40. Close

Sky.

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I wait a few seconds. No response. Maybe I should go. I should come back tomorrow. What was I thinking coming here so late?

Just as I'm about to turn around, the door opens.

Steven's eyes lock with mine in an intense stare.

I try to find the words I want to use.

"Sky? What are you doing here? It's three AM." His voice doesn't sound angry. He doesn't look it either.

I'm still scared.

I look down at my shoes. I was dealing with things.. That sounds like an excuse. He'll take it the wrong way.

I try not to cry. I didn't come here to cry. I came here to talk to him. I sniffle. I can't control the tears from falling down.

"Good grief. You're drenched. How long were you standing out here for?"

I shrug.

"I just.. I wanted to tell you.." I can't get the words out. I look into Steven's eyes hoping he'll understand what I mean.

He opens his arms.

"Come here," He says.

I can't believe what I'm hearing. I stand there confused. Why would he want to hug me? Isn't he mad?

"I said come here." He repeats.

I fall into his arms. "I'm so sorry." I sob.

"I know. I know you are." He caresses my back.

He holds me while I cry into his chest.

He runs his hands through my wet hair.

"We really ought to get you out of these wet clothes, huh? You'll catch a cold this way." He pulls away.

"Come on. I'll run you a bath."

× × ×

I'm taking off my clothes in the bathroom as the bathtub fills with water. Steven is calling Aron. Telling him I'm okay and that I'm here.

Once the bath is full I turn off the faucet and step into the warm water. It's really nice.

"Sky? Can I come in?" Steven asks.

"Yeah." I say. He comes into the bathroom with two bath-bombs in his hands.

"I got these from Loren's room. I'm sure she wouldn't mind." He chuckles. "Which one do you want? Cherry Bomb or Pumpkin Spice?"

"I don't know." I shrug.

"Pumpkin Spice it is." He takes off the wrapper and throws the bath-bomb into the water.

It fuzzes and releases a delicious scent as well as a lot of orange foam and leaf-shaped glitter.

I play with the tiny little leaves floating around in the water.

Steven grabs a chair and sits down next to me.

"I think I owe you an apology." He says.

"What?" In which universe did he do anything wrong? He had all the right to be mad at me. He still does.

"Of course I was right to be upset. It was a pretty bitter pill to swallow that the two people I hold so close were keeping such a big secret from me. Chase is my son and I care for his well-being. And while it's certainly not favorable to lose your virginity at fourteen.. It was his choice to make. And it's not like you were forty or that twenty-six year old.." His eyes darken for a moment.

"My point is, you were both kids. Teenagers, I guess. And I trust you and him when you say you would never force him. I know you. I know you wouldn't do that." He looks me deep in the eyes.

"I just.. As a father. I felt like I failed him. I should have known something was up this year when he started acting so different and getting drunk. I should've fought harder for him to tell me. Then you hear why he's been acting this way and you just wanna punch someone. Anyone. And then he told me about you and all my anger and frustration and powerlessness came out on you. You became my punching bag and that was wrong. I was angry at that.." He shakes his head. "That predator and I was angry at myself." He takes a deep breath, rubs his hands over his face.

"But you were right to be angry." I say.

"I was right to be angry... but I wasn't right to hate you. I wasn't right to kick you out of my family. Especially when you needed me so much. Through all this with your dad.." He shakes his head.

"Please forgive me." He looks into my eyes. His eyes begging.

I never expected this. For him to be asking me for forgiveness. I wonder if I'll ever get to this level of empathy. Where even when the other person's in the wrong you can still see your own mistakes, no matter how small.

"I forgive you." I say kind of stunned.

He sighs of relief.

His eyes gleaming with love.

"I forgive you too."

I look down at the water. I've been dreaming of those words for weeks now. I can't help but smile.

"Chase has been worried about you. Maybe now you two could spend some time together again."

"I'd love that."

"How have you been? With your dad and all?" Steven asks.

"I was much better before I read his letter. He said he loved me and he hopes I turn out nothing like him. What does that even mean? I'm half him."

"I'm sure he just meant he doesn't want you to make the mistakes he made. And you're not. You're taking great care of Rosalie. You're supporting Loren as much as you can. You're with Aron. You treat each other well. Right?"

"I guess so.. But the way he said it was like he hopes I'm nothing like him. Like I'm doomed if I am."

