The Doubt

LORELAI

I sat at the dining hall, the pack causing chaos over the long, full table, drinking ale and wine. I was with my alphas and our heirs. The babies were happy, content, warm, full of love and life.

It was the perfect scene, and yet all I could think about was how much it gave me to lose. I looked at Brax, who was holding Enzi, then down at Zale, who was snuggled into my arms, not caring that the room was loud and roaring.

I had done it; I had gotten him back, and yet, I couldn’t fall into the happy bliss that the pack could. The vampires could attack at any time. The beast could take a while to take Adrenna down. It was a lot.

Derik leaned down to me, his lips brushing my ear.

“Take the happiness where it is offered, beautiful. Even if it doesn’t last, it reminds us what we fight for,” he said. I nodded, kissing him, needing the comfort. He kissed back, his hand holding the side of my face before breaking away.

“Shouldn’t we be getting a plan together for getting to Silas? He tried to take Zale; he orchestrated all of this hell we’ve been going through,” I said, anger coiling through me. Derik smiled and shook his head.

“No. He’s calculated, thinking, plotting, and deciding every outcome. When he comes for us, we want to be that ready too. If we go in there with nothing more than anger and a half-assed revenge plan, then we will die, and he will get everything he wanted handed to him,” Derik explained, which he shouldn’t have had to.

I knew he was right; that what he said was everything I had told myself already, but it didn’t help the need to take him out.

“That’s your wolf, Spitfire. Just gotta learn how to tame it,” Brax said, eating his roast meal with an urgency I should share. But I didn’t. I picked at the potatoes before sipping the wine instead.

I looked over at Mom, smiling up at Galen, who had a smirk on his face. Beenie was even out of her princess tower, sitting at the table with them and Cain. She looked uncomfortable, but she kept eating, staying as close to Cain as possible.

He was talking low to her, whispering in her ear as she tried to hold back her smile. Then they shared a look I recognized, and I turned away to give them their moment.

My eyes went to Ryleigh and Vaughn, sitting with the humans. She was so round with her pregnancy nearing the end. Vaughn was putting more on her plate, kissing her cheek, checking her comfort, refilling her water, and doting on her like he should.

All of them held something inside me, a grip, a vice, a weakness. They were all ways to get to me. Then there was the pack. I was so connected to them now.

I felt their overall emotions, but I could home in on them too, tell when there was a stronger feeling than the others, like pain or sadness, and it affected me too.

If they were hurt, I would hurt. Which is why it was easy to fill them with my magic, and it worked, but it was also another point that Silas could target.

I clenched my jaw, leaning back in the large throne chair I was in, looking at my three alphas, Brax on one side, Derik, and then Kai on the other.

They were happy for now too, and I savored the feeling, letting it fill me and take over the need for revenge that was sending me into another spiral. I didn’t need another one of those when I had just gotten out of one.

“Eat something, Spitfire. No point planning massive massacres of vampires if you can’t stand on your own feet,” Brax said quietly, and I grimaced. It was true. I leaned forward and filled my mouth with food, chewing slowly, looking down at Zale.

He clutched my shirt as if he was making sure I was still there, and I curled him in tighter. Enzi was awake, cooing at Brax, her eyes wide and wise.

“Do you think Tabby was right? That Enzi has some other lineage in her?”

Brax shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve only got wolf in mine.”

“But how could my family have anything else but human?”

“We’ll find out, Spitfire.” He tried to reassure me, but I felt the unease in him, the mistrust of Tabby and her theories. I put my hand on his thigh and gave it a light squeeze.

“I won’t let her hurt them, Brax. I won’t let anyone. We can trust her,” I said, and he nodded.

“I trust you,” he whispered, and that was as good as I was going to get, so I’d take it.

The initiate wolves finished serving all the food that was already being demolished, then sat down with the rest of the pack. The humans sat at the end of the table closest to us, and it felt complete.

Seeing them all smiling and happy, knowing we had created this for them.

We had brought in humans from all of the villages who were being punished for not following my father. We had rescued the ones left over once he was gone. We had saved the wolves from the harsh winter and Adrenna’s magic.

