Chapter 19

First time at Javier's place and Messiah was trying not to seem nervous. The apartment wasn't huge but it felt like Javier - art on the walls, music playing low, everything comfortable.

"You want something to drink?" Javier asked from the kitchen.

"Yeah whatever you got." Messiah was looking at the drawings spread across the coffee table.

Javier came back with drinks, sitting close but not too close on the couch. "You can look through those if you want. Just some stuff I been working on."

Messiah picked up one of the sketches, actually interested. "These hard."

"Yeah? Maybe I'll do one on you sometime."

"We'll see." But Messiah was kind of smiling.

They fell into easy conversation, Messiah relaxing bit by bit. Something about being in Javier's space made him feel... safe, maybe. After a while he found himself talking about stuff he usually kept locked up.

"My sister called again yesterday," he said quietly, playing with the rim of his cup.

Javier just waited, letting him take his time.

"She want me to come see her but... I can't go back there. Not after everything." Messiah's voice got tight. "But she only fifteen. She shouldn't have to deal with them by herself."

"That's not on you though," Javier said softly. "You got out for a reason."

"Yeah." Messiah was quiet for a minute. "Sometimes I think about trying to get custody but I don't know if I could handle all that."

Javier moved closer, slow enough that Messiah could pull away if he wanted. But Messiah stayed still, letting Javier's arm wrap around him.

"Whatever you decide, I got you," Javier said.

Something about those words, about how Javier just understood without Messiah having to explain everything... he turned and kissed him, deep and real.

Javier pulled him closer, one hand coming up to cup his face. They kissed for a long minute, Messiah actually letting himself get lost in it.

When they pulled back, Messiah stayed close, forehead pressed against Javier's. "I ain't usually like this with people."

"I know chiquito." Javier's thumb stroked his cheek. "I know."

They ended up stretched out on the couch, Messiah laying against Javier's chest while Javier played with his dreads. The TV was on low but neither one was really watching it.

"You good?" Javier asked after a while.

"Yeah." And Messiah meant it. Even with all the heavy stuff they talked about, he felt lighter somehow. Safer.

His phone buzzed - Dom asking where he was at.

"With Javi"

"Oh word? 👀"

"Mind your business"

But Messiah was kind of smiling. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad letting people know about them.

"I should probably head home," he said, but he didn't move.

"Stay a little longer?" Javier kissed his forehead. "We can order food."

Messiah thought about it. Usually he'd be gone by now, walls back up. But something about being here, being with Javier like this...

"Yeah okay." He settled back against Javier's chest. "A little longer."

Later that night in his own bed, Messiah was thinking about how different it felt really letting somebody in. Usually that shit terrified him but with Javier it just felt right.

His phone lit up: "Miss you already chiquito"

For once Messiah didn't fight the smile. "Go to sleep Javi"

"Text me tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Night"

Simple texts but they meant something. Everything with Javier meant something.