Mid-Thirties Slightly Hot Mess Female Seeking Billionaire: Chapter 29

Sarah

Dear Diary,

Maybe dreams do come true. Even though you know me better than anyone else knows me in the world, I don’t think you realize just how much I’ve been waiting to find my true love. Or maybe I’m deceiving myself. Maybe you knew better than I did just how much I wanted it. If I’m honest, I never thought I’d find someone that was absolutely perfect for me. I never really thought that I would be the sort of woman that would find the dream guy. I’m not blonde and petite. I don’t look like a supermodel. I’m not the funniest or the smartest person in the room. But somehow, just somehow, I was enough and I will always be grateful for that. I will always be grateful that I found a man who appreciates every inch of me. Forever and ever, you’re one and only,

Smiling Sarah.

‘And okay, everyone. I think we’re going to end class today.’ Maribel stands at the front of the room and turns on the lights. ‘How’s everyone feeling?’

‘My glutes are killing me,’ Northina says. ‘And don’t ask why or how, but they are.’ We all start laughing.

‘Sarah, you’re looking really good today,’ Maribel smiles at me.

‘Please do not say that you think I’m one of the best in the class.’ I stare at her. ‘I know I’m not.’

‘I know you don’t believe it, but you’re one of the students that has picked this up the fastest. You need to stop being so hard on yourself, Sarah,’ Maribel continues. ‘I know you want to be the best, and I know that you feel like you should be good enough to perform in a club or in a show, but it takes those women years and years. You’ve not been doing it that long. Trust me, you’re good.’

‘Thanks,’ I say and shrug. I don’t want to get all sappy and I don’t want to start crying. I’ve been crying enough as it is.

‘So everyone, you have a great evening and I’ll see you all next week.’

‘Sounds good,’ I say, heading towards the locker room. I walk ahead of the others because I don’t really want to chat. I can’t even believe that I made it to class today. It’s been three weeks since I’ve been. Really, it’d been three weeks since I’d done anything. I think I must’ve lost at least 10 pounds because I hadn’t been able to eat because my heart had been broken. Isabel and Ella were worried about me and I knew they had a reason to be, but not only was I heartbroken but I was embarrassed and humiliated and I just felt stupid.

How could I have told him I loved him? What sort of dumbass does that after barely knowing someone? Sure, we’d slept together and sure we had an amazing connection, but maybe that’s what lust was. Maybe it was nothing more than that. Maybe I was so caught up in the daydream and fantasy of wanting it to be more that I completely over exaggerated everything in my head.

I was looking for jobs because I did not want to go back to Roster International. I did not want to see Ethan ever again. I didn’t know how I’d be able to face him. I grab my duffle bag out of the locker, splash my face with some water and head to the main entrance. I debate going for Mexican food or going straight home. I know I should most probably go for the food because it’s been a long time since I felt hungry and I know I need some nourishment. I step out of the door and almost immediately collide with Ethan.

‘Hey, clumsy,’ he says, with a lopsided grin and I just glare at him.

‘My name’s Sarah,’ I snap. ‘And what are you doing here?’

‘I am here to see you,’ he says, wrinkling his nose. ‘I was hoping you’d be happy.’

‘Why would I be happy that you’re stalking me again?’

‘Truly not stalking you,’ he says, ‘but I think it’s fate that you’re here.’

‘You think it’s fate that I’m at my weekly dance class?’

‘And that I found you here,’ he says.

‘How did you find me here if you’re not stalking me?’

‘There was a sticker for the club on your pole.’

‘What do you want, Ethan?’

‘You haven’t been to work in three weeks.’

‘I spoke to the HR department. They told me it’s not going to be an issue.’

‘It’s not an issue,’ he says, ‘but I’ve missed you.’

‘Okay.’

I take a deep breath. ‘What do you want? Or do you need another jingle or a jangle or what the fuck ever you want from me?’

‘I don’t need anything from you, Sarah. I just need you to not be mad at me.’

‘Well, I am mad at you. I’m pissed off and that’s not going to change.’

‘I hurt you,’ he says. ‘I understand that.’

‘Really? You understand that? Okay, good for you. Yay. Ethan understands that he hurt my feelings. That makes me feel so great.’

‘There’s no need to be sarcastic.’

‘Okay. How would you prefer me to be? Would you like me to sing and dance and perform some sort of-

‘I fucked up. I know I fucked up,’ he says, ‘and you have every right to hate me and think I’m a tool and be heartbroken and sad and curse me out, and whatever you want to do. But I want to say something.”

