46. the ANTONIO DESUSA

Chase.

✙ ☠ ✙

I'm sitting on the toilet lid the next morning, playing with the sleeves of my sweater as I wait for dad to come into the bathroom. He's going to check if I cut again. I don't know what to do. It's been a day since I picked at my cuts and I don't know if he'll notice or not. I fumble with my fingers.

A moment later dad comes in.

I can't look at him.

"So, I talked to Jenny. We made up again and I told her about how you've been doing and what we've been doing and she said I have to give you more freedom."

I look into his eyes full of hope.

"I'm not going to check your body, Chase. It was a desperate action on my part and I'm sorry. I can tell you've been much better and I just have to trust that if something happens you'll tell me." He smiles at me.

I look down at my wrist and play with my bracelet.

"What's wrong?" Dad asks, sounding worried again.

"I don't deserve more freedom, dad." I say softly.

I look into his eyes. He looks so hopeless like before.

"I didn't cut." I say quickly. "I.. picked at some of my cuts at school."

My father takes a deep breath. He leans against the sink.

"I'm not mad at you. I just want to understand." He says, trying very hard to be calm.

"Why did you feel the urge to do that?"

"Well.. I was alone. My friends ditched me and I had to eat lunch by myself and I just felt like shit that day so.. I started scratching and I couldn't stop until Anthony came.." I look into dad's eyes.

"It won't happen again, I swear!"

"But if you do ever feel like doing that.. Please call me. You have to understand I'm here for you. I'll support you no matter what."

I thought he would yell at me. I was sure he would.

"Are you disappointed?" I mumble.

He smiles at me. "I'm proud you told me yourself." He opens his arms.

I get up and embrace him tightly. He kisses my cheek. "I'm proud of you."

× × ×

"Chase! Anthony is here!" Dad calls.

Moments later the door to my room swings open and in comes that sparkly ball of glitter.

Today's outfit:  A black T-shirt, a fuchsia sparkly blazer, matching pants without sparkle, white and black colored combat boots with a white and a black striped choker, a bunch of rings and his hair is slicked back like he's on a red carpet as per usual.

"You're not even gonna try to give my eyes a break?"

"Don't you understand? They'll never get a break. I could wear a trash bag and I'd still be me." He smiles.

"You mean hideous?"

"I meant sparkly." He snares.

I laugh.

He sits next to me at the desk.

"Have you practiced those things I told you to?"

"Yes, mom." I sigh.

He rolls his eyes and quickly checks the answers. His sweet perfume enters my nose and I find myself observing him. It's only now that I notice he has an ear piercing. It's two piercings connected by a chain. Surprisingly, it looks good.

"You have a piercing." I state.

"You have eyes." He keeps scribbling.

I sigh.

"I got it a while ago. Hurt like a bitch."

"I hear ya."

"I had to have those boring studs in at first but now, I can finally shine." Anthony makes spirit fingers.

I crack up. This guy is too much.

"What about your tattoo? The one on your neck?" Anthony asks.

I involuntarily touch it. "I guess it hurt pretty bad. I didn't really notice cause.." I was holding Sky's hand. I look out the window.

"Does it have a meaning?" Anthony asks.

"Um.." I'm obviously not gonna tell him that it symbolizes the last day of my pathetic crush. "Not really."

Anthony looks at me. He doesn't seem to buy it but he doesn't bring it up.

"Well, good news. You got most of them right." Anthony changes the subject.

"Awesome."

"But you got like forty percent wrong."

"Ugh!"

"We'll get there."

We start working and it is actually.. nice. I hate math but doing it with someone there makes it a lot less boring.

We're taking a break now. After a visit to the bathroom I come back into the room and find Anthony looking at the picture on my desk. It's a photo of me and Sky in New York.

"Damn. Who is this?" He asks.

I sit down on the bed.

"He's.. he's a friend."

"This is your friend?" He asks in disbelief.

"Yep."

He looks over at me and pulls up an eyebrow. "Is he like a model or something?"

"Nope."

"So that explains why you're glum, then.." Anthony sits down on the bed.

"What?" I say defensively.

"You're surrounded by beautiful people and you're constantly met with the harsh reality of your mediocrity." Anthony looks at me like he's my therapist and I'm his client.

"Okay, shut up!" I throw a pillow at his face. "And I'm not glum!"

"Yes, you are. You are literally always sitting at the back of the class, not paying attention. You always have headphones in and you never smile. And when you do, it's quickly replaced by an eye roll or some sort of sarcastic comment." Anthony sits down at my desk.

"Anthony. You barely know me."

"Alright. Tell me then. Who really is Chase Chambers?" He leans on his hand.

I have no clue what to say. It's like those times where they ask you to describe yourself in a few words. No clue.

"Wow." He nods.

I shrug. "How should I know? Do you know who you are?"

"Absolutely."

"Enlighten me."

"I can't."

"Huh?"

"I can't tell you. You have to see it."

"Oh, fuck off."

"If you look at my room you'll see exactly who I am."

"Well same thing with me then." I say.

Anthony looks around. "Dark and depressed? That's not a personality."

I sigh.

"Fine. Take me to your house then. I'm dying to see who you really are." I say cynically.

"Tell you what: if you do your best today and finish all your assignments I'll show you my room."

"Do you really think I care that much?"

"I don't know. Do you?" His eyes look amused.

I laugh. "You're conceited."

"Confident, actually. You could learn from me."

"Ugh, yeah. Whatever." I get up and go back to the desk.

×××

I've just finished all the exercises. Anthony and I are making our way downstairs.

"There's no way he'll let me come to your place now. It's ten o'clock and he barely knows you."

"Watch and learn." Anthony struts down the rest of the stairs. I shake my head.

