Chapter 26 - Memories and Dreams Hurt

"My father believed that being a beta meant that we had to be tough and emotionless. Showing emotion was weakness and the right-hand man of the alpha shouldn't be weak. He drove this listen into me from the moment I could walk and talk.

"As a child, I wasn't allowed to show emotions around my father. If I did, he'd often yell at me and lock me away in my room until I calmed down. He never hit me, but that didn't make it any less scary to a small child. It was how I perfected my straight face from an early age. Showing weakness in front of my father was terrifying, so I avoided it.

"Then there was my mom. I loved my mom. I look like her. She was so sweet and loving. She encouraged me to feel my emotions and behave like the child I was. My father often left us to do beta duties, so my mom and I were always together. Once I became friends with Erin, it was just the three of us a lot of the time since Erin's mom was busy with alpha duties as well. My father never let Mom work; he said it wasn't her job."

As I told my story, my mates idly touched me. Before I began, we laid down in the bed and pulled up the blanket. Then, they smothered me with touches. I didn't mind it, but I couldn't tell them that. Talking about my family was...hard. Erin knew only because he'd been involved in my life since we were little kids. He was often around when my father yelled at me while my mom tried to calm him down and remind him that I was just a child. He never listened.

"When I was older, my mom fell ill. You don't usually hear about werewolves falling ill, but she was the unfortunate exception. The more her health deteriorated, the further my father pulled away from us. He buried himself in work and ignored me. I had to take care of both Mom and myself since he didn't even bother to leave his office enough to see his dying wife," I said, cursing myself for how bitter I became at the end.

"It's okay, Aaron. Keep going," Aubrey encouraged.

"I don't get why he didn't comfort or support her. He looked for a cure, sure, but not once did I see him stay by her side for more than five minutes. He...he let her die. She died a few years ago. Even after we tried our best to save her, we couldn't. I was devastated. My relationship with my father—whatever was left of it at least—deteriorated and we barely spoke after that. He trained me to become a beta, but he treated me like I was nothing. He still does."

I let out a bitter laugh and looked up at the ceiling. Evander ran his hand through my hair and the familiar action eased my body. Aubrey rested his head on my chest and traced small circles on my arms. I didn't realize it, but talking about this was helping me more than I thought it ever could. "The last time my father and I spoke was when I had to put my duties on hold to help out with the Eye issue. That was months ago now. I don't mind it. We were never close. He made sure of that. That's why you've never met him before, either. He doesn't care enough to meet you and I don't want him to meet you."

"If you don't mind me asking, what does that have to do with you making a bad or good father?" Evander asked. "You are not your father."

"But, I was raised by him. Or rather, he was the only father figure I really had. Alpha James was there, but I didn't see him often. And he wasn't the one who gave life to me. What if I treat my children the way I was treated? What if I can't be vulnerable with them because I was never allowed to be as a child?"

"Aaron," Evander said gently.

I peeked up at him carefully. He reached out and cupped my cheek while staring into my eyes. "You don't have to be afraid. You'll have us there to help you out. And we won't allow you to become your father."

"And you're not mean like him," Aubrey added, cuddling into my chest "You're really nice. You care. Even if you pretend like you don't, we know the truth. You won't be mean to your kids."

After taking a shaky breath, I said, "Thank you. Getting it off my chest feels weird. I...I haven't really acknowledged the fact that my mom is gone. I haven't acknowledged it since it happened."

"I'm sure she's very proud of the man you have become," Evander whispered reassuringly.

"I hope so."

"I know how it feels to lose loved ones. My parents weren't vampires. I had to watch them grow old and eventually die in my arms. It hurt more than words can describe, but I know they are happy wherever they are now," he said.

I hadn't even thought about that. Evander was immortal. Sure, he was a relatively young vampire, but he'd still watched people he loved age and die while he was still young and living - somewhat. It was oddly comforting knowing that he'd been through what I had. I'd held onto my mom's hand until her dying breath. I still remember how pale and frail she had become, but her hand had stayed warm even when she was gone.

My mates were suddenly crushing me in a hug and that's when I realized I'd started crying again. Goddess, maybe I didn't have to worry about being vulnerable. It was so easy to cry in front of my mates now. They weren't cruel to me nor did they judge me for it. They comforted me. "I'm sorry you had to go through that, Evander," I said softly.

"It was years ago and I have accepted it by now. But, thank you."

We went silent for a bit before I felt Aubrey shift around so he was behind me. "I don't even know if my parents are alive," he whispered.

I turned around in Evander's arm so I could face Aubrey and hug him. I heard him sniffle. "It's been so long since I saw them. I barely remember their faces. I'm afraid of trying to look for them because I don't know if I will be able to handle the answer. If I never look for them, then I don't have to wonder if they're alive or not."

"That's understandable," I said. "But, if you ever change your mind, we will gladly go with you to look for your family."

"Yes. I would love to meet your family," Evander said. "But, Aubrey, I don't think you should run away from it. It is your choice in the end, but I would hate for you to regret not seeing them again."