"You know as people we all have good and bad sides. Dark and light. He just hopes you don't get his dark sides. Or at least that they're not so prominent. He wants what's best for you. And I think he's selling himself short by saying he has no good sides."

"What good sides?" I ask. After reading Dad's letter I can't seem to find them anymore.

"Well, for the little while I spoke to him at the church I noticed he has a great sense of humor, he's a very loving and passionate man and he cares about his family. Even if he doesn't show it." Steven gives me a look.

"Sounds familiar, huh?" He smiles.

"I'm definitely not as funny as him."

"Personally, I think you're funnier."

I chuckle. "Thank you."

"Sky, I think you've been through a lot. And for someone whose life has been so hard you've turned yourself into a pretty amazing person. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Not even your dad."

"Do you really feel that way?"

"Yes. I do."

The way Steven looks at me now is with pride and love. Like a father to a son. And I forget all about that hateful glare from weeks ago.

And I forget about how my dad wishes I'm nothing like him. I am who I am. I'm just gonna have to forget about my dad. If he wanted to tell me how to do things he should've had the guts to tell me in person.

Steven gets up. "Alright," He puts his hand on my forehead.

I look up at him.

"I think you've warmed up. I'll try to find you some dry clothes to wear and we'll get you ready for bed."

× × ×

"I've never seen your room before." I say as I walk into a white room. It only has the essentials unlike the other rooms in the house. Loren's bedroom is light pink and much like Chase's plastered with posters.

"We kind of just pulled it together quickly after Chase went to the hospital so we wouldn't have to drive up and down all the time. The bed's pretty big and it's comfortable. You can sleep here."

"Thank you." I slide under the covers.

"I'll sleep on the couch." Steven says.

"You don't have to."

"Don't worry about it." He smiles and turns to leave the room.

This might be a good time to tell him I don't like sleeping alone.

"Steven?"

"Yes?"

I try to think of a distraction.

"Mom told me you've been coming over lately."

He sighs. A smile creeps up on his face.

"That's true." He leans against the door post.

I pull up an eyebrow.

"No, it's not like that."

"It's not?" I laugh.

"No. That would be crazy. She just lost the love of her life. I wouldn't— I couldn't—"

He's blushing like crazy and struggling to form a proper sentence.

"You still like her, don't you?" I tease.

"Don't speak so loud! Someone might hear you." Steven closes the door and sits down on the bed.

I watch him with anticipation.

"I do. I do like her. Of course. How could I not? She's.." He sighs. "She's her."

I nod. "'She's her.' Very profound."

"Oh stop it, you." He gives me a playful push.

"Your mom's a special woman." He stares out the window. Blush coloring his cheeks.

I pull the covers down for him. "Tell me."

"Alright. But then it's bedtime."

"Sure, sure."

He takes off his slippers and crawls under the covers.

"Your mother is the most passionate, demanding, loving, charming, beautiful creature I've ever seen."

He looks all dreamy when he talks about her. He looks a lot like Chase now.

"And she's strong. She raised you all alone. And I know she's not gonna win the best mom award but.. She still did it." He looks me in the eyes. I nod.

"You know what we talk about a lot? We talk about our kids. She rants about you and how she's constantly worried she's not a good mom to you and how she wants to be better and make up for the past.. She's always talking about you."

"Well you can tell her she's the best mom now."

"I think you should tell her." He locks eyes with me. Then he looks away.

"And I talk about Chase and Loren. Mostly Chase. She tells me to be patient. And then she gives me that look, oh!" He falls down on the bed.

"Wow you got it bad.."

"I know! I can't help it!" He sighs.

"And the problem is, she's this sweet with everyone! So how do I know if she likes me?"

"She'll give you a look."

"A look?"

"Mhmm, like she'd do anything for you no matter what it was."

"A look.." He muses.

He stares up at the ceiling, thinking of my mom's 'look'. The way he talks about her.. I've never heard anyone talk about my mom like that. I really hope they get together. I want Steven to show mom what real love looks like.

While he's distracted I turn off the lights.

"Hey, what are you—"

I snuggle up to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and laying my head on his chest.

He lays still for a moment.

"Sky, I don't know if.." He holds his arms up awkwardly. I don't budge.

He sighs in defeat.

Then he wraps his arms around me and holds me close.