Chapter 33
Smoke & thorns
They was at Javier's place, Messiah laying on his chest while Javier played with his dreads. He could tell Javier wanted to say something by how he kept shifting slightly.
"What's wrong with you?" Messiah asked, not moving.
"Nothing. Just thinking."
"About what?"
Javier was quiet for a minute, his hands still gentle in Messiah's hair. "My mama been asking about you."
Messiah tensed immediately but Javier's hands kept moving steady, grounding him.
"She want you to come to dinner Sunday." Javier's voice stayed casual. "But only if you want to."
"I don't know..." Messiah sat up, that wall starting to come back up.
"Hey." Javier caught his face, thumb stroking his jaw. "Look at me. You ain't gotta if you not ready."
Something about how Javier said it - no pressure, just understanding - made Messiah's chest feel tight.
"It's just..." Messiah looked down. "I ain't good with family stuff."
"I know baby." Javier pulled him back close. "And that's okay. We can wait."
They was quiet for a minute, just breathing together. Finally Messiah spoke, voice barely above a whisper.
"What if they don't like me?"
"Not possible chiquito." Javier's voice was firm. "Plus my mama already love you just from what I told her."
"You talk about me to your mom?"
"Course I do. You my baby."
Messiah didn't say nothing for a while, just letting Javier hold him while he thought. Part of him wanted to run from anything family related. But another part... another part wanted to know what a real family felt like.
"Can we leave if it gets too much?"
"Whenever you want." Javier pressed a kiss to his forehead. "We do this at your pace."
Messiah nodded slow. "Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah. I'll go."
Javier pulled back to look at him. "You sure?"
Instead of answering, Messiah just kissed him. When they broke apart he stayed close, letting Javier's steady presence calm his nerves.
"Just..." Messiah's voice was quiet. "Don't leave me alone with them."
"Never." Javier's grip tightened slightly. "I got you baby. Always."
And something about how he said it - firm but gentle, protective but understanding - made Messiah actually believe everything would be okay.