Chapter 28

It had been a long night for both of us, but alhamdulillah the critical hours had ended and Aahil was improving significantly.

He kept tossing and turning most of the night, due to the terrible pain of blisters which covered all of his chest and back, it still looked raw and had turned from crimson to purplish, therefore, even I hadn't slept well.

Whenever I saw his chest, I couldn't help but wince. I knew the pain was too much for him both from the surgery slit and also the skin burns he had endured, but he would never admit it to anyone.

Light filtered in through the windows, and fluorescent overhead lights gave the room a greenish tint. I glanced around the room, still groggy from sleep. I suppressed a large yawn and insisted myself sit up.

I went to his bed and watched his sleeping form and alhamdulillah he looked a little better. I couldn't help but smile as I liked to see him asleep, he looked innocent and there was a vulnerability the world did not see.

I ran and hand through his tangled mass of hair gently, making sure that I wouldn't wake him from his sound sleep.

I bent to check his breathing and it seemed to be coming less harsher than before, I kissed him on his cheeks and was about to turn when he held my wrist?"

"Darling."

I was mortified at being caught, "Yes."

"So you agree that you are my darling?"

I turned to see his amused smile, "Do you need anything?"

"You are avoiding my question."

"Are you hungry? What do you want to eat?"

He left out an exasperated breath, "I don't like hospital food."

"But you'll have to eat something, it is needed for you to recover soon."

I went to the washroom brushed my teeth and fixed my hair, as I stepped out there was a slight knock on the door. I slipped my discarded abaya over my nightgown and adjusted my hijab.

It was aahil's personal physician and a few nurses.

"How are feeling young man?" Doctor zaid asked cheerfully.

"I am completely fine. I do not understand why I need to stay in the hospital and waste my time."

Doctor Zaid returned a hearty laugh, "Of course, how did I forget that. You, my boy, are made from steel. Nonetheless, you will have to stay a few days in the hospital to recover completely."

He checked Aahil's blood pressure, breathing rate and the blisters. "You are going to be fine provided you do a few breathing exercises demonstrated to you and do not lift anything heavy for a few months."

"Here this nurse will tell you how to change the dressing of his surgical wound," He exclaimed and added in a low tone, "The incision is really deep and it can be really painful for a couple of days, be as careful as you can."

I nodded my head and gave a positive smile, "I'll take care of him."

He then faced Aahil once again, "You are very lucky to have her, young man. I heard the nurses say that your wife hasn't slept a wink from the day you had to encounter the fatal explosion. She has been reluctant to leave your side even for a few precious minutes."

I wished he wouldn't have said that and I looked everywhere but Aahil.

"Of course I'm lucky, not everyone gets an angel for a wife," I glowed like a neon bulb at the complement.

After that the nurse demonstrated the dressing technique upon his surgical wound, she left giving me all the required dressing materials and asking me to change it every other day.

Aahil tried to sit up and groaned with pain.

"Wait, let me help you," I elevated his bed to sitting position and slowly helped him get comfortable.

Piling the food on his plate, I sat beside him. He snatched it from my hands and urged that I eat alongside.

He raised a morsel and winced as the pain shot through him, "Stop acting tough," I know the pain you are going through.

"Do you?" He asked keeping a hand on his chest. Before he could ask anything else, I shoved the food into his mouth and he laughed.

I could get used to this beautiful sound. His laughter made things to my heart and made me feel alive. How I wished to jump upon him and end this awkward barrier which was between us.

He lifted my chin with his forefinger and looked at me in my eyes, "THANK YOU."

"Why are you thanking me?"

"I need to thank you for being such a wonderful person. I always thought you did not want me near you as you kept withdrawing yourself from my touch. I began thinking that perhaps you felt trapped as we both were forced into this relationship. But in the past days, I saw a new side of you. When you came to the factory, I heard you screaming like a hysterical wife."

"I seemed to be floating in and out of consciousness, but somehow I knew it wasn't a dream. I wanted to assure you that I was fine but I couldn't open my mouth because I couldn't even grasp air. And you kept screaming my name .......... as if you couldn't bear to imagine .....as if you....you...." His face was etched with lines of doubt as to if he couldn't quite comprehend what he was trying to say.

I reached up to touch my finger on the dark bruise above the wound at his temple, "Don't think too much sweetheart, you need rest."

"Repeat," A smile formed on his lips and reached his eyes.

"Repeat what?"

"I could get used to that endearment." A blush made its way and I was sure my ears shone bright red, "Aahil we need to change the dressing of your surgical wound."

"Aleena please stop doing this. We need to establish better communication. You can tell me if you don't like something or you do not wish to be romantically involved with me."

"It isn't like that."

"Then how is it darling."

"You were the one who was too proud to yield!" I paused for some time and took a deep breath, "And made assumptions that I was a gold digger and I had previous feelings for Isaac."

"Don't remind me," He looked and sounded suddenly angry, but not at me but rather at himself.

Beneath the quiet exterior, I could see the churning emotions. "I was too young when I saw my mom die. I couldn't believe that she left me just like that, all of a sudden. I felt broken and lonely."

