036 Werehuman
I Got Breastfed Again
It took me about ten minutes to calm down. By then mom had also calmed down. She made many promises to me in that short period of time. But I didn't hear any of that.
"Stop apologizing. He is just acting according to your emotions. If you smile, he will also smile." Lakshmi aunty said.
I didn't know when she came. She was not there when I started crying. When I stopped crying, she was standing beside us. She was wearing a beautiful saree and had a bit of sandalwood paste on her forehead. She wore no makeup and had a thin necklace. There was a refreshing smile on her face. In simple words, she was a traditional beauty that could steal the heart of any boy from our state. So you cannot blame me for having a crush on her.
"Did you go to the temple?" Dad asked.
"Yes. I had promised special prayers for smooth delivery and health of the mother and child." She replied as she fed the offering from the temple to mom She gave a bit to Anu as well. So I demanded it and got a tiny bit. I wanted more. But she didn't give as I was a baby.
Lakshmi aunty had come to the hospital in the night. In the morning, once the babies were out, she went home and to the temple. It was a family temple owned by her family.
"Are you sure you promised one prayer and not 'twin' prayer?" Dad asked sarcastically.
"Don't blame it on me. I had given you all the reports and I also told you that both of them were doing fine. Didn't you even look at the reports? Those were reports for two babies." Lakshmi aunty argued.
"We thought you and your reports were referring to the mother and baby. Not two babies. I wouldn't have asked for your help if I could understand all the reports perfectly." Dad retorted.
So that's what happened.
Lakshmi aunty always said that both of them are in perfect health. When she said 'both', she was referring to two kids. But my parents thought she was referring to mom and one child. Because of this small misunderstanding, we got a pleasant surprise.
"Then ask some other doctor from now onwards. Also, if you don't want the extra baby, give it to me. I don't have one anyway." Lakshmi aunty replied with a dark face. She was angry.
"Are psychiatrists real doctors?" Anu interfered. She had noticed that Lakshmi aunty had referred to herself as a doctor.
Lakshmi aunty's face twitched. Anu had asked the same question about six months ago. Then also Lakshmi aunty was angry. That time, Anu blamed it on Doodu.
"Anitha, her id is 20150215012. See if she got the booster injections at 5 years old. If not, give it." Lakshmi aunty ordered the nurse.
The nurse waited a few seconds to see if she was joking. But seeing that Lakshmi aunty was not joking, she wrote down the id and went to check it. The nurse was arranged by Lakshmi aunty to help mom and dad. Lakshmi aunty was feeling bad for not being able to secure a private room for us.
"No..no... I got all the injections. I don't want it anymore." Anu was scared and wanted to escape. Poor girl. She chose the wrong day to annoy Lakshmy aunty and now she is going to suffer for it.
I was a bit surprised that she had memorized Anu's id. But it wasn't that weird considering that we visited only this hospital and Lakshmi aunty was always taking care of us.
"How did you know it was his birthday?" Once the attention was Anu, mom asked her.
We all looked at her for an answer. The little girl doesn't even know which year it was. So there was no way she would remember my birthday.
"Doodu told me."
"Doodu told you that it was Alex's birthday?" Mom asked to confirm.
"Yes."
"Did aunty[1] tell you?" Mom asked to see if her sister in law told Anu about the birthday.
"If I knew, I would have planned the birthday party. Why would I play with this little guy's special day? I also forgot about it." Aunty replied with a disappointed face. She was also feeling a bit guilty for forgetting my birthday.
"So, are you all saying that the dog remembered a birthday and told it to Anu?" Lakshmi aunty asked. She found it a bit funny.
Fortunately, the other people in the ward was no longer paying attention to us. Also, the nurse had gone to check the records. So we were finally able to talk without much interference.
"About that, I have a theory." Mom took a deep breath and said with a serious face.
"What?" Everyone looked at mom.
"Remember how Anu and Doodu had a big fight about six months ago?"
"Yes?"
"Anu bit his tail and injured him. He had to walk around with a bandage on his tail for two weeks. He was really cute then." Dad recounted the event with a smile.
"Yes. I think Doodu got infected that day." Mom presented her hypothesis.
"Infected with what?" Everyone was confused
"Infected with 'Anu'."
"How?"
"Don't you know how a scratch or bite from werewolves can turn humans into werewolves?"
"So?"
"What if, Anu's bite infected the Doodu similarly? What if he is now a 'werehuman'? That would explain his high intelligence." Mom presented her 'exciting' theory.
I slapped my forehead in frustration.
"Ahh... That explains it! Last week, when I was play wrestling with her, she bit me. Now I have a sudden urge to shave half of my eyebrows." Dad suddenly said with a serious face. He was making fun of mom.
"I am not joking." Mom replied furiously.
"Did you sleep yesterday night?" Lakshmi aunty asked.
"No."
"You didn't sleep and you gave birth to two babies. You are clearly very tired. You should sleep." Lakshmi aunty was the expert when it came to the working of minds. She easily diagnosed mom and asked her to sleep.
"I haven't fed Alex. I will sleep later." Mom had fed the two little babies. So, she was waiting for some time before feeding me.
"I already gave him breakfast. Look at his belly."
"But I haven't given him milk."
"Don't worry about that. If he wants milk, elder sister can feed him." Dad assured mom and looked at aunty hoping to get a positive reply.
"Yes. Yes. I will be happy to feed him. After all, he is like a grandson to me." Aunty agreed happily. I was her nephew. Not a grandson. But no one bothered to correct her.
"Thanks a lot, mother in law." Mom thanked her sincerely.
"Hihihi... Actually, I had fed him today morning. How can he start a day without milk when I am around? I was worried that you might get angry. That's why I kept quiet." Aunty replied with a happy smile. She ignored that she was called mother in law.
"I knew it! Otherwise, he would have demanded the milk the moment he saw me. Was he comfortable with you feeding him?"
"Comfortable? This little guy is such a glutton that he would suck a cow dry." Aunty seemed oddly proud of me.
'Wait a second! Anita can hear everything you say.' I randomly looked around.
As expected, Anita was looking at us with her big curious eyes.
'My image is completely ruined. She heard everything. Suck a cow dry? Why did aunty say something so ridiculous? I won't drink milk directly from a cow. How can I face her now? She would think I am a cry baby who drinks from any woman.' I was suddenly feeling down.
"No. I tried feeding him long ago. He doesn't drink." Anu interjected. This was something that happened months ago. She tried to feed me. Instead of stopping her, mom tried to record it. In the end, I pooped in her lap. I have mentioned this incident earlier.
Everyone laughed and continued talking for a bit more.
Mom was very tired. So she slowly fell asleep. I too hadn't slept last night. So I also fell asleep soon.
[Will continue in the next chapter]
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Rank 2 out of 5900 books under the tag 'joke'.
Rank 1 in Kerala
Rank 1 in Malayalam
Rank 363 out of 180,000 books under the tag 'funny'
[1] The actual word is 'peramma'. It's a local Christian name to call aunts from dad's side.