Chapter 53

“When are you bringing Ellie to Sunday lunch?” Julian grips his shovel before tossing a pile of dirt behind him.

“I’m waiting.” I stick to my task of digging a hole big enough for the plants I bought.

“For?”

“The right moment.”

“You can’t hide her forever. Ma is going to corner her whether you want it to happen or not.” Julian wipes the sweat from his brow.

“I’m not hiding her.” I’m savoring her without my nosy family meddling in our business.

“Do you have an idea of when you’re telling Nico?”

I grind my teeth together. “Okay. What’s this inquisition really about?”

Julian motions to the potted hibiscus plants around us. “If you haven’t noticed, you asked me to come over and help you with a shit-ton of plants without any explanation. Forgive me for being curious.”

“I knew I should have hired help.” When I went to a plant nursery a few towns over, I was only planning on buying one, but then I thought it would be better to have a selection to choose from for Ellie’s hair. Next thing I knew, I had purchased the whole store’s stock.

He barks out a laugh. “We both know how you feel about having people on your property.”

I glare. “Yes, you’re reminding me why I don’t have visitors.”

He flips me off with a gloved hand, and I return the gesture with one of my own. We continue digging a hole along the exterior side wall of the house until Julian breaks the blissful silence with another question.

“Since when do you care about gardening?”

“It’s a newer hobby of mine.” I smile to myself. Ellie did say I needed to figure out what I like to do without anyone’s influence, and the idea of tending to a garden that reminds me of her does sound like a good use of my free time.

Julian groans. “I’ve lost you again.”

“What?”

“You’re thinking about her.”

“You asked me a question.”

“And now I have my answer.” He stabs into the dirt with the sharp tip of the shovel. “But I’ve got to hand it to you. This is pretty damn romantic.”

My reply is nothing but a grunt.

“To think we will be doing this again next year once these die.”

I stare at him. “What?”

“These guys are going to be dead at the first sign of winter.”

Shit. I was so hung up on getting the flowers that I completely forgot the obvious issue with my plan. So while I can’t save these plants, I can protect any future ones from Lake Wisteria’s harsh winter conditions.

“I’m going to need you to build a greenhouse for me.”

He points toward the barn. “We haven’t even started the expansion.”

“I know, but this is important.”

“Important enough to put the barn’s plans on hold?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you telling me we dug all these holes for nothing?”

I laugh. “We’ll replant them once the weather starts changing.”

“We?”

“Did I mention you’re the best cousin ever?”

“I’m your only cousin, pendejo.” He stares at me for a moment before shaking his head. “I’ll get my guys started on the project next week.”

“I knew I could count on you.”

We spend the next few hours digging. Dirt piles behind us, and my hands ache with every stab into the dirt, but I feel at peace.

My head is quiet.

Yeah, I could get used to gardening. Ripping out weeds and digging holes is surprisingly cathartic for me, especially after spending so much time working in front of a computer screen.

By the time we finish the holes lining the perimeter of my house, Julian and I are soaked in sweat. I grab us some beers from inside, and we knock the bottles together and each take a long pull on the back porch.

“Not gonna lie, when you said you wanted to move out here, I didn’t get it.”

I chuckle to myself. “It’s peaceful.”

“It’s also a major pain in the ass to get to, but yeah, you can say it’s peaceful too.”

I shrug. “Ellie and Nico like it.”

“Do you?” He asks me the question in the same way Ellie does, and it makes the hairs rise on the back of my neck. I’ve always had my suspicions about Julian catching on to my camouflaging, as Ellie would say, but I pushed them aside and convinced myself he hadn’t.

Perhaps that was a mistake. Julian has always been too smart for his own good, and I clearly underestimated him.

I nod. “Yeah. I like it. A lot.” I originally picked this property because I was tired of being too close to the town, but then I realized I loved the land.

He nods. “Good.”

“Why are you asking?” The question slips out, and he turns to face me.

“I know how you are.”

I fake a scoff. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He looks me up and down, noting the way I grip my beer in a chokehold. “If you want to stop talking about it, that’s fine.”

I suck in a big lungful of air. “I just…”

He shakes his head. “Listen. I’m not judging you or trying to give you a hard time. I just want you to know I’m glad that you’re finally making decisions that make you happy because you’ve spent far too much of your life prioritizing everyone else’s happiness over your own.”

He taps the neck of his bottle against mine in a toast, and to that, we drink.

After a few sips of courage, I speak up, knowing that if I don’t start opening up to Julian now, I never will.

If I want to be a good example for my son, I need to stop viewing the idea of expressing myself as a weakness and start seeing it for what it really is.

Strength.

I swallow back my nerves and speak. “I thought I was doing the right thing for a long time. Best intentions and all that.”

“That’s how it usually goes.”

I stare at the pond in the distance. “Seeking everyone else’s approval was addictive.”

“Why did you do it?” he asks without a hint of judgment.

