CHAPTER 20

KYLE

4 Days 'til Christmas Eve

I've read her text about a hundred times.

Julia: Last night was a one-time thing. Let's leave it at that.

The words loop in my head, over and over. I try not to let them sting, but they do. I knew going into this that Julia wasn't looking for anything serious. Hell, she practically spelled it out before I even stepped foot into her house. Yet, here I am, hoping for something more like a damn fool.

The steering wheels leather creaks as my knuckles turn white, gripping it tighter. Gazing at the festive wreath on their front door, I feel a pang of envy as I sit parked outside Chase and Penny's place.

Chase looks up from the kitchen counter as I enter from the hallway. As I approach, I notice him marking up the seating chart, while Penny briefly smiles before focusing on her pile of envelopes.

"You're early," she says.

"Figured you'd need help," I reply, shrugging out of my coat and slinging it over a chair.

Chase peers at me, his brow furrowing. "You look tired."

"Didn't sleep much," I admit, running a hand through my hair.

Penny doesn't press right away, which surprises me. Instead, she focuses on the envelopes, carefully sealing each one. Finally, she sets the last one down and looks at me with full attention.

"Alright, spill," she says, leaning back in her chair. "What's going on?"

"It's nothing," I lie.

Chase laughs, folding his arms. "Kyle, you couldn't lie to save your life. Out with it."

I hesitate, crumpling into a chair by the table, the words knotting in my chest. "It's Julia."

Penny's expression shifts before regaining its composure while Chase's brow furrows.

"What about Julia?" he asks.

I rub the back of my neck. "Well, we sort of... hooked up the other night."

Chase freezes, dropping the pen in his hand. "Wait. What?"

Penny glances at him, clearly fighting back a grin.

"You already knew?" I ask her, narrowing my eyes.

"Julia might have mentioned something about it," she replies lightly, like we're talking about the weather instead of my entire emotional undoing.

Chase shakes his head, still staring at his fiancée. "And you didn't tell me?"

"It wasn't my story to tell," she says with a shrug, but there's mischief in her eyes.

Chase turns back to me, but I can tell he's still processing the news. "So... you and Julia. Huh."

"Yeah, but it's sort of complicated."

"Complicated how?" Chase asks, leaning against the counter.

"She said it was a one-time thing. No strings, no expectations," I explain, voice tightening. "But this isn't just a casual thing for me; it's more than that."

"You've got it bad, huh?" Penny says wincing.

"Yeah, I guess so," I admit. "I don't know how it happened, but I'm in this, and she's... not."

Chase looks at Penny, then back at me. "It's hard to tell what Julia's really thinking; she keeps her emotions close."

Penny sighs, grabbing my hand from across the table, holding it between hers. "She's scared, Kyle. Julia's always been scared of relationships. She's terrified of losing herself, of giving someone too much power over her life."

"She mentioned something like that, but what am I supposed to do about it? Just wait around until she figures it out?"

Penny exchanges a look with Chase before leaning over closer. "If you care about her, then yeah. You wait. You give her space, but don't let her go too far. Julia's won't chase after you-or anyone, for that matter, and maybe she might need a little nudge."

I laugh, shaking my head. "You make it sound so simple."

"I know it's not quite as easy as I make it sound, but she's worth it, isn't she?"

The answer is easy. "Yeah. She is."

I reach home to a dark sky, with snow falling softly against the windshield. I sit in my car, lost in thought, paralysed by indecision.

The night with Julia keeps replaying in my mind-the way she looked at me, like I was the only person in the world. The way her lips curved into a smile that felt like it was just for me. The way she kissed me, like nothing else mattered.

It felt real. Too real. The kind of real that makes you question everything you thought you wanted-or didn't want.

But then she shut it down, and I wonder if I pushed her too hard, too fast. Maybe she's right. Maybe we're better off leaving it at one night.

But damn it, I want more.

It terrifies me, though. After everything with Penny, I know I'm not someone who stays or fights for things. But with Julia, it's different. She's different.

Stepping out of the car, I head inside to the quiet surrounds of my home. It feels a little too empty tonight, though. I pour myself a whiskey, letting the warmth burn its way down my throat as I stare out the window at the snow-covered street.

Penny's words repeat in my head. Give her space, but don't let her go too far.

The thing is, I don't know if I have it in me to wait. But letting her go isn't an option-not now, not ever.