Chapter 34- Taunting Appreciations

[] L E O []

My heart stopped beating in that moment.

I felt as if I was hit by lightning, or a truck, or anything as painful.

A strangled gasp left my lips as her words registered once more, and I quickly whipped Clara around to face me.

"What the fuck are you saying, Clara?" I breathed out.

She simply hung her head in shame, a few tears escaping her as she did so.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled.

Without thinking twice, I brought my arms up around her shoulders and crushed her to my chest.

"Why would you do that Clara? Why would you even think of doing that? Were we not good enough?"

Immediately, she pulled back and shook her head at me.

"I thought of you guys, Leo. I did. But I just couldn't get over that day," she said, her eyes glazing over. "I was so sick of that wheelchair and I just wanted to have a way out. I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry Leo."

I brought her back to my chest, unable to stop my shaking nerves. Holding her was the only reason I felt somewhat grounded in reality at the moment.

"I'm sorry I couldn't do better," I murmured.

She shook her head, her arms encircling around my waist to hug me back.

"It wasn't because of you Leo. If anything, you were one of the biggest reasons I found courage to continue. Yes, Amelia stopped me that day without even realizing it, but you, mom, and James, kept me going afterward. If it wasn't for you three, I might not have survived therapy. So thank you Leo. You were truly my rock."

We stayed like that for a while. Me hugging my little sister, who might not have been alive right now if it weren't for Amelia Harrison. And her, hugging me back and just being there.

We finally pulled away after a few moments and I brought my sleeve up to my face to wipe away the stray tears. Finally I turned back to Clara, a shaky breath escaping my lips.

She was already looking at me, a small smile etched onto her face.

"Amelia didn't want me to tell you this, Leo. She didn't want you remembering that time again," Clara said.

My heart warmed at that.

Clara brought her hand up to my shoulder and gave it a small squeeze.

"Now I know it's stupid to ask this, but... you're really crazy for her aren't you? And it's not just my eyes playing tricks on me?" she said playfully.

And there it was.

The million dollar question.

Was I crazy for Amelia Harrison?

The answer was, probably.

But I couldn't admit that yet. Because if I admitted it to myself, then nothing would stop me from telling her that. And I couldn't scare her away with my feelings. Never.

I finally turned away from Clara and faced the railings. Her hand fell from my shoulder, and I somehow found comfort in the cold.

"I don't deserve her, Clara," I simply said.

And this was true.

I did not deserve Amelia Harrison.

I doubt anyone really did.

I heard Clara sigh and I simply stayed where I was, puffs of air escaping me every often.

"I know better than anyone else that you deserve someone exactly like her Leo. You spent five years of your life making sure that I was okay. You put my life before yours, Leo. And for that I will forever be grateful."

I felt her tugging at my shoulder, and reluctantly I turned to face her.

"But I'm fine now Leo. I'm independent and I'm healthy. So now it's time for you to find your own happiness. She can give that to you, Leo. I know she can," Clara said  squeezing my shoulder.

I let out a breath and looked down, unable to say anything.

"She changed you Leo. She changed you into the person you were always meant to be. I think she deserves that you do the same for her. Don't give her up Leo. She's too good for you to give up."

And that was something I was sure of.

* * *

[] A M E L I A []

I dried the next dish that Laura handed me with a small smile on my face. The moment reminded so much of home, and I suddenly missed being back at my house in Calgary.

Our routine after dinner was always the same. Mom and I did the dinner cleanup while my dad went to the living room to watch his favourite talk show, the noise drifting into the kitchen. I always had to dry the dishes, and mom always washed. I missed the times when we cleaned up together, since it was often the only time we spent together in the day.

Suddenly, a voice snapped me out of my reverie.

"I've never seen him so happy before."

I turned my attention to Laura, the bowl I had in my hands almost slipping from surprise. When it finally registered what she told me, a traitorous blush crept up my cheeks. Thankfully, her attention was on the sink and not me. I placed the bowl on the counter and cleared my throat before speaking.

"I've got to say, we have a good group of friends with us at the time. We're really having a good time on campus," I said, trying to keep the conversation going.

Laura finally turned the faucet off and faced me with her full attention. Suddenly, she took a step forward and brought her hand up to rest on my shoulder. Her eyes bore holes into my own as she stared at me with a small, sad smile.

"I know a strong soul when I see one. If there's anything you'd like me to know, you can, dear. You're safe in this house."

My mouth fell agape at her words and I couldn't help but awkwardly open and close my mouth at her words.

"Uh- sorry?" I mumbled dumbly.

Laura smiled at me fondly.

