Love Redesigned: Chapter 26

I should have known today would be a disaster from the moment I woke up in Julian’s arms as he grumbled my name in his sleep. It wasn’t the idea of him dreaming of me that scared me, but rather the way it made me feel.

Our day quickly took a drastic turn into uncharted territory, and I feel like a lost ship trying to navigate a brewing sea of mixed emotions.

I press my ear against the bathroom door after hearing a strange noise coming from inside. Goose bumps spread across my skin when Julian groans my name, followed by a curse. My skin burns at the sounds, and I’m overwhelmed by a new sensation tugging at my lower half.

You could suggest a friends-with-benefits kind of thing.

Except Julian and I aren’t friends.

Just benefits, then?

A tempting offer, but I’ve never been the casual-sex type. I’m the fall first, have sex second kind of girl, so suggesting anything else could be a recipe for disaster.

Or it could be exactly what you need.

When a pipe creaks and the water shuts off, I dash to the corner of the bed, take a seat, and pull out my phone.

A few minutes later, a cloud of steam follows behind Julian as he steps out, clad in a pair of blue jeans and a T-shirt.

“Hey.” He rubs the back of his head with a towel.

“Have a good shower?”

“Mm-hmm.” He can’t hold my eye contact for long.

Let it go.

Nope. An opportunity to tease Julian is too hard to pass up.

No pun intended.

“Did you get the job done?” I ask while fighting a smile.

A wrinkle cuts across his forehead. “I guess?”

“Was it hard?”

“Was it…” His voice trails off, only for his cheeks to explode with color a few seconds later. “You heard me.”

“Out of curiosity, was today a special occasion, or do you typically moan my name while making yourself come?”

“Only when I’m thinking about you sitting on my face.” He tosses his towel on the back of a chair.

I’m afraid my jaw may need to be popped back into place after the way it fell open. I expected Julian to stay quiet and break eye contact, but it looks like he found some post-orgasm confidence.

“Dream about it often?” I ask.

“Enough to question my sanity.”

I blink hard.

“Do you like that?” His question has my thighs pressing together.

“More than I probably should.”

My body temp spikes from his attention.

I hate myself for breaking eye contact first. “We almost kissed.”

He says nothing.

“What do you want, Julian?”

He leans against the opposite wall, looking cool, calm, and collected as he crosses his arms against his wide chest. “You tell me.”

Is he unfazed by all of this?

God. How embarrassing would that be?

I shake my head. “This is a mistake.”

“Only if you want it to be.”

“What are you saying?”

He lifts a shoulder.

I grimace. “You’re a thirty-year-old man. Communicate like one.”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“Would I be asking if it was?”

His eyes narrow.

Mine glare.

His lips curl. “You. I want you.”

My throat feels like I swallowed a bag of sand. “I recently got out of a serious relationship.”

“No one is saying you have to jump into another one.”

Not exactly the answer I was hoping for, but a decent one nonetheless.

I gather some courage and ask, “So then, what exactly are you suggesting?”

He pauses for a beat too long. “Whatever you want.”

“What do you want?”

His gaze flickers over my face. “Anything you’re willing to give me.”

“That’s it?”

He nods.

“So if I suggested something casual?” The question leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

“That’s fine.”

My heart sinks. He isn’t looking for anything serious.

Things are better this way. Fewer expectations. Less disappointment.

“Okay,” I reply.

Are you going to enter a no-strings-attached relationship with Julian?

My eyes blaze a trail down his body, taking him in without feeling self-conscious about it. Muscles for days. Abs worth drooling over. A mouth that promises the dirtiest things I’d love to experience firsthand.

Hell yeah, I am.

Why bother ignoring what we are both already painfully aware of? He is attracted to me. I’m attracted to him. The whole situation isn’t exactly rocket science, although our history might as well be.

“Dahlia.”

Our gazes collide.

“Do you want something casual?” he asks in a soft voice I never knew he possessed.

I chew on the inside of my cheek until I taste blood. “Fun and simple sounds nice after everything.”

His index finger taps against his thigh. “Fine.”

“Fine?”

“Did you expect me to object?”

“Kind of?” Or at least take more than a single second to think it over.

