CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

I should’ve left. I should’ve gone home, curled into a ball in bed, and sobbed the rest of the night away.

But I couldn’t.

I slunk back to Mason’s house, and, feeling numb to the core, I let myself in through the unlocked back door. Collapsing into a chair at the kitchen table, I started my sob fest, shaking uncontrollably as I held on to my arms for dear life.

I swear, a piece of my soul tore away from my chest because I cried so hard it physically hurt right in the center of my breastbone, making proper breathing impossible.

My eyes were swollen, my nose was running like a sieve, and I was hyperventilating to the point of dizziness when the back door opened and Mason stepped wearily inside.

I had no idea how much time had passed. It didn’t feel like that long. Then again, it felt like forever.

I lifted my face. When he caught sight of me, he jerked to a halt in the doorway. The expression in his gaze was flighty; he wanted to run.

I pushed out of my chair, still hugging myself. “Are you…is it done?”

Guilt and devastation oozed off him. “Reese? What…what’re you ~doing~ here?”

“S-Sarah.” My voice was empty, my limbs were heavy and, my mind was muzzy. “Sarah was home alone.”

But we both knew that wasn’t why I was here.

He shook his head as if he wanted to deny my presence. “But your car’s not outside.”

“I parked a few blocks down and walked back. Did you really do it?”

“Christ.” He covered his face with both hands, and a hoarse moan of agony escaped him.

I stumbled forward, needing to hold him, needing him to hold me.

He shied away, refusing to look at me. “Don’t. I’m not clean.”

Oh, God. He’d really done it. I kept walking to him anyway.

He held up both hands and hissed. “Stop! Jesus, Reese. This is why we’re supposed to be just friends. This is why…God damn it!” He touched my face and looked me over, from my swollen, tear-stained eyes to my red nose. Then he set his palm flush against my heaving chest as if he could calm my stuttered breathing with his touch alone. “Look what I did to you. This is exactly what I wanted to avoid. I never wanted to hurt you. I would give anything to keep this from you.”

I clutched two handfuls of his shirt and balled them into my fists. “Then let me help you.”

He shook his head. “How?” He sounded broken and disheartened.

We shared a mutual ache between us. And the only way I could think to help myself was to help him and give him what he needed most. Drawing in a deep breath, I wiped at my wet cheeks. “Do you want to be clean?”

He glanced at me, his eyes crushed yet full of hope. “Yes.”

“Then I’ll clean you.”

When I reached for his hand, he let me interlace our fingers. I led him to the bathroom, and he followed without resistance.

He stopped a few steps inside and just stood there, staring at nothing, appearing almost comatose. I shut the door behind us and snagged the wire toilet paper bin that Dawn had sitting by the commode to tuck under the doorknob, keeping it closed.

“What a good idea,” Mason said behind me, his voice dazed. “Why hadn’t I ever thought to do that?”

I turned to send him a soft smile. “Because you need me around to show you the right way.”

He flinched. “I should’ve listened to you. I shouldn’t have gone over there. I shouldn’t have—”

“Shh.” I grasped the hem of his shirt and began to pull it up. “No more regrets. What’s done is done and we’re not going to think about it again.”

He lifted his arms to help me take his shirt off, but he still asked, “What’re you doing?”

“I’m giving you a shower. I told you I was going to clean you and—”

The words strangled in my throat as I took in the bright red hickey on the upper right side of his chest.

Catching my reaction, he frowned. “What?” When he looked down and saw the mark, he slapped his hand over it, covering the spot.

His faced jerked up, and he opened his mouth. I saw apology thick in his expression. On its tail came fear and revulsion.

I think the revulsion won out. He spun away from me, fell to his knees and slammed up the toilet seat. As he vomited, I turned away and covered my mouth. More tears fell. With trembling hands, I reached for the cup by the sink and filled it with water.

By the time he finished, I was sitting on the floor beside him, ready and waiting with a cup of water and toothbrush full of paste.

“Thank you.” He took the water first, swished it around in his mouth and spit. After a few more rounds of that, he began to scrub his teeth vigorously. And all the while, he kept his arm held over his chest, hiding the stain she’d left on him.

“I’ll get your shower water warm,” I offered, pushing to my feet and feeling robotic as I worked.

“Are you really going to stay in here while I shower?” He didn’t sound as if he wanted me to leave; he just sounded perplexed by the notion.

“I said I was going to clean you.” The truth was, I didn’t think I could be away from him right then.

Opening the door to the shower stall, I started the water, not caring how stray droplets coated my arms and began to soak my shirt. I held my knuckles under the stream until I had the temperature just right for Mason.

Behind me, he stood and put his cup and toothbrush away. When his pants hit the floor, I jumped.

Last month, I would’ve peeked. Heck, earlier that day, I would have looked. But I didn’t even want to now, and not because I was repulsed over the fact that he’d had his penis inside another woman only minutes ago.

