Chapter 40

Rafael and I officially enter a new—and slightly strained—phase of our relationship once the yacht docks in Kauai the following morning. We may have agreed to be friends, but there is no denying the undercurrent of sexual tension that passes between us whenever we lock eyes or accidentally touch each other.

Thankfully, Nico provides the best distraction, and we spent our first day on the island zip-lining and hiking. The hike we went on made Nico tear up, which then made my own eyes water because watching him come to terms with his worsening eyesight breaks my heart.

Do you think I’ll remember what it looks like? he asked me with a sniffle.

If you don’t, you can always come back and see it, I replied.

What if it doesn’t look the same? he followed up.

The best part about sunsets is that you’ll never see the same one twice. Rafael wrapped his arm around Nico’s shoulder, and the three of us stuck around the cliff until the sun disappeared, leaving behind a pinkish hue that guided us back to our rental car.

Today, Nico wanted to jet-ski, so he and Rafael went while I hung out by the beach, frustrated at myself for not joining them.

As if he sensed my interest, Rafael asked me point-blank if I would like to go with them, but I came up with an excuse about wanting to work on my song.

Truth is, I can’t prance around in a swimsuit. The night Rafael joined me in the hot tub was a close call, and without bubbles and foam to hide my body, I’d risk revealing my darkest secret and stirring up a hundred different questions I’m not ready to answer.

Sticking to the beach is my best bet, even if it feels like a losing one.

After they return from jet-skiing, Rafael and Nico spend the rest of the day in the water, playing games while I stay out on a shaded lounge chair and work on the song I’m writing for Cole. My fingers hurt from how long I’ve been playing the guitar, but I’m so close to finishing.

Or at least I was until I got distracted by Rafael. My inattention isn’t because he is shirtless, although that sure doesn’t help matters.

No. I’m completely, unabashedly interested in Rafael, the father. The caring, enthusiastic, patient, and doting parent who hasn’t taken a single break since Nico asked him to go swimming over an hour ago.

I can’t hear them from my spot on the beach, but I wish I could, based on the way Nico throws his head back from time to time at something his father says.

Rafael may not want more kids, but he was born to be a dad. That much I know.

Nico shrieks as Rafael tosses him into the air for what has to be the fiftieth time, only to be cut off when he lands in the water with a splash. Rafael’s arms must be burning from the workout, but he hasn’t stopped yet.

Until now.

Nico follows him, chanting, “Again!”

“Give me a few minutes.”

Once I apply another layer of sunscreen to Nico’s skin, he grabs his binoculars and heads back to the beach while Rafael falls onto the empty lounge chair behind me. After spending all that time in the water with Nico, throwing him around and acting like a dolphin for him to ride, I would need more than a few minutes, but then again, Rafael is a machine.

Rafael looks over at me and squints. “What’s got you smiling like that?”

“You,” I answer honestly.

“What did I do?”

My smile only brightens. “You’re a really amazing dad.”

His already sunburnt cheeks darken. “You think so?”

“Are you kidding? You just spent thirty minutes pretending to be a dolphin.”

“First off, I was a shark.”

I giggle. “My bad.”

He smiles, and my heart misses a beat.

“I haven’t seen Nico this happy in a very long time.” The light in his eyes fades a bit.

“What?” I ask.

“I’m just worried it could all disappear.”

“No one can be happy forever. It’s not sustainable.”

He looks out at the ocean again. “Trust me, I know.”

My chest tightens uncomfortably at the reminder of his past choice to make others happy at the expense of his own happiness.

I twist in my chair until I’m facing him. “Nico is going to have great days like today, but he’s also going to have shitty ones like the night of his accident. All you can do is support him through the good and the bad.”

He sighs. “I hate the bad days.”

“Me too, but they happen, especially with the rapid progression of his condition.”

“Being out of control makes me edgy.”

I frown. “You’re not going to be able to control everything, but you are able to control how you react to situations.”

He scowls. “I didn’t mean to have a breakdown at the doctor’s.”

I wasn’t planning on bringing that up, but if he wants to, then okay.

“I know that,” I say in a soft voice.

“I’m still embarrassed he heard me.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m supposed to be strong, and he saw me at my weakest.”

I blink a few times. “Is that the lesson you want to teach your kid? That crying or feeling emotional about something that clearly matters to you makes you weak?”

He stares at me.

I look down at my lap. “When Nico made me promise not to say anything about his worsening vision, I thought it was because he didn’t want to make you sad again. But maybe it was because he didn’t want to look weak to you either.”

“Fuck.” His head drops back a few seconds later. “I never even thought of that.”

I hadn’t either until he started describing himself as weak because he had a moment of vulnerability.

Rafael blinks up at the striped umbrella a few times and sniffs.

Oh shit.

Did I make him cry? I never did that to anyone except my mother, and it makes me feel awful. “Are you okay?”

He rubs his eyes. “I’ve got some sand in my eye.”

Damn this man for making me fall a little bit more for him. We are supposed to be friends, goddammit. Friends who think about kissing each other but friends nonetheless. Except now he is upset, and I want to console him.

Shit.

His muscles tense as I take a seat beside him and brush his hair out of his eyes. I’m not sure if he notices how he leans into my touch, but it makes my whole chest warm.

“It’s okay.” I cup his cheek.

He glances away with glassy eyes. “Elle?”

“Yeah?”

“I lied.”

My heart sinks. “About?”

“I don’t really have sand in my eyes.”

A small laugh escapes me. “I had a feeling, but I didn’t want to assume.” My own vision turns cloudy as I bear witness to his walls crumbling.

“I’m sorry.” He adds another piece of my heart to his growing collection.

I cradle his cheek in the palm of my hand. “I forgive you.”

“My dad…” His breathing is shaky at best. “He used to tell me to stop crying. To act like a man.” He seems to subconsciously lean into my touch. “When I found out that Nico’s condition had worsened, my gut reaction was to hide before he could watch me fall apart.”

“You don’t have to do that anymore, though. You can break the cycle and teach him that it’s okay to feel. That it’s good to depend on others when we can’t support ourselves.”

“I didn’t even realize I was sending the same message to my son until now.” His voice cracks, and I wrap my arms around him.

His hand brushes down my back. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Being you.” His hand presses into the small of my back, and I suck in a breath as I look into his eyes.

Warmth explodes in my chest and my lower half at the same time as his gaze drops to my mouth.

“Elle—” Whatever he was about to say is cut off by Nico yelling, “Group hug!” He throws himself on top of me, and I squeal at his swimsuit soaking my clothes.

“No!” I push, but Rafael wraps his arms around the two of us, effectively trapping me between Nico and him. Nico returns the hug with his own, crushing me farther into his father’s chest with a laugh.

For the first time since I started working for this family, I wonder what it would be like to be a part of it. Not as a nanny, but as something more.