“You want fun and simple, then I’ll give you that.” He is saying all the right words, yet my lungs painfully constrict.

“For how long?”

“You tell me.”

“I don’t know. It’s not like I’ve done this before.”

His nostrils widen. “That’s fine.”

“But you have.” The thought makes my stomach roll.

“Does that matter to you?”

Far more than it should. “Nope.”

He stares at me for a moment before taking a step in my direction. “We keep going until one of us stops having fun.”

“No.” I need something more concrete than that. A clear boundary that will hold me accountable and stop me from doing anything stupid. “Until the New Year.” That should give me enough time to get him out of my system.

“Because you’ll be moving back to San Francisco?”

I nod. “The house will be pretty much finished, and I have a pending contract for a show.”

The muscles in his neck strain. “I can work with that.”

My stomach becomes a chaotic mess of buzzing butterflies as he walks over to me, pushes my thighs apart, and steps between them.

A shiver rolls through me as he curls his hand around the back of my neck and exposes my biggest secret with a single brush of his thumb over my pulse.

“You’re nervous.”

“A little bit,” I confess.

“What else?” He leans in and kisses my neck, drawing another shudder from me.

“Excited.” I want Julian, and I’m done avoiding my feelings in hopes of my attraction fading. I’ve tried that strategy for years to no avail, so I might as well give in and enjoy myself.

I can feel him smiling against my skin. “I’ve waited a long time for this.”

“Exactly how long are we talking here? Because maybe I didn’t make you work hard enough for it—”

He presses his mouth against mine for the first time in almost a decade, effectively shutting me up. All my brain cells go on strike as Julian kisses me like it might be his last chance to do so.

I’ve had a lot of kisses in my lifetime, but none compares to this. The longing. The passion. The spine-tingling, mind-melting, decade-in-the-making kind of kiss that sends my body into a spiral of sensations.

Julian takes his sweet time, teasing me with every brush of his lips and every swipe of his tongue.

His movements are intentional, meant to drive me mad as I wrap my legs around his waist and drag him closer. His fingers slide through my hair and cradle my head as he grinds against me. We both groan, and I take advantage, swiping my tongue against his.

Our kiss grows more desperate. At one point, I rip myself away from him and tug at his hair. Julian’s muscles tremble as I kiss a path down the slope of his neck, his skin flushing.

His hips swivel as he teases me with the press of his cock, and my head falls to the side as he snatches back control and turns me into a breathless, throbbing mess. He claims my mouth. Neck. Chest. He blazes a trail, burning away the memories of any men who came before him.

I’m not sure how long we battle for dominance, but neither one of us stops until I’m lying flat on my back with my legs hanging over the side of the bed and Julian hovering above me.

Before I have a chance to protest, he drops to his knees and makes quick work of my shoes and jeans.

He kisses his way up my thigh before stopping in front of my underwear. “Cute, although today is Friday.”

“I thought these were cuter.”

He smirks at the Wine Wednesday-themed underwear. “I agree.”

“Great. Now, less talking, more kissing.” I push his head down with my good arm, only for him to turn away and bite down on the inside of my thigh.

I jolt. “What the—”

“Stop rushing me.”

“By all means, take your time.”

His eyes blaze with silent challenge. He tugs on the band of my underwear, pulling them down while kissing every available inch of skin within reach. While I love his soft kisses, I quickly lose patience.

“To clarify, when I said take your time before, I meant with your tongue inside my pussy.”

“Did you?” he asks in that annoyingly dry voice of his.

“I get you’ve been waiting thirty long, painful years to lose your virginity and all—”

My mind goes blank as he yanks my thighs apart. Whatever control he had before snaps after only one pass of his tongue over my dripping center.

He devours me with a ravenous hunger I’ve never experienced from a partner before, and I’m afraid he may truly stop breathing from the way he sucks, licks, and teases me without ever coming up for air.

I lose all concept of time as he pleasures me. He studies my reactions like I’m his favorite subject, perfecting his technique of stroking, licking, and sucking until I’m begging for release.

Pressure builds in my lower half, the ache strengthening with every pass of his tongue and each suck on my clit.