We had done all of that, and I didn’t understand what fate's plan was if that wasn’t enough to keep the happiness.

“Can we talk to Silas? Can we organize a meeting? On the mountain again if we have to,” I said, but Derik shook his head, finishing his mouthful before answering.

“Silas has turned his back on the witches. By orchestrating all of this, letting Adrenna out, he’s manipulating the balance. The witches won’t welcome him to the mountain anymore, which he will know and refuse to go.”

“Can he do that? I was under the impression that the witches couldn’t be denied like that. Aren’t they the power this realm rests on?” I asked, not understanding how Silas could just decide not to listen, and why nobody had told me that was even an option.

“He’s been alive as long as the witches. He was one of the first vampires, part of the first family, and he has made sure that everyone knows how strong that makes him. I didn’t think it was possible to go against them, and if we tried it, I’m sure we’d pay the price, but if there was anything that had a chance of it? I would assume it is Silas,” Derik explained.

I huffed. “And are they going to do anything about him? To help us take him out?”

“We’re not sure. Tabby thinks he has been clever and made sure everyone else does his dirty work so that his hands stay clean, and they have nothing to interfere over.”

“He let Adrenna out.”

“No. Your father said the word. Adrenna attacked. Elias took the sacrifices. Your brother took Zale. Silas—according to their archaic maintenance of the balance—is not at fault,” Derik said, his voice hard and filled with the same anger that pulsed in every heavy beat of my heart.

He was going to get away with everything?

“So we meet with him, find out why he’s doing this.”

“He won’t respond to any forms of communication.”

“So he’s purposely letting us wonder.”

“Seems so,” Derik chewed slowly, apparently hating that idea as much as I did. It was so frustrating that Silas could do whatever he wanted and destroy everything just to sate his own power-hungry future. I couldn’t let that happen.

“~We~ won’t let that happen. Silas won’t get what he wants out of this or us,” Kai interrupted my thoughts, and I tried to believe what he said, but it was hard to when I was faced with everything I could lose.

I’d never had that much before, and now that I had, I didn’t want to let it go.

“If he’s powerful enough to go against the witches, then how are we meant to do anything to stop him?” I whispered. Derik grabbed my hand in his and kissed the top.

“We’ll stop him. He is one vampire; we are a pack. Our strength is together; he doesn’t understand that.”

“One vampire? He’s got every vampire.”

“No. Not how it works, beautiful. The vampires have a hive mind, kind of like the pack link, except we can feel when our pack is unhappy with our decisions, and that affects our strength and how well we can carry out tasks related to those decisions. The vampires don’t have a choice. The strongest vampire controls the hive mind. What he wants, is what every vampire wants; there is no changing it until the next vampire takes over and infiltrates their hive mind with the next direction for their kind,” Derik explained.

I frowned, trying to take in the information.

“So… If we kill Silas, then his need for power and to kill us could go with him? The next vampire could change the course?”

Derik nodded, and I let out a relieved breath. That meant we had a chance.

If we got rid of Silas, then the next vampire that was strong enough could agree on a peaceful resolution, one where we are all happy. Or, they could be just as messed up, and we’d have to go through all of this again.

“I’m going to go feed the twins and put them down for the night,” I excused myself, standing up.

“I’ll bring her,” Derik said, standing with me and moving to take Enzi off Brax.

I gave Brax and Kai a lingering kiss before Derik and I left the room together, walking close. The twins were both awake, cooing in our arms. Zale and Enzi’s shadows were moving around them, silent and playing.

I smiled at them and brushed mine against theirs, which filled them with comfort.

“I wish I could see them, the shadows,” Derik said.

I shrugged. “I wish I could turn into a wolf and run with you,” I said.

He smiled back. “Touché.”

“I thought when I turned that I would be able to, but I guess I should have assumed I’d be more like Cain. We both have the magic in our veins,” I said, and Derik nodded.

“We had considered it, the council had. I don’t care what you become, wolf or not, human or not, as long as you’re alive,” Derik said. His warmth was so intense, filling me with the kind of love I had only ever read about.

It was powerful and pushed the other feelings through me, ones that I wanted to explore with him privately, but we had to stay with the twins.

