Twenty-Seven

As predicted the meeting with Robert went smoothly because he thought I was going along with his poorly thought out plan. Ross gave me what I needed without charge since he knew my situation and Robert demanded another fix by this weekend. An entire week before I could get this nuisance out of my life, but patience was key here.

But even when I felt confident about getting rid of Robert for good, the kiss with Emma caused the guilt to swallow me whole.

I knew I would need to tell Megan. That was the right thing to do. But God I didn't want to.

Deep down I knew it meant nothing to me, and the only reason it happened was because I felt bad, but it wasn't an excuse.

"Are you gonna tell her?" Blair asked.

I sighed. "Yeah."

"Today?"

I hesitated. "Uh, I think so."

"You shouldn't wait."

"I'm scared."

"I know," she comforted. "But you need to. You want her to hear it from you and not someone else."

Blair was right but I could see Megan's face already. She would be mad. Really mad. And hurt. And that's the last thing I ever wanted to do to her.

God why was I so stupid?

I walked into class and took my seat, seeing Megan at her desk before. She gave me a small glance and a smile before I pulled away. She could tell I was guilty. I knew it.

Class proceeded and she would make eye contact with me every now and then. I would give her a smile and wish I didn't have to do what I was about to do. Then the bell rang and I wanted to vomit.

I stayed behind even though it was the last thing we should be doing, especially with the rumor, but it needed to be done. My heart was heavy as I watched her close the door.

"Megan I-"

But her lips sealed off my sentence before I could start. Everything that had felt cold and dead inside was now alive and warm. I grabbed her face, getting lost in the moment. I hadn't realized the need for her until I didn't have her, and it felt like it was killing me.

"I can't wait till you graduate," she confessed.

I felt my heart flutter. Megan rarely ever said things like this for the fear of freaking me out, but she couldn't hold back. How was I supposed to hurt her?

"Believe me. I can't wait either."

"So guess what," she teased.

"What?"

"I got accepted to Mizzou," she revealed. Her happiness seemed unbreakable. "Soon it'll be Doctor Megan Adams once I get my Ph.D."

I should feel happy right now because I was proud of her, but all I could think about was this past weekend.

I smiled. "That's awesome."

Her mood dimmed by my lack of response.

"You okay?" she wondered.

"Y-Yeah," I stuttered. "Why?"

She studied me. "I don't know you just seem-"

There was a knock on the door, startling us apart. I grabbed my book bag and moved away from her as the door slowly opened.

"So don't forget to read over the two previous chapters," Megan covered up. "They'll be on the final."

I nodded and looked at the guy in the doorway.

"Sorry I didn't mean to interrupt," he apologized.

"No it's fine. Sam and I were just discussing homework."

I gave her one last look, seeing an apologetic expression on her face. This was too dangerous to do at school but it was even more dangerous outside of school where Robert could find us.

I left with dread heavy on my shoulders, knowing the truth would have to wait.

So I waited till Tuesday only to walk into Megan's class and witness her absence. This of course freaked me out because Megan never missed class, but I tried not to think of the worst. Maybe she was just sick.

But then Wednesday came and Megan still hadn't showed, furthering my anxiety. I even texted her a few times but never got a response. A darkness began to settle in the pit of my stomach but driving to her house seemed like a bad idea because I never knew if Robert was lurking around the corner.

So by the time Shawn got home Wednesday afternoon I couldn't hold my tongue anymore.

"Have you heard from Megan?" I questioned.

He set his bag on the counter. "What do you mean?"

I joined him in the kitchen. "She's missed school the last two days."

In the moment Shawn looked at me with a weird expression that made me uncomfortable. "Are you saying she hasn't talked to you?"

Shit. "W-Well, n-no she hasn't..."

This was apparently news to Shawn.

He leaned on the counter. "Megan's grandfather... he passed away Monday night. His funeral was today."

I felt my heart drop at the information. Megan's grandfather had passed away? My heart felt heavy, but I still didn't understand why she hadn't contacted me. I got that she was probably mourning, but I still needed to know she was okay.

"How'd you find out?" I asked.

"She called me Tuesday morning," he answered. "Why didn't she call you?"

I shook my head. "I don't know."

"You two had a fight or something?"

Well, not yet.

"No."

