Chapter 9- Taunting Places

[] A M E L I A []

Home.

For many people, home is where the heart is. It's a place where one can unwind, relax, feel at ease; but for me, home is simply where my parents are.

As for my heart, I didn't know where that was now.

I feel like I don't even have one anymore.

All I feel is constant numbness.

And I don't know how to feel about that.

I parked in the driveway of the place I had grown up calling home, and turned off the ignition in my car. I sat in the silence of my car for a few moments, and stared ahead at the average brown brick house. No thoughts consumed me, as I only stared and breathed out evenly.

I had already let my parents know 2 days ago that I will be coming on Thursday evening, and they had agreed greedily. After all, they hadn't seen me since my abrupt shifting nearly 3 weeks ago. They had been extremely worried about me since I had never really been away from home. Ever since graduation, I had stayed with them since I had decided to go to the local college for my first year. But since I had to move from my last college, and no other place was willing to accept such a late submission, I had to move out.

Honestly, they were more worried than I was.

To me, the move didn't make much of a difference since I had pretty much the same routine I did when I was back here. I'd wake up, have breakfast, go to classes, then have dinner and eventually go to sleep. For them however, this meant that they would be seeing another empty chair at the table, dad wouldn't have to wait for me at night after my 9:30 class, and overall, it would be much quieter in the house. It was a change for me too, but just bigger for them.

After a few minutes to myself, I finally breathed out, and made my way out of my car. The familiarity of the place made me smile to myself and I slowly made my way up to the porch.

I rang the same bell I had nearly a billion times before, and patiently waited. Nearly a minute later, the door burst open, and I was face-to-face with my dad. As soon as he opened the door, I stepped inside and threw my arms around him.

No words were exchanged, as I simply hugged my dad, grinning at his familiar scent. He hugged me, wrapping his large arms around my shoulders.

We pulled away after a minute, and he grinned at me.

"Before your mother says it, I will, just to look like the better parent," he started.

I stared at him in confusion. A moment later, he lunged forward and pinched my cheeks.

"Look at how skinny you've gotten young lady!" he said in a high-pitched voice.

I chuckled and swatted his hands away.

"Dad!"

He pulled away, laughing himself. Then he stopped and stared at me with a small smile on his face.

"Welcome home sweetie."

* * *

To say my mother had quite a more drastic reaction to my entrance was an understatement. By the time I made my way up the stairs and into the kitchen, the sound of my mom's sobs were already within hearing range.

Most of the day was spent lazing around. After we had lunch in the afternoon, we simply started catching up on TV shows. Before we knew it, it was already time for dinner. Mom had complained so much about my weight loss that by dinner time, I felt like a floating balloon from eating so much. And since I missed her food so much too, I ate to my heart's content.

Then after dinner, we decided to head to living room and play a game of Life. It was when we were almost halfway through when my parents stopped, turned to each other, and shared a look.

Dad turned to me first with a small smile on his face. My mother turned then and gave me a serene look.

"How's college sweetie?" my dad asked.

I frowned.

"It's good, dad," I said honestly.

"Amelia, I need you to be honest with me," my mom began. "-is anyone bothering you?" she asked.

My mind drifted off to him, but I realized that not telling her now would be better. If I told her that he was there, and that he found me, it wouldn't take a second for both my parents to come hurtling into my dorm room, pack everything up, and shove me into my room for the rest of my life. However, for once, I needed to face this on my own.

I shook my head at her question and frowned deeper.

"What's going on mom?" I asked quietly.

They turned to each other and shared another look before turning back to me.

"Amelia, just try not to leave the house while you're here, okay?" my mom suddenly pleaded.

I stared at her in shock, wondering what could be wrong, when it suddenly hit me. My mom's everlasting tears, my dad's worried glances, and the fact that dad wouldn't turn on the news channel.

The day we lost everything was approaching quickly. The day I had lost so much, and gained nothing but loss, was coming up.

The day my best friend died, and my brother was convicted of her murder, was coming up.

The day was tomorrow.

* * *

It was quiet that night.

Nobody in the house slept, and instead, we quietly retired to our rooms and stayed awake, staring at the ceiling above.

It was even more evident when we all sat at the dining table for breakfast the next morning. All three of us had bags under eyes, and our cheeks were puffy and red from the night before.

I ate my breakfast quietly while my parents shared quiet whispers. Suddenly, a thought occurred to me as they spoke. It was something that had been on my mind for a long time, but I never had the courage to say out loud. But today... today was different.

"Mom? Dad?" I said, facing them.

They stopped talking and faced me.

"You guys should move."

They turned to each other, as if they were already expecting this outburst from me. Finally, dad turned to me and grabbed a hold of my hand across the table.

"Amelia," he said, urging me to look him in the eye. "We don't have to do that. We were not responsible for what he did."

I stared at him for a long time, and finally looked away from his intense gaze.

"He's right Amelia. It took me a long time to figure it out, but honey, your father is right," my mother said.

I looked down at my lap and stayed silent. A lone tear trailed down my cheeks and I quietly wiped it away. My parents stayed silent, and at one point, my mother came over to give me a hug.

We stayed like that for long time, all of us lost in our own thoughts.

Before we knew it, Sunday came along, bringing with it the same misery we had tried so hard to escape for many years.

* * *

"Ready?" my dad asked from the doorway.

I nodded and then followed after him out of the house. We each got into the car and headed for the nearest grocery store in town.

Mom had complained so much about me losing weight in the span of nearly three weeks, that she was at the point of being sentimental about this. Before she could force me into moving back, I had suggested that she simply pack me some food that would last me at least a few days in college. She brightened at the idea and sent my father and I for a grocery trip.