‘I am listening,’ I say. My heart is racing now and I’m not sure why. What did he mean when he said he fucked up? I don’t want to read anything into it. I can’t read anything into it. I don’t want to get my hopes up.

‘Guess what I have here?’ he says, holding up a newspaper.

‘I don’t know. A balloon?’

‘Really, Sarah?’

‘A teddy bear?’

He chuckles. ‘Very good sense of humor, but no.’

‘Okay. What then?’

‘It’s tomorrow’s paper.’

‘Okay, so you have tomorrow’s paper in your hand. Whoop-dee-doo, good for you. Who are you, Superman?’

‘Ouch. I know I deserve this cold treatment from you, but it burns.’

‘Maybe you should get that checked.’

“What checked?”

‘You know. The burn? I hope it’s not gonorrhea or something.’

‘It’s not,’ he laughs. He opens the newspaper and shows it to me. I read the headline. New York’s Most Eligible Bachelor Taken. I frown for a couple of seconds.

‘What is this?’

‘I’m hoping that you’re not going to make me a liar.’

‘You’re going to be a lawyer?’ I ask him, deliberately mishearing him.

‘I said I hope you’re not going to make me into a liar. L-I-A-R.’

‘Why would I be making you a liar?’

‘Because I’m hoping you’re the one that’s going to be in possession of my heart.’ He grabs my hands and stares at me. My heart is thudding even faster now. “I’m the billionaire bachelor that is now taken.”

‘What?’ I squeak out. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘I messed up, Sarah. I know I messed up. I know I hurt you. I know I was a fucking idiot telling you that I didn’t love you and that I couldn’t be in a relationship and…” He sighs. ‘I was scared. I know that’s not a good excuse. I know that that doesn’t make the pain go away, but I’ve never felt like this before and I never expected to feel like this. And I guess I kind of was more of a jackass than I thought I was. I just want you to know that I know I messed up. I know that you deserve better than what I’ve given you. And I hope I can prove to you that I love you and want to be with you and want to show you just how much you mean to me and how much I need you in my life and how much I love you and how much I never want to let you go and… Am I rambling too much?’

‘I don’t even know what you’re saying, Ethan.’

‘I’m saying that I love you, Sarah. I’m saying that I’ve never felt like this before in my life. I’m saying that you have captivated me. You’ve captured my heart. You’ve grabbed it from my soul and you’ve released something in me that I didn’t even know existed and it scared me. When I tell you it scared me, I’m not even exaggerating. I mean that it scared me so much that I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t know what to do. And my parents, they had the worst marriage and my mother, every night she would cry and sob because she loved my father so and he was a jackass and I didn’t want to be in that position and I didn’t want to put anyone in that position, least of all you.

‘And I know none of this is making sense. I know you don’t understand. But I want you to know that I will do anything in my power to win you back. I will do anything in my power to make you love me again, to make you give me a second chance, to make you-‘

‘Ethan,’ I say, grabbing a hold of his hand.

‘What?’ he says. ‘What is it? Is it too late?’ I stare at him for a couple of seconds and I don’t say anything.

‘You got something wrong,’ I say softly. ‘What?’ I say. ‘Do you hate me so much that you’re not willing to give me another chance? Do you hate me so much that-‘

‘No, Ethan. I love you. My love didn’t go away in three weeks because you told me you didn’t love me. That’s not how love works. Yes, you broke my heart. Yes, I’ve been crying. Yes, I’ve been sorrowful. But I still love you. I love every piece of you. We don’t know each other that well, even though it feels like we’ve known each other for a lifetime, but I love you and of course I forgive you. Of course I understand. I didn’t even know that you had a background like that. I didn’t know that your parents went through that. I come from a really solid family. I have amazing parents. I have an amazing set of brothers who tease me mercilessly and make me hate them sometime. But I know that they love me and I know that they would do anything for me and I know they always have my back. And I just want you to know that you can always count on me. My love is not going to change. My love is something that will always, always be here.’

He stares at me for a couple of seconds. ‘I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve someone as special and as sweet and as loving and as kind as you.’

‘Maybe not.’ I laugh. ‘But…’

‘But what?’ he says.

‘But you have me. Every part of me.’ I stare at him. ‘You really love me?’

‘I really love you,’ he nods. ‘I can’t believe it. I fell in love with a mid-thirties, slightly hot mess female that works in my office.’

‘I guess she got herself that billionaire after all,’ I giggle.

‘I guess she did.’ He laughs. ‘Is that your plan all along?’

‘Really, Ethan?’

‘I’m just joking,’ he says quickly. ‘I know that your plan wasn’t to try and catch me. I know you didn’t post it on the company intranet with that.’

