the pain and sorrow becoming too unbearable to handle.

He had gotten too attached to something that was never meant to be his. And now that it was gone, he struggled to accept it.

He caught himself staring at his wrist again and again, seeing something that wasn't there anymore. The star-shaped mark had been burned into his mind, so it wasn't hard for him to envision it.

He had already considered taking a sharpie to draw it on his skin just to see it again, but he knew that it would not change a thing. The bond would never come back, it would never be the same.

Even if he went to a tattoo artist and had the star permanently inked on his skin, it would hold no meaning. The only thing it would do was make him feel pathetic for being unable to let Minho go.

To be continued...

omfg so like, I was listening to 'Lucky Love' by Michael Seyer while writing this, and I fucking sobbed. Bye, lemme go sob harder now lmao.