He knew I wasn't telling him everything but decided not to pry. Shawn wasn't the one for drama anyway. But how could Megan not tell me her grandfather passed away? I knew if someone close to me died she would be the one I would call for comfort. Was it not the same for her?

Thursday morning came and I couldn't even be happy that it was the last day of my senior year because I was too worried about Megan. A whole forty-eight hours without contact and I was convinced I was going mad. Would she even show up today?

I made it to her hallway and spotted her standing at the door. There was a sadness laced around her like a snake. Her pain seemed almost tangible.

"Morning," I greeted with a shaky voice.

Her sad eyes found me. "Morning."

There was something behind those blue irises, something I couldn't stomach. She looked so tired. So worn.

"Are you okay?"

She looked down. "Stay after class to take your final."

A part of me wanted to just reach out and comfort her but I knew that was inappropriate. Another part of me kept thinking about the kiss and how I needed to tell her. But how could I break her even more? It seemed selfish to tell her something like this just because the guilt was eating me alive. Was it best for me to wait?

My last lecture in her class passed painfully slow, and it was so dull. So lifeless. This wasn't the Megan I was used to and it literally pained me to witness her like this.

After class she wasted no time giving me the final to take, but my mind was blanking. All I could think about was her and what the right thing to do was. But I forced myself to finish the test in record time, knowing I needed to talk to her before I left.

When I finished the test I walked up to her desk and placed it in front of her.

"Megan... Why didn't you tell me?"

She didn't look up. "You shouldn't stay too long."

I shook my head. "Why are you icing me out?"

There was something off about her. Something she wasn't telling me. Was she really this upset over her grandfather or was there something she refused to tell me?

"Please talk to me..." I begged. "I'm here for you-"

"Stop," she interrupted. "Just stop."

The room fell so quiet that I could hear the clock ticking on the far wall.

"You hooked up with Emma last weekend?" she asked.

It felt as if I had been punched in the gut. All of the oxygen left my lungs. Blair had warned me about this happening and now I had to do damage control. But how?

"Yes," I answered. "But I was gonna tell you."

"Yeah well, the softball team beat you to it," she answered. "I mean for a bet, Sam? For twenty dollars?"

"That's not why I kissed her," I defended.

The pain in this room was intense. I knew she was hurting because of her grandfather's death and this whole situation didn't make it easier. I felt like shit.

"Megan it's not what you think." I took a deep breath. "It was her birthday and Eric thought it was funny to bring up Emma's ex and she was sad and they were all drunk-"

"Were you drunk?"

"Well no, but-"

"You kissed her sober?"

I hesitated. "Y-Yes but I just felt-"

"You kissed her?"

I could feel my world crumbling as we spoke. This wasn't supposed to happen. It wasn't supposed to fall apart this close to the end. Not this close to freedom.

"They were making me feel bad, Megan, but God it meant nothing to me," I pleaded. "Please. I know I messed up but it won't happen again."

She shook her head. "I can't deal with this right now."

My heart felt as if it was about to fall out of my body. Everything inside of me ached with a pain I had never felt before. Ice ran through every vein, freezing me.

"Megan please don't do this."

I could feel my defenses crumbling. Tears were seconds away from spilling. She had to see that it was a mistake, right? That it was killing me to think I would lose her.

"You need to go," she finished. "I need to think."

I could tell her. I could tell her everything that I had been dealing with for the past few weeks but it seemed so selfish of me to think that way. She had lost her grandfather two days ago. She just found out about Emma. She was hurting, and if I tried to explain the Robert thing then it would only make her worry and ice me out even more. Maybe I was wrong, but I felt as if I had a better chance of resolving this issue once I knew that bastard was gone.

Plus, I knew if I did tell her about Robert she would freak out and want to involve the police, and that wasn't an option right now.

"Megan-"

"Leave, Sam," she demanded.

But was this the end? I felt like it was but didn't want to accept it. Not after everything we had gone through together. It wasn't supposed to end in flames like this.

But time apart seemed to be what she wanted, and I felt bad for smothering her with my presence. She was still hurting over other things besides me, and I had to take that into consideration.

So I left because it was easier than fighting with her. I left and the tears poured. I left and somewhere deep inside something broke that felt irreparable.

What would I do if she never let me back in? Somewhere in the back of my mind I felt as if that was a big possibility.

And I knew that if I lost Megan I would lose a big part of myself, which would destroy me in the end.