Ch57: Crazy Thoughts

When Han Tingxuan woke up from his fever, it was already that night!

At that time, Mo Yanzhi had finished eating swallow's nest porridge and was about to feed him. Just like that, Han Tingxuan opened his eyes. Mo Yanzhi froze there with a spoon in his hand.

Their eyes met in the air and no one moved away first.

After a long time, Mo Yanzhi slowly looked away and said, "Glad that you are awake. Big Brother has someone prepared swallow's nest porridge. You should have some.”

Han Tingxuan looked over and saw Shadow Seven holding the bowl while Mo Yanzhi was holding the spoon. He understood the situation.

He blinked his eyes, Han Tingxuan reached out and touched his face. He felt a little stiff and uncomfortable, so he asked, "What's wrong with me?"

Mo Yanzhi quickly glanced at Han Tingxuan and said softly, "You are having a cold. However, the doctor and master Shi have examined you and you have taken medicine. You will be fine when the fever is gone. It is just that you need to eat more to regain your strength."

As he said this, Mo Yanzhi took a spoonful of porridge and carefully handed it to Han Tingxuan.

Han Tingxuan had a look at the spoon, opened his mouth, and finished eating.

Mo Yanzhi was about to continue but Han Tingxuan said, "Wait when I get up."

He was just having a fever, not a terminal disease. He did not need to be fed in bed. What’s more, the one who fed him was Mo Yanzhi who once suffered a lot from the abortion. Mo Yanzhi was the one who needed to be taken care of the most.

It was wrong that he was fed by Mo Yanzhi.

When Mo Yanzhi saw that Han Tingxuan was about to get up, he quickly put down the spoon and went to support him. Han Tingxuan immediately said, "I'll do it myself."

Mo Yanzhi paused, then slowly lowered his head.

Han Tingxuan focused on getting out of the bed but did not notice Mo Yanzhi's abnormality.

Shadow Seven frowned slightly, but he still restrained his breath and tried to make himself invisible as much as possible.

Han Tingxuan sat up on his own and took a pillow from the side to support him from behind. Mo Yanzhi wanted to help but did not as he thought of Han Tingxuan's rejection just now.

Once Han Tingxuan sat well, he had a look at Mo Yanzhi. However, Mo Yanzhi did not say a word with his head hanging down. From his side, he could only see one side of Mo Yanzhi's face. Mo Yanzhi looked much better than yesterday, which was a great relief. Once again, he noticed Mo Yanzhi’s silence.

Han Tingxuan knew that Mo Yanzhi must be feeling sad or hating him. Otherwise, when he woke up, Mo Yanzhi wouldn't have avoided his eyes.

It made sense that Mo Yanzhi hated him. What he said to Mo Yanzhi must be too difficult for Mo Yanzhi to take.

Not to mention Mo Yanzhi, even Han Tingxuan felt that he was being cold-blooded and cruel to say that!

However, it was not a good thing to stay silent. Han Tingxuan asked, "Where's the porridge?"

Mo Yanzhi was a little startled. He hurriedly reached for the porridge Shadow Seven was carrying. Shadow Seven paused for a moment and instinctively was about to refuse because he could carry the bowl while Mo Yanzhi could feed porridge with the spoon. However, given what had happened earlier, he did not know if he should refuse.

When Shadow Seven was struggling, Han Tingxuan stopped Mo Yanzhi from carrying the bowl, "Yanzhi, you don’t have to do it. Leave it to Shadow Seven."

Mo Yanzhi's body stiffened, but it was only a moment before he nodded and said softly, "Okay."

Shadow Seven was not sure why Han Tingxuan said so. He could only look at Mo Yanzhi cowered a bit to take away for him. Then, Shadow Seven stood in the middle of the bedside and handed the bowl to Han Tingxuan.

Han Tingxuan still felt sore all over his body. Even if he wanted to bring the bowl over, he still was not strong enough to hold the bowl. If anything happened, Mo Yanzhi would be worried about him.

Hence, Han Tingxuan sat there and scooped up the porridge from the bowl that Shadow Seven was holding.

Han Tingxuan finished eating the porridge as quickly as he could because he meant to. He was sitting on the inside half of the bed. If he wanted to eat porridge, Mo Yanzhi had to lean back. Naturally, he had to finish it quickly, lest Mo Yanzhi got tired.

Soon enough, Han Tingxuan finished off a bowl of congee. Shadow Seven immediately asked, "Do you want more, Boss Han? There is more in the kitchen. You can eat more.”

Han Tingxuan looked at the outside and shook his head. "No, I'm not hungry, and it's not good to eat a lot at night."

Shadow Seven looked at Mo Yanzhi who was silent and nodded. Without saying anything else, he quickly retreated. However, he still brought the wet handkerchief over before he left. But he did not hand it to Han Tingxuan but gave it to Mo Yanzhi.

Shadow Seven had already left and the door was shut.

Mo Yanzhi tightened his grip on the wet handkerchief, then he raised his head as naturally as he could. He handed it to the handkerchief. "Hubby, wipe your mouth."

Han Tingxuan nodded, took over the handkerchief, and wiped his mouth. "Have you eaten anything?"

Mo Yanzhi nodded and felt relieved when Han Tingxuan had not rejected him.

Han Tingxuan handed the handkerchief over. "Just put it on the bedside table."

Mo Yanzhi put the handkerchief into the bedside table and then said nothing.