"I know. I'll think about it, I guess," he mumbled.

"Good," I agreed. "I'm tired though. Can we go to sleep?"

"Yes, I think we covered what we needed to. We'll come back to the topic of children when you're ready," Evander said.

"Well, you never talked about what you wanted," Aubrey pointed out. "You've let us speak, now it's your turn."

"Well," he started, running a hand through my hair idly again. "I do want children someday. I don't mind if they're mine or not. The birth rate for vampire-born children is fairly low. I would be happy with any child I can call my own."

"Well I'm okay with trying either way," Aubrey said from my chest.

"Alright. Well, when that time comes, now we know where we stand. And don't be afraid to say anything if your feelings change," Evander said.

"Right, but the same goes for you, mister," I pointed out.

"Of course, of course," he said with a small laugh.

Aubrey yawned, which prompted a yawn to escape from me as well. I was happy I got to tell my mates about my parents. It went by a lot quicker than I thought it would. There wasn't much I ever wanted to say about my father, though. And I was still unsure about sharing memories about my mom. Maybe a little part of me wanted to keep them to myself so I could pretend that she was still around. Sharing the memories made it feel like I was letting go of her.

.

.

.

I didn't even realize I'd fallen asleep until I woke up to the feel of soft lips pressing against my forehead. It took me a moment to process what was going on until I heard my mate's sweet voice. "Aaron, baby, it's time to wake up."

Baby? I carefully peeked my eyes open, only for them to widen when I saw Aubrey. He looked different, though. Older, but not that older,

A dream? Or had I been pulled into a dreamscape? Dreamscapes didn't just pertain to the past. Alpha James tried explaining it to me once. Depending on the dreamscape, it can give a glimpse into any time period, hypothetical or real. However, I wasn't an expert, nor did I care that much. I seemed to have control over my body, so it wasn't projection like Wren can do. He often found himself in the place of the person he was dreaming about. I had control over my body.

Eh, whatever. I'll just see how this goes.

"Come on, come on, come on. You promised you'd let me go on a run with you."

"Did I?" I questioned.

He huffed and crossed his arms. It brought my attention to the fact that he was heavily pregnant. Oh. "Are you sure? What about the baby?" I found myself asking.

"I'll be fine, babe. Now get your lazy butt up so we can go."

I was surprised by how bold he was being. Even if he was already an extroverted person, he'd never been this open to teasing before. As I tried to get up, an arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me against a warm chest. "No, stay here," I heard Evander grumble.

"But Aubrey-"

"My sweet, you never promised that. And Aubrey is way too pregnant to go on a run at the moment," he said. "Lie down, Bree. Get some more rest."

My breath caught at the pet name. I was already a little shocked over how affectionate they were being—what was with the pet names anyway?—but Evander's words reminded me of what my mom used to call me. My chest squeezed painfully at the thought.

"You're no fun, Ev. I just want to go outside," Aubrey said with a pout but crawled into bed anyway.

"I know, my love, but our job is to look after you and the baby first," Evander explained.

"The baby will be fine, but I'm bored. And in pain," Aubrey groaned as he flopped onto the bed.

"It'll be over soon," Evander reminded him gently.

"I can't wait," he whispered and rubbed his stomach gently.

Evander let go of me to get up and kneel by Aubrey's side of the bed. He kissed his baby bump and smiled. My heart fluttered seeing my mates so...content. "Hello, little one. I can't wait to meet you," Evander cooed.

Aubrey giggled, but it sounded faint. I quickly realized that the vision before me was fading away bit by bit. I found myself reaching out to touch them, my mates. They both grabbed my hand.

"What's wrong, Aaron?" Aubrey asked me, but he was still fading away.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"We're not going anywhere. We're right here," Evander said.

"You're not," I protested.

My vision faded to black and I panicked, searching for them. No, whatever the hell that was, did not have the right to disappear like that. I...I enjoyed it. My mates and I were happy and about to start a family. The thought didn't terrify me like I thought it would. They were there. Right there.

"We're right here."

"Aaron."

My eyes opened up and I found myself looking at my mates. "You're here," I mumbled, still a little shocked over the dream I came from. "We never left."

My body relaxed and I found my eyes closing again. They never left. Whatever that was, it showed me a future that I wanted to happen. I wanted to see my mates happy like that. I wanted us to start a family. My fear shouldn't control me. My father shouldn't control me.

~~~

So now you know! I honestly didn't want to make things too heavy. I want to develop the relationship Aaron had with his parents through extras because the main storyline just doesn't have a place for it, unfortunately.

But, I think this book is winding down. I think I have about 4-7 chapters left before it gets to a point where I can continue things in the next book. I thought this book would be longer than it seems like it will be. I'm not quite sure yet. There are still some things I need to write out first but yes, we are nearing the end of Aaron, Aubrey, and Evander's story. As usual, they will make appearances in the next book just like Wren and Joshua have with this book (though Joshua has barely been around).

I think the next book will be long though. It's basically going to be telling two different stories.

Stay tuned for more insanity and thank you so much for reading!

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