22 | regrets

It's been another week without Emilia and to say I'm drowning in self pity is an understatement. I've isolated myself at home and the only reason why I ever leave the house is to go to work where I isolate myself in my office. No one dares to talk to me because everyone can tell that I'm in a really bad fucking mood and everyone knows that I'm not exactly a nice person whenever I'm in a bad mood.

After another stressful day at work I got home at 9pm even though I left the house at 6am. That's what you get for being the CEO of a successful company but I didn't mind because I loved my work. The amount of money in my bank account was just another added bonus even though a lot of people don't believe that I actually like my work.

I sat down on my couch after I kicked off my shoes and turned on the TV. I wasn't really watching whatever was on I just sat there in silence and I felt my mind drift off to Emilia. What was she doing right now? Was she thinking about me too?

Before I could think too much about her I stood up from my couch to get myself a beer. I really needed it in hopes of being able to forget about her long, soft, brown hair that falls so perfectly over her shoulder and that frame her face so perfectly and- okay stop. This is exactly what I didn't want to do.

Right as I sat back down with my beer I heard my doorbell ring and debated on whether I should stand back up to open it or not. I decided that it couldn't be that important and chose to ignore it but whoever was on the other side of my door had other ideas and kept on ringing the doorbell. With a frustrated sigh I got up and walked towards the door to shout and whoever dared to interrupt my evening and me drowning in self-pity.

I opened it and when I came face to face with the person I was about to close the door as quick as I could but him being my best friend saw it coming, so he put his foot in between.

"It's nice to see you to bastard" Jax said as he opened the door a bit more and let himself in. I just rolled my eyes at his nickname for me and closed the door behind him. He decided to call me bastard ever since he found out that I was conceived during a One Night Stand.

"What do you want?" I asked him with annoyance clear in my voice because I just wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone especially Jax since he wouldn't understand what I'm going through right now even if he's my best friend.

"We're going out tonight bro and I see you already started to drink" he smiled all hyped up whereas I just stood there without enthusiasm.

"I'm not going anywhere besides the kitchen to get myself something to eat" I replied and walked pass him but he just followed me not giving up. Going out, drinking and picking out a random girl at a bar is what Jax's life mostly consists of. I used to be like that too but I got my life together unlike him.

"Come on bro we used to do that all the time. You act like a 60 year old man" he said.

"I don't care" I said disinterested and sat back down on the couch.

"You're coming with me whether you want to or not" he said like a stubborn little child and I just raised my brow at him with a smirk knowing that there's nothing he could do.

.....

An hour later I find myself entering the bar we always used to go to. Yes Jax was able to convince me to come to the bar with. He threatened me by saying that he would tell my mother all about how much of a fuck-boy I used to be and that I used every single woman and broke their heart. I couldn't even imagine how devastated and disappointed my mother would be when she heard that so I decided to avoid it by coming with him. And I already regretted it when I saw all these horny, drunk people trying to get laid, walking across the bar. How was I able to spend almost every night in places like this? The smell is absolutely obnoxious even for an expensive bar like this.

I headed straight to the bar, knowing that I wouldn't survive the rest of this night without being completely drunk. I could use a drink or two nonetheless to get Emilia out of my head for a few hours at least.

Jax and I sat down next to each other and drank a few beers together but after the third round he went to dance floor to find his fling for the night. I already feel bad for the poor woman he lays his eyes on. And it seems like he didn't take too long to find someone because when I turned back around two or three minutes after he left, he was already dancing with a short blonde.

When Jax left I decided to move from beer to hard liquor because the beer just wasn't doing it for me. My thoughts still drifted to Emilia, how she's doing right now and everything that she had to go through. I tightly clenched my fist around the glass that contained the Whiskey when I thought about her brother Logan and what he was capable to do to his own younger sister. I have younger sisters as well and the fact that some people out there sexualize their own sisters makes me sick to the stomach and not because of the alcohol that I was currently consuming.

A few days ago I talked to Emilia's father William about the trial since he just started working for me at the company after I offered a job to him. I just had to find out how it ended and if Logan got what he deserves. If you asked me I'd say that he deserved more than what he got but I'm still glad about the fact that he got a sentence after all because the way William explained it, it seemed like he almost got away with everything. I don't know what I would've done if they had let him go. I can't guarantee that he would still be alive.

William also told me that Emilia hasn't been the same after I broke the contact to her and it made me feel worse than I already did. Of course I couldn't tell him why I made that decision but he just accepted it knowing that as his boss he had to respect me.

I was so deep in thoughts that I didn't notice someone taking the seat right next to me where Jax sat just a few minutes ago. I only noticed when a foreign hand touched my shoulder. I shuddered under the unwelcomed touch and quickly brushed it off and came looked in the face of an unfamiliar brunette woman that seductively smiled at me. At first my mind went to Emilia, thinking it was her and my heart skipped a beat at the thought. I quickly came to the realization that it was just a stranger with brown hair just like her. Other than that they had nothing in common.

"Hey handsome" she said still smiling, unbothered by the fact that I just brushed her hand off.

"Hey" I answered, trying my best to sound disinterested to show her that she should walk away but she didn't seem to understand it or at least she tried to ignore it.

"What were you thinking about a few seconds ago? You seemed pretty into it" she tried to start a conversation but I just looked at my glass and quickly emptied it. I needed that.

"Yeah I was" I replied not looking at her since my eyes searched for the barkeeper to ask for another drink.

"Oh I see you're not much of a talker are you?" she asked and laid her hand on my biceps not caring that she invaded my personal space.

"We don't have to talk much you know? we can do other things instead" she whispered into my ear and I don't know what went into me but I quickly stood up, grabbed her hand and dragged her with me to the restrooms. Maybe another woman is exactly what I needed to get my mind off of Emilia since she's all I've been thinking about for three weeks. Well she's basically all I've been thinking about ever since I met her but that's another story.

When we entered one of the restrooms I pushed her into one of the stalls and closed it when I was in it as well. I pushed her against the wall and her lips found me neck and she started kissing it. My hands went under her shirt and met her naked skin whereas her hands found my belt and she started opening it. Right then and there my mind drifted back to Emilia and how much better it would feel if she was the one doing these things to me and that's when I snapped out of my trance and pushed the woman whose name I didn't even know away.

"What's wrong? You want to go to my place?" she asked looking up at me and I shook my head.

"I'm not going anywhere with you" I said, opened the stall and quickly walked out of the restroom, ignoring her shouting after me. She didn't come after me probably because she couldn't walk as fast in the High Heels she was wearing.

I just couldn't get myself to fuck her even when there's no strings attached and this is something I did regularly just a few months ago. It just didn't feel right to fuck another woman with Emilia on my mind, wishing it was her and knowing that she was sitting home feeling terrible because she thought that I was using her all along.

I think it's safe to say that I'm starting to lose my mind over this fucking woman.

Hello people it's me again (after almost three months oopss). I took me some time to adjust to this entire lockdown thing. I mean I'm usually a very introverted and antisocial person but that was too much even for me. I just felt so unmotivated the entire time but since I'm back in school I kind of adapted my old way of living.

I finally have time to write again since your girl right here finished all her exams for the semester last thursday and I got almost straight As which I'm really proud of.