22 Say It All

"SAY IT ALL"

The next two days flew by in a blur of rehearsals and song writing.

The End of Summer Showcase was being held outdoors at Sunlight Beach. It was a three hour drive and since we had to be there for the weekend, my dad, Cherry and I stayed in a hotel, turning the trip into a mini vacation.

Friday was spent rehearsing "I Don't Wanna Dance With You" with a live band. Having musicians play the music I made myself with a beat machine my dad bought me for Christmas five years ago was amazing. Unfortunately, everything moved so fast that I hardly had time to enjoy it before I was being dragged to the next thing.

Of all the people I was introduced to that day, I hoped one of them would be Bea Lopez. Her assistant, Gabrielle, was there in her place, though.

She talked faster than I could process and I was happy my dad and Cherry were with me. There was no way I would remember everything she said when I was still kind of freaking out about performing tomorrow.

I got to perform two songs, same as all the other performers. My first song was definitely going to be "I Don't Wanna Dance With You".

Even though my music leaned more towards self love these last couple of weeks, I wasn't completely abandoning songs about romantic love. And "I Don't Wanna Dance With You" was my most popular song.

For the second song, I was stuck between my newest one, "For My Eyes Only" and "Favorite Afternoon".

"Favorite Afternoon" was the only other song I had uploaded to my social media pages. I wrote it years ago, a few months before Sabrina's accident.

She had made up her mind that she was leaving after her graduation. We went on a sister date to the movies. Had hot fudge sundaes and hung out at the beach. She promised she'd always be there when I needed her, even if we were in different states.

The song was her goodbye present from me the day the she snuck off to the bus station after our parents left for work.

Both songs were personal. I didn't know if I was ready to perform either for a live audience. My only other options were one of the dozens of love songs I've written. It didn't feel right to sing any of them, though.

Except, maybe the song I recently wrote about Peter and the end of our brief summer romance titled "Artificial". Maybe performing it for a crowd would finally rid me of these feelings.

Ever since Taylor Kings party my mind has been stuck in a game of what ifs.

What if Peter meant what he said?

What if he really was different from other guys?

What if I pushed him away for good?

No matter what I tried, I couldn't shake that night out of my head. I couldn't forget the look on his face when he told me he was willing to take a risk on us.

Gabrielle told me I needed my second song picked out before the concert so the tech people could be prepared. Which ever song I picked, I knew I wanted to play the piano while singing it.

***

"I vote for 'For my Eyes Only'." Cherry said as we rode the elevator to the lobby.

Rehearsals ended an hour ago and if I didn't get Cherry in water soon, she'd shrivel up. My dad stayed in the room, a Star Trek marathon on the tv catching his attention.

"I think it'd be a nice closing song," she continued. "It's empowering."

I mulled that over as we got off the elevator and headed for the pool. Thankfully it wasn't super busy since it was dinner time. Plus, the beach was only a short walk away. I'm sure most of the hotel's guest opted for the ocean.

Cherry wasted no time getting into the water, looking perfectly at home as she wadded through the water. I sat on the edge, dipping my feet in. Packing a bathing suit wasn't even on my mind as I frantically rushed to pack a few different outfits to choose from for the performance.

My phone vibrated with a message from my dad, warning me to pay attention to my surroundings. I forgot how paranoid he got when we were away from home. I sent him the binocular emoji and thumbs up.

Because I couldn't help myself, instead of putting my phone away, I tapped through to the pictures. Despite my new outlook on life and not pining over guys who hurt me once already, I found myself looking through pictures of me and Peter throughout the day.

Us eating giant pretzels at the beach. Laying on the trampoline in his backyard. Him playing tug-of-war with Freckles. The two of us kissing. I was only human. I could allow myself to miss this boy who became a part of my life this summer. Before our short romance, we were friends.

I think that's why getting over him was harder than with my other break ups. I usually skipped right into dating. With Peter, falling for him happened with out warning. Just like our break up.

"I thought you deleted those." Cherry pulled herself out of the water, sitting next to me on the edge of the pool.

"I did. Twice. Then I'd go to the trash and put them back," I told her, tucking my phone away in my bag. "It's a process."

We sat silently, the water lapping at our ankles.

"Tristan told me some things about Peter earlier," Cherry said cautiously.

I hated how much that bit of information pulled my attention. I hated myself even more for asking, "Like what?"

"Mostly about how sad Peter's been lately," she said, playing with the ends of her braids.

My heart sank, just a little, as I remembered how broken he looked that night in Mrs. Kings office. Then I remembered that list and the feeling was gone. "He'll get over it."

