𝟏𝟔

♕

𝑎𝑢𝑟𝑜𝑟𝑎'𝑠 𝑝𝑜𝑣

A week.

Seven days.

One hundred and sixty eight full hours without her.

It's crazy really.

You become so close with someone in the span of a few months and when they're gone you miss them more than anything.

I miss her; her smile and the dimples that came with it, her reassurance, her relaxing presence, those delightful swirls of chocolate that she referred to as her eyes.

I miss all of it.

I wanted to fix what was broken. To talk about this misunderstood situation and to see her beautiful face again. All I wanted was to hold her close to me while comforting her.

After trying her phone for two days, I put my faith in the universe with hope that all she needed was time. When that time was up, she'd willingly hear what I wanted so desperately to tell her.

But it's been a week.

And it's Christmas Eve and I'm so tired of waiting. As condescending as it may seem it's the truth.

So yes, I'm standing in front of the brunette's door with a sleeping Ariella cradled in my arms. And yes, it's three in the morning the day before Christmas. And yes, I am restless as hell from the lack of sleep due to my thoughts. But my mind has done enough spiraling.

I'm ready to make things right.

I knock on the wooden door with a trembling hand.

Once.

Twice.

And at first I start to think that I'm not knocking loud enough or perhaps not everyone has the ability to wake up from their sleep so easily. I mean it was early— very early in the morning.

But then the door swings open, and the sight in front of me makes me nauseous.

"Oh cara," I spoke.

Iris was wearing an oversized band tee that hung off of her shoulders. Her eyes were heavy and eye bags were prominent. The slight sniffles that left her nose and the glossiness that coated her eyes alerted me that she had be crying. Recently. Her well-kept dark tresses were thrown in a makeshift bun. Though all of the above were a heartbreaking sight, the peeks of red, bruised skin shattered my heart into pieces.

"Ro." she spoke lowly, her voice cracking with a rasp, "You shouldn't be here."

My eyebrows furrowed, "No. You won't push me away again—"

"That woman." her small frame began to tremble and her arms reached up to hug herself, "You and her. I thought we had something."

"We do!" I flinched slightly at my outburst.

Iris pressed her fingers into her reddened skin before looking away from me and to the sleeping child in my arms.

"Why—"

I cut her off, taking the risk of stepping closer to her, "Can we talk? Please? I've— We've missed you so much and I can't stand being away from you for another second."

Her lips parted after a while and the shaking of her body began to slow as she looked at Ariella and I with soft eyes. Eventually— without making eye contact— Iris opened the door wide enough for us to fit in.

I released a heavy breath and immediately went to lie Ariella in the guest bedroom, tucking her in and kissing her forehead.

When I returned into the opened area of the apartment I halted in my steps.

It was a mess. Iris was never someone to keep things out of order. She didn't have OCD, but she had a knack for keeping things tidy. So when I saw the many plates of takeout food on the coffee table, the dirty laundry, and torn couch pillows that lie on the floor. I knew that she was struggling just as bad as I was.

"You don't have to look so horrified. I know how bad it looks."

I looked away from the cartoonish show that played on her MacBook before catching her in the kitchen as she prepared something.

"Sorry." I mumbled, taking a seat at the island counter.

She only shook her head before pouring water into two coffee mugs and handing one to me when done.

"It's tea."

I thanked her softly, holding the steaming dish in my hand.

We sat in silence for a while.

I noticed the constant shivering, lip biting, and skin pulling that came from the brunette. When she lifted the mug up to her mouth, I even noticed the chipped paint of her nail polish.

I hated seeing her like this.

After a while, I decided to muster up the strength to explain everything to her.

"I know how it seemed." I mumbled, watching as she lifted her head to look at me, "I don't blame you. You saw me with my ex-wife in such an intimate position and you protected yourself from being more hurt by my already decided actions. But I never kissed her. I say that with my little girl's life on the line, and that may seem too much but it's the truth."

That wasn't enough confirmation for her and I could tell.

I knew that it wouldn't be easy.

I continued.

"Evelyn and I were friends before we became more. I'd known her my entire life. We were high school sweethearts and heavily obsessed with one another. We made the decision of getting married straight out of school, and it was the dumbest yet best decision of my life. Our relationship moved fast but we were so so in love that it didn't matter." I noticed Iris wince at the mention of Evelyn so I took the time to divert the topic, "I had Ariella at twenty four. We wanted to start a family early on and I was the one to carry. It wasn't until Ariella was three years old that Evelyn and I fell apart. She felt that everything was moving too fast and that she was still too young to already be so committed to us as a family. So she left and divorce papers were sent not long after. I was hurt and confused. We both made the decision to get married and have a child, so I didn't understand why her morals changed all of a sudden. I hadn't heard from her since she left until now, but I've moved on."

I lifted up from my seat and placed my hands on Iris' face. My eyes leaked like an open faucet. She looked at me with a look full of empathy, yet it seemed as she knew what my next actions would be. I placed a salty kiss on the lips of my newfound lover, savoring the feeling of her before pulling away.

"You're not a replacement or someone to fill in the shoes of her. You're something different, and I love that about you. You're the only woman I think about and the only woman that I would even think to mutter the words 'I love you' to because I do. I love you, Iris Heather, and I'm so damned sorry for making you feel as if I didn't." I concluded.

And then we were both crying in one another's embrace. And I got so much déjà vu then.

"I love you too." the brunette rasped, her head stuffed in my neck as she cried with me, "I'm so sorry for assuming and getting upset at you. My past relationships have just always made me expect the worse to happen."

I rubbed her back, listening to her hiccup throughout her words and tremble against my body, "You have nothing to be sorry for, amore mio. Your past is something you can't easily forget and I understand."

We separated and I cradled her soft skin in my hands once again, "We will work on it. I promise."

She smiled and the dimples in her cheeks made me smile even more.

We fell asleep in one another's arms soon after, and she had told me about all of the ways her exes belittled her with words and physical actions. I wanted to hurt whoever made her hurt. I hated the thought of how someone with such a graceful soul could be treated with such unkindness.

She didn't deserve what was done to her.

I promised to never cheat, abuse her mentally or physically, nor would I not show her how much I genuinely cared for her.

Those were promises I intended to keep forever.