12 But It's Never the Same

"BUT IT'S NEVER THE SAME"

What's wrong with things being complicated?

That's what Peter said a second before our picture was taken on top of the Ferris wheel last night. I didn't give him an answer then, and I still didn't have an answer for him the next day.

What I did have was a photo of us that could've been on the cover of an angsty teen romance novel.

The two of us stared at each other. My dark hair windblown, his light curls ruffled. My mouth hanging open because Peter Conway took me completely by surprise.

Chris paid for our picture. He thought we kissed too late and that's why we looked so weird in the photo. We let him believe that.

When in reality, I looked like a deer in headlights because that's exactly what I was. What did Peter mean by what's wrong with things being complicated?

Most people preferred to avoid complications. But Peter wasn't most people. He was unique and all his own. He was funny and thoughtful and he's never judged me. He smelled like dryer sheets and only wore shirts with bands on them. He recycled and drove with both hands on the wheel at all times.

He was afraid to have his heart broken.

Even if I wanted to turn our fake relationship real, did I trust myself not hurt him? I didn't want to be responsible for his first break up.

Then there's that stuff Cherry said about her and Tristan. How she couldn't tell if she really liked him or if she was just caught up in the romance of a first date.

What if that was all I was for Peter? A new experience he was caught up in. He never had a girlfriend before. He could only think he likes me because he had nothing to compare me to.

What's wrong with things being complicated? he asked.

"Everything!" I shouted at my ceiling with a groan.

When he dropped me off last night, he invited me to go bowling with his family. Apparently, that was an every Sunday event. I declined because I couldn't fake being his girlfriend until I figured out my real feelings.

The front door opened, pulling me from my spiraling thoughts. Freckles, who'd been napping on my floor, barked at my closed bedroom door. My dad was out with friends and he told me he might be home late. He definitely needed to get out of the house and to stop staring at the wall in trance-like state. So I didn't mind.

So, who the hell just walked in?

"Where's my little bunny?" called out a familiar voice.

I hopped out of bed, my real problems with my fake boyfriend put on hold. I ran down the stairs and right into my grandma's opened arms.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as we squeezed each other. Her familiar perfume filled my nose as we embraced.

She wasn't like typical grandma's--no white hair and velcro shoes for her. She dyed her hair a reddish brown close to mine and my mom's natural color. She only wore the nicest clothes and you'd have to pry her red bottom heels from cold, dead hands.

She towarded over me now in a pair of heels and a cute royal blue dress that popped against her summer tanned skin.

"I wanted to see my grandbaby," she said, releasing me. "Also, your mom wanted to grab a few things. I volunteered to do it because I wanted check up on you."

"We talked the other day," I reminded her.

"Oh, I know. But that's not the same," she said. "Where's your father?"

"Out with friends."

"That's perfect. How about you and I go out to brunch?"

My grandma let me drive her Mercedes as she directed to me to a restaurant downtown that specialized in brunch. We sat outside, enjoying the sun before it was high in the sky and blasting us with heat.

We ordered the full brunch package and my grandma let me have a single mimosa.

"How have you been, Faye?"

I shrugged, eating a strawberry from my french toast. "A lot's been happening. Some good, some bad."

Peter tried to kiss me. Then things were weird. Then things got better and then weird again. I called it the Conway rollercoaster. But I knew she wasn't asking about my love life.

It was always easy to talk to my grandma. Unlike my mom, she wasn't searching for something to criticize when she asked about my life. She was genuinely curious.

She hummed, nodding. "How do you feel about your mom leaving?"

I poked at my plate food. "Are you saying she's not coming back home?" Was that even what I wanted, for her to stay gone for good?

"No. No, that's not what I'm saying." She took a sip of her drink before continuing. "I just want to know where you stand in all if this. I know what your mom did that day was over the line."

"We both did things that day that crossed several lines," I said, remembering her tear filled eyes at the cemetery.

My mom had made me cry a lot over the years, but I didn't enjoy doing the same to her.

"Honestly, though," I continued. "Other than Dad being sad all the time, I don't mind Mom not being there." I stabbed at a grape. "You probably think I'm a horrible person."

She reached across the table, placing her hand over my free one. "No, of course not. It's a complicated situation."

"Everything in my life seems to be," I mumbled, popping a grape into my mouth.

She sat back. "You're in high school, so I'm sure you know what I'm talking about when I say, there are some girls who would do just about anything for the attention of their male classmates."

I knew the type she was talking about. The girls who only had boy friends. If they did have girl friends, they usually talked trash about them behind their backs. "I do."

"Growing up, your mom wasn't much different than them," she told me. "She wanted the attention of every male she came across. How she dressed and talked and acted--she morphed herself to fit the need of any guy who promised her his affection.

"I thought when she met your dad she was over that phase of her life. Then she had Sabrina and you. I guessed she couldn't stand to see her husband give attention to other girls. Not even his own daughters."

What my grandma said slowly clicked together in my mind. How nice she was to Peter when he first came over and how she tried to tear me down, telling me not to bring him into my drama. How nice she was those six months dad was out if the house because there was nothing there for us to compete over. How she saw Cherry, Peter, and my dad giving me so happy for me when I told them about Bea Lopez and she had to shut it down.