“This heat will be intense, your first one as a wolf.”

“I wish I could enjoy it as much as I wanted to,” I sulked as we turned into the nursery.

I sank onto the rocking chair with Zale on me but swapped him for Enzi. He never fed first, turned his head away, and refused until Enzi had fed. It was the purest kind of love between them, and feeling it in me every day was everything.

“You will.”

“No, not if Silas isn’t dealt with. What if that’s what he is waiting for?”

“Ease your worries, mate. If Silas is stupid enough to get between wolves in heat, then it’ll be his mistake. The heat gives us pure power, pure adrenaline. We will be strong, erratic, and if he does decide to use the heat thinking it will give him an advantage, he will meet our females and how savage they are when they are not sated.” Derik smirked.

I fed Enzi, brushing the small wisps of her hair before kissing her forehead. I thought back on Taylor in the heat when she was infuriated with the lack of sating and ready to rip heads off. It brought a smirk to my lips. Maybe Derik had a point.

Derik smiled and then looked down at Zale before he met my gaze.

“I would like to see you swollen with my children too,” he whispered. His vulnerability in the admission made me hide my wide eyes. Memories of pain and fear flashed in me, and I swallowed, trying to convince myself that it was fine, it wouldn’t be like that this time.

“I…I hadn’t considered more,” I admitted, and he nodded.

“I know. And for now, I am content; this is enough. Zale and Enzi are perfect. But is it something you would be open to?”

Would I?

It was hard to think about. The pain, the pregnancy had been months of being uncomfortable, and the fear of everything going wrong still haunted me. And then Zale had been taken.

It had gutted me, and having more targets to break me wasn’t appealing, but then when I stared down at Enzi and her beautiful face, slowly falling asleep as she fed like she always did, my heart constricted.

I loved them so damn much; how could I not consider having more? Especially ones with Derik’s flawless skin, Kai’s electric eyes? I wanted that too.

“I’m open to it. Once Silas is dealt with,” I said, and Derik let out a relieved breath that made me smile up at him. He leaned down to me, kissing me, his lips on mine sparking that light inside me that I could never resist.

But my children were already perfecting the art of cockblocking, and Enzi stopped feeding, wriggling. Derik didn’t mind, swapping her with Zale. I fed him while Derik tapped the wind out of Enzi.

It was a smooth transition, and Derik was probably the most natural with them. He knew what they needed and had learned their cues fast.

Of course, Zale was harder to read since he was always tuning into Enzi too, but we were all having to learn about him. The chance had been stolen from us so early on. Remembering it had my heart cracking.

“He’s safe. He’s here with us now, they both are,” Derik reassured softly, and I nodded.

“I know,” I breathed, leaning back in the seat and closing my eyes for a second. I was so tired, not physically but mentally. All the stress and worry were so heavy to wear all the damn time.

“I just want this over with. I want to deal with Silas, and I want us safe,” I said.

“We will,” Derik replied.

“Soon?”

“How soon is soon for a vampire?”

“What if instead of waiting for them to come to us, we go to them?” I asked, thinking if we could get the jump on them for a change, it would be dealt with. But Derik went wide-eyed and shook his head.

“No. It is an absolute law, beautiful. We don’t attack first. We won’t be the ones to fuck with the balance. It always gets its revenge, and we will not make our pack a target. The vampires think they have outsmarted the balance by giving their dirty work to everyone else, but it will come back to them. And I will not risk it coming for us too.”

“So we wait until Karma bites them? What if we get bitten first?” I demanded.

“We’ve just got to be prepared in case it happens. Keep our wolves and humans strong, training, protecting until the vamps get sick of waiting.”

“That’s an infuriating plan. I don’t want to sit around and do nothing, Derik.”

“Then don’t. Train with Cain to use your magic, train with us to get used to the extension of power from your wolf. Learn to fight, get faster, angrier. Be the weapon they are scared of, beautiful. Silas is already intimidated by your power; if he wasn’t, he’d already have attacked,” Derik said.

It sounded great—in theory. But what if we were just giving them time to get their perfect plan together? What if, while we were training and getting ready, they were finding every way to get to us?