I stare straight ahead while tapping my fingers against my kneecap. “Honestly?” I exhale loudly. “After I moved here, I was struggling.”

His gaze softens. “I remember.”

“Your parents… They were trying so damn hard to help me adjust, but it wasn’t working.”

“Healing takes time.”

“I know that now, but back then, I was scared they would get sick of me and all my bullshit.”

“Trauma isn’t bullshit, Rafa.”

“Says the golden child.”

He scoffs. “One of the main reasons I acted like that was because I didn’t want to take away attention from you.”

I blink a couple of times. “What?”

He releases a shaky breath. “You had already gone through so much that it felt selfish to fight for their attention, so I became more independent.”

I’m stunned by Julian’s confession. All this time, I thought he was perfect because he wanted to compete against Dahlia, but clearly there is more to his story than I originally thought.

Perhaps if we had had this heart-to-heart years ago, I would have understood him better, but Julian is just like me—closed-off and way too prideful to admit any weakness.

“I’m sorry,” I confess.

He rears back. “What the hell are you apologizing for?”

“Turning your life upside down.”

“Is that what you think?” His soft chuckle makes me frown.

“Did I miss my own punch line?”

“The joke is you believing that you need to apologize for being one of the best things that happened to our family.”

My eyes roll. “You’re just saying that.”

He jabs a finger at me. “I never say things I don’t mean. Period.”

I sit with his statement for a few seconds. “How could you say that when I was faking it the whole time?”

“Because we knew what you were doing and let you get away with it.”

My heart stutters. “What?”

Julian’s head tilts. “You think my mom wasn’t aware?”

“What do you mean?”

He shrugs. “You’ll have to ask her.”

“You think she knew?”

“You’re her son in every sense of the word, Rafa. What do you think?”

Nothing good. I need to speak with my aunt and figure out just how much she knows and, most importantly, why she let me continue the farce for years without ever saying a single thing.

LORENZO

We’ll be in touch about your endorsement.

Oh shit.

I click on the article attached to the message.

News broke this morning that Darius Larkin, owner of MIA Records, has officially sold the company to a rival record label owner, Jack Davenport of Cadenza Records. The sale was made after multiple witnesses came forward to share their personal experiences of what it was like working with Mr. Larkin, which included but were not limited to allegations of blackmail, predatory legal contracts, sexual harassment, and sexual assault.

I continue reading. Some witnesses chose to remain anonymous, while a few spoke out. Their stories are different from Ellie’s, but no less disgusting. Some were singers who never got their big break like Darius had guaranteed, while others were promised better opportunities so long as they agreed to an intimate relationship.

Fuck. Is that what Ava did too?

My stomach is in knots as I call Julian. My cousin skips past pleasantries and says, “I just received an email thanking me for being a guest speaker at Lorenzo’s political dinner next month.”

I choke. “A guest speaker?”

“Yes. And do you know what I hate more than Lorenzo?”

“Losing?”

“Speeches, Rafa,” he snaps. “This is a damn nightmare. I knew I shouldn’t have agreed to the endorsement.”

I wince. “I’m sorry.”

He takes a few deep breaths before asking, “Did you get what you needed at least?”

“Yeah. He delivered.”

“The devil always does.”

I sigh. “He’s not that bad.”

“Perhaps I should steal that quote for my speech. What do you think?”

“To be honest, I’m surprised he is asking you to speak. I thought he would ask you to put up a few lawn signs and publicly acknowledge him at Last Call or something at most.”

“He wants me to speak. In public.” I can picture Julian sneering while saying that.

“Is there any way I can repay you?”

“Fake an assassination attempt before I ever make it to the podium?”

I chuckle, and Julian reluctantly does as well.

“I’m only doing this because I care about you.”

“I appreciate it.”

“You owe me,” he grumbles before hanging up.

Someone banging on the front door has me tossing my phone on my desk and heading to open it.

“Did you have something to do with this?” Ellie shoves her phone in my face. The article is different from the one I read but the title is similar.

I glance at her face and take in her puffy, red eyes. “Um…”

Before I have a chance to panic about her crying, she throws her arms around me. “Thank you.”

“You’re not…upset?” I never expected another record label to swoop in and buy Darius’s company, so I hope it doesn’t mess up her legal case against Ava.

She pulls away. “Upset? No!”

I release a pent-up breath. “Good. I don’t want to mess up the case for your lawyer.”

“Are you kidding? Even if it does, this is so worth it. He loved that company.”

The tightness in my chest loosens a bit. “I’m glad he won’t be able to take advantage of anyone else.”

“All thanks to you.” She stands on my toes to kiss me. “You really are a superhero.”

“I didn’t pull this off by myself.”

She smiles. “Julian helped?”

I shake my head. “No.”

“Then who?”

“Lorenzo.”

After my conversation with Julian the other day, I spent some time stewing in my thoughts and obsessing over the fact that my aunt knew about me keeping up appearances for years.

