c h a p t e r. 38

"He has no need for faith who knows the uncreated, who has cut off rebirth, who has destroyed any opportunity for good or evil, and cast away all desire. He is indeed the ultimate man." -Gautama Buddha

chapter 38

Getting onto the plane was fairly easy, especially because his papa helped them take the bags and because not everyone was coming home with Jazz and his celestial-- who was just flicking through his phone as they waited.

He was bored out of his mind, and when their private pilot told them they could board and Castor didn't seem to hear him, the musician easily lifted him onto the platform.

Unfortunately, he seemed to have surprised him.

The god pushed back against him, grabbing his wrists before seeming to realize what happened when he glanced back at him and said, "Sorry, I didn't know we were moving."

He offers a small smile, but his mind is trapped into just how easy it was to lift Castor from the ground.

It shouldn't have been that easy.

So he doesn't stop himself from asking "How much do you weigh?" when they get to their seats, his arm going around him and pressing a gentle hand against his stomach.

"Like...one twenty-five?" Castor answers, turning towards him. "It's not bad."

Tucking him closer, he cups his boyfriend's cheeks, "Isn't that underweight?"

"It's not bad." Repeating this, the celestial huffs at him. "You don't have to look so worried. It's not--" He growls. "--like I shrunk any during the time I've known you."

He's... he's always been this small?

That is so not okay. Oh hell, his boyfriend is tiny!

With that thought, it's like all his protective urges come forth and he tries to help him before he even realizes what he's doing.

"Jitterbug," Castor groans, feet falling flat against the floor. "I'm not fragile. Don't treat me like I am. I can literally pick you up, and I've beaten Axel in a fight. And I play football. And-- not, not, not-- hockey. What are you worried about exactly?"

That he'll get hurt.

"Probably that you'll blow away in the wind." Flynn comes out of nowhere, his tinsel voice seeming to smack his star in the face and he almost says something before he realizes that neither of them could feel or see sound.

And then?

Then the idiot is strolling down the aisle and bumps into Castor's side--making Jazz pick him up so that couldn't happen again.

"I am not that small." The god lies, and he holds him together. "Jasper, please, I'm almost average."

"Almost but not," He instantly replies, cuddling into his neck. "You realize that you're barely up to my shoulders and I'm almost a whole 100 pounds more than you? And yeah, you're tall but you're so tiny. Not fragile but smaller people are easier to hurt and I don't like that."

"I'm literally fine." Castor sighs, as if he's completely done.

But it's not his fault that he's so small.

Jazz shakes his head, holding him with one arm and moving his other hand along his wrist, pulling his arm up to show the white bandage under his-- one of the musician's-- sweatshirt's giant sleeve. "You're already hurt."

"It's not bad, besides-- bad, bad, bad-- that was days ago. I'm literally fine. I've been this size the entire time we've been dating. Since forever."

He knows! That's why he's so shell-shocked!

He presses his boyfriend closer to him, wrapping his legs around his waist as he gasps, remembering the first time he felt like Castor's presence was bigger than his body. "When you fought Axel!"

"A fight I won."

His star's reminder so does not help.

Flynn comes closer again, laughing as he pats his best friend on his back, "While he's too busy worrying, I'll make myself comfortable so by the time Lil' Red gets here, that fucker can't kick me out."

"I'll beat you up." Castor threatens.

"No," Jazz whines, tightens his grip. "You're not allowed to fight anymore!"

"Jasper I play hockey." He deadpans. "That's a full contact sport."

Scarlette goes past him for a moment before pausing, looks at the man over his shoulder and asks, "What the fuck, Cas?"

He just shrugs, "He won't put me down."

"Jazz, I've seen him punch out three guys at once and handle Fly's beefy drunk uncle, and win all his hockey games since I've met him." Scarlette has the audacity to tug on his arm. "Put him down! He's fine, you're just an anxious little baby Red."

"He's a puppy." Castor oh-so-helpfully adds.

They're still trying to get him to put the god down but this is his god and he's strong so it doesn't work. He huffs and says, "I'm not a puppy."

"Oh my god." Squirming, the star pulls away enough for them to look at each other. "You have to not be so-- mother ducklings-- protective at me just walking around, Jitterbug. I'm literally fine. I've been this size, this normal size, the entire time."

And-- and he's blushing.

Castor is blushing.

"No, wait." Jazz has no time to process Castor's words before the god is covering his eyes and huffing out a small, almost embarrassed breath. It was almost like he was trying to hide himself-- but why?

He already saw the start of his blush.

Already saw how cute he looked in his glasses.

Really, all he was accomplishing by covering Jazz's eyes was depriving the musician of a very nice sight.

"Castor?" He says, trying not to sound as confused as he was, and pulled his face free from the celestial's hands. "Why did you... wow." His cheeks didn't have just a soft blush anymore, no, they were red. Burning, more like. He could almost feel the heat from how close they were.

