chptr 15

"My goodness the once innocent virgin is now a complete wooooooman...", my best friend screeched in the air with so much excitement that I really did not understand where it was coming from.

"I mean I did not see what was soooo special about it all. I just lost my virginity__" I responded its not a big deal.

"No it is ...

As a woman it is so important__"

Here we go with the speech ,she had now transformed into a "mama bear" and with all the advice she was spewing about sex I wish she had put that in her studies maybe we would have gotten into the same university,not that I would say this loudly because I would most definitely come of as a bitch and I loved Mary too hard to put my thoughts out in the open.

I guess people do have secrets after all. I for instance preferred to shut my mouth and hide my thoughts so that I would not hurt the other person and also to hide what I truly felt so I guess I do have secrets. Like right now as she spoke to me about sex education my mind was troubled with thoughts swirling around and trying to comprehend why after the whole sexual ( special) night I had with James he had not bothered to even call or text and worst of all was I texted him and he definitely blue ticked me and did not respond.

My insecurity was slowly creeping in and like a blanket of darkness it covered me.

Was I bad was I so out of experience that I bored him

or maybe he was just busy I tried to reassure myself with the last thought but it was of no help.

..." So you will soon be needing some more dick in your life because once the deed was done good you will crave for some more...  And you will probably end up in his hold begging for more..." Mary concluded her little "sermon" just as my mother called us for some refreshments.

Lucky for me my best friend did not notice how I had zoned out through the whole conversation.

" My dear you said you would look for a job as a waitress at Rosa's cafe she called to say you can start tomorrow."

Those news were supposed to lighten me up but for some reason or maybe one reason I just took them with less excitement not to be ungrateful but at that time a certain person had taken too much space in my head and maybe my heart ... Oh shit__

"Are you okay?"my mom questioned with a slight raise of eyebrow as of trying to figure out what was going on in my head...

"Yeah ,yeah... Am good. "I responded just to get her off my back. Noticing my irritation as I rubbed my hands on the table cloth she did not push it any more.

"She is cool cool cool. "Mary responded trying to clear the air that was getting a bit heavy suddenly, I need to go out and get some fresh air.

"I will walk Mary down the street then be back before dinner if you don't mind mom."I stated while getting up and in a rush pulling Mary out before she finished thanking my mom.

"What was that?" Mary asked but before she could probe further i jumped in and said "Nothing ,nothing am cool cool cool like you said." I gave the best fake smile that I could master and she fell for it. She did not push further and we had random conversations here and there before bidding her goodbye and going back home.

Time flew by and here I was again in bed tormented by my thoughts. Literally torturing me.Flashbacks that would not stop not even sparing me when I just wanted to rest and have energy for the next day. It was all too mush to handle.I turned to my pillow and let out a muffled scream.

Was Mary right, that I was already in need of him or is it that I had allowed myself to indulge with a man older than me but whom I had a crush on and now that I had tasted what he offered I was slowly getting hooked to what he was offering.

What is wrong with me?