I just couldn’t violate his privacy. He’d been violated enough for one night.

When I glanced back, my gaze landed on his face. “I suppose I can let you do this part by yourself.”

His eyes looked extra silver in the room’s fluorescent light. They focused on me, searching my face. With a silent nod, he stepped past me and shut himself inside the shower. The glass was opaque, so I could only see a blurry, peach outline of him through the door.

Leaving briefly to ransack his room and find some fresh clothes for him to wear, I tossed his Country Club uniform into his dirty clothes hamper and returned to the steamy bathroom, where the door hung partially open. I returned the TP bin in front of it and closed the toilet lid to sit and wait.

I swear, he soaped everything down three times. But that was okay with me. Whatever he had to do to make himself feel clean again was fine.

When the water shut off, I was there with a towel.

He looked surprised when he opened the door and saw me. With another muted, humble thank you, he took the terrycloth and dried himself before wrapping it around his waist.

I sat back down on the toilet seat and brought my knees up to my chest to loop my arms around my legs. “I feel like ~I’m~ the one who had to do that with her, like she tore down the most basic part of me and left the rest abused and cast off. I feel worthless and cheap, and…and used.”

He nodded once and slid his boxer briefs on under the towel. “Yeah, that pretty much covers what it does to you.”

I couldn’t help it; I began to cry again. Tears sprouted from my eyes and poured down my cheeks before I even realized they’d started. “And you’re okay with that?”

Covering his face with his hand, he whispered, “Reese,” on a choked rasp. “I’m sor—”

“Don’t you dare apologize,” I sobbed. “I’m the one who did this to you. It’s my fault you went through this tonight.”

His lashes flashed open. “No. God, no. You didn’t. Nothing was your fault.”

Dropping his towel, he knelt down in front of me. Against my will, I looked at his chest only to see he’d replaced his hickey with a huge red welt where he’d tried to scrub it off.

“I’m sorry.” He lunged sideways for his shirt.

Once he pulled it on, I reached out, grabbed two handfuls of cloth, and leaned toward him.

He tugged me off the commode and into his arms, where he held me in his lap on the floor of the bathroom.

“It’s okay,” he kept murmuring. “I swear to you, Reese. It wasn’t that bad. I didn’t even finish. As soon as she was done, I—”

“~I don’t want details~,” I screeched, horrified.

But, really. I hated Mrs. Garrison. Not only had she manipulated him into doing what she wanted; she’d messed with his head, toyed with his body, and prevented him from the only gratification he might’ve actually gotten from tonight.

I know, that was really messed up thinking. But I ~felt~ messed up.

“I’m sorry.” His face drained of color. When he tried to shift backward, I only sobbed harder and curled my fingers around handfuls of his soft cotton shirt to hug him tighter. Breathing in heavy drudges of the dryer-sheet-scented cloth, I clung to him, unable to stop bawling.

“It’s going to be okay.” He kissed my hair and stroked matted tangles free from the damp tresses.

I barked out an incredulous laugh. “Okay? I am so far from okay right now, I don’t even remember what okay feels like.”

He pressed his face against my neck. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I can’t…I can’t…Why the hell did you stay? You shouldn’t have stayed to see this.”

“I don’t know. I couldn’t leave.” I clutched him a little tighter. “Don’t make me leave.”

“Never.” He drew his knuckles down my cheek. “Tell me what to do. I’ll do it. I swear. Just tell me how to make this better.”

“It’s already done.” I rested against him, limp and defeated. The only thing left to do now was for me to adjust and accept. Since not doing so didn’t seem to be an option without losing him completely, I closed my eyes and burrowed close.

I had stuck around to help keep ~him~ together, but there we were, and he was the one preventing me from falling apart. The irony wasn’t lost on me.

He tucked his face into my hair and sniffled. “I thought I loved you enough that my feelings could protect you,” he confessed, his voice ragged and hoarse. “I thought I could keep you from being hurt. Damn it, I was so sure I could spit in her face and end it for good. I was so stupid and cocky. And you got hurt because of it.”

“No.” I smoothed my hand down his arm. “You did protect me. You kept her from contacting Jeremy. You saved me.”

He sniffed again and kissed my hair. “Come on.” Holding me tight in his arms, he stood and carried me from the bathroom to his bedroom. He laid me in the center of the mattress and pulled out the sheet and blanket from under me before drawing them up to my chest.

After a quick peck on my forehead, he crawled in beside me.

We faced each other on the mattress without touching. He hadn’t turned the lamp on, but I could see his face clearly from the light glowing in from the hallway.

“It wasn’t always so bad,” he murmured. “When I first started, it was kind of cool. I mean, beautiful, rich, fancy women were paying attention to me, stuffing hundred-dollar bills in my clothes. I was getting laid three or four times a week. It gave me a confidence I never had before. But it got old real fast and by the time I realized those woman didn’t respect me—I wasn’t even a person to them—it was too late. I had this ~reputation~, I was their puppet, and I felt stuck.”