Han Tingxuan did not know what to say. Both of them fell silent.

Mo Yanzhi leaned against the bed, looking down.

Han Tingxuan guessed that he must be tired. Of course, he should be, because of the abortion. In modern times, Chinese women would not get out of bed for a few days after the abortion, and then they had to be taken good care of. Otherwise, there would be a serious problem.

Since Mo Yanzhi looked tired, Han Tingxuan quickly said, "Please lie down and rest."

Mo Yanzhi looked up at Han Tingxuan. He opened his mouth, trying to say something. But in the end, he didn't say anything. "Okay."

Mo Yanzhi lay down and Han Tingxuan immediately tucked him in.

Mo Yanzhi lay on his back, his eyes closed gently, but he only felt sorrow in his mind.

Han Tingxuan knew that Mo Yanzhi must be sad. No one would be happy in the same situation. However, time was the only cure. He felt sad in his mind. But he knew that if the pain he could feel was this much, Mo Yanzhi's pain must be double his own. Because Mo Yanzhi was connected to the child's blood. He could feel the existence of the baby in his own body, not like him.

Therefore, although he knew that Mo Yanzhi was very sad, he did not know how to make him feel better. Han Tingxuan felt helpless and could only look at Mo Yanzhi's face.

Mo Yanzhi’s eyelids were trembling gently. He only closed his eyes but he could not sleep at all.

Han Tingxuan lay down and slowly approached Mo Yanzhi.

But the moment he was about to get close to Mo Yanzhi, he immediately felt Mo Yanzhi’s nervousness.

Han Tingxuan smiled bitterly. He must be hating him for forcing him to give up on the child. Even though he did not say anything. He did not say anything because he was a gentleman, not because he was not resentful.

With that thought in mind, Han Tingxuan felt gloomy but there was nothing he could do.

Hence, Han Tingxuan slowly moved away from Mo Yanzhi so that Mo Yanzhi would not be so stiff anymore.

Han Tingxuan did not notice that Mo Yanzhi's body had stiffened more after he moved away.

Moments later, after Mo Yanzhi confirmed that Han Tingxuan was far away from him, he clenched his fists tightly and his nails almost pierced into his flesh.

Then, he slowly turned sideways and turned his back to Han Tingxuan.

He was not sure if he could still hold back the tears in his eyes if he lay on his back. He was also afraid that he would do or say something to make him regret it.

Mo Yanzhi felt so unfair. He had given up the child as Han Tingxuan said, given up the child he loved the most, and even gave up the right to be a daddy.

He knew that Master Shifu tried to give him hope when he told him that he might not have children in the future. In actuality, it was impossible that he could have children again. Even master Shifu had no way to promise he could have children, it meant that he would ever have a child, a child of his blood, a child of him and Han Tingxuan.

It was his mistake not to protect the baby. He did not even know he was pregnant. The baby must be mad at him. That was why he left such an irresponsible daddy. It was his fault. His fault.

Han Tingxuan must be blaming him too. If he didn't go out of the inn, would his child be safe? They wouldn’t have to be like this, both of them being heartbroken.

As he thought about it, Mo Yanzhi felt the infinite pain in his heart. He could no longer control the pain. But he forcefully controlled his body, trying to force him not to move.

Han Tingxuan was already mad at him for losing the baby. He could not disappoint Han Tingxuan again. Or even worse, he could not make Han Tingxuan hate him more.

This night, Mo Yanzhi didn't sleep, and Han Tingxuan didn't sleep within a long time.

It was not until dawn when Han Tingxuan finally fell asleep. In the dream, he seemed to see a little angel.

The little angel giggled at him. The little angel flew high and said, "Father, father."

Han Tingxuan wanted to catch up with the little angel, but he realized that he couldn't catch up to him no matter how hard he tried. However, he heard the little angel giggling, "Father, wait for me, wait for me…"

Han Tingxuan blurted out in sleep. "Son."

Mo Yanzhi had not fallen asleep. He immediately heard Han Tingxuan's muttering and suddenly opened his eyes and turned over. Han Tingxuan shouted again, "Son."

Mo Yanzhi could no longer hold the tears that he had been holding all night. He couldn't have a baby in the future. Since Han Tingxuan liked children so much, would he still stay married to him?”

With that thought, Mo Yanzhi could not help but feel terrified.

"Hubby," Mumbled Mo Yanzhi. However, Han Tingxuan, who had fallen asleep, could not hear it.

Mo Yanzhi's lips trembled as he covered his mouth. Tears flew out to wet his hand.

A long time later, Mo Yanzhi slowly wiped away all the tears on his face, and his lips curved upward.

"Hubby, we can live without children. You said that you'll spend the rest life with me. You clearly said it." Mo Yanzhi was so positive about his future.

"Now I have no children. Hubby, I won't let you leave me. Never! Han Tingxuan, I've thought about it before. Since you make me love you, I will never allow you to leave. Otherwise, I will kill you and kill myself. This is what I am thinking now. Hubby, you made me give up on the baby. Then I will make you not marry someone else for a child. You know I can’t accept it. If that day comes, I will kill you, then you, me, and the baby will be reunited in heaven. What do you say?"

Han Tingxuan didn't hear anything. He didn't see the sadness and loneliness in Mo Yanzhi’s eyes at this moment. It was that pitiful, heart-wrenching.

If he saw it, Han Tingxuan would feel more guilty. Unfortunately, he did not see it.