58. Bridezilla

Sky.

✙ ☠ ✙

"We can literally reschedule it, though! If you're not up to it.."

"No! What does it matter anyway!" Chase interrupts Aron before stuffing another spoon full of Choco Xplosion ice cream into his mouth.

"Look, I'm heartbroken now, I'll be heartbroken next year and the year after that! It doesn't fucking matter! Ant won't answer any of my calls. He hates my guts and that's never gonna change. So.. Get married! I'm happy for you!"

Chase is definitely high on ice cream right now. This is pretty much all he's been eating for the past two weeks.

Chase is lying on the couch with his head in my lap and his feet on Aron's.

"I don't believe in love anymore. I only believe in you guys. And Jesus Christ. That's it." He mutters.

"I'm really sorry, Chase." I apologize for the millionth time. Maybe if I'd kept my stupid mouth shut they'd still be together.

Chase sighs. "It doesn't matter what you said. It was about us and what he saw. And he thinks I'm still in love with you."

I pet his hair.

"And I explained a thousand times, over text, email, call and by letter. And he won't listen."

"What a jerk." Aron says as he rubs Chase's foot in support.

"Yeah. Well, at least I'll still have you guys. I could always just move in and..." Chase starts to get sleepy. His eyes blink slowly. "Sleep in Rose's bed." He says after.

Before we know it he's fast asleep.

"We have to do something. He's been taking it surprisingly well for his doing but something tells me that won't last long. We need to postpone the wedding." I say.

"What? He said so himself, he doesn't care about the wedding. You know him, when he falls, he falls hard. He won't be in the mood for a wedding for years."

"He's your best man! Shouldn't you care about this?'

"I do care about this! But believe it or not, our wedding won't mend or break his heart. You're just looking for an excuse to get out of this."

"I'm not!"

"Okay, good! So back to business: who's on the guest list?" Aron asks.

"Well, obviously Harry will be my best man since you stole Chase from me," I say.

"Going to ignore that."

We've listed most people in our life by now. I have my mom and Steven as 'parents' and Aron invited his Aunt.

"..What about your dad?" I ask gently.

"What about him?" Aron says, sounding very annoyed.

"Well, are you sure you don't want him there? You don't have to not invite him on my account."

"I don't want him there. I don't want him near you or me, okay? So just drop it." He snaps.

"Fine."

Aron continues to write down names.

"Why would you even say something like that in the first place? You know how I feel about him and why."

"I know but I just wanted to make sure you didn't leave him out because of me. He's your dad and I just want you to know that I wouldn't blame you if you wanted him there."

"Do you want him there?" He asks pointedly.

"Maybe." I shrug.

Aron sighs in anger.

"Maybe if you guys just sat down to talk something would change. I just don't think you should spend your entire life being angry at him. I did with my dad and look how that turned out."

"Look, I get that that was hard.. but your dad didn't kill your sister and assault your boyfriend so.."

"Aron—"

"I'm going to bed." Aron pushes Chase legs off his lap and walks out of the living room.

× × ×

"Wow— No, stop!" Aron screams into his phone. "No, shut the fuck up and listen for a second! I told you two fucking weeks ago what kind of wedding I wanted, where I wanted it and how much time we had! You said you could do it so don't go backing out now—" He listens to the person on the other line.

"Don't raise your fucking voice at me!"

I join Aron on the couch and giggle a little. He's really on top of it with the wedding stuff. He's talking to our wedding planner now but if I hadn't known any better I'd think he was berating his teenage son.

"No but—" Aron groans in annoyance. He's so angry the vein on his neck is standing out. Is it bad that I'm kind of amused by all this?

Aron takes a deep breath. "Listen, repeat it with me: church, church, church." He says calmly.

I cover my mouth and try not to laugh.

"Bobby! I emailed that to you yesterday!" Aaand he's pissed off again.

I grab Aron's hand.

I don't know how he does it but he's holding my hand very gently whilst also going off at our wedding planner.

"Fix it!" Aron screams into the phone and hangs up.

He throws the phone on the chair across the room.

I raise my eyebrows.

"He's fucking incompetent." Aron mutters angrily.

"What did he do?"

"Nothing! That's the problem! I swear, with all these people you have to light a fucking fire under their ass before they start doing their fucking jobs."

If Aron fights for his clients like this, he'll be a great lawyer. I'm kind of proud actually.

"I'm sure they'll get it done." I caress Aron's hand.

"They better."

I scoot closer to Aron and kiss him on the lips. Something about his anger is really turning me on right now. Maybe it's because he's fighting so hard for our wedding.

..Or maybe it's because he's Aron and everything he does is hot.

Aron gladly answers my kiss with the same amount of passion.

"I just want things to be perfect." He mumbles.

"They will." I kiss his cheek. "All that matters is that we get married."

"Yes..." He answers.

I start pulling on his shirt.

"But I also want our pictures to be perfect. Speaking of which, do we even have a photographer?" Aron pulls away.

I groan. "If worse comes to worst we'll take pictures with our phones."

Aron rises to his feet and gives me a look. "You're kidding, right?"

I smile nervously. "Totally."

Aron shakes his head before grabbing his phone again.

I'm not gonna get laid until our honeymoon, am I?

Chase.

✙ ☠ ✙

Aron and Sky's wedding is in three days. I'm supposed to meet them at the church later today.

I lie in bed and stare at my phone.

