Chapter 5: Indigo

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Flashback/nightmare

I hear the metal door rattle and creak open and a large man walks in, I look up at him with hope that he is here to save me from the nasty, masked man that took me away from our cabin last night, or at least I think it was last night. I've been in this cellar with no food for ages, I'm hungry, I'm tired and I want my papà.

"Hello mister, can you please help me, I just want to go home-" but the man cuts me off by grabbing me and pushing me down, why is he hurting me? I used my manners just like how mamà and papà taught me too. I look up at him and he towers over me, a tear runs down my cheek when I see that my favorite pajamas are ripped.

"If you know what's good for you, you'll stay quiet, yes?" Oooo I know this game, my brothers play it with me all the time, I nod and zip my lips up. He glares at me and pulls me up by my arm. That hurts.

I squirm in his hold and scream when he rips of my pajamas. What is he doing? Does he want to give me a bath? I love baths especially when they have bubbles in them!

He throws me on the ground and I hear the sound of metal clinking together, I look up and see him undoing his belt.

I curl myself in a ball and cover my head with my hands, I'm not wearing any clothes now.

He gets on his knees in front of me and strokes my face before leaning on his arms and uncurling my hands, he then pins them above my head.

I don't like this.

I really don't like this.

"Can you stop" I whisper to him, not wanting to be rude but also knowing that what he's doing is not right.

"per favore fermati" I say agin in Italian, maybe he doesn't know English, but he did speak to me earlier?

(Can you please stop)

"per favore"I say one last time before something between my legs hurts so much that I let out a yelp of pain.

(Please)

"STOP" I shout desperate for the pain to go away

"GET OFF ME!" what is he doing? Why won't he stop?

"Indigo" someone says in the distance

"HELP ME!" I reply

"Indi!" The voice says more urgently

"INDIGO"

I jolt awake and see Elliot next to my bed, panic on his face. Im shaking and crying, I can't stop remembering my nightmare, I can't stop remembering the first time he raped me.

"Indigo?" Elliot asks softly

I nod my head, I can't talk, I can't breath, I can't see properly all I can do is feel. I can feel the pain that he caused me,I can feel the way he touched me, I can feel how fucking scared 5 year old me was.

"Can I hug you?" I look back at Elliot.

He's your brother indigo he's not him he won't hurt you, he only wants to make you feel safe again, I say to myself in my head.

I reach for him and Elliot immediately pulls me to his chest, I rest my head against his heartbeat and try to match my breathing with it's steady tempo.

"It's alright indi, he's not here, he can't hurt you anymore" El whispers into my ear trying to calm me down.

I can't stop shaking from fear, fear that he imbedded in me, fear that runs in my veins. I cry for 5 year old me who was raped on a cellar floor, I cry for 12 year old me who missed 7 birthdays that could've been filled with love and joy with my family and finally I cry for 18 year old me who's being married off to a man I hate and can't go a week without waking up at least once screaming from memories so dark that they only appear in my nightmares.

"You're safe indigo" Elliot knows I won't be able to go back to sleep now and he also knows that I'll cling to him like a koala for a while now.

I do that after a really bad panic attack or nightmare, my therapist has said it's because when someone goes through something traumatic they have people that they associate with safety and when someone that they see as safe is around them when they have a triggering moment or a nightmare they use physical touch to calm themselves down. But that's just my way of coping I guess, everyone deals with this shit differently

I've definitely come to my senses more but I'm not letting go of Elliot, he's safe. I look at my bedside clock and see that it's 6am.

"Downstairs?" El asks and I nod my head on his shoulder, sniffling. He's used to this now all my family are and I feel terrible that I can't always be as tough as I say I am. I wish I could just pull myself together and stop being like this but I just can't.

He walks out my room while I have my legs wrapped around him and my arms around his neck. He pulls up the hood on my hoodie as we walk past the guards to give me privacy, I'm lucky to have my brothers.

My family are usually awake by now and I know they are this morning because I can hear them eating breakfast. The boys must have an early meeting.

"Good mor-" I hear my dad stop talking as he obviously sees what's happened

"Nightmare?" My mums gentle voice asks and I feel Elliot nod.

He sits down and my legs are either side of the his chair, I keep my face in his neck, I must look like a zombie right now.

He reaches for some food and I grip onto his shirt, I know I sound pathetic, I'm not usually this bad at all.

"That bad?" I hear Enzo ask

"She wasn't just thrashing around, she was screaming as well" El explains to them.

This is embarrassing, why am I like this.

"Do you want something to eat?" El asks and I shake my head

A face appears by Elliot's shoulder and I look down a bit to see Oakley crouched to the floor.

I look up and his eyes widen at my face, fuck you bitch.

"Movie?" I smile slightly, he takes that as a yes and I get up from the chair and take his outstretched hand after I kiss Elliot on the cheek and apologize.

"Don't be sorry indi, never be sorry" he replies

I follow Oakley to the cinema room and curl up next to him on one of the big seats, he turns on the massive screen and goes to Netflix. "Nemo" he states, it's not really a question I'm obsessed with this movie, don't judge.

"Aren't you supposed to be at a meeting?" I question him

"Yeah, but for you we can miss it" another voice says that I recognize as Matteo

My heart melts at the sight of Enzo sitting on my other side and Matteo and Elliot both sitting down at my feet, leaning on my legs.

"You don't have to do that for me" I say with honesty

I think they secretly enjoy playing the heroes because I'm never usually like this, they enjoy having a proper baby sister, not an assassin that threatens to murder them in their sleep if they steal her food.

"Of course we do" Oakley says from one side of me

"I know that it's mafia before family but for our sorella it will always be you before everything else"

(Sister)

I smile slightly and watch the movie, I'll be ok as long as I have them.

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I know this is quite a heavy chapter but I wanted you guys to understand some of what indigo went through before the main story takes place.

I am NOT saying that I personally can understand this and I hope that none of you can either, but if you can then I'm so deeply sorry. ❤️

I also want to show some more of indigos relationship with her brothers.

THANKYOU SO MUCH FOR 1K READS!

Another chapter should be out tomorrow,love you guys!

Happy reading!