20. IDGAF

Chase.

✙ ☠ ✙

We've made it back to LA in one piece. I dropped Sky off and just reached my dad's since I'm staying here this week.

I open the door and try to sneak inside even though I know dad's expecting me. I'm just thinking if I can get to my room, wait till he's calmer..

"Chase Chambers!"

Fuck.

My dad appears from the kitchen.

"Dad! I've missed you!" I force a smile. I fiddle with the scarf around my neck that covers my tattoo.

"Don't you 'Dad' me! Your mom and I are kind enough to show you a little bit of mercy and you skip class and take an early flight to New York?!"

"I bought you a souvenir." I hold up a lame statue of liberty key-chain. "Cute, right?"

"Chase, you are grounded. For real now. Two weeks."

I sigh. Well, two weeks is better than I thought. All I wanted to do was sleep anyway. "Okay. I'm sorry." I give him the key-chain.

He takes it and sighs.

"It is pretty cute..." He agrees.

I grab my bag to take it upstairs.

"Chase," Dad grabs my arm.

"Has Sky said anything about Lisa? He said it would be better to wait with my grand gesture but he hasn't updated much since."

Damn. How do I avoid this?

"Uh, yeah. He's working on it. He'll call you soon."

I run upstairs.

"Aren't you going to tell me about your trip?" Dad calls after me.

"Later!"

I cover myself in blankets and pillows ready to sleep but despite how tired I am, I can't. My mind's full of images and thoughts. I'm lying to everyone now. I'm lying to Loren about betraying her with Sky, I'm lying to Sky and Aron about my sexuality and about still being into Sky, I'm lying to my dad about Lisa and I'm lying to my mom about everything. I'm such a liar. I've only been here for a few minutes and I already feel the pressure of my life choking the air out of my lungs again.

My phone beeps as I get a bunch of messages. I look at the screen.

Alex: party at my place, bitches!

Tom: that's random af

Alex: who tf cares? it's a fkk party!! everyone's invited

Wayne: 💪💪💪

Zane: ill bring the presents

Wayne: fire 🔥🔥

Max: What time?

Alex: starts at 9 ends when everyone's WASTEDD

Max: lololo

Wayne: should i bring booze?

Alex: the more the better

Alex: yo chasey, y u no texty?

Alex: I can see ur online asshole

Wayne: Chase, u coming?

Chase: i'm grounded

Zane: Oh shnnapp, what did u do?

Chase: skipped class, totaled my car. that whole thing

Alex: just sneak out my dude

Chase: I only got two weeks. I don't want more

Alex: *cough* pussy *cough cough*

Chase: Fuck off.

Wayne: I'll help u sneak out broski, ur parents won't even know

If my dad finds out he'll ground me for life. Then again, who says I'll get caught? My dad's super busy with his serenade and otherwise he's busy with clients. He's always in bed by 10. I can sneak out.

Chase: if i get caught, ill blame all of u

Alex: that's the fuckin spirit

Zane: eyyooowoww🎉🎊

Wayne: 🔥🔥💯

I turn on some music while I stare up at the ceiling. I always listen to this kind of music but today it feels particularly accurate.

'Close my eyes and cross my fingers I don't wake up cause I don't really wanna die but really don't give a fuck..'

I spend hour after hour torturing myself with how many people I'm failing. I replay images of the worst times of my life. Over and over again.

× × ×

A few hours later, I'm up and ready to go to the party. Anything is better than to spend any more time inside my head. I need to distract myself.

I sneak to my dad's room.

I open the door gently. My dad's fast asleep and snoring obnoxiously.

I walk down the stairs and out of the house quietly.

Wayne's waiting further down the street. I run the last bit through the night air and sigh of relief when I reach his neon yellow sports car.

"Dude, get in!" He whispers.

I open the door and jump inside. He drives off before I've even closed the door.

"Thanks, man."

"No problem." He punches my arm. "This is what friends are for."

I wonder if he said the same to Lucas before he ditched him.

Whatever, Lucas deserved it. He's a total asshole. It's different with me.

"So you've never been to Alex's house right?"

"Uh, no."

"Get ready for the world to change for you, my man. This bout to get real."

My curiosity is piqued.

Not long after, we pull up to a huge modern mansion. If you thought my house was big, you haven't seen this one.

Wayne starts to laugh upon seeing my surprised face.

"Yeah, it's crazy, man. Alex's parents are basically never there so he throws these huge parties like all the time. Everyone's invited, except for dweebs of course. And.. there's always someone bringing the stuff, if you know what I mean."

I don't actually. But I'm sure I'll find out.

Wayne parks the car in the most assholeish way. Half of it on the sidewalk.

We get out and make our entrance.

There's people dancing, drinking, talking all around us. Most people are half naked and wet from the massive pool. There are neon colors everywhere and music coming from every direction. It's the biggest party I've ever been to. Balloons and confetti cover the floor.

"Yo, I brought my boy Chaseyyy!" Wayne screams.

Everyone starts to cheer and clap.

I can't help but smile.

Someone immediately brings me a beer which I happily gulp down.

Wayne introduces me to a bunch of college kids. All the while I'm trying to stay focused on them and not let my mind wander. I grab another drink as I talk to some people.

To my dismay, Melissa appears. She's wearing a bright red swimsuit with cutouts that don't leave much to the imagination. Every guy in the room is drooling over her as she makes her way to me.

I smile, trying to hide my annoyance.

