c h a p t e r. 3

"I get what it's like to want something, but to try and force yourself to really believe that you don't."

-Cara Carmack

Hope you guys enjoy!! Also, this chapter from my sister's book, Cas' POV, is like, twenty times better and you might wanna go check it out??

chapter 3

"Vivianna Apate D'silvetta," Jazz snarled out, pushing her face away from his face as she clung onto him in a bear hug, his stupid best friend refusing to let go as she laughed into his ear. "Get off, you ugly gremlin."

"I'm a beautiful gremlin, Jazz," She giggles out, hazel eyes winking at him, hugging him tighter around the waist and making him grunt. "And my name is Queen Vivianna, thank you very much."

"Sorry," He slapped her forehead, making the weirdo whine and push away from him. "All this time I thought it was Queen Dumb Bitch."

"That's my middle name," She cheekily grinned back at him, making Jazz roll his eyes-- she just had to interrupt his peaceful morning.

Him and Cas successfully did their run from their dorm, very few stumbles or crashes from the clumsy boy or the ticing one, but when they got to the cafe the crazy girl known as Viv jumped onto her bestie and well, refused to let go of him since.

She definitely had her mom's soft personality with blunt smirks and her father's ability to flip from genius to silly to terrifying.

She was a gonzo but she was amazing.

And Jazz's best friend so he was stuck with her.

"Who's this?" Viv asked, hazel eyes curious as she peers over his shoulder at an awkward looking Cas, the celestial twisting his fingers together as he silently observed the duo.

Jazz straightened, standing in front of his crush-- he was pretty sure he was a crush, just not completely certain-- and blocking him from view while giving his best friend a warning look.

She better not flip out and scare Cas away or make him more stressed out.

Which was her usual affect on people.

"That's Cas, he's my roommate." He explained. "And you're not going to purposely annoy him just to see what bothers him, okay, V?"

Viv pouted, "Fucking kill joy. I was just gonna ask him what's poppin'."

"You absolutely were not," Jazz snorts. "I saw that look in your eyes."

"What if I was checking him out, huh, J?" She snaps back and then giggles wildly at the glare her best friend shoots her. "Ah, I see. You found your butterfly, huh?"

Butterfly, aka the term their families use just to call the 'one', since many special moments happen in butterfly land and it's a place where love is special, recognized, and hard to ignore under the starlight.

But it was way too early to use that term, especially when Jazz wasn't quite sure what love felt like. Not that kind of love, anyway.

"No," Jazz scowled, bopping her on her nose. "Just back off, okay? Besides, you already have Ahmik--" Someone she swears is her butterfly, but the D'Silvettas have always been good about not being in denial about their own feelings while Reds were a mess with theirs. "--and I know you wouldn't be checking anyone else out."

"Whatever," She leaned around him, waving at Cas who blinks back at her like he doesn't know what the fuck to do-- which, dealing with one of Tio Auggie's children, is valid. "Hi!"

The celestial gives her a 'hey' nod in reply and clenches his jaw, eyes casting to look at their usual table before drifting back to Jazz. Melon green, chetrause-- Cas was anxious. Jazz wanted to say something, he wanted to ask him why those colors were humming sadly into his song, he wanted to know how to help, but Viv was standing right there and the celestial always seemed like a private guy and he wouldn't want a stranger up in his business.

"Go sit down Viv," Jazz points to their table. "I'll be there in a second."

The weirdo rolls her eyes before doing as he said, dyed purple curls framing her face messily as she kicked her feet onto what will be the musician's seat, making him sigh.

Some things just never change.

When Jazz turned to Cas, the celestial seemed to be bracing for something-- shoulder's tense, head held high but eyes unwavering as they took him in, searching for something unknown.

"I know she kinda ambushed the both of us," He admits sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck as he takes in his cheratuse and moss and ethereal green, worried and nervous but also expectant. He couldn't figure out what would make his song sound so... bothered? "And that you don't know Viv at all, but she's not as crazy as she seems, I promise. Are you, um, are you comfortable having her sit with us? If not, she'll understand, Our families are really good about respecting boundaries and of course I want to respect yours and if you're not comfortable or something bothered you, you don't even have to tell me why, just that you want to leave or not be around something-- not that I'm saying you aren't capable of establishing boundaries yourself but some people get really nervous about that and, and... I'm rambling, sorry. Um... coffee? Sitting? Yes?"