“It’s all we can do to make sure we protect the humans here and the city. If we separate to go off hunting for vamps or to take on their territory, it will leave us vulnerable. We have been through all the possibilities, and this is the safest option, beautiful. By not going to them, we are forcing them to meet us on our territory, where we know every little piece of it and where we are strongest. We need that advantage,” Derik explained, as if I were a child, because it was probably the fiftieth time he’d explained it.

I still didn’t like it. Not because it didn’t make sense, but because it didn’t include getting rid of Silas for good.

Zale finished, and I put him on my shoulder, patting his back to help him burp as Derik placed Enzi in the crib. I stood up, and once Zale was winded and asleep, I put him down with Enzi.

He screamed if we put him in his crib by himself now. Sometimes we could get away with it for naps, but at night? Not a chance. I felt the same way.

As soon as I was free of children, Derik swept me into his arms, kissing me harshly. I smiled against his lips.

“You are not normally the impatient one,” I teased, and he grinned, kissing the corner of my mouth, my jaw, my neck.

“I watched you with Kai,” he said, as if it explained everything, and it did. He saw the connection there, the aftercare, the intimacy that had been missing. Now he wanted that.

He had struggled the most without it, and I needed to make that up to him, but the twins were right there, and I wasn’t so far gone that I could follow through in the same room as them.

But I could keep kissing him. That felt so fucking good, his lips teasing heat into my veins, pulling at the mating link.

I kissed him back, my arms going around his neck as he held me against him, my feet off the ground, his mouth claiming mine with slow, precise movements that tingled everywhere delicious.

I sighed against his lips as he sunk into the couch along the wall where I had been sleeping, sitting down on it, pulling me onto his lap, still kissing me.

The flames of desire licked at every part of me, begging me to keep going, knowing it would be different, more intense than the last few times we had been together.

We needed it together, we deserved it after everything, but before we could get lost in each other further, or I could beg Kai to come watch the twins so I could be with Derik, a howl ripped through the air outside.

I froze on top of Derik as the pack link tugged.

Derik pulled me off him and went over to the window, looking out into the night, the darkness soaking the world outside. He frowned as more howls met the sound. I dove into the pack link, panic seizing my chest.

~“Something’s coming up fast. It’s big,”~ Tatum said gruffly, ordering his patrol to go to the main gate of the city where whatever the scent they had caught was heading.

~“It doesn’t smell like a vamp,”~ Kai said, already heading that way.

~“Don’t take the patrol; they need to stay on the border in case it’s a distraction,”~ I said, and Tatum rectified his orders. The patrol went back to where they were meant to be, and Brax arrived at the nursery.

“You need to be down there. Go, I’ve got the twins,” Brax said, going to the window as Derik moved away.

“Why?” I asked, surprised he didn’t want to be there with Derik and Kai.

“I think it’s the beast. I recognize the scent from the caves.”

“And you don’t want to be there with it?”

“It has a connection with you, and we don’t know why it is coming toward us. You’re our best chance at stopping it before it attacks.”

I sucked in a breath. “You think it will?”

“No, but that doesn’t mean it won’t.”

~“I smell blood, Alphas. You might want to get down here,”~ Tatum said, and that was all it took.

Derik and I ran down the stairs and out of the mansion. We ran over the grass yard outside, jumping off the edging of the stone half wall and down the cobblestone path toward the front of the city.

I was only a few feet away when the metallic scent hit my nose. Blood. And there wasn’t just some of it. There was a lot.

My heart raced as we waited in the dark, flame torches on the entrance flickering shadows everywhere. We waited for the bloodied beast, but I wasn’t scared of what that meant for the beast or ourselves.

I was terrified of what that meant for Adrenna. If she was still alive, then we were not going to be able to just sit back and wait. No, she had to be dead. Maybe it was her blood on the beast?

We were flanked by the wolves, some in their human forms, some not. I had Derik and Kai standing on each side of me, strong and intimidating, while my shadows poured out of me, ready with my magic to stop it from getting through the gates if it tried.

I had to find out whether Adrenna was dead, and until it gave me that information, it was not getting anywhere near us. Not if I could help it.