nine

Luca

~

That night, as I dropped Anderson off at his house, I saw his mom outside taking out the trash. Her appearance wasn't the best. She looked pretty rough with her unbrushed blonde hair and dark eyes. Does she sleep any these days?

Luca, you're one to talk.

We spoke for a few minutes after we got out of my Jeep.

"Anderson is lucky to have such a great friend like you, Luca."

I leaned against the hood and smiled. "I'm always here for him, Ms. Jenna."

She nods, itching oddly at her left arm.

My eyes find the tiny bruises on the inside of her elbow. I know she is trying to get clean, but this is such a heavy sight to see. Anderson shifts awkwardly beside me before kicking a few rocks with his feet. "Come on, Mom. Let's get you inside."

I can feel the tension between them. Anderson is so embarrassed at the sight of her and Ms. Jenna is on edge the entire time. She claws more at her arm and that's when I noticed her sleek frame. She is skin and bones. A gust of wind could just about blow her away.

When I make it back home I think more about what Sydney said.

She deserves someone like you

She hates Marcus

And let's not forget the fact that she straight up lied to Anderson about having a date to Prom. I hate not telling him what she said, but she told me she will make it right. With whatever that means, I hope she was honest.

I rub my eyes as I yawn for the third time.

I am so tired.

It'll be morning before I know it.

The hot water runs down my back. I keep my head down as it travels in my hair and into my eyes. It burns, but I don't care. Instead, I place my palms against the cold tile and welcome the intrusive thoughts that take advantage of my mind.

Luca is seven this time.

He is running around outside in the backyard.

There is no care in the world. None.

He finds comfort in the woods.

Suddenly, he is lost and doesn't know how to get back home.

Screams are in the distance.

He is scared.

Luca follows the scream until he makes it back towards his house.

The screams are his own.

He's been screaming this entire time and didn't realize.

His life is a nightmare that he can't run away from.

Now his parents are gone and he wonders if they would still be alive if he never opened his mouth. Because, maybe if he was quiet the world could have stopped. Just this once.

My tears have been swallowed with the water coming from the shower head. I don't even know how long I have been crying. I wiped at my eyes finally and shut off the water. As I walk into my room after drying off and changing into sweatpants and a t-shirt, my grandma slowly enters the room.

"Dear, are you going to take these?" The door creaks, following her inside. She is holding the bottle of sleeping pills that have my name on them.

A deep sigh leaves from my mouth.

"I can't." I tell her honestly.

She sets them on my dresser for me before taking a seat at the foot of my bed. I knew she was going to ask me about them again, but right now I'm just not in the mood to discuss this. A part of me wants to take them, just for the benefit of her sake.

"Honey, I will be fine. You need your rest." She pushes her tortoise glasses up the bridge of her nose. She's gotten more gray in her hair that I'm just now noticing.

I quickly shake my head. She's wrong. I don't need to rest. If anything, she's the one who should rest. I have to protect her.

"No. What I need is to be here for you and protect you."

My grandma leans over to grab my hand, She rubs the back of my palm with her thumb. "My sweet boy, I won't always need to be looked after. You need to take care of yourself."

I give her a small smile as the feeling of her hand in mine gives me more peace than she could ever possibly know. "I can't take care of myself knowing that if something happened to you it would be my fault."

She shakes her head. "That's nonsense Luca. What happened to them was not your fault. It was a mistake."

A sharp pain hits my chest making it harder for me to speak.

"Yeah," I choke out. "A mistake that took their lives."

She pulls me into a hug, reminding me that she loves me and that everything will be okay. It's hard to say if everything will really be okay. How can you move on from something that took your parents' life?

An ignorant mistake from a very young boy.

That little boy, deep down, will always be me. Holding a grudge full of dark gray clouds that seem to never dry up. Instead, it pours down on you the minute you think you can recover and drowns you in your own sorrows until you can't see anymore.

The next few weeks go by quicker than I expected. I was either studying my ass off or running the track for our tournament coming up. Cross country will be the death of me one day, but I do it for my sanity. As the days went on, I never said another word to Cassie, and she never said another word to me. Word got around that her and Marcus broke up after the big hallway fight, which was also the day she stood up for herself.

People talk, but I try not to listen. I try my best to focus on school, graduating, and getting my Master's degree in Engineering so I can become a mechanical engineer one day.

Anderson's car was finally fixed and running like it should—at least for the most part—so I haven't been bringing him home like normal. I also haven't seen Ms. Jenna in a while, so I have no idea how she is doing. Anderson doesn't tell me much, unless I ask him. I know it's a touchy subject and I try not to bug him.