Cas blinks at him, beautiful gray eyes widening slightly and something shifts in his tune-- something soft and sweet and covered in sunflowers and mint leaves, and so green that it almost knocks Jazz right off his feet.

"Yeah," He said softly. "It's okay, I won't be talking--" He growls. "--much though."

The musician smiles at him, happy his worry lessened and that the celestial looked a bit more comfortable-- and the celestial offered him one back and holy fuck, yeah its definitely a crush.

Jazz almost choked on the sudden thumping of his heart, the sudden feeling in his chest, the sudden realization. His cheeks blazed and he could feel the heat reach his ears and all from one beautiful, albeit small, smile and a warm feeling of green slamming into his chest.

"That's okay!" He quickly gruffed out, voice a bit more strangled than normal as he hopefully turns around before Jazz can pick up on his 'oh-my-god you're so cute' blush and rushed towards the table, Cas' lighter footsteps behind him and echoing in moss and lime. "Viv will talk enough for the both of you."

Viv will talk and Jazz will die inside over how fucking easy the celestial made him red. Stupid last name, jinxing him for life.

Pulling up a chair for the celestial, Jazz lifts it with a single hand, dumping Viv's feet off of it while shaking off the dirt her shoes left at the same time.

"So," The weirdo leaned forward, eyeing her best friend before smirking. "Why are you blushing, Jazz?"

"None of your fucking business," The musician gruffed out, minty eyes glaring at his best friend-- only his stupid face grew hotter. "Viv, meet Cas, he's my really cool roommate! Oh!" Jazz suddenly leans forward, a warm smile on his face. "He has like, a ton of books and he organizes things really well, the dorm looks really nice and he lets me go on runs with him! That's why we are here actually, well, not because we were running but because we always come here after a run-- hey, you actually interfered with our schedule, shame on you! Wait, this is the first time you've disrupted, first time you've been here at this time." He blinks at her. "So what are you doing here, Viv?"

"Well, they have my favorite type of coffee and you certainly haven't changed at all," She laughs, "Rambling away but at least it's not as bad as your Spanish-Greek-German gibberish when you try to talk about everything all at once."

He's reminded of a bully's face, of mean words and cold hands and friends who weren't really friends teasing him for being such a 'fuck up'. For not being normal. For not speaking-- not acting-- like everyone else.

But Viv doesn't mean it that way.

He knows she doesn't, he knows that she's just excited and not thinking through what she wants to say before she says it.

"I can't help it," Jazz frowned slightly, feeling the odd need to defend himself after all those years of not being able to, his fingers fiddling together in front of him. "Everything just-- everything just, it just gets too messed up in my head and moves too fast so I can't-- yeah. Sorry. Um, proper introductions, right."

He blanks, wondering if it was weird seeing someone like him, a 6'5 giant, cower in on themselves like he had to protect himself, to see someone as intimidating-- because yes, he has his mother's smile and he has his mother's softness but yes. He also has his father's glare and forever unsated urge to protect those he loves-- look so weak.

But did he look weak?

Was it all in his head?

It's all in your head, Jasper. They'd sneer. Just ignore it. It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter.

Right, he swallows, blinking over at the now concerned face of his best friend and a silent but ticing celestial. It doesn't matter, no one else is hurt by it so it doesn't count.

"Uh, sorry," Jazz leans back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest with a flex, trying to get out the weight that's seemingly on his shoulder. "Viv, as I said, this is the awesome Cas. Cas, this is Viv, my best friend and total weirdo. If she offers you a drink, you most likely don't want to take it, not because it's drugged but because last time I did it was pickle juice, mayo, and a vanilla milkshake all mixed together in a disgusting orgy of flavors."

Cas blinks at him, eyes going a little wide, a growl out of his mouth as his ears turn the slightest bit pink. He was gapping only slightly, soft-looking lips parted in a way that made Jazz want to swoop down and see exactly what they would feel like against his--

Forcing his gaze away, the musician glowered at a still smirking Vivianna making him roll his eyes.

Maybe getting caught staring at his lips wasn't so bad (but thank god the celestial didn't seem to notice), maybe he just needed practice trying not to look at Cas like he'd be willing to jump his bones; which, admittedly, he was but the point still stood.

"Uh huh," Viv's hazel eyes slowly went back to Cas. "So, Jazz's awesome roommate, how are you?"