"Boyfriend." She smiles. Her eyes on fire with desire.

"Girlfriend."

She wraps her arms around me and kisses me lustfully. I do my best to reciprocate instead of pushing her off.

I hear the ooh's and aah's of the crowd. Chase Chambers. The great performer.

"Alright, lovebirds, enough." Wayne pulls me away from Melissa. He doesn't know how grateful I am.

He wraps his arm around me and leads me out of the living room.

"Alright, let's go to the real party." He says in my ear. His breath is hot. It's uncomfortable. It reminds me of Kev. I shiver as the images of that night move in my mind again. Can't I just have fun for one night?

Wayne takes me into the long hallway. It smells strong, like smoke in here. Not normal smoke... it smells more herbal..

He opens the door to a small secluded room. There aren't any disco lights in this room. Just normal white ones. The guys are in the middle of the room sitting around a poker table.

I see now the smoke is coming from them. Most of them are smoking cigarettes.

"Poker?" I ask, kind of disappointed. I was expecting something cooler.

"No, no, no. Not poker, my dude." As we get closer I see all the little bags on the table filled with green dried up plants.

They're not smoking cigarettes. They're smoking weed.

"Ayooo, Chaseyyy!" The guys all start hollering as they see me.

I sit down next to Alex and Zane.

"Here, man." Zane hands me a lit blunt.

I probably shouldn't do this. I remember the little speech from school. Weed kills brain cells when you're underage. Then again.. you can't kill what you don't have?

"What are you waiting for, man?" Alex gives me a shove.

"Guys, I think it's his first time." Wayne says.

"Awww.." The guys mock.

"Shut up, it's not." I lie.

"Oh no?" Alex nods to the blunt.

Fuck it. I have nothing to lose.

I put it in my mouth and suck on it a bit. The taste is strong and earthy yet kind of sweet. It's pretty gross.

"Look at his face!" The guys all laugh.

I take another hit and wonder what the fuss is about. I feel nothing.

"It's not doing anything."

"Patience my man, patience." Wayne pats my back.

After everyone's done smoking, we make our way back to the party.

And then I feel different.

The music seems to be better than before. It makes me feel happy and light. The lights are brighter, prettier. It's like the party was black and white before and now it's in color.

I start to dance to the music and my mood is better than ever.

"There it is." Zane hits my back.

We all start to dance and I find myself actually having fun for once. I don't feel out of place or weird or different. I feel like I belong. It's euphoric.

Melissa joins my side and we dance together, I hold her really close to me and it's easy. It's not so painful like before. She kisses me and I gladly kiss her back. I never knew she was such a good kisser.

"Mmm.." I moan.

Melissa smiles. She takes my hand and drags me to a different room. We make out, we touch each other and it all feels great. Maybe I'm straight after all. The thought makes me happy, ecstatic.

We move to the bed and before we know it, we're naked.

× × ×

I walk the last bit to my house extra quietly. I can't see too well. Everything's blurry and I think I might throw up soon. I shouldn't have drank so much. I shouldn't have eaten so much. Why didn't anyone tell me weed makes you so hungry?

I carefully open the door to my dad's place and close it behind me. It's hard to do it quietly. I'm so drunk. It's dark in here. I keep the lights off so as not to wake my dad.

I sigh of relief when the door's closed. Nothing more to do now than to go to bed.

Tonight was fun. Sooo fun. I love weed. Weed's great.

I make my way to the stairs but stumble against the small coffee table with my dad's glass vase on it. It scatters to the ground and fills the otherwise quiet house with an ear-deafening clatter.

I cringe.

"Shit."

...Maybe he didn't hear it.

"Chase?!" I hear from above me. He already sounds angry.

The lights turn on and I see my dad at the top of the stair case.

"Hey dad." I wave.

He runs down the stairs.

"What the hell is going on? Why are you dressed and what's that..." He comes close and smells me.

Fuck.

"Is that weed? Did you go out?" He sounds liviiiddd.

"No. I just.. got dressed. And tripped."

"Don't you lie to me Chase." His voice is shaking with anger.

"I'm sorry, I'll clean it up." I kneel down to pick up the pieces of glass but cut myself in the process.

"Ouch."

My dad pulls me up. "What is wrong with you? I told you you were grounded!" My dad yells.

"Nothing!" I jerk my arm away.

"Just stop telling me what to do!" I scream at him.

"Don't you raise your voice at me! You're the one in the wrong here. I'm your father and it's time you start showing some respect!"

"It's time you stop treating me like baby! Checking up on me all the time, I can take care of myself!" I scream.

My dad's eyes go from mine to my neck.

Crap.

I cover my tattoo but I'm too late. My dad's actually turning red now.

"Is that a fucking tattoo?!" He roars.

"It's not real!"

"Stop lying to me!" I've never seen him this angry.

"What on earth is the matter with you!" My dad looks at me for a long time.

His anger is replaced by disappointment and despair.

"Are you cutting again?" He sounds breathless.

"What?!" I take a a step back.

My dad grabs my arm.

"Show me your arm—"

"No! Let go of me!" I jerk my arm away.

"God! I can't stand you! No wonder Sky's mom doesn't like you!" I scream.

"What?" My dad's taken aback by this. Tears of sadness fill his eyes.

"Sky told me himself. She likes Sky's dad! So you can stop worrying about me and worry about your own pathetic life!" I yell before going up the stairs as fast as I can.

I slam the door to my room.