My thighs tremble beside his head as I fight my orgasm, battling between wanting to come and wishing for this to last.

His eyes flutter shut. “So beautiful.”

I jolt as he flicks his tongue over my clit while sinking a finger inside me. My limbs shake as he adds another not long after, sending my nerves into meltdown mode.

“So responsive.” He pulls his fingers out to show me exactly that. My entire face flushes, drawing a devilish smile from him.

“So perfect for me.” He curls his fingers and strokes my clit from deep inside, instantly making me see stars. The way Julian knows how to manipulate my body from all angles makes me regret doubting his skills in the bedroom. I’ve had good sex before…but this?

Julian could teach a class on female orgasm.

I don’t have a single thought left in my head as I come with a cry. Warmth floods my body like a tidal wave, consuming everything in its path. Julian doesn’t stop his teasing as he continues to pump his fingers, riding out my orgasm with me.

I’m not sure how long it takes me to come down from the high. All I know is that at some point, Julian crawled back over my limp body and caged me between his arms.

I cup his cheek. “You’re telling me we’ve been fighting this whole time when we could have been doing that?”

He leans into my touch with a smile. My heart doesn’t stand a chance at slowing down if he keeps doing sweet things like that, so I pull away.

His head tilts. “Having second thoughts?”

“No.” Although I probably should, especially when he makes me feel like this.

“Good.” He kisses me one last time before crawling off the bed.

“Where are you going?” I motion toward his thick and equally impressive bulge.

He checks his watch. “Next time.”

My cheeks burn as Julian helps me get dressed.

“What now?” I keep my head down as I begin packing up my recently purchased belongings.

“We keep things fun and simple.”

My stomach takes a dive off a long, steep cliff.

“Shouldn’t we set some rules, though?” I might not have the most experience when it comes to relationships, but I have enough to know it’s best to set expectations. That way if I get hurt again, I’ll have no one to blame but myself.

He lifts a shoulder. “If you want to.”

“I think it’s probably best, so we don’t set ourselves up for hurt feelings.”

“Feelings? What are those?”

With my good arm, I toss a pillow at his head, only for him to catch it with ninja-like reflexes.

“I’m willing to go along with whatever you want, but I need you to be up-front and honest with me.”

Right. Easier said than done after the last time I was vulnerable with him.

People will never learn from their mistakes if you don’t give them a chance to.

I take a deep, empowering breath. “We should keep this private.”

A dark look passes over his face. “Got it.”

“It’s not that I’m embarrassed or anything.”

“Sure.”

“I don’t want people to think…”

“That we’re together,” he finishes for me.

My eyes drop to my lap. “Our mothers would get their hopes up.”

“More than they already have?”

I grimace.

“What else?”

“We should be mutually exclusive.” The thought of him being with anyone else makes my stomach churn.

“We already established that I don’t like sharing.”

“Obviously, based on the way you acted like a jealous caveman around Evan, Dan, and anyone else who stared at me for longer than a few seconds.” My eye roll gets interrupted by a pillow smacking into the side of my face.

Julian laughs, only to profusely apologize after I pretend he hurt my eye.

“Ow.” I stick out my bottom lip and sniffle.

“I’m sorry.” He kisses my temple, right above my “injury,” only for me to break out into a fit of laughter.

His hand moves from cupping my cheek to wrapping itself around my neck. “You played me.”

“You have no proof.”

His fingers press into the side of my neck.

“Fine.” I crack. “I did! But it’s not my fault you’re so gullible.”

He gives my neck one last squeeze before he gives my shoulder a shove. I fall back onto the mattress with a wince.

Panic flashes across his face as he reaches to help me sit up. “Shit. I’m so sorry. Are you okay? I should have been more carefu—”

I fix my sling. “Relax. It was an accident.”

His face pales. “On second thought, we should wait until you’re cleared by a doctor before doing anything else.” He takes a large step back.

“That’s not for another two weeks!”

“I’m not going to risk you getting hurt again.”

My heart does a betraying dive straight into enemy territory, exposing my weakness.

Him.

I’m not sure how long this thing will last between Julian and me, but I plan on making the most of it—and him—until the time comes for me to leave.