You'll Think Of Me

I thought he'd change.

His thoughts swam in circles in his mind as he worked on getting the laundry loaded. It had been four days, and Church was somewhat mobile. He was currently lounging in the living room with Hanna watching television. He had it turned to the news, likely wondering if anything else had happened with the demon-trapping groups. From what he had been able to hear as he retrieved their laundry, the groups were trying to continue their attacks but the demons weren't falling for them very easily. They'd only managed to kill two instead of the multitude they'd said they would get, and they'd also lost two officers in the process, making the score even.

"Hey, I'm going out. Can you watch Hanna?"

Michael lifted his head from where he knelt in front of the washer to look up at Church.

"Oh... yeah, sure. Where are you going?"

He didn't mean to actually ask that last part, and from the look on Church's face that he couldn't hide fast enough to keep him from seeing, Michael had a feeling he knew where he was going. Not that he could blame him, but it hurt. A lot. he'd been trying so hard to get him to like him. To at least try things out between them and go on a date or something soon, but every time he'd tried to explain something Church would back out when details got too real.

He's afraid of commitment and he doesn't seem to understand it, either.

"Never mind, go ahead. I'll watch Hanna."

He left with a quiet growl and moments later Michael heard the front door slam shut. Grumbling under his breath, he swallowed the rising pain in his chest and shut the washer door, then started it before walking out into the living room where Hanna sat with Max in his lap, a rope toy dangling in the dog's mouth.

We aren't an item. Don't get yourself hurt by clinging to him so much.

"Hey there, Hanna. Wanna play?"

They hadn't had much time to play with all the time he'd devoted to taking care of their basic needs like shopping for food, more medicine, and just taking care of Church in general, so he figured that now was as good a time as any. Giving Hanna a grin, he dropped to his knees and gently tugged at the toy in Max's mouth. The pup mirrored his action and growled quietly, waking up from his usual stupor of sleep to try and claim his toy back. Soon-enough Hanna was joining it, helping Max pull against him as they both growled and moved like dogs on the carpet.

Of course he let them have the toy, though he also made sure to wear them out over the hour that they played. When they were both on their backs, panting up at the ceiling, he chuckled and stood up.

"Alright, dinner sound good?"

Max barked... as did Hanna, before they both got up and headed for the kitchen. Michael grinned and shook his head when Hanna ran like a dog on all fours, but he didn't bother reprimanding him for it, he was a kid, after all.

"Alright. Michael is gonna cheat for dinner so let's see what we've got..."

Michael peered into the fridge and grinned when he saw peanut butter and jelly on the door. Plucking the jars out, he found some bread and got busy making a sandwich for Hanna, adding a sliced banana between the two pieces of covered bread.

"Here you go, kiddo. Eat at the table, okay?" he said as he handed him the plate with his sandwich on it. He smiled and nodded, running off to eat while he got Max's bowl filled with some kibble he'd bought while out grocery shopping. He was sure he would have appreciated the steak and what not that he had been getting but he didn't want to have to keep going up against Church about him not eating their good food. So, he just bought him good dog food with the debit card Church had given him.

After Michael had Max fed he found his way to the sofa and dropped down onto it, sighing out a breath and leaning back so that he could close his eyes for a few minutes. When he felt something tug at his left hand he sat up groggily, blinking to clear his vision.

Oh, Hanna...

"Hey there, you done with your sandwich?"

The boy gave him a little yawn, making Michael glance over at the clock beneath the television.

Oh crap! It's already ten?

"Oh man, sorry Hanna. I fell asleep. Want me to tuck you in before bed?"

He smiled sleepily and tugged on his hand, nodding.

"Alright, did you already brush your teeth and go potty?" he asked as he stood and began walking him back to his bedroom. He nodded again, then followed it up with another yawn.

"Good boy."

They stopped by his bed and Michael helped him get his shirt and shorts off, then tug on a soft white night shirt before helping him into bed and kissing his forehead.

"Sleep well, Hanna. If you need anything, just call me, okay?"

Michael watched him give a faint nod before completely passing out.

Cutie.

Turning, Michael headed for the living room and dropped back down onto the sofa, ignoring his growling stomach. He watched the television for a few minutes but he wasn't really digesting anything that actually being said, so when Max hopped up onto his lap he was all-to-happy to give him some attention.

"Hey there, you. You're getting big fast, chubby boy."

He smiled and poked the dog's belly when it rolled over, then began rubbing it as he tried to focus back on the news. The time flew by as he zoned in and out, waiting for Church to come home... though he wasn't sure why. He slept on the sofa so it didn't really matter. He was even extremely quiet when he came back, so he usually didn't wake him up or anything.