"Like you're getting over it?" She shot back, eyes darting to my bag where my phone sat. "You know Peter isn't like the other guys you dated."

"I think that's what scares me," I told her, swirling my feet in the water. "I like him. A lot. With Daniel there was always this thought at the back of mind that he'd find someone more interesting than me. I felt the same with Nathan and Ivan. But I don't think like that with Peter. When I'm with him, I'm with him. There in the present moment."

"Why is that a bad thing?"

I examined my chipped polish. "Because, if I'm not looking ahead, how will I know when I'm about to hit the ground? He already blindsided me once."

Cherry shrugged. "I think that fear goes both ways. Didn't he tell you that he didn't date because he was afraid of the break up part? He's risking just as much as you are."

She had me there. Clearly I knew nothing about truly risking your heart for love all those weeks ago on top of Cloud Creamery. Right now, I'd side with that Peter in a heartbeat.

Once Cherry's fingers and toes were pruned to her liking, we went back to the room. Hopefully my dad would let us get room service.

Just as we stepped on the the elevator, my phone rang. My dad's face flashed on the screen as I answered. "Hey, Dad--"

"Faye, get to the room, right now!" My dads voice was uncharacteristically angry as he spoke. I picked up pace, Cherry following behind, as I tried to figure out why he was so mad. Did he find out I ate his last bag of chips?

When we rounded the corner, it was clear this had nothing to do with chips.

For some unknown reason, Peter and Tristan were outside our hotel room. Now my dad being furious made sense. He probably thought we invited them.

Unlike that night at Taylor's birthday party, I knew exactly what emotion I felt as I marched up to Peter. "What are you doing here?" I turned to Tristan, who already tried to pull this stunt once. "Why is he here?"

Cherry mentioned Tristan coming to the concert tomorrow, but nothing about him bringing Peter.

Tristan held his hands up in defense. "I had nothing to do with it this time."

"Faye--"

I turned to my dad, cutting him off before he finished. "We didn't invite them here."

"They didn't, Mr. Moore." Peter had been silent up until that point. He nervously shoved his hands into his pockets, cheeks tinged pink. "I just really wanted to speak with your daughter."

My dad narrowed his eyes at him. "And what? Your phone doesn't work?"

"She, uh, has me blocked," Peter explained, glancing at me. "She even with the extra mile and blocked me on Cherry's phone."

"She did?" Cherry pulled out her phone to confirm. "When did you do that?"

I shrugged, still glaring at Peter. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed hard. Hopefully realizing he drove all this way for nothing.

The door of the room across from us opened. A woman with a baby on her hip stared daggers into us.

"Everyone inside," my dad ordered, apologizing to the woman. She grunted at him before shutting her door.

My dad went into, well, Dad Mode. He made Peter and Tristan call their parent's to tell them where they were. Mr. Conway seemed fine with his son's little road trip. Tristan's mom, on the other hand, was furious.

Apparently, good Christian boys didn't sneak off to a different city to meet their girlfriends at hotels. My dad managed to calm her down enough so she'd hold off on coming to pick him until tomorrow.

Once everything was settled, my dad looked at the four of us. "Can someone explain what is going on here? If you girls didn't invite them, how did they know where to find you?"

Cherry slowly raised her hand. "I told Tristan which room we were staying in, but I thought he was coming tomorrow to see the concert."

All eyes moved to Tristan who sat on the small couch with Peter. "My dad was going to let me borrow the car for tomorrow. Then something came up for him at work. Peter's the only other person I know with his own car."

Peter cleared his throat. "When Tristan called to ask for a ride I got the idea to come tonight." His blue eyes found mine. "I didn't want to wait to talk to you."

I bristled under his gaze. He drove all this way to talk to me? I was torn between wanting to hear him out and telling him he wasted a trip. Nothing was ever easy when it came to Peter Conway.

Except, maybe, falling for him.

"I'm only asking for five minutes," he said, eyes pleading.

Dad stood from the other bed, pulling out his wallet and handing me his debit card. "How about you four pick up some tacos from the place around the corner.

My attention whipped to my dad.

"Don't look at me like that," he said to me. Turning to Peter he added, "I slept on my mother-in-law's porch once when her mom refused to talk to me. So, I get it. Just don't make me regret it."

Peter beamed at this show of approval from my dad. I huffed a sigh and headed for the door. If everyone else liked Peter so much then they should date him.

The night air was cool as we left the hotel. The street was busy with tourist family's heading home from the beach where I'd be performing tomorrow. Nerves fluttered in my stomach as we passed it.