We finally made it to the store, parked as close as we could to the entrance and got out of the car. Once we made it in, I grabbed a trolley and my father scrambled to get the list out of his pocket. We slowly sauntered into the store, and headed straight for the vegetable isle first.

Afterwards, we made our way down the list and got everything mom had requested. Finally we made our way to the register. However, it would be a long time before we would be helped since there was long lineups in every lane. My dad and I shared a look and headed for the best one we could spot.

After nearly 5 minutes of waiting, the line in front of us only decreased by 1 person, while the lineup behind us started to form. I took a bored look around and suddenly, my eye caught someone's across the room. It was an older lady and she was staring at me, as if trying to recognize me.

I looked away oddly, and my gaze landed on a younger couple who was in the lane beside mine. The girl scoffed at me. Confused, I looked away and caught my father's eye. However, he was oblivious to this and continued staring ahead.

After I caught a few more weird stares, I finally poked my dad in the ribs. He turned to me with a questioning gaze.

"I thought the staring died down after the years," I mumbled, nervously pulling my hood lower.

He looked up at my comment and finally noticed all the stares. However, he simply sighed and patted my hand in assurance. I let out a sigh as well and we continued strolling forward.

After a few more minutes of waiting, we finally made it to the register. The cashier greeted us and my father responded back to her, while I busied myself with the groceries. Suddenly, the sound of my name being called snapped me back into reality.

"Amelia?" someone asked.

Startled, I looked up, only to be met by wide and bright blue eyes.

My mouth parted a little at the sight of the girl before me. Her hair was no longer brown like mine, and was a shade of blonde instead. She wore a white t-shirt under her red apron, a signature of the employees here. Her height stayed the same, and it was something she probably still complained about up to this date.

Suddenly, its as if if I was sucked into the past. Into the time where everything was okay.

In the time when I was okay.

"Psst... Gemma!" I whispered to the girl sitting diagonally from me.

Gemma started looking around confused, and when she saw that it was me who called her name, she smiled.

"What?" she mouthed.

"Party at Brian's tonight! You coming?" I asked.

She thought about it for a second then shrugged unknowingly.

"I don't know. Maybe?" she replied.

I pouted and she chuckled.

"Excuse me ladies?" Mr. Lexin, our Biology teacher called out.

We straightened up at the sound of his voice and looked up at him.

"Anything you'd like to share?" he asked, clearly annoyed.

Unable to hold it in, I let out a chuckle.

"Not precisely, no," I said shaking my head.

My classmates started laughing at my response and Mr. Lexin's glare at me deepened.

"Well, Ms. Harrison, I suggest if you want to talk then you do so after class."

I smiled brightly at him.

"I will sure keep that in mind, Mr. Lexin," I retorted, making others laugh alongside me.

"Careful Ms. Harrison, your eagerness to make others laugh all the time might backfire on you one day."

"...Amelia?"

My father's voice snapped me out of the void I had pulled myself into, and I snapped my head to him. He was staring at me questioningly, but before he could say anything, Gemma started speaking.

"It's been so long!" she gushed. "How've you been?" she asked.

I stared at her a little unsure but responded anyway.

"I'm good. How are you?" I asked as she scanned our groceries.

"I've been good," she replied, shaking her head. "It's actually my last shift today. I'm moving out of town tomorrow."

I nodded my head, a little interested to hear what she was up to.

"Where to?" I asked politely.

"Lethbridge. I'm transferring colleges."

My eyes widened in disbelief.

For some reason, my dad thought this would be a great time to intervene.

"No way, Amelia goes to college there," he said excitedly.

Gemma gasped and looked at me in shock.

"Really?! Please tell me it's Lethbridge College?"

Seeing as she was waiting for my response, I hesitantly nodded.

"That's amazing! I won't be completely lonely then."

I sort of smiled at her in response, but it probably came out more as a grimace. This is precisely when she finally had finished scanning everything though, and I breathed out a sigh of relief.

My dad started paying and Gemma turned to me again.

"This is so great! Hopefully, we have some classes together," she said.

I nodded meekly and started placing all the bags in the cart. Just as we started heading off, Gemma spoke one last time.

"See you soon, Amelia."

* * *

I softly brought my hand up to touch the marble plaque in front of me. It felt as cold as it did to me the first day I had felt it. Within the plaque was engravings of words that wouldn't hold much meaning to others, but for me, they were reality.

In loving memory of

BRITTANY CRAWFORD

A daughter, a sister, and a friend.

From 1997-2013.

I stared at the words engraved into the tombstone for a long time, repeating them over and over in my head.

It was a long time later when the tears fell.

And when they did, they were unstoppable.

I couldn't hold back from seeing her anymore.

Four years. It had been four years since I came here. The last I did, was on her funeral. And then, I couldn't bring myself to.

But today... today was different. Today, when I met Gemma in the store, I couldn't help but think of Brittany.

I was suddenly sucked into the past, into the good times when things were okay.

So I had to come here. I had to come here to remind myself that things were not okay. And that they never will be.

I didn't say anything. I simply sat and cried. All I needed to say was written on the little note inside the bouquet I had brought for her. Hopefully, she would get what I wanted to say.

After nearly an hour of crying and reminiscing the past, I shakily brought myself to my feet. With one last look at the grave, I turned around and started walking away. However, all the way out to my car, all I could think of was what I had written in the note.

A phrase so simple, yet so bitterly true and unreachable at the same time.

"I'm sorry we couldn't do this together."