‘I’m just joking.’ I giggle. ‘I know you know that I was not deliberately trying to catch you. And now you also know that…’

‘That what?’ he says.

‘That I’ve kind of had a crush on you for a long time.’

‘I know. You couldn’t help yourself, though. I’m devastatingly handsome.’

‘Yeah, you’re kind of handsome.’

‘And you’re very beautiful.’

‘You didn’t even notice me before.’

‘Because I didn’t notice anything before,’ he says. ‘But once I did notice you, I fell in love with you right away.

‘No, you didn’t.’

‘I did,’ he nods. ‘Swear to God.’

‘You fell in love with me right away?’

‘I fell in love with each and every part of you,’ he says. ‘I fell in love with everything about you. You’re beautiful. You’re witty. You’re funny. You’re goofy. You may or may not be the best dancer in the world. But you know what?’

‘What?’ I say, glaring at him and trying not to laugh.

‘You’re the best dancer in my world.’

‘Oh, my gosh. That’s so cheesy,’ I laugh.

‘But you love it.’

‘Only because I love you.’

‘I’m glad,’ he says. ‘I’m really glad.’

‘So what does that mean?’ I say.

‘I think it means that we are officially in a relationship now,’ he says. ‘So I guess I should ask officially.’

‘Ask what?’ I tremble slightly. If he asks me to marry him, I’m going to faint. I mean, I know he says he fell in love at first sight, but marriage? That seems like it’s a step way too fast. Way too soon. Even though a part of me would love to say yes, I just don’t want to be a desperado.

‘Sarah?’

‘Yes, Ethan?’

‘Will you…’

‘Yes, Ethan?’ I stare at him and think about what I’m going to tell Isabel. She will freak out if I get engaged. She will literally freak out. I’m already about to freak out.

‘Will you be my girlfriend? My official girlfriend?’

‘Your girlfriend?’ I squeak and start giggling.

‘Yeah.’ He looks nervous. ‘Unless you don’t want to be. Unless you think-‘

‘No, I’d love to be,’ I say, nodding quickly. ‘I would love to be your girlfriend.’

‘Okay, great.’ He smiles at me. ‘If you’re sure.’

‘Oh, I’m more than sure,’ I say. ‘It’s all I could have asked for.’

‘Okay.’ he nods. ‘Well, I’m glad to hear that. Is everything okay?’ He stares at my face.

‘Yeah. Why do you ask?’

‘Because you’re bright red right now.’

‘Oh, it must just be the wind,’ I say, trying not to blush.

‘What’s going on?’ he asks softly.

‘Nothing. I don’t want you to think I’m an idiot.’

‘Sarah. Be honest with me. What’s going on?’

‘I thought you were going to ask me to marry you.’

‘What?’ He starts laughing.

‘It’s not funny.’ I hit him in the shoulder.

‘You thought I was going to ask you to marry me? We’ve never been on an official date. We have not even been hanging out super long together.’

‘Do not point out all the reasons why it’s stupid of me to have thought that,’ I asked him. ‘Let’s just say I thought that.’

‘And what would you have said if I had asked you to marry me?’

‘I’m not going to answer that question for fear that it may incriminate me.’

‘You love me. You want to marry me,’ he says with a small smile.

‘Ethan.’

‘It’s okay,’ he says, laughing. ‘I kind of like that.’

‘You kind of like what?’

‘I kind of like that you’re so into me that you would marry me without having been on an official first date. Because you know what?’

‘What?’ I say, glaring at him.

‘One day I am going to ask you, Sarah, and I’m going to have the biggest diamond ring you could ever ask for. And I’m going to get on my knees and I’m going to stare into your big, beautiful eyes and I’m going to tell you just how much I love you. And you know what else I’m going to tell you?’

‘No, what?’

‘I’m going to tell you that I knew that you were going to be my wife. And you’re going to ask me, ‘When did you know?’ and I’m going to remind you of this moment because, my darling, you are my everything. You are the best woman that could ever have been made for me. And you know what? You’re perfect for me.’

‘You think so?’ I say.

‘I know so.’ He smiles at me. ‘I love you, Sarah. Thank you for not playing games. Thank you for giving me another chance. Thank you for understanding that I screwed up that day and I made a big mistake. And…’

‘Hey, we all make mistakes,’ I say, shaking my head. ‘I get it and I understand and I kind of love you enough to forget about it so you don’t have to apologize anymore.’ I pull him into my arms and give him a kiss. And I know that I’ve never been happier than I am right now.

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