Aw, he was trying to hide it.

Even his ears were red!

"Sorry, I'm just gonna--" Realizing that his god was trying to take off his glasses, Jazz quickly stops him and pulls him up more, enjoying how he's warmer than him for once.

"My star," Not being able to push down his wide smile, he feels his dimples pop out and finds joy in the way that the celestial's neck even seems to be tinting red at this point. "You are positively adorable, did you know that?"

Having Castor shake his head in reply is somewhat of a tragedy but hearing his little flustered tics that come next almost makes up for it.

Pointing to their seats, he stutters out, "Just, just put me down or-- bit hot innit-- go help Dela, or someone, even Axel, just let me, let me-- bit hot innit-- cool off."

Jazz can't help but to laugh, feeling happy to hear Castor's british accent and his cute little noises and knowing he's the reason behind them-- even if he doesn't exactly know what he did to cause them this time.

It wasn't that he was acting like a puppy, because apparently he does that a lot of the time (which he disagrees with) and it's not like it's because he was picking up the god, he does that often enough that the celestial has just learned to lean against him and wait until the musician has deemed that he's been giving enough attention for him to be put down.

His distracted mind made him put Castor down slower than he probably needed to but once he does, he gives him another once over just to see how red he was and to make sure that he was okay before leaning a bit closer.

"Don't get hurt when I'm gone," Jazz pleads, then he's walking away with a bit of reluctance but knows if he doesn't his star poses the risk of going into a ticing fit.

Sitting by his parents, they're half-way into a conversation as Dela and Viv come over to bug him. And, since they're little dweebs and bored, they decide to see what Castor's reaction is to each of them because his twin was so insistent that he looks at the musician differently.

More openly, apparently.

Which, he hopes given that they are in love and dating.

"Mama," Jazz pokes her in the arm, both of their eyes on the two girls as they go over to his boyfriend. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," She shuffles a little closer, putting her head in her hand. His papa cracks an eye open from where he was trying to take a nap from next to them before grabbing his goddess mama's hand and moving his head to her shoulder.

He doesn't know how anyone could call him a puppy dog when a man like papa exists and literally worships the ground his wife walks on.

He's the true puppy dog, not Jazz.

"Well?" She looks at him, their matching eyes meeting for just a second before hers soften and nudge his arm. "What's your question, mini-me?"

"Okay," He chuckles, nudging her back. "Why does it matter how Castor looks at me?"

"Because honey, a lot of things can be told by someone's eyes." She sighs, looking over to where Viv seemed to be bothering the celestial. "When someone truly cares about you, you can tell. If you're truly making them happy, you can tell that, too."

"And how do you think Castor looks at me?"

"I think that Cas looks at you like how your dad looks at me."

Sitting up straighter, as if he could tell even from this distance, Jazz looks right at the celestial-- and as if he knew, he raised his head. Green met gray and the god was smiling without hesitation.

He winks and the musician can't help but to blush.

He looks adorable, sitting there all happy from just looking at Jazz and it warms his heart-- so without waiting he gets out of his seat to go to him.

"You're right," He boops his goddess mama's fingers.

Dela seems to have gotten her fill of annoying her twin for the day so she retreats to go back with her girlfriend and Viv moves over to give him room to sit down. With a small kiss, Castor grins at him and he grabs his thighs to lift his legs onto his lap so they could sit closer together.

"What did Dela--" The celestial squeaks. "--test this time?" He dropped his notebook onto his lap.

Testing? His patience.

"Nothing important." Jazz says, running his fingers through his as he looks down at the notebook. He was doodling again, which makes the musician happy. "What'd you draw?"

Castor smirk, "Nothing important."

Oh, they're playing that game? Okay.

Squeezing his calf, he leans closer with a chuckle, "I love you."

"I love you too." Castor waits for him to lean closer, which he does, before they share a gentle kiss. When he pulls back, he sees the smudge on his glasses that instantly annoys him.

Watching as he cleans it off with Jazz's shirt, Fly startles him by standing with a shout, "Oh my god, wait!" He hurtles himself towards them to be on the other side of the god. "You have your glasses on! Oh my god. It's been so long, hold on. Damn. I forgot your eyes were literally the most boring color to exist. You look a little different too--"

"You little pest," Scar throws her phone at the annoying blonde. "Leave him alone."

"Cas doesn't mind," Fly smirks back. "He doesn't even know how he looks."

Scarlette frowns just like Jazz does, "You don't?"

And Castor just... shakes his head.

"Like... seriously?" She continues. "How do you, how would you even describe yourself? That's just... you don't know how you look."