"Your eyes tell half your story, Amelia. I can see the sadness in them. It reminds me of something I harbored not too long ago myself," she said softly. "Amelia, trust me when I say that it only gets better when you courageously face it. And you can start that by telling someone about it."

Suddenly, I looked away from her, unable to keep up with her sweet gaze. She was silently asking me to tell her about my past, about what made me the way I am. I thought of the anxiety I went through this morning when I simply thought that Clara knew about my past. But for some reason, I didn't clam up the way I did this morning.

Right here in this kitchen, with Laura Kennedy, I didn't feel scared of my past.

However, a small voice was still nagging me in the back of my mind. A voice that told me that as soon as I told Laura about my dark past, she wouldn't let me near her son.

And that thought was crushing me.

It seemed as if I was quiet for too long, since Laura spoke again.

"Amelia, look at me."

I slowly looked up, trying to find the disgust or resentment in Laura's eyes. However, I only saw a warm pair of eyes staring back at me.

"You don't have to be scared Amelia. Whatever it is that you faced in the past, I can assure you it won't leave this kitchen, and it certainly will not affect my view of you," she said determinedly.

I let out a shaky breath at her words, trying to find a loophole between them. When I couldn't, I finally mustered up my remaining courage and spoke.

"I... I don't have a pretty image in this world. Four years ago... my brother...he killed my best friend."

And just as it was the first and second time, this time wasn't any better. Admitting it to someone took so much power out of me, and I felt sleepy. A simple sentence had me falling apart so easily and I couldn't help the few tears that escaped my eyes.

"What happened honey?" Laura quietly asked after a moment of silence.

"It was at a party. He assaulted her...Then killed her. He tried to kill himself after too. It didn't work, since the police reached there just in time."

I let out a shaky breath, my eyes burning with tears.

"He claimed that he loved her. All these years, and he still claims that he loved her. And every time he said it, back when we were young and at the court trial when he was convicted, I never saw my brother in him. It was like something took over, and he just- he just wasn't the brother I grew up with-"

By now, tears ran down my cheeks one after the other. I helplessly stood in front of Leo's mother, crying my heart out to her. I couldn't make eye contact yet. I just couldn't.

"I'm sorry. I should've told you before coming here. I shouldn't have been here without you knowing first-"

Before I knew it, arms engulfed me and I fell into his Laura's embrace.

"You poor thing. You lost your brother and best friend in one day."

A gasp escaped me and my mouth parted in shock.

No one has ever said it this way.

All these years, people found a way to blame me, to taunt me, and even treat me as if I was the worst person on this planet.

But Laura Kennedy was the first person ever to see what I went through.

I finally hugged her back, quietly crying as I did so. She hugged me for a long time while patting my hair down soothingly.

She pulled back after a few minutes and wiped away at her eyes, while I tended to my own. She then turned to me, a small smile on her face.

"And with the way you two are... I'm assuming he's told you about us?" she asked quietly.

My head snapped to hers in the blink of an eye. Her eyes held pain, hurt, and understanding all at once, and I didn't know how to look away.

"He did. Leo did on his own," I simply said.

We were silent for a few moments, before I spoke again.

"How did you do it Laura? How did you get over your past?" I blurted out.

Laura gave me a sad smile and reached over to pat my shoulder.

"I didn't get over it. It still haunts me to this day Amelia. But the difference is that I found someone worth moving on for."

* * *

[] L E O []

Clara and I finally sauntered back into the house. After putting away our winter gear, we headed our own ways. Clara left to go to bed, while I went in search for Amelia.

I made my way to the kitchen, since that's where I last saw them, and I wasn't surprised to see the lights were still on there. I started making my way there and I froze when I got to the door. I quickly hid behind the wall so no one would see me, and I peeked inside to see the scene before me.

From here, I could see Amelia and my mother both talking. Amelia's head was lowered and my mother was looking down at her with a small smile on her face.

I stared at the scene before me, my heart rate skyrocketing by the second.

'What was going on? Was mama saying something rude to Amelia? But no. That wasn't possible... But what if it was?' I stupidly thought.

My thoughts weren't helping and neither of them were saying anything that could explain to me what was going on.

"And with the way you two are... I'm assuming he's told you about us?" my mother asked Amelia.

I frowned in confusion.

'Who told her what?!'

Amelia finally snapped her head up to face my mom. From here, I could see her glistening cheeks and her blood-shot eyes. My brows furrowed further in confusion and it took all I had in me not to run over to her.

"He did. Leo did on his own," she finally said.

At this, my shoulders finally relaxed. They were just talking about us.

About me and Amelia.

