c h a p t e r. 18

"The world is always greater than your desires; plenty is never enough." -Aleksandar Hemon

chapter 18

Sometimes, when Jazz thinks he's alone, he'll make weird noises just to see what they look like. He'll flick pencils at walls or pull the straps onto his backpack as tight as they would go just to see the sharp teal that the sound makes.

He likes the edgy lavender that the drip, drip, drips of the coffee makes whenever it's getting poured into his cup and the awkward silver that the clank of the door closing greets him with every afternoon. The burning orange of his breathing and the hue of blue that surrounds his hands when he taps tunes onto his desk are familiar and comforting.

His whole world is surrounded in colors and music and excitement.

But, lately, he's beginning to enjoy something a little calmer.

Castor's voice is a soft, ethereal color that never fails to mesmerize and his growl-- one of the more adorable tics-- is a deep color, not quite blue but not anything else. He was just... green, so so green.

Jazz has always loved green.

It symbolized life and love and everything he held dear; his mother's eyes and soft hum, his father's deep voice, his favorite mug, and his twin's cheerful smile and sisters' double-edged laugh, Viv's snore and the welcoming sheets of his bed.

Green was safe.

And so was Castor.

The celestial was safe; he was thoughtful and kind and he knew, without judging, how to always make him calm. He was mint and pine and all good things in life. He is purpose.

And Jazz is in love with him.

It might be a little early-- and yeah, they probably skipped a couple steps here or there-- but it felt right. Besides, there was no handbook, no rules, no checklist that said how and when he should fall in love.

A big part of falling in love, then realizing he's in love, is mild panic and waiting.

Right Jazz was experiencing both of those things.

Castor was out on a run, the musician having had a morning lecture that he couldn't skip to join him and now was just laying down on their kitchen floor, long legs propped up by the counter but head flat on the tile as he fiddled with his guitar, waiting to eat the oranges next to him to share with the celestial.

Who he was going to ask out on a date.

Which is why he also brought home a strawberry milkshake (and fresh strawberries) which was now in the fridge and some twizzlers, the strawberry flavored ones because Castor was allergic to the black licorice and ate those ones just to spite people because the red ones weren't dangerous for him.

Basically, Jazz had no fucking idea how to ask someone out or how to do it in a way that his star would appreciate, so he just bought him a bunch of his favorite flavored stuff and hoped that, even if he didn't get a date, Cas would appreciate that.

Either way, he'd probably get cuddles.

Which is a definite win in his books.

Hearing the front door unlock and push open, Jazz's fingers paused on his guitar strings, cutting off the sound with a violet thwang! of the higher notes as he looked up and met the celestial's eyes.

"Castor!" He happily wiggled in his spot, a broad grin pulling at his mouth and making his snake bites-- he had a bunch and matched the colors to whatever shirt he was wearing for the day, right now they were deep greens that made his eyes pop-- sink further into his lip.

"Hey," The celestial smiled back, amusement over something seeping into his tone as that familiar yet unknown emerald shot through his song. He shut the door behind him and came to stand over the musician, raising an eyebrow when Jazz blushed bright red. "What?"

"You're shirtless," He whispered as if it was some big secret, then his eyes were widening and he was scrambling up, resting his guitar on the cabinets and he leaned forwards on his knees. "You have tattoos? I didn't know that!"

"Hmm, yeah." Castor sounded distracted by something but Jazz didn't pay much attention either, his eyes tracing over the roman numeral numbers-- by the looks of it, birthdays-- over his left hip and the top of something red and green just over his right one.

"Those are cool," Jazz raised slightly to run his fingers over the marked skin, fingers still warmer than Cas even after the celestial had been running awhile, which he found slightly amusing. "Do you have anymore?"

Jazz had a mandala design going over his lower back, the top of it having the roots of a tree crowing the design artistically, the willow going towards his right shoulder, leaves green and bold and safe but with doves spread throughout the branches, each one added in blank but slowly filling in with the colors of his loved ones' voices since. His left shoulder has another mandala design but with a green and gold dragon curling over it, glaring at everyone from his collarbone, tail going down the crook of his elbow and over other designs in the not yet finished sleeve, his family's middle names in futhark going down the same forearm.

He knew his star definitely didn't have that many, but maybe he missed others the very few times that he went shirtless around the dorm.