Anthony hasn't posted on IG since we broke up. I wonder why not. He's probably with some new guy, probably doing all those things that I didn't like with him.

I bury my head under the covers. I fucked up this relationship in record time and I barely even had to do anything.

Was it really that obvious about me and Sky? It never occurred to me that we might not seem like normal friends to other people. No one has ever said anything. If Aron, of all people, is cool with us, why isn't Anthony?

Maybe because I wasn't honest. And people that aren't honest have things to hide. Of course he'd think I still like Sky. But I've sent him a million texts trying to explain things. AND I called him forty times! He's MIA. And I guess that just means he's seriously done with me.

How is it so easy for him? How can he just cut me out of his life after everything?

If it wasn't for him I'd probably still be struggling with being gay. I would probably still love Sky somehow.. And I wouldn't have picked up writing again. I used to do it all the time back in the day. I stopped when I started thinking about suicide freshman year.. I wonder how things would've turned out if I'd kept it up.

I talked to Jennifer about the break up since she gives the best advice and she suggested I'd do something artistic instead of cut or drink.

I've been writing poems and they're absolutely depressing and pathetic but it's better than cutting.

brOken heArt #34 /// woUnds?

if we could just take our broken hearts and piece them together

could we finally be whole again?

one heart for two souls

I'm willing to share

but if you're not then please give me my heart back

and please take back all those memories we made.

all the kisses I gave

all the ways you made me smile just by existing

take it back

i don't want it anymore

if you're not there it's only more salt in the wound

i was thinking of wounds

i was thinking of you

carving your name in my skin so you'd still be there for me

× × ×

As I pull up at the church I see Aron and Sky outside with Bobby. It's a cloudy day.

I get out and try to seem happy. I'm not supposed to fake my emotions but come on, its their wedding.

"Hi guys."

"There you are!" Sky smiles when he sees me.

I smile back.

"Yeah, hi." Aron says curtly before focusing on Bobby again.

"How are things here?"

"Aron's been going off at poor Bobby all day. Apparently the tables are an inch too small." Sky chuckles.

"Seriously? That's what he's mad about? Who knew Aron was such a bridezilla?" I chuckle.

"Right?"

"How are you?" Sky rubs my back.

Super excited! My old crush and best friend are getting married and I'm the best man!

"Could be better." I smile.

"It'll get better." Sky squeezes my arm.

I wrap my arms around him. "Are you excited?" I play with his hair.

"Sure. I'm just glad when Aron returns to normal." Sky laughs.

"Chase, what do you think?" Aron calls me over.

"Duty calls."

× × ×

After two hours of correction upon correction from Aron, we're finally taking a break.

Aron is outside. He's sitting on a fallen tree trunk further away from the church. Sky is inside apologizing to Bobby for Aron's bridezilla-ness, I'm sure.

I decide to go after Aron. He seems pretty frustrated.

"They're all incompetent idiots." Aron grumbles.

"Wow." I answer as I sit next to him.

Aron sighs.

"How are you?" He asks, sounding calmer.

"Anthony is still ghosting me. I don't think he'll ever forgive me for what I did.."

"I'm sorry, man."

I look at Aron. He's tapping his foot anxiously and staring into the distance. It occurs to me then that he's basically the king of forgiving people.

"Aron?"

"Yeah?"

"How did you ever forgive Sky? You know for.. what happened with Loren." It surprises me to this day how patient Aron is with him.

He sighs deeply.

"Honestly, I don't think I ever did." Aron's forehead creases in thought.

"What?" I say confused. "You're marrying him."

Aron grabs a pack of cigarettes from his pocket.

..I guess Aron didn't quit after all?

"Don't tell Sky about this." He says as he lights up.

"Cross my heart." I promise.

Aron takes a drag. "You know, when he told me all I wanted to do was shove the words back into his mouth and pretend it never happened. I tried to and then he told me about Rose and just left. For months I didn't hear from him or see him. When he came back I was happy just to be near him again. I guess I successfully pushed away my feelings of betrayal. And yeah, we talked about it and I don't resent him or anything. I just can't help but feel.." Aron sighs again.

"Insecure..? I hate seeing him with other people. You and Loren are fine but.. anyone else just.. I don't know. Makes me anxious."

"Didn't you talk to your therapist about this?" I ask.

"I never told him about it."

"Aron..."

"Look, it's embarrassing! How do I tell some random guy my boyfriend cheated on me, got a girl pregnant and that he's living with me now, with his kid! How do I say that without sounding like an ass!"

"I don't think your therapist would care! Surely he's heard worse."

"Well, I do care." Aron starts picking at the tree.

"You know.. It's awful because.. I was the one trying to explain to Sky that marriage was a beautiful thing and he just saw it as a cage. I don't think he's wrong.. I just want him to stay with me. I need to know that he won't just leave again."

Aron looks down at the ground. "That's pretty bad, isn't it?"

"I think he'd understand if you told him."

Aron shakes his head. "Nah, we're passed it."

"Obviously you're not."

Aron frowns.

"I don't wanna talk about it." He says finally.

"...You just did."

"Not with him. It hurts too much. For both of us."

Aron gets up and stomps on his cigarette.

He gurgles with mouthwash and sprays on some perfume.

"How do I smell?"

"Like a total non-smoker." I pat his back.

"Good."

Aron and I make our way back to the church.

We spot Sky talking to who I assume is one of Bobby's helpers. They're laughing about something.

I look over at Aron. He's clenching his jaw.