Holding up a thumbs up, Cas gave her a tired smile and proceeded to chirp at her.

Perplexed, and not quite knowing what to do, Viv just smiles at him and chirps right back.

Flushing, and not being able to help it at all, Cas chirps again even louder, making his best friend look at him in a 'help, I don't know what to do now' expression-- one's he's seen on her before when Malchance (one of Culpa's kittens that he took under his paw after finding her and Odious, her brother, outside) was meowing for attention but didn't want to be pet and the weirdo felt stuck.

"Welp," Jazz sighed. "I have to say it, Viv, you're positively the ugliest bird I ever met."

"Hey!" She gasped, offended eyes turning over to him as her lips pulled down into a half-pout. "I thought I'd be a beautiful bird."

"Nah," He grins back, seeing Cas' sage and chartreuse greens of relief at not having to explain his ticing. "You'd be like, a dodo bird at best."

Viv frowns, "But dodo birds are extinct."

"Exactly," Jazz smirks at her, a little chuckle escaping his lips as she rolls her eyes and insults him even worse. Ah, friendship. Truly an experience like nothing else with love-filled hate and affectionate offense.

"So, I got my drink," The weirdo held up her cup. "Where's your guys'?"

"Oh no!" Jazz scrambled up, turning to Cas with an upset frown, patting his pockets. "I forgot, I'm sorry. I'll go get them now, shit, where's my-- aha!" He pulls out his wallet, turning back to the celestial. "You're usual drink, right? Right, okay, I'll go get them now."

Kissing Cas on the forehead without even registering that he did so, Jazz bounds up to the counter, almost freezing in his actions as his actions catch up to him. A thick blush sprouts over his cheeks and well, it's starting to almost become a permanent fixture on his face-- like his freckles-- thanks to the celestial.

Paying for the drink with a sigh, Jazz offers the cashier a dimpled smile, striking up conversation as the women mentioned his work out attire. Apparently, they wore the same thing, which both found funny because when she told him what her boyfriend usually wore, the musician noted that if the two pairs ran together, they'd be matching.

Small world.

Small differences in work out attire too, he guessed.

Thanking the woman, exchanging names, and happy he made a friend, Jazz comes back to the table being silent and drinks in hand, putting Cas' down in front of him and remembering to also give him the straw.

Only, as he handed him the straw, the celestial's colors changed from the fluster of sunflowers and mint leaves to viridian and sea-green of worry.

Ah, he realized as the celestial's head tilted to the side, a squeak falling out of his mouth, his tics are worse than usual.

Silently grabbing the drink, but offering him a hopefully comforting smile, Jazz quickly takes off the straw's wrapper (and had no hesitation in throwing it at Viv) and put it in Cas' drink before setting it down again, not too close to the edge case one of his tics made him hit it off.

"There's your answer," The musician mused, forcing himself not to even imagine the way the celestial's lips wrapped around the straw. "Our drinks are right here!" He holds his drink up and gives it a tiny shake.

"Ah, thank you for relieving that curiosity," Viv sighs dramatically, hand over her heart as she flops back into her seat. "Oh! Also, you are oblivious as all hell."

"Urm," Jazz tilts his head. "About? Wait, I'm sorry, did I mess something up? I was trying to pay attention and didn't mean to upset you or--"

"Jazz," His best friend whines, drawing out his name. "You're an idiot, but you're also like, the nicest person I ever met, and my bestie. We literally insult each other and laugh about it, you couldn't upset me unless you tried. Besides, this shit is funny and I know your butterfly over here," she motions to Cas, "knows what's poppin'."

Jazz turns to the celestial with a small pout, searching his face for a second before he looks above his head and at the sunflowers, ethereal green, and the amusement of teal dancing along to his song.

"Ah," The musician blinked, turning back to the weirdo. "You've both realized something I'm too in my head to understand?"

Cas just nods slightly, and Jazz almost melts at how cute that small smile playing on his lips is-- not noticing the wider grin now taking over his own lips.

"Pretty much," Viv says. "And I, for one, can't wait until you understand."

Well... the celestial didn't seem to mind, so whatever 'it' is, Jazz will probably be okay with that. But, on the other hand, Viv likes it too and she enjoys walking through the woods at night so it could also be really strange.

Welp, he thinks. Only time will tell.