"Uh, I guess... plain? I'm not ugly, I guess, but it's-- mother ducklings-- not like I could be a model." Shrugging, he pushes his glasses up more and Jazz's hand tightens over his leg. That's-- that's not really fair though, is it? The societal beauty standard of a model shouldn't be what someone determines themselves as attractive or not. "I don't have to describe myself a lot. It's not like anyone around me is entirely--" He growled. "--invested in how I look."

Fly raises an eyebrow and points to the musician, "It's not like he's in it for your stunning personality."

Well that's pretty fucking rude.

"Obviously," Castor jokes back, and Jazz is too in his head to notice when Scar rolls her eyes. "Together they barely equal out to a-- five, five, five-- five, and he's a ten, so..."

"Five?" The blond snorts. "Isn't that a little... much."

"I can cook," He shakes his head.

"Cookies!" Fly gasps, rushing out of his seats. "I left cookies in the cabin!"

"Babe!" Scar jumps out of her seat, probably going to try and control him, but pauses just enough to look back at them. "We're getting another section, by the way, Fly just wanted some 'quality game husband time' and annoyed Cas by thinking we're staying."

And then she leaves, closing their section's curtain behind her.

"You don't know what you look like?" Jazz turns to his boyfriend, pouting as he asks this. "That's so sad. Your eyes-- they've been deprived."

"Love, my eyes have taken enough damage already."

"But you're so... gorgeous."

That's so not fair, that he doesn't even know what he looks like.

"Your, er..." Wrinkling his nose, the god raises his hand and gives them a finger boop. "Your standards are too low."

That is so fucking wrong and Jazz is going to show him how.

"They're not." Pulling Castor right towards him, their waists flush together and leans down to bite into his shoulder-- right into one of those marks that are still bright and bruised, making him squirm. "You are gorgeous. You're so beautiful, in a lot of ways. I don't want to have to prove that."

"Prove it if you have to," The star defiantly tells him, raising one hand up to his jaw. "I still won't know how I look."

"Trust me, by the time I'm done, you'll know every inch of your body so well you won't need a mirror." Jazz presses a kiss to the hollow of his throat. "And you'll think you're just as beautiful then too."

The look on Castor's face tells him that the god wouldn't mind.

When they got to the airport, finding Castor's family wasn't very hard.

Mostly because his sister and brother were loudly arguing with each other, and also because the god looked completely done with life when he laid eyes on them and just sighed deeply.

His sister, Nemesis, stops with the yelling to smile sheepishly at the two of them, a boy that Jazz doesn't know but assumes is Beck, Atlas' best friend, laughing at his celestial as he points.

Brushing off the yelling, she says, "Hey Cassie, fancy seeing you here."

Giving a wave, Castor looks back at Jazz when he wraps his arms around his waist, pulling his boyfriend against him.

He was a little nervous to meet them, and honestly didn't like how loudly they were arguing. He didn't pay attention to what it was about, but he knew that whatever it was, it made the god's song go darker and made him feel bad.

"Uh hi, you must be Jazz and Jazz's family. Anyway, we really have to get moving because both Beck and Pax have work and Addie wants to get home. The people here already gave us all your bags!" Nemesis says. "Forewarning, Atlas is hung over, Pax and Beck are shit drunk and Ben is just a little tipsy. I'm driving, who do you want to sit by?"

"Window and-- mother ducklings-- Ben," Castor says. "Can I meet you there?"

His sister gave him a weird look, Atlas shoots him a small glare but doesn't comment as she nods, "Be quick."

Be quick?

No, don't be quick.

Quick means he'll have less time to see his god.

Pouting at Castor, Jazz grabs onto his hip with one hand, turning him towards him and keeping his other arm snug around his waist. "I don't want you to go."

"Jitterbug, we've seen each other every single day since August." Castor grins, wrapping his arms around him, too. "A week won't kill us. You, more specifically, Mr. Extrovert."

He sighs heavily, leaning down to nuzzle his face into the god's neck. "I don't want to wait, and it's a little over a week."

That's too long.

Damn. Maybe he is too clingy.

"Don't wait." Castor telling him this surprises him enough that he lets the star pull away a little bit. "I've never had someone over before but I, um, I guess, come over to my house? For new-- new, new, new-- years. I'll be there for five days, and I'm going there tomorrow. You can--" He growled. "--come on the first day, or the last. But you can, no, I want you to come."

"Really?" Oh, he really really hopes he's being serious. "Are you sure that'll be okay?"

"It's my house, Jasper," The god raises up to give him a kiss. "Of course it's-- bit hot innit-- okay."

"I absolutely want to go. I get to meet your parents and I get to see you. And Noodle! It's a win, win, win."

Being very content with the change of plans, he gets about twenty more kisses from Castor and the god playfully scowls at him but ends up pulling away smiling. They say goodbye with a kiss and an I love you, and now with a plan to see each other much, much sooner.

Jazz can't wait to see him again.