"Mr. Chambers? We've just finished for today. I really think Chase is getting better. Your son is very smart." He gives my dad the most heart-melting smile ever.

...Does he really think I'm smart, though?

"That's such great news! I'm so glad you're here to help him!"

"Of course! I just thought maybe it would help to change the environment a little. I might as well help him with Spanish too. Free of charge of course."

That sly..

"Would you really do that?" My dad says surprised.

"I'd love to. I just really love seeing people thrive."

"Wow. Wow, wow." My dad nods in amazement.

"Is it okay if I take him to my place to study some more? I'll have him back in two hours tops."

Dad seems to be deliberating for a while. He frowns in thought.

"Ah, what the heck. Sure. You're a great guy, Anthony."

"And you're a great father. I can see why Chase speaks so highly of you."

I look at my dad. Is he blushing?! Is he seriously eating all this crap?

"We'll be back in two."

"Alright bye bye, now. Chase, listen to your tutor." Dad says sternly.

"I-I will." I stutter.

"And remember what we talked about. Call me anytime—"

"Okay, dad!" I whisper-scream as I turn red with embarrassment.

I follow Anthony out the room.

We make our way outside.

"How did you do that!" I ask.

"Parents love me." Anthony shrugs.

I shake my head amazed.

Anthony gets on his pink motorcycle and puts on a matching helmet. Then he hands me a purple version.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me."

"Wearing a stylish helmet will not turn you gay, don't worry."

"Stylish?" I mumble as I put it on.

Anthony turns starts the motorcycle and motions for me to sit behind him.

I reluctantly do so.

"If you don't hold on you might fall off." He says

That's embarrassing.

"I'll take my chances." I say.

"Suit yourself." He starts driving and he's driving a lot faster than I expected him to.

I immediately wrap my arms around his waist.

He begins to laugh.

"What is wrong with you? Why are you going so fast?!" I scream as the wind whips past my face and the city flashes by.

"Part of my personality!" He yells back.

"What? A death wish?!"

"I'm a bit of a dare devil!" He laughs and starts going even faster.

"ANTHONY!" I scream.

"Woohoo!" He yells.

"This isn't fun!"

"Yes it is! Live a little!"

He's driving like a maniac. We're literally headed straight for a car.

"ANTHONY STOP THE FUCKING MOTORCYCLE! You're going to kills us!" I scream.

He doesn't answer. He just keeps going. We're literally this close to a crash.

"ANTHONY I'm serious!"

He still doesn't stop. Just as we're about to hit the car he swerves to the left and avoids it perfectly.

I sigh of relief.

Anthony finally slows down as we enter a happy looking neighborhood. He parks in front of a normal sized red-brick house.

"Destination reached." Anthony steps off the vehicle and takes off his helmet. I take the moment to give him a hard shove.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!" I yell.

"Shh, be quiet. The whole neighborhood can hear you." He says calmly.

"You think they couldn't hear your loud ass, pink ass motorcycle drive in here?"

"Hey, no need to bring color into this."

"You could've killed us!"

"Anything could kill you. That's not an excuse not live."

"I can't believe you." I look at him aghast.

"Didn't you enjoy it a little bit? The tiniest bit?" He smiles.

I avoid eye-contact. It was not all bad. But it was definitely distressing and of course I had no clue he was such a skilled driver. I thought I was going to die. But now that I didn't.. I can say it was sort of... fun.

Not going to tell him that.

"Now come on." He makes his way to the house and opens the door for me.

I go inside.

He turns on the lights and we head straight up the stairs.

It smells like roses in here.

"My parents aren't home so be as loud as you want, I guess."

I look at the sign on his door. It says:

'the ANTONIO DESUSA resides here. Unauthorized entry not allowed'

"The Antonio Desusa? How self-absorbed are you?" I chuckle

Anthony shrugs and opens the door.

The lights turn on and the room is bright pink, black and white. It looks surprisingly elegant.

The whole room looks professionally decorated. It has a sort of modern and vintage mix to it. It's incredibly cool.

My eyes fall on a white mannequin that has a dress on it that Loren would die for. The top part is an icy blue and the bottom feathers out into soft link. There's a light glimmer all over and there are little tiny hearts at the bottom.

I'm not much of a fashionista but even I can see it's amazing.

"Did you make this?" I ask in disbelief.

"I did. I finally finished it. Took forever." He chuckles.

"I.. I can't believe you. You made this? You're so talented.."

"At last. He sees the light."

"You could work on your humility, though." I give him a look before looking at the dress again.

"Loren would love this. So.. what? Are you like a fashion designer or something?"

"That's what I'm working towards."

Wow. This guy's filled with talent. He already knows what he wants in life. He really has it all together. I wish I was like that.

"You okay?" He asks.

"You were right. You really know who you are. You know where you're going. And I'm just.." I shrug.

Anthony gives me an understanding look.

"I was only kidding. And I really wasn't always like this. I've had my hard times."

"Like what? Did one of your sequins fall off?" I sigh and sit on the bed.

"My mom was.. a crackhead and I never knew my dad because he was dead for the same reason."

"Oh." I say stupidly. "Shit. I'm sorry. That was..." Incredibly dumb?!

"Don't worry about it." Anthony takes a seat next to me.

"My mom died when I was six so I was adopted by my parents. I would do anything not to end up like my biological parents. So I work hard and do my best.. But it always feels like I'm running from something."

"Sounds tough."

"It is. But hey, it makes me a great artist. That's pretty cool." He shrugs.

I chuckle.

"I'm hungry." Anthony changes the subject. "Do you want pizza?"

It seems he doesn't like talking about the non-sparkly things. I don't blame him.

"Yes, please."

"I'm on it."