They were silent for a few beats, before Amelia spoke again.

"How did you do it Laura? How did you get over your past?" she murmured.

My heart thudded painfully against my chest at her words. In that moment, there was nothing more I wished for than to be able to take her pain away.

I waited breathlessly for my mother's answer, hoping that she can console her.

"I didn't get over it. It still haunts me to this day Amelia. But the difference is that I found someone worth moving on for."

My mother smiled at Amelia, and I saw her returning the gesture. Somehow, I found myself smiling along with them.

"I'm so glad Leo found someone like you Amelia," she said.

I froze at her words.

I didn't even think that my mom could turn the conversation this way.

Before things could get out of control and my mother blurted out something that made both me and Amelia uncomfortable, I decided to intervene. I quickly shoved my hands into my pockets and sauntered into the kitchen.

"I leave for five minutes and you two are already crying about my departure," I said as I strolled in.

Both Amelia and my mother turned to me. They both shared the same look of relief. Amelia, probably because I saved her from a conversation that could turn very awkward any moment now, and my mother probably because she simply saw me.

Feeling affectionate, I sauntered over to my mother and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

To my surprise, she nudged me in the stomach. I backed up with a dramatic 'oomph' and both women shared a quick laugh.

"You wish we were crying over you," my mother said.

I rolled my eyes at her and came forward to stand beside her. She looked up at me with a small genuine smile and brought her hand up to pat my cheek. Her eyes held a certain pride that I couldn't decipher and I smiled at her in confusion. Her eyes welled up with unshed tears and I frowned in further confusion.

Before I could say anything however, she pulled her hand away from my cheek. She let out a small content breath and blinked away her tears.

"Alright, it has been a long day," she said.

She turned to Amelia then, a fond smile on her face.

"It was lovely having you here Amelia. I wish you two oculd stay for longer," she said, looking between the both of us sadly. "But that's okay. Next time will be better. I'll see you tomorrow morning for breakfast," mama told her.

Amelia nodded.

"Thank you, Laura," Amelia said in her signature way.

Mama smiled at her again before turning to me.

"Leo, please show Amelia to the guest room. I'll be off. Good night kids."

And with that, she left the kitchen, leaving Amelia and I alone.

I took a small breath before finally turning my attention to her.

Amelia was awkwardly staring at the floor, her hands wrung together and her head downcast. Her eyes were still red and she was biting her lip as if her life depended on it.

Before I knew it, I took a step closer to her and grabbed her shaking hands in mine.

She snapped her head up to me, her eyes wide with surprise.

"Are you okay?" I asked quietly.

Her mouth parted at my question and a few traitorous tears ran down her cheeks. I pulled one hand out of hers and brought it up to her cheek. Using my forefinger, I nonchalantly wiped away the tears. Then, I grabbed her hand again.

Amelia's lip quivered and she sucked in her lip between her teeth again. My eyes fleeted down there, and it took all I had in me to finally bring my gaze back to her eyes.

After a moment, she closed her eyes and let out a deep breath. Then, she looked up again and gave me a small smile.

"I'm alright Leo," she said.

I gave her a small grin.

"Well then Moonie, shall we head to bed?"

As we walked, I refused to let go of Amelia's hands. She tried pulling back a few times, but I'd just hold on tighter, saying that it was too dark for me to see. The last part wasn't a total lie, but why I held onto her was a whole different story.

I held onto her to stop myself from pulling her into a bone-crushing hug.

I have never been much of a hugger, but all of what Clara told me was fresh in my mind. On top of that, all of what I saw of Amelia today, whether it was when she was laughing at James' lame jokes, when she helped mama in the kitchen, or when she saved Clara outside, made me want to cherish her, even if it was only for a moment.

Most importantly, she saved my sister years ago, and that thought had my heart racing.

How much more do I have to owe this girl?

I stole a look over to her as we ascended the dark staircase, and I sighed as I unintentionally clutched her hand tighter in mine. I continued to lead her towards the empty guest room upstairs, the closest room to me, and we finally came to a stop in front of the door. I turned to Amelia, and she was staring at the daunting door ahead.

"Alright Moonie," I said to get her attention.

She turned to me and I slowly let go of her hands.

"Here's your stop. I believe mama already brought your stuff up here earlier. If there's anything you need, I'm only a door away," I said, pointing to my room across the hall.

She nodded at me and then turned to the door. She turned the knob and slowly started walking inside. Once in, she turned to me one last time and gave me a small smile.

"Good night Leo, she said.

"Good night Moonie."

And when she finally closed the door, I looked down to my still tingling hand with a small smile on my face.