"Are you excited about tomorrow?" Peter asked, falling into step beside me.

I crossed my arms over my chest, keeping my eyes glued to the glowing taco sign. It was hard to tell why I was still mad. At this point, I think it was just a shield.

If I stayed mad then I wouldn't have to deal with all my other emotions. The ones that were touched that Peter drove for hours just to talk to me. That he still tried even though I shut him out.

The scared part of me worked overtime, though. Building a wall of what ifs faster than I could dismiss them.

When I didn't answer him, Peter didn't say anything else. He stayed by my side, though. Opening the door of the taco place and carrying the bag of food. Being Mr. Perfect as always.

Back at the hotel, Tristan took the food from Peter. "We'll take this up to the room."

I raised my brow at Cherry. She raised hers back, eyes darting to Peter who nervously hid his hands in the pockets of his dark jeans as he stared down at his shoes. Then she disappeared on the elevator with her boyfriend.

In the hotel lobby, near the front desk, there was a sitting area. I walked over to sit on one of the hard looking benches, knowing Peter would follow. Behind us was a view of the pool where, just a few hours ago, I admitted how much being with Peter scared me.

Picking at the frayed ends of my shorts, I asked, "What'd you want to talk about?"

He lowered himself on the bench with me, rubbing his palms on his thighs. "I'm sorry about the list. I didn't mean any of it."

My eyes narrowed. "But you wrote it."

"On my birthday. After you took off," he explained.

"What difference does it make when you wrote it?"

He pulled his hand through his hair, sighing. "When you snuck out of the party, I knew for certain you were going to end our deal. Day camp was over. You weren't grounded anymore. There was no reason for us to fake date anymore. I also knew that I was going to miss you when it happened."

I stilled at his words, meeting his eyes.

"I was trying to prepare myself because you became such an important part of my life this summer. Even as I made the list I didn't believe anything I wrote."

He dug into his pocket, pulling out a small, folded piece of paper. "Thinking of those first seven reasons wasn't easy. But the last three were." He set the paper on the bench between us, pushing it towards me with his index finger.

Noticing the jagged edge, I realized this was the missing half of the list. He held on to it this whole time?

8. This list is effing dumb because none of these are flaws (except her not recycling but I can fix that)

9. She's my favorite part of the summer

10. I won't give up without a fight

There was even a footnote for number two on the list: She's been with a lot of guys*

*I heard this from Daniel who isn't a reliable source

"Why'd you rip this part off?" I asked, tracing the words of number nine with my finger.

"This was the only part of the list that mattered," he said simply.

He was good at saying things that made me doubt my decisions. It was frustrating. I wanted to kiss him and run away all at the same time. Running would hurt less.

Folding the note and handing it back, I stood from the bench. "My tacos are getting cold."

His shoulders deflated as he rubbed his brow. "Can I have a reason at least?" He stood before me, jaw tense like he was bracing for impact. "Why can't we be together? Because I'm starting to think the list was just an excuse."

"You don't know what you're talking about." My voice wavered. I hated how easily he could read me.

He took a step closer, his fresh laundry scent and body heat circling around me. "I think you date guys like Daniel because you know you'll never really love them. Now that you're faced with something real, you're scared."

That was a bold statement. No matter how accurate. I folded my arms. "Oh? So now I'm in love with you?"

"I think you could be." His gaze pierced mine as he spoke his next words. "I hope you are because I'm in love with you."

I flinched back, my head shaking. "Don't do that. Don't lie to me."

A dent formed between his brows. "Why would I lie?"

"Because that's what you do!" I swallowed the lump in my throat, lowering my voice when the woman at the front desk narrowed her eyes at me. "You make things up to keep people from leaving."

I knew I crossed the line by bringing up what happened with his mom, even before I saw the surprise--the hurt--painting his expression. But maybe it needed to be done so he'd finally accept that I'm not the girl for him.

The elevator ride back to our floor was quiet and tense. Peter wouldn't even spare me a glance. Which was what I wanted. Still, I felt like crap for throwing what he told me back in his face.

Maybe I was more like my mom than I cared to admit.

Since Peter and Tristan drove down here with zero plans, my dad took pity on them and let the sleep in the room with us. Peter in the arm chair and Tristan on the couch.

What happened? Cherry messaged me as we laid in bed together, my head under the covers so I wouldn't be tempted to stare at Peter's back.

I messaged her back: It's over.

********

Peter has read Faye like a book.

But Faye would rather set that book on fire than admit to her feelings.

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