He ended up thanking me for being his chauffeur by buying my favorite pineapple pizza with jalapenos and insisted I come over after school today. I tried to talk him out of it, but I didn't feel like pulling my hair out if he begged me one more time.

After the final bell rings, I step outside and walk towards my Jeep. Right when I start to get in my truck, I hear someone whispering behind a white Toyota Corolla. I try not to eavesdrop and to mind my own business, but the soft-sweet tone was hard for anyone to miss.

It was Cassie.

"Dad... We don't have the money, you said it yourself...

A tutor won't help...

I do study, but it's impossible for me...

She huffs loudly before pausing to take a deep breath.

I'll figure something out okay, love you—"

Leave it alone, Luca.

But, I can't.

Before I know it, I close the door and walk on over to where she is standing, clearly ignoring my conscience. She is pressed against her car with her arms across her chest. A puzzled look appears on her beautiful face the minute she sees me.

"Hey, are you okay?"

She shrugs before rubbing her arms up and down. "I've been better."

"I don't mean to be nosy or anything, but I heard what you were saying to your dad."

"It's fine." Her posture slips away as she leans off her car and suddenly opens her door to leave. I instantly panic because I don't want her to leave just yet.

I need to do something.

"I can help." I call out, making her stop before closing the door behind her.

"What do you mean?"

My hand finds the back of my neck as I rub it gently, trying to come up with something quick.

"I uh—" I started to say but couldn't find the right words. She scrunches her nose as she watches the sweat build up on my forehead.

Great.

"Luca," She pauses. "Are you okay?"

I brush her question off when a plan slowly comes together in my brain.

"I can tutor you." I spit out.

"What?"

I repeat my plan to her when she basically laughs in my face.

"You want to teach me?"

I nod. "I wouldn't mind, I'm actually doing pretty well in Mrs. Higgins class."

She laughs. "At least someone is."

A few seconds later she speaks again. "We don't have a lot of money right now. My mom lost her job, and these damn medical bills won't stop coming."

Medical bills?

I want to ask, but it's really none of my business right now. I just heard a private conversation that I shouldn't have listened to in the first place—and there's no way I would take money from her. It wouldn't be right.

I quickly shake my head. "No payment necessary."

"Really?"

A smile appears on her lips again while she crosses her arms. "What's the catch?"

Huh?

"No catch."

"There's got to be something that you want."

Something that I want? Hell, I want her. How do I say that by not really saying it? My throat goes dry and I'm wishing I had something to drink right now. I think more about her and Marcus and if the rumors were true or not.

Should I bring that up?

"Did you and Marcus really break up?"

Yep, I just went for it.

She tucks a curly strand of hair behind her left ear. "Yes. It's for the best."

My eyes wander to my feet while I contemplate on what I should say to that. I'm thrilled honestly. She doesn't need to be with something like that.

She needs to be with someone like me.

I look back at her with my eyebrows raised.

Here goes nothing.

"Let's make a deal."

Her eyes fill with curiosity as she pulls her lip into her mouth. "What kind of deal?"

It's hard not to stare the way she does it.

"Be my girlfriend."

Her mouth falls open. "What?"

Shit.

I knew this wasn't a good idea.

I shake my head. "You know, never mind, it's stupid." My arm gets tugged toward her as she stops me from walking away. Just the way she held onto my arm for a minute sent goosebumps on my skin.

"Wait," she breathes, "What do you mean be your girlfriend?"

It's hard to walk away from her, especially now that I'm screwed and there's no way I can come back from this. I just need to rip the band aid off and do it.

"I'll tutor you for free if you agree to be mine."

She finally lets go of me, leaving my skin cold and empty from her touch, and takes a few steps back.

"Be yours?"

"I know how it sounds—"

"Nobody owns me, remember?"

I rub the back of my neck. "I don't mean it like that. I just know how I would treat you. Marcus is an idiot and never deserved you."

She pulls her lip into her mouth again and my eyes try to look the other way. I'd give anything to be that bottom lip.

Jesus. What is wrong with me?

"For how long?"

"What?"

"How long do I pretend to be your girlfriend?"

The thing is, I don't want to pretend but I keep my mouth shut and don't say anything else. If this plan works, I need to be safe.

If Cassie is mine for a little while I should enjoy it while I can—because it's not going to last forever.

No matter how hard I wish it would.

"A month," I tell her as she looks up from her feet.

Where am I going with this?

"And we go to Prom together?"

I literally cross my fingers behind my back, hoping she agrees. If someone saw this, they would laugh at how pathetic I looked. Her lips form into a smile while she rolls her eyes. I give her a smile back when she walks up to me and holds out her hand for me to shake. I can't believe this worked.

"All right, Luca. Deal."

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