35. Dead Eyes

Sky.

✙ ☠ ✙

"So, I'm going over there to help with the funeral and everything." I tell Aron.

"I'm coming with you." He says.

"You don't have to."

"Yes, I do. We're going together." He grabs my hand.

I smile at him.

"Are you okay?" He asks. He looks worried.

"I'm fine. I barely even knew him. I just feel bad for my grandparents. And my mom. She's hurting."

Aron looks puzzled. Maybe he's expecting me to be crying or screaming or something. But after getting over the shock I've just felt normal.

We're going to Tennessee to help out with the funeral at the end of the week. I'm thinking it might be best if Rose stays with Loren. I've never planned a funeral before so I'm researching how it all works. Aron's watching my every move. He thinks I'm close to breaking but I'm okay. I'm just helping out my family. At least this gives me something to do other than worry about Steven.

My mom's in pieces. She hasn't stopped crying since I told her. She's staying at our place for the time being.

I go to my mom's room. She's sitting on the bed staring out the window. I sit next to her and wrap my arms around her.

"I don't understand.." She whispers. She caresses my hand. "I just.." She shakes her head. "This can't be happening."

"We'll be okay, mom." I kiss her cheek.

"I should never have let him back into our lives. I just wanted you to know him and now.. All I've brought you is more grief." She cries.

"It's not your fault. Dad is— was like that. You just saw the good in him. And I'm fine. Please don't worry about me."

She looks into my eyes. "You know you're allowed to cry, right? He was your father."

"Barely. And I'm sure I'll cry if I have to but I just don't feel all that sad. So please, don't feel sorry for me. I'm okay, mom."

She smiles at me. "You've really grown up, huh?" She caresses my cheek. "I'm proud of you."

Chase.

✙ ☠ ✙

These past two weeks have been awful. Loren barely talks to me. Mom can't look me in the eye and dad is watching my every move. I've been missing Sky and Aron like crazy but I'm not allowed to see anyone. If my parents really think I'm suicidal why are they making it worse by isolating me from my friends? All there is to do is homework. I try to sleep but it's really hard.

I make my way down the stairs for lunch. I'm not hungry but dad forces me to eat. The doorbell rings.

Human contact!

"I'll get it!" I yell.

My dad swoops in before me.

I sigh and sit at the top of the staircase.

I feel like Rapunzel. Locked away in tower.

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to come here." I hear my dad say.

"I know you're upset," It's Aron!

Do you think if I run down the stairs and blast out the door I could escape with him? We'd have to be quick..

I sigh. No. That wouldn't be fair. My dad's only trying to help. Though he's really being a dick about it all.

"But what happened between Chase and Sky happened two years ago! Everyone has long moved on since then!"

"Okay, so if a kid gets assaulted and it's two years later that magically makes it okay?!"

"That's not what I'm saying! I'm saying that Sky didn't force anyone and that Chase has moved on. Sky is in pieces about what happened. He won't talk about it but I know him. He's beating himself up because of this."

"As he should." My dad says coldly.

"I thought you cared about him. How can you be like this!"

"I'm prioritizing my own family. Which is something I should've done years ago. Maybe all of this could have been prevented. I should never have let Sky into our lives. All he's done is ruin things."

"How can you say that? What about Rose, huh? She's half Sky!"

"We all have good and bad sides."

I don't have to look to see Aron's anger. I'm kind of hoping he'll punch some sense into my dad. He really went too far there.

He doesn't.

Dammit.

"I think it would be best if you leave," My dad's about to close the door.

Aron stops the door with his foot.

"Aron—"

"Sky's dad just died."

The blood pulls away from my face.

"He won't talk to me about it. He says he's fine but I can tell he's not. He's just trying to keep it together but.. There's a wall around him and I feel like I'm losing him! He needs you to forgive him!"

I run down the stairs. I open the door a little further.

"Oliver died?" My heart breaks for Sky.

Aron's eyes are wet.

He hugs me. "Chase! I missed you, man!"

I wrap my arms around him.

I'm still in shock. Sky's dad is dead. And now he lost my dad too. I pull away, glare at my dad.

"Don't look at me like that. I didn't kill Sky's father."

"You left him without a father, that's worse! You were supposed to have his back!"

My dad looks away. He seems to be struggling.

"We have to go to the funeral." I say.

"Chase—"

"We have to! We can't let Sky deal with this alone! He needs us!"

My dad shakes his head.

"Please, dad. Please!"

My dad looks at Aron.

Aron's eyes are begging.

"Alright. We'll come." Dad says after a while.

"But this doesn't mean I forgive him. I'm doing it for Chase."

"Thank you." Aron looks deep into my dad's eyes.

He gives a curt nod.

× × ×

After a long week of worrying it's finally time.