So then why are you waiting? You know where he went. What he went to do.

"Shut up," he growled to himself as he grabbed fistfuls of his own hair and pulled. He just needed to go to sleep. It was stupid to stay up and wait when it was already... he looked at the clock again and sighed.

"One A.M."

Shaking the weight of sleep from his head, Michael set Max on the floor and got up, then headed to the fridge to get a cold glass of water, but he knew he was just procrastinating going to sleep.

Stepping inside his dark apartment, Church could tell that Michael had already put Hanna to bed and gone to sleep as well. Good, he didn't want to have to deal with him tonight... he couldn't. He turned and got the door locked, then made his way through the dining room and went into the hall, then to his own room, his eyes easily allowing him to see in the darkness. He hadn't intended to stay out so late that he missed putting Hanna to bed, but after not having sex in so long he just couldn't hold himself back.

No strings... just the way I like it.

He probably should take a shower, but he was seriously exhausted.

Tomorrow. I'll just take one in the morning.

With that settled he sauntered into his room and stripped off his clothing, then began pulling his comforter back so that he could get some much-needed sleep. That was about the time he noticed messy strands of blond hair splayed out over his pillow, just-barely hidden beneath his blanket. Carefully, he moved it farther back and immediately had his breath catch in his throat.

Michael.

At first, he wondered why he was sleeping in his bed when he new what he wanted to do to him... and then he remembered their stupid talk four days ago.

He loves you.

Grinding his teeth together, Church stifled a growl and pulled the blanket back up over him before squatting down and dragging his fingers roughly through his hair.

He loves you... and you're covered in sweat from having sex with two other people.

His right hand suddenly jerked to his chest, making him gasp and shudder.

Hurts!

"Church?"

A sleepy voice from above had him forcing himself to look up at a worried Michael.

Don't look at me like that.

"Are you okay? You look like you're hurting."

He slipped out of bed and down to his knees, then wrapped him in a careful hug, being sure not to squeeze too hard because of his still-healing burns.

Don't touch me, I'm dirty.

Church growled out a warning but Michael just took a deep breath against his neck... then froze. Silence hung in the air, thick and heavy as they waited for each other to react. He knew that he smelled the scent of sex on him, so why wasn't he storming off angrily? He knew that he'd be pissed to hell if Michael went out and slept with someone else, then came back an—

Wait.

What?

His heart gave a sudden jerk at what he'd just thought.

I'd get mad.

I would get mad if he did that.

I just did that.

"Are you feeling better?" Michael whispered, his voice almost too quiet to hear.

Hurts.

Church couldn't find any other word to answer but "Yes," but he had a feeling that that had been the wrong word, because he soon heard Michael give a quiet sniffle as he rested his chin on his shoulder.

Chest hurts so bad.

Feeling warm droplets fall onto his shoulder just made the pain grow worse, nearly stealing what little breath he was managing to get in through his clenched teeth. He knew what he had done was hurting him since he was obviously crying, but then why wasn't he leaving? He didn't have to stay. Love wasn't so strong to stay by someone who stepped on your...

Heart.

His demon slipped a pained whine through his lips, then shook his head hard from side to side before forcing his face against Michael's warm neck. It took a deep breath before relinquishing control back to him in confusion. Neither of them knew what the hell they were doing.

"Michael?" he rasped out as his left hand began to rub against his back, just like he had told him to do with Hanna. He then leaned back just enough so that he could press his lips to his messy blond hair and whisper.

"I'm sorry."

When he didn't get a response back after a few minutes Church leaned away a little and realized that Michael had fallen asleep, his right cheek resting against his left shoulder, mouth slightly open. His eyes were closed and rimmed red and black from crying and lack of sleep.

Both my fault.

Heaving a pained sigh, Church gently got him into his arms and set him back down against his sheets, being sure that he looked comfortable before straightening back up and just... staring. He had no idea how he could sleep so peacefully after he'd just torn him apart. Shaking his head, Church turned and forced himself to walk to the bathroom and shower, though he didn't really remember doing it. All he knew was that when he came back and slipped into bed, that his hair was wet and he desperately needed Michael in his arms,  the two previous faces he'd shared a bed with were already forgotten over the haze of guilt and exhaustion clouding his mind.

I need to figure this out. I don't want to hurt like this again... but I don't want to come home and not see him, either. I don't want him to feel this way and want to go somewhere else, with someone else.

It took Church less than a minute to fall asleep, determined to figure out his thoughts in the coming morning. Until then, he let his mind turn to darkness as he nuzzled his face against Michael's soft hair.