"I only had a dad with me but within a few days, I had to share him with a new aunt who was adamant that I call her as my mother. But she wasn't my mother and I disliked her instantly for taking my mother's place in our lives."

He inhaled a harsh breath, "I started hating my dad for forgetting my mom so easily and began distancing myself. I thought I was trouble for his new family. How I wished that I had died along with mom. I kept myself locked in a room for months. I would purposely behave rudely to everyone. I thought life had played a prank on me and I was very disturbed from inside.

As I grew up I realised my mistake, it was clear that my father's second wife was genuinely loving and caring, not once did she make me feel like I wasn't her child. But when I came to my senses the harm had already been done. My relationship with my stepmother was damaged. I felt awkward to suddenly show affection and continued keeping my distance from her." His jaw clenched. Then slowly unclenched as he forced himself to relax again.

I closed my eyes as a wave of dark emotion swept through me. I had always wanted him to share his past with me, but right now I did not know whether I had the courage to hear it.

I tried to imagine how it must have been for him, helpless and young and having to face the feeling of being unloved.

"I would silently watch Noor, Zaara or habeeba hug their mother or show open affection. I even noticed the love that shone in their mother's eyes for them. I knew that I wouldn't ever get that unconditional love and I was among the few unlucky ones who could only crave for mothers touch, hugs and kisses and would never have them."

"She tried her best to cheer me up, but I had already hardened my heart. I had made myself strong over the years. I did not want emotions to rule my life, rather, I wanted to be able to rule my emotions and I was successful in achieving that until something else broke my heart irreparably."

I stopped my tears, bitting hard on my lower lip. I could taste blood because I had bit so hard, but I did not care, "Aahil," I squeezed his hand, "Please don't stop. I want to listen."

He heaved a sigh as though he had to relieve some pent-up feelings he had kept rigidly controlled, "I--- I had promised myself that I would never marry. I believed that loving someone made you weak and I never wanted to experience that vulnerability again."

So much pain in the dark recesses of his mind, heart and soul. No wonder he was a loner!

I thought of my own trouble-free life and marvelled that he had been strong enough to become the man he was.

"Nonetheless, fate had other plans in store for me. When you agreed to marry me without putting up a fight. I was forced to believe that you had ulterior motives. I have always been bad at relationships so you need to forgive me for all the false allegations I threw on you."

"I'm sorry, Aahil," I said softly.

He flashed me a wary look that had more than a hint of raw vulnerability. I knew intuitively he had never revealed what he had told me to anyone else and I met his stabbing look unflinchingly, aware that he needed to know that my sympathy was sincere.

It was an important moment, a matter of trust extended to me, and returned to him.

"Thank you for telling me," I added, instinctively reaching across to touch him. He pressed his long strong fingers above mine which I had curled over his thighs, lightly and lovingly.

"Aleena I want the memories of our marriage to be happy," he said gruffly.

"They will be In sha Allah," I assured him.

My heart went out to him. I wanted to wipe all the sadness from his heart. I got up and arranged all the dressing material in the table beside him.

Carefully I loosened the tape from his skin. Using a clean medical glove I grabbed the old dressing to pull it off, but the dressing was sticking to the wound and he groaned.

I couldn't do this, "Give me a moment. I'll call Dilshad to pull away from the old dressing."

Aahil shook his head, "I want you to do it please."

I took a deep breath and pulled it in one go and he gritted his teeth to stop himself from shouting. I quickly dabbed the incision with gauze dipped in saline water and patted it dry with a cotton stab.

He yelped in pain and I dipped my head so that he wouldn't notice me crying. I hurriedly placed the new and fresh dressing on his wound and secured it with tapes.

Aahil had gone completely pale and was gritting his teeth to control the pain. His chest had turned deep purple.

My urge to cry became unbearable as I couldn't see him in so much pain. I made my way towards the trash bin to throw away the old dressing and other used supplies in a waterproof plastic bag.

Closing it tightly, I doubled it before putting it in the trash. I bent beside the sink to wash my hands and as it was in the farthest corner aahil couldn't get a direct view of me. I sagged against the wall and cried my heart out, stuffing my tightly coiled fist inside the mouth to stop any sound from escaping my lips.

"Aleena,"

I straightened myself and began breathing rapidly to calm myself, "Yes."

"Stop crying sweetheart. Please come here."

I went up to him, but once again tears welled up my eyes. I couldn't help it. It seemed impossible to speak. Tears overflowed and trickled through my cheeks.

I bit my lip hard, tried to swallow and blinked hard. But the tears kept filling my eyes and I stared at Aahil's surprised face. My heart squeezed tighter and tighter.

"Darling," Aahil gestured that I sit beside him and I did as he told.

"I'm alright darling," He opened his arms and I hugged him gently so as to not hurt him.

He rubbed his cheeks over my hair and stroked my back with slow, rhythmic, soothing caresses and I soaked his shoulders.

What he thought, I didn't know. It did not matter.

He held me as I needed to be held, with every semblance of loving tenderness. His chest rose and fell beneath my palm in a sigh of contentment and my heart flowed with love for him. My husband. I hugged him tightly and pressed a gentle kiss on his bare shoulders.