My dad, Loren and I get out of the car. We just made it to Sky's grandparents' house in Tennessee. The funeral is today. I'm nervous to see Sky. I wonder what he'll be like. I hope he's doing okay.

I step into the grass and spot Sky standing underneath a massive oak tree. He's just staring up at the branches. I wonder what he's thinking about. He looks like he came straight out of a movie. He's dressed in a black suit with black dress shoes to match.

"Sky!" I call.

He turns around. Smiles faintly when he sees me.

I run up to him, right into his arms.

"I missed you so much!" Part of me feels weird being so happy to see him. Given the occasion.

"I missed you too!" Sky laughs.

I pull away and take a good look at him. He looks fine. Like his normal, usual self. Apart from his eyes.. They look sort of different than when I last saw him.

"How have you been?" I ask.

Sky shrugs. "Normal. You can't miss what you never had, right?" He says casually. Then he looks into the distance right at my dad and Loren.

He walks up to them.

"Thanks for coming." He says politely.

My dad nods. He avoids eye-contact.

Loren surprises me when she leans in and hugs him.

"I'm so sorry, Sky."

He holds her tightly.

I can feel the relief oozing off him.

"I'm glad you're here."

He pulls away, looks at my dad. Sad hope in his eyes.

"I'm sorry about your father." Dad says curtly.

"I'm sorry. About everything." Sky answers.

My dad looks around uncomfortably. They won't share a hug or even a handshake.

"Uhm, I'll introduce you to some of my family.." Sky takes us inside an old white house. He introduces us to everyone. There's lots of people inside.

I go to talk to Aron.

He puts his arm around my shoulder. "Glad you're here." He says.

"I understand why you're so worried about him. He's acting so normal.." I look at Sky. He's smiling and laughing as he's talking to his grandfather.

"Maybe it just hasn't sunk in yet.." Aron muses.

"How are you feeling?" Aron asks.

"I'm just glad to be out finally. And I'm happy I'm here with you guys.. I just wish it wasn't for such a sad reason..."

Aron squeezes my shoulder.

Sky's eyes meet mine from across the room.

He comes up to me. "Do you wanna talk outside?"

"Yeah."

We make our way to the door.

"Chase," Here comes my dad.

"We're just going to talk outside." I sigh.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Jesus, dad. Can't you be a bit more understanding? You can watch us from the window." I roll my eyes, grab Sky's hand and we head for the door.

It's quiet out. Very peaceful.

"Oh my God, he's actually watching us. Creepy." Sky laughs.

I look back at the house. Dad's standing on the porch. I'm so embarrassed.

"How have you been?" Sky asks.

"Well.. I felt really bad about what happened. My dad got my phone and he forced me to tell him. I swear I didn't mean to!"

"I know. I figured as much. But I mean, how do you feel now that they know everything?"

The question catches me off guard. I realize it's because no one has asked me that in weeks.

"My life is pretty shitty right now. I don't have any freedom. I don't get to talk to friends.. But in some way I feel kind of liberated. I feel like a weight's off my shoulders. My mom won't look at me and Loren hates me.. but at least I'm not living a lie anymore." I take a deep breath.

Sky smiles at me. "I'm happy."

"Are you? You keep saying you're fine but your dad just died. You know you're allowed to be sad, right?"

"I know but I'm just not. Why can't people just be happy I'm okay?"

"Because we're worried. Aron said you seem normal but he knows you're not okay."

"Well I'm not particularly happy my dad died but there's nothing I can do about it now, is there? Honestly, I'm much more sad that Steven is staring at me like I'm some kind of pedophile." He looks at the porch.

"He'll come around."

"I don't think he will. You know, I've been thinking about what I would if Rose was in your shoes..." He shakes his head. "If someone had taken advantage of her I would never forgive them either. No matter how long ago it was."

"You didn't take advantage of me!"

"Did you want to have sex with me that day?" He looks deep into my eyes.

I can't believe we're talking about this so openly. We never have.

"I.. I was surprised but I didn't.. not want it." I shrug. "I just felt honored you liked me enough to want to have sex with me."

Sky scoffs.

"And.. I thought you were really hot so, yeah I didn't mind giving you my first time."

Sky starts to laugh.

"So you don't regret it?" He asks.

"Not at all. Just think about it, if you hadn't been my first time it would've been Kev."

Sky smiles a flat smile. "Still. I understand your dad." His eyes seem dead. It's like I'm back in time. When Aron came, Sky came to life, now he seems to have lost that light again. It scares me.

Sky looks back at the porch. People are walking out of the house.

"Oh, I think it's happening. My first funeral, so exciting!" He smiles sarcastically.

He makes his way back to the porch where his grandpa waits for him.

I follow after him.