Chapter 35

It started over something small at first. Messiah kept dodging Sunday dinners with Javier's family, making excuses about practice or work. But this time was different.

"You can't keep doing this," Javier said, voice tight. "My mama keeps asking about you."

"I told you I got practice-"

"Stop lying." Javier's voice got hard. "Coach already told me y'all off this weekend."

Messiah tensed up. "You checking up on me now?"

"Nah, don't try to flip this. You the one lying." Javier stepped closer. "What's the real problem?"

"Ain't no problem. I just don't want to go."

"Why? My family been nothing but good to you."

"Exactly!" Messiah snapped. "They too good, too perfect with their Sunday dinners and happy family shit. I can't-" he cut himself off.

"Can't what?" When Messiah didn't answer, Javier got in his space. "Can't what, Messiah?"

"I can't keep pretending I belong there!" The words burst out loud. "I ain't built for all that family shit. My own family ain't even want me, what make you think yours will?"

"Don't do that." Javier's voice was cold now. "Don't push me away cause you scared."

"I ain't scared of shit-"

"Yes you are! You terrified of anybody loving you so you sabotage it first." Javier was really mad now. "I been patient, letting you move at your pace, but I'm tired. You can't keep running every time shit gets real."

"Then stop chasing me!" Messiah pushed past him toward the door.

"That's right, run like you always do." Javier's words stopped him cold. "Prove everybody right about how you can't be loved."

Messiah turned back, hurt flashing across his face before that wall slammed up hard. "Fuck you."

He was gone before Javier could stop him, door slamming behind him. Javier stood there breathing heavy, anger mixing with regret as he realized what he'd said.

Hours passed with no word. Javier's calls went straight to voicemail. Finally around 3am, his phone lit up:

"You right. I ain't built for this."

Javier's heart dropped. He called again but nothing. Grabbing his keys, he headed to Messiah's place, praying he hadn't fucked up the best thing in his life.

When Messiah opened the door, his eyes were red like he'd been crying but trying to hide it.

"What you want?"

"I'm sorry." Javier stepped forward. "I ain't mean what I said. I was mad-"

"Nah you meant it. And you right." Messiah's voice was flat. "I don't know how to do this. How to be what your family wants-"

"Stop." Javier reached for him but Messiah stepped back.

"Just go Javi. Before I mess this up worse."

"No." Javier caught his face, making Messiah look at him. "Listen to me. I was wrong. You ain't messing nothing up. I love you exactly how you are - walls and trust issues and all of it."

Messiah tried to pull away but Javier held him there.

"You hear me? I love you. And my family loves you cause I love you. You don't gotta be perfect. You just gotta be you."

Something in Messiah broke then. He let Javier pull him close while he finally cried for real, all them years of feeling unwanted coming out at once.

"I got you baby," Javier whispered, holding him tight. "I ain't going nowhere."

They ended up in bed, Messiah curled against Javier's chest while they really talked - about family trauma, about trust, about love. It was hard and it hurt but it was real.

"I'm sorry too," Messiah said quiet. "For running."

"I know." Javier kissed his forehead. "We both gotta do better. But we'll figure it out together, okay?"

Messiah nodded, letting Javier hold him close. Maybe they both had shit to work on, but at least they was willing to try. That had to count for something.