All this time, everything she had done to me--to Sabrina--it was all out of jealousy. How could someone be that jealous of her own daughters?

"Faye, I don't mean to upset you."

I pushed my food away, unable to take another bite. "Why is she like that?"

"I think it has to do with your grandfather," she pondered about her late husband. He passed before I was born so I never met him. "He wasn't around much and when he was, he was so cold and distant. The type to think love meant providing physical things and not emotions. It was extra hard on Abigail since she was an only child. I think she's been searching for the love she never got from her father. Trying to fill a whole in heart that may never be filled to her satisfaction, because the man she wants to pay attention to her is no longer here."

That explanation meant nothing to me. What she's done to our family couldn't be forgiven. My sister was dead because our mom never learned to share. Right then, I made up my mind.

"When you see her, tell her she can stay gone."

***

My grandma dropped me off at home after our brunch date. I was still upset after our talk and wasn't in the mood to drive. After she packed a suitcase for my mom, she kissed my cheek and promised to call soon.

Freckles whined at the door once my grandma left, begging for a walk. I put her on the leash and we went out into the sun.

My dog dragged me along, sniffing at every blade of grass and car and rock we passed. Every time I stared to calm down, I remembered that my mom was the ultimate pick me girl and got mad all over again.

Maybe the apple didn't fall far from the tree. The three guys I dated easily fooled me by being nice for a while. Then changed the second they got what they wanted from me. I let them mistreat how ever they wanted as long as they still chose me in the end.

Sure, Nathan checked out other girls when we went out, but he was with me.

Sure, Ivan complain to me about his coworker's new boyfriend but he was kissing me at the end of the day, not her.

Sure, Daniel was only interested when I was half naked, but he chose me to do those things with.

If anything, that was more proof Peter could do better than someone who threw themselves at anyone who smiled at them.

Freckles and I walked a few more blocks before heading back to the house. Peter asked what was wrong with things being complicated and I was prepared to give him an answer.

When we got home, I let Freckles into the house and walked over to Conways. Ryan walked out with a cooler as he headed for the jeep. Peter's car wasn't in the driveway.

"Hey, Faye," he greeted as he loaded the cooler into the jeep. "If you're looking for Peter, he's at the beach with the rest of the family."

"Oh, I thought today was a bowling day."

"We played a few games earlier," he told me, squinting in the sun. "You should come. I've been meaning to tell you about the birthday party for Tameka's sister."

Right. I'd completely forgotten I'd agreed to sing at a thirteen year olds party. I wanted to talk to Peter, tell him what I bad idea being complicated with me was. But I promised I'd do this for Ryan and I didn't want to go back on it.

I could hold off the talk I needed to have with Peter for a few more days. To figure out exactly what to say to him to get my point across in the least painful way.

"Yeah, okay."

***

The Conways set up on the beach close to the water. Aaron and Evan started a bonfire while their girlfriends laid out blankets so everyone had a place to sit.

On the way over, Ryan told me what I needed to know about the party. It was taking place at a roller rink and they wanted me to play about five cover songs. He promised he'd send a playlist of songs to choose from later.

The sky swirled with orange, pink and yellow as the sun faded. And out in the distance was Peter, doing very Peter like things.

I walked over to him. "What on earth are you doing?"

He pulled out his earbuds, the wind blowing through his curls. "Saving the earth, actually." He used a grabber tool to pick up a crumpled water bottle, placing it in the trash bag he carried along side him.

"So, while your brothers are fooling around with their girlfriends, you...do this?"

He picked up a candy bar wrapper, dropping in the trash bag. "Pretty much."

"Why?"

"I care for the environment."

"Okay, but you have a fake girlfriend, now."

He paused, turning to face me fully. "Are you suggesting we fool around?"

My brain stuttered like a scratched record. Heat crawled up my neck and to my cheeks as I gawked at him. Who was this boy and what did he do with the real Peter? And was the real Peter hiding out somewhere with my ability to form a sarcastic come back?

His gaze was unwavering as he waited for my answer. He was every bit as intense as that day on the trampoline. Unable to withstand his stare, I took the rest of him in. The Mariana's Trench shirt he wore, how he traded in his black jeans for black shorts, the second grabber poking from his pocket.

"Why do you carry two?" I asked, completely ignoring his last question.

He followed my line of sight to his left pocket. "Sometimes they break or people steal them from me."

"Who knew people who picked up litter on their free time were targets for bullies?"

The corner of his mouth ticked up at my sarcasm. I held my hand out. He stared at it for a moment, brows arched. "Really?"

"Hurry up before I change my mind," I told him.

He pulled the second grabber from his pocket, hitting a button to unfold it, and handed it me.

We continued down the beach, picking up trash. "I feel ridiculous," I grumbled.

"The ocean and her creatures thank you,"

I shoved him. His laughter sent an army of butterflies swarming in my belly.

********

So we learned why Faye's mom is they way she is.

And Faye thinking she's like her mom and Peter deserves better??

Also, who else is loving the bolder side of Peter Conway??

Thank you a bunches for reading this chapter!!

Shout out to tangled-dreams for leaving such awesome comments 💕

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