Compelled: Chapter 45

By the time I finished sinking into the chair, Lucien was already at the table of food set up under the window. He spent his time examining each option, and I spent my time examining him, trying desperately to squash all my feelings for him back into a box. It was just too hard now, the emotions too big—the tugging sensation in my center was his blood, and I was addicted to it. And him.

“I’m in trouble, Bowley,” I murmured. It shuffled closer to my neck, making a small squeak before settling against me once more, hidden by my hair. Felt like it agreed with me, though, after having seen just how wrecked I was over this vampire.

Lucien returned then, placing a plate piled high with food in front of me. “I selected the best of each piece,” he said, looking proud of himself, eyes so clear and green that I was afraid I’d fall into their depths and never leave. “All free from poisons and all designed to elevate your strength.”

“Thank you,” I said, pleased when my wolf lifted her head once more. Providing food to your mate was a huge part of shifter culture, so this impacted both of us.

Lucien didn’t return to the buffet for food; he sat across from me, gaze locked on my face. “Eat,” he said softly.

There he went with the commands again. As hungry as I was, I decided that today, I’d make him work for my compliance. “What are we supposed to discuss during this breakfast?” I asked, leaving my plate untouched. “What would you normally ask if you were looking for a mate?”

The only vampire close enough to hear us was Carter, and he appeared to be deep in conversation with a blonde vampire.

“Eat,” Lucien repeated, with more bite. “You’re still rebuilding your strength, and part of your shifter’s weakness might be from not balancing the blood with food. You’re feeding only one side of your being now.”

Bastard had straight up ignored my question. Narrowing my eyes, I crossed my arms, and instead of scowling, Lucien shot me a wicked grin. Which should have told me I was in trouble.

Moving at super speed, he wrapped his hands around the side of my chair and dragged me around so I was beside him, situated between his spread legs.

We were drawing attention now, but Lucien didn’t appear to care. “You will feed, Bee. Or I will force you.”

His scent wrapped around me, and I had to literally grip the table to stop from moving forward and biting him. The word feed tapped into my base instincts.

I opened my mouth to finally comply, but he must have thought I was going to argue since he lifted a pastry and pushed it against my lips before I could speak.

When I bit into the pastry, a burst of sugary goodness exploded across my tongue. Between that and Lucien feeding me by hand—a shifter mate move—my equilibrium was completely out of order. The vampire, looking far too pleased with himself, offered up another piece of food, fruit very similar to a green apple. “Bite,” he murmured, and dammit, I was going to obey.

Leaning forward, I sunk my teeth into the skin, managing to nip his finger with it. I didn’t draw blood, unfortunately. “If you eat,” Lucien told me, words edged with tension—sexual or other, I couldn’t tell, “then I will talk.”

I nodded as I took another bite and chewed the piece of tart fruit.

“You asked me what I’d talk about if I was truly looking for a mate,” he said. “And the truth is, I would tell them that I’m a broken, damaged being. That I don’t know if I can be a great mate, but that if I found the one who called to my blood, I’d destroy worlds to keep them safe.”

I stopped chewing, completely mesmerized by his words.

He dropped the apple and picked up some spiced meat, adding a dose of protein to my breakfast. “There is nothing I wouldn’t do for my mate,” he continued as I took a piece from his hand. “And that is a dangerous path. My parents had no logic when it came to each other, and I’ve inherited that.”

This was a continuation of the conversation we’d started earlier.

I swallowed another bite. “I do understand that, but I stand by my previous statement. No one is designed to walk this world alone. We need our mates.”

He chose another piece of food, and I didn’t even look at it before taking a bite. A rich cocoa flavor filled my mouth, and I almost sighed. My favorite treat here.

“I’m a warrior,” Lucien continued, his emotions hidden away again beneath a blank expression. “There’s no room for loneliness. I’m also a master of Crimson House. We’re a strong clan because I haven’t been distracted over the centuries. My logic is not weakened by emotions.”

Reaching out I captured his hand before he could pick up another piece of food. “Love is not weakness,” I told him, as serious as I’d ever felt. “If you’ve been missing half of your soul, then you’ve been missing half of your strength. You need to consider if maybe, in the end, your parents’ weakness had nothing to do with their devotion to each other and everything to do with their personalities.

“I spent years making excuses for my parents, saying how busy they were with important jobs. But the truth was, they were just selfish assholes. In acknowledging that, I choose not to be the same. My children will never come second to duty.” I paused and cleared my throat. “I mean, if I have children, of course. I’ve never believed that we are simply on this world to repopulate it. However, if I find myself on a path that includes children, I will embrace the gift of being their mother with every part of my being. Logic doesn’t have to fade under love. I promise.”

I’d seen many devoted couples who could extend their circle of love to their children. I knew it was possible. And I truly believed I could do that too.

Lucien could also have both logic and passion.

He was silent, hand still under mine, burning into me as his energy swirled. “How old are you, Bee?” he finally asked. “You speak as if you’ve lived many lives.”

I shrugged, feeling Bowley shift under my hair with the movement. “I feel as if I have.”

Before we could talk more, we were interrupted by Carter. “Your time with Simone is up,” he called out. “Don’t break the rules, master.”

It was a threat, but Lucien didn’t bite back. He already knew he was winning, and that gave him the upper hand. “Have you had enough to eat?” he asked without even looking at or acknowledging Carter.

I nodded, feeling full and sated—not just in my stomach but also in my heart and energy. Lucien hadn’t dismissed my words, and he’d seen to my needs.

Progress.

He leaned in and pressed a kiss to my cheek. Or at least that’s where I thought he was aiming until he shifted at the last second and hit the corner of my lips. Energy spiked down to my gut as butterflies took flight, giving me all the good endorphins.

If this was what love felt like, then it didn’t surprise me that humans and supernaturals fought and killed for it daily. And I stood by my belief that this was the sort of love that could expand to include as many members of your family as you needed. Infinite love.

“Thanks for breakfast,” Lucien murmured as he pulled away. “I look forward to continuing our conversation.”

Pushing myself to stand on wobbly legs, I nodded, well aware that Carter and many others had their eyes on us. “Thank you, Master Lucien.”

Fire blazed in his eyes as I used his title.

The spark within his gaze was stronger. Speaking of something more than just his possessive nature and our sexual chemistry. With that came hope, and we all knew that if love was the most dangerous emotion in the worlds, hope was a close second.

Both, if broken, would be my ultimate destruction.

Forever this time.