Reaching out with a soft smile, he tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear. “I can’t regret it, though. If I’d never accepted her offer that afternoon, I wouldn’t have started my clientele at the country club. I never would’ve made enough money to feel like I could go to college. And I never would’ve met you.”

I sniffed and wiped my face. “I don’t think I’m worth it.”

He laughed softly, his expression indulgent with tenderness. “Trust me. You’re ~more~ than worth it.” With a kiss on my nose, he sighed. “Okay, so I spilled my soul to you. Your turn.”

I didn’t know what to say. My soul felt empty of stories.

Mason’s fingers lightly traced the scar on the back of my neck. “Will you tell me about this?”

With a shudder, I closed my eyes. “She pretty much covered it all. There’s not much left to tell.”

“I want to hear it anyway. I want to hear it from you.”

So I told him, and afterward, he pulled me close. “I’ll do whatever I can to keep him from hurting you again.”

“I know.” It’s what I feared most.

I rested my cheek on his chest, glad to be with him, and doubly glad he hadn’t called me stupid for allowing Jeremy to manhandle me for so long. I fell asleep wrapped in his arms.

Dawn woke us when she came home, gasping loudly the moment she saw the babysitter in bed with her son.

Both Mason and I jerked upright as we sprang awake.

“Mom,” he said, slapping a hand over his heart, only to fall backward into his pillows and close his eyes. “Jesus, you gave me a heart attack.”

“I’m so sorry,” she bit out, throwing laser beams my way. “I wasn’t expecting to check on you and find you in bed…with Reese.”

Mason’s brow burrowed with disbelief. “You still check on me at night?”

“Yes! I’m your mother, aren’t I? Now, are you going to explain what you’re doing in bed with the babysitter or not?”

“Oh.” He sat up again and glanced at me. “Jeez, Mom, nothing happened. Look. We still have our clothes on.”

Dawn lifted one eyebrow, obviously not impressed. I edged a little closer to Mason. He found my hand under the blanket and clutched it hard.

“Sarah…she had a seizure,” he explained, “and Reese flipped out. She tried calling you first, but I don’t know, maybe she dialed the wrong number. Anyway, she couldn’t reach you, so she called me next. After we put the munchkin to sleep, Reese sort of lost it and started crying. I wasn’t sure what to do to help her. So I made her lie down and talk things through. Then we both fell asleep, and you came home, and that’s where we are now.”

His mother stared at him for a moment before she glanced at me. “Sarah had a seizure? Is she okay?”

“She’s fine,” Mason assured. “She seemed lucid and alert after it was over. We read some ~Harry Potter~ together before she went to bed.”

Dawn nodded and rubbed her forehead. “Good. Thanks for being here, Reese.” She glanced at me and frowned in concern. “Poor dear, you still look shaken. Your eyes are red and swollen.”

I glanced down, not sure how to lie as well as Mason had. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and tugged me against his side. “I’m going to drive her home. Her friend called and needed to borrow her car, so she needs a ride.”

Startled by his quick thinking, I lifted my face. My brain still felt fried and overcooked. But he was so convincing, I almost found myself believing him. He even talked his mom into leaving his room before he crawled out of bed so she wouldn’t know he’d only been wearing boxer briefs under the covers.

“I can’t believe you just totally lied to her,” I hissed as soon as she was gone.

He sent me a scowl, telling me to keep my voice down. “I didn’t ~lie~. Sarah really did have an attack and I calmed you down afterward. Just not tonight.”

I snorted and rolled my eyes but ended up grinning. He grinned back and took my hand, kissing my knuckles.

For that brief moment, everything felt almost normal.

Dawn was removing a pitcher of iced tea from the refrigerator when we passed through the kitchen to the back door. Struck by her everyday behavior as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened tonight, I wanted to hate her for making Mason feel as if he had to sacrifice himself for the past two years. But I stopped myself. If I looked for flaws in everyone I encountered, I’d find them one hundred percent of the time, and I’d always be disappointed. I didn’t want to be disappointed in this woman. She had raised two of my favorite people on earth. She was their mother.

Instead of glaring, I stepped toward her and pulled her into an impulsive hug. “I just want you to know you have some amazing children.”

She seemed startled at first, but then she relaxed and hugged me back. “I do, don’t I? And I know they’re both very fond of you too.”

When we pulled away from each other, Mason was there to take my hand. “I’ll be back in the morning,” he told Dawn before dragging my tripping, surprised self out the back door.

“Mason! Oh, my God. I can’t believe you just told her that.”

“What?” When he looked at me, he appeared confused. “I thought you didn’t want me to lie to her.”

So, I guess he planned on staying all night with me then. My heart jerked with relief because I didn’t want to be apart from him either.

“But now she’s going to think we’ll be having sex all night.”

He merely shrugged. “Well…a guy can dream, can’t he?”