"Not as much as you," Castor said, all ethereal green and sunflowers. "But there's this one--" He pulls down the top of his shorts just enough to show off the strawberry on his right hip, the red and green thing that he couldn't quite make out before. Jazz hummed and ran the pad of his finger down that too, pulling away when the celestial shuddered.

Looking up quizzically and not missing how the top of his ears had turned red, Jazz tilted his head, but his star only took a step back then turned around, showing about thirteen different dates in roman numerals going down his spine but with an extra one next to one of the top ones, the black ink standing proud against his paler pink tones.

"They're birthdays?" He questions, tracing them with his eyes.

"Yeah," Castor clears his throat. "They're my family's birthdays but I also have the day Selene joined the army next to hers and others like Sawyer's wife Grace next to him."

"Dog tags." Jazz nods to himself, happy that he knows who they're from now, not quite realizing he said it outloud.

"As much as I don't mind you admiring me, Jitterbug, I'm still sweaty from the run and need to take a shower." The celestial informs him, turning back around and Jazz flops back, pouting up at his star from his position now on the floor.

"This is reverse apostasy and I don't appreciate it," Jazz mutters.

"What?" Castor spins on his heel to look at the musician again. "A reverse apostasy? I'm- -bit hot innit- -sorry, but what religion is abandoning you at the moment?"

"No religion," Jazz flushes but keeps his eyes on his star. "Just a God who's leaving me before I even get a kiss to go take a shower."

Cas just rolls his eyes, not knowing that he's completely serious and crosses his arms before grumbling out, "I'm not a god, Jasper."

Jazz pouts, because yes, yes Castor is a god, and makes a 'come here' motion with his hands that gives his star a pause long enough that seafoam and a stubborn sage come into his song, playing it a little louder.

"Listen Love," The endearment makes him flush. "Unless you actually have something for me, want to join me- -bit hot innit- -or are planning my murder--" Like he'd ever. "--I'm going to actually take a shower now."

Jazz wiggles closer again, smiling up at him as he points to the fridge and goes, "Strawberries!" then to himself and adds, "Kisses!"

And that, of course, makes his god perk up completely with 'Strawberries?' in a delighted tone falling from his lips before he's smiling and saying, "You're too good at bribery."

"No, sir, I am not," The musician sits up and pushes himself back to lean against the cabinets and takes his guitar into his arms to play a soft tune-- Cas' song-- on it again as his star makes his way to the fridge. "I think I'm at the perfect level of being able to bribe you."

"I could disagree but you got me strawberries, so," Cas said, then pauses for a second as he looks into the fridge. "Why are there so many strawberry things in here?"

"There's twizzlers in the drawer too," Jazz hums absentmindedly, trying to get the song perfect.

"Okay, love that, but why?"

"Ah," The musician fixes a couple off-notes, getting it a little closer towards his star's inner music-- answering completely honestly not only because he was distracted but because he's used to telling the celestial whatever is on his mind whenever he thinks of it. "I wanted you to be happy when I asked you out on a date so I got you those, but they weren't staying cold so I put them in the fridge."

Castor is silent for a second before he chuckles in amusement and says, "That was very thoughtful-- bit hot innit!-- thank you."

"Welcome," Jazz chirps back, not even realizing what he had admitted. "Why is there a 'd' in fridge but not refrigerator?"

"I don't know," The celestial sounds way too humored, too smug, and there was a laughter to his voice that made Jazz look up at him in confusion. "Because the english language is just screwy."

What was so funny, though? He still sounded half-way to laughter.

Castor was staring down at him, all sunflowers, seafoam, and emeralds, as if he was waiting for Jazz to understand something.

"What?" He blinks, tilting his head. "Why are you--" He squeaks as his eyes widen, realizing what happened, before going sheepish and softly smiling up at his God. "H-hey, um, Castor, do you want to go on a date w-with me?"

Choosing Jazz over the strawberries and the milkshakes, Castor bends down and presses a soft kiss to his lips.

"Sure," Cas chuckles at him, squishing his cheeks lightly with the hand he has over his jaw-- the musician has learned that the celestial always places his hand there when they kiss. "But I'm still showering first. My offer still stands, for joining me and the murder."

"Murder is um, is rude before the first date."

"We'll definitely have fun on the second then." Smirking, the star winks at him.

Jazz can't help but to agree.