I considered ignoring the subject, but when I show up at her house a few days later for another haircut, it feels like the best time to talk.

Even though the idea terrifies me.

Tía helps Nico get settled in her guest room before she leads me to the kitchen. She offers me a few snacks and a glass of agua fresca while I take a seat on a stool. My heart beats rapidly while she gets her supplies ready, and I’m hardly paying attention to the questions she asks about work.

She stops spraying my hair. “Rafa?”

“¿Si?”

“Same cut as last time?”

I swallow the lump in my throat as I shake my head.

“Longer?”

“Shorter.”

Her eyes widen. “¿Qué?”

“Well, as short as you can go while still leaving it long enough to run my fingers through. And no clippers.”

“You want it like before?” She doesn’t specify further, but I don’t need her to.

“Yeah. Like before.”

She smiles throughout my entire haircut. I flinch a few times as locks of hair fall around my feet, but my aunt reassures me that the final product will look amazing.

For a brief time, I thought she was lying, only to be proven wrong when she steers me toward the guest bathroom. I’m overwhelmed with emotion as I check out my new haircut. Like promised, I can still give my hair a good shake with the tips of my fingers, but the length only highlights my features rather than hiding them.

My aunt gives my arm a squeeze. “You look…great.”

Our gazes connect in the mirror. Her unshed tears make me feel equal parts happy and guilty, knowing I’m the reason behind them.

“Por favor. No llores.”

Her brows pinch together. “I promise they’re happy tears.”

“I don’t want any tears. Happy or not.”

She looks away with a sniff. “I can’t help it. You just look so…”

“Handsome?” I tease.

“Feliz.”

I tug her into a tight hug. “Perdón, Tía. Por todo.”

“What are you apologizing for?”

“For everything.” My voice cracks. “I didn’t realize I was hurting you—”

She cups my cheek. “I might have hurt for you, but you never hurt me, mijo. Nunca en tu vida.”

My own eyes water, but I blink away the tears, not because I’m uncomfortable, but to save my aunt from breaking out into sobs of her own. Tía has called me her son countless times, but today, I allow myself to believe it. To accept that I have a place in this family as my true self.

Por favor. No llores: Please. Don’t cry.

Perdón, Tía. Por todo: I’m sorry, Aunt. For everything.

Feliz: Happy

Nunca en tu vida: Never in your life.

No more hiding. No more lies. No more pretending that I’m someone else, solely because I thought it would make people like me more.

“¿Tía?”

“¿Si?”

“I have a few things to tell you.”

“Is it about you secretly dating Ellie?”

I can’t help laughing. “No, but more on that later.”

“Hm. Que triste.” She wipes underneath her eyes.

My eyes roll. “It’s about me.”

She pops her head out of the bathroom and calls to check in on Nico before shutting the door behind her. “What?”

“I want to talk to you about before.”

Her head shakes hard enough to send a few strands of hair flying. “You don’t have to talk to me about it.”

“I know that but I want to anyway.”

My aunt and I spend the next hour sitting on the floor of her guest bathroom, swapping tissues and stories while I pour my heart out to her. Opening up to Ellie, Nico, and Julian was cathartic, but talking to my aunt about my difficulties…

It was everything I needed and more.

At one point during our conversation, she hugged me and hasn’t let go since. It’s been so long since she held me like this, and it’s all my fault. I thought keeping her at a distance would protect her from getting hurt, but it only caused her more pain, knowing I was suffering and there wasn’t anything she could do about it.

Que triste: How sad.

She brushes her fingers through my newly cut hair. “You have always been one of the greatest gifts life gave me.”

For the first time, I choose to believe her instead of finding a hundred different reasons to deny it.

“For years, I used to feel selfish for being happy to have you in my life,” she confesses in a broken whisper.

My chest clenches. “That doesn’t make you selfish.”

“It does, but I’ve made peace with it. I just wish I could have saved you from all the pain—both before your parents passed and after.”

“I didn’t feel—” I stop myself from lying. “You couldn’t have done anything to help me through that.”

“I could have done something. It’s not like I wasn’t aware of what you were doing.”

My chest pinches. “I thought I did a better job at hiding it.”

She pats my cheek. “Only because your uncle and I let you believe it.”

“You never said anything.”

“I wish I had.” Her head hangs low. “Maybe if I had stuck to my original plan to get you a therap—”

“I wasn’t ready for that.”

“Still, it was my job as your mother—”

“Stop.”

“What?”

“Feeling guilty over a past neither of us can change.”

Her eyes turn glossy again as tears cling near her lash line. “It’s hard.”

My eyes screw tight. “I know. Fuck. I really do.”

She pulls me into another embrace. “Okay. I promise to stop, so long as you do too.”

“Deal.” I return her hug with one of my own. “I just want to let go of it all and focus on my future.”

“Then that’s what we will do.”