chapter eight

k l e p t o    c l a r k   a n d   h i s   c o n d  o m s

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Picture: A banner thing I made of Nova :)

Note: I hope you like this chapter! This is a celebratory chapter since Matchmaker reached 15K READS! Oh my gosh, I want to thanky you guys so much for this, I'm over the bloody moon.

oh and dedicated to an amazing writer :)) If you haven't checked out her books yet, you're really missing out...

oh and dedication to the best comment for next chapter :)

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(not edited)

Ancient History is a class that was brought to Earth to make students' lives hell. Then again, it is also the perfect class to take a well-deserved nap, but not when your fake boyfriend is sitting right behind you and pissing the absolute bull-turtles out of you.

Yeah, unfortunately I'm stuck with Tyler for the worst class possible. Not only is the subject horrible, but Tyler flicking paper at me and grabbing the loopholes from my shorts in the hole of the chair, effectively giving me a wedgie, makes it twice as bad.

Having Mr Poo Sniffer - his actual name is Posniff but nobody ever calls him that - as a teacher is the icing on the cake. He's middle aged, shorter than your smallest freshman and has a turned up nose that looks like he's smelt something bad - poo. He's not the worst teacher in the world, but he's just so strict and never hesitates to hand out detentions for the smallest, most insignificant reasons. His full head of black hair is cut and combed to resemble a bowl. I'm sorry, but since when is it appropriate in this day and age to cut your hair into a bowl cut. It's practically torture.

Austin had a bowl cut when he was younger, but we don't go there. We also had to burn the video tape of Austin dancing around in my Barbie clothes - he threatened to shave everyone's hair when they were sleeping, we didn't take the risk. Plus, mom got a copy of it at the store. Now that gem is hidden so well I haven't even found it in the five years I've been searching.

Anyway, it seems as if Tyler had been switched onto 'annoying mode' with his incessant need to poke, prod or piss me off. Ugh, it's as if he's on a sugar high. But, all he's eaten is half a pound of bacon - we needed it all gone this morning so I shoved it down his throat. I'm surprised he hasn't brought the bacon up by now, because he ate the most out of the four of us. Austin threw some of his out, while I generously gave some to Meownce because we'd ran out of cat food.

"Nova, Noooooooovaaaaaaaaa," Tyler whispered, pulling at my belt loops again.

I turned around in my seat, throwing him the deadliest glare. "Give me a wedgie one more time, and I will vo a cortar tu salchicha (cut up your sausage)."

Tyler was about to say something, but Mr Poosniffer beat him to it. "This isn't Spanish class, Nova." He warned. I turned around in my seat, coming face to face with a beady eyed Mr Poosniffer. "Detention for disrupting the class."

"Ooooh, put some ice on that burn," Tyler kicked my chair again.

"You too, Tyler. Detention for you both. Stop disrupting my lesson," he sneers. "Get your hands off each other."

"I can't touch my girlfriend," Tyler frowned. Oh god, he's just digging an even deeper hole.

"Don't test me," he turned around to the board and finished scribbling down the notes that he was originally writing. It was something about Ancient Greek - I'm not paying attention, so how would I know - I recall. I'm just quickly writing the down the note without even paying attention to the words, steam is practically coming out of my ball point pen.

After the rest of the class finished and it was lunch time, Mr Poosniffer made us stay behind so that we could get our detention slips. Ugh, I just want to punch Tyler for making me have a stupid detention. If he hadn't of riled me up, then I wouldn't have threatened to cut off his sausage in Spanish. He's so damn infuriating!

"Thanks Mr Poosniff," Tyler grins at the teacher after he hands us both our detentions.

He grabs my hand and we quickly run out of the classroom before we could get another detention. We kept running down the empty hallway for a minute or so - just until we reached my locker - and stood, me puffing and Tyler grinning like a kid on Christmas.

"Look at you go, Cupid," he leans his side against the locker and watches me with his green eyes. They're a mix between green and blue, possibly the prettiest eyes I've ever seen. His eyes remind me of this quote from Ed Sheeran,

'Granny told me that when looking for a partner, to fall in love with their eyes, because eyes are the only things that don't age. So, if you fall in love with their eyes, you'll be in love forever.'

I'd always wondered if it was that easy to fall in love. Granted, I am no way in love with Tyler, but I'd gladly swap his eye colour for mine if I had the chance.

"You're one step closer to becoming a proven bad ass," he grins, showing off his straight white teeth. I remember when Tyler had braces back in middle school, much like many other students including me. Unfortunately, I wasn't granted with nice teeth, so I had to deal with the pain.

"Oooh," I fake squealed in a high pitch voice, "I've always wanted to be a bad ass. Just wait, tomorrow I'll be coming to school with a leather jacket and Doc Martens and I'll be the badd-est girl you'll ever meet."

"I like you just the way you are," he winks, still leaned up against the locker next to mine. "Now hurry up and put your books in your locker. I'm starving, and I know you have cookies."

I furrowed my eyebrows, "How?"

"Well," he smirks, "My cookie hormones are tingling."

I rolled my eyes. He's trying to imitate me the night of the party when I went on and on about my taco hormones to him. "Yeah, whatever. I'm guessing you saw them when I opened my bag," he nodded, "Pig."

He fake gasped, "Am not!"

"Am too!"

"You take that back," he holds my glare. It's like a battle of who can glare at each other the longest, but someone interrupted.

"Aww," a girl cooed, "They're the cutest couple ever. Seriously, Taylor, look at them."

I broke the glare fest and looked at the two - I think - freshmen girls who were smiling longingly at us. Um, ok. "We're no-"

Tyler cut me off before I could finish. "I know, right. She doesn't like to admit that we're perfect for each other," he holds me in a side hug and smiles down at me. He's so close that I can smell his man-perfume. What's it called again? Oh, right. Cologne. Mmm, good smelling boys are the best.

The girls squealed one last time before walking off. "Wow, that was so embarrassing," I mumbled as I put my books back in my locker, grabbing out my English folder for last period. We don't need anything for Gym since they provide us clothes. I zipped up my bag, throwing it over my shoulder and turned on my heel to go eat some goddamn food. My stomach is making so much noise it sounds like a whale's mating call.

Tyler wrapped his arm around my waist. I ignored the tingles, and the way that his hand seemed to fit around my waist perfectly. I really do need to stop with all this fantasising, it's getting downright stupid. I look up at Tyler, feigning a confused look. "Just to make it believable," he shrugs.

I sigh, of course. We carry on walking the last twenty metres to the cafeteria. Tyler opens the door and we walk in together. The whole cafeteria goes silent.

Oh, come on. It seriously can't be that fascinating to see us together. Then again, they have seen how much we use to despise each other - throwing food, tripping each other, pulling chairs out behind us when we go to sit down, the whole ordeal.

"OH LOOK, IT'S CUPID'S FAVOURITE COUPLE," Clark cheered from our table. Oh god, here he goes again with the whole 'I'm cupid and I shot the both of you, so deal with it' thing.

I felt self-conscious with everyone watching Tyler and I. Not necessarily with angry glares, but with curiosity and giddiness. Yeah, Octavia High isn't the type of high school where people will get angry and throw a tantrum if the hot guy starts dating a girl. They're probably surprised, because Tyler doesn't date and I'm as appetising as a charcoaled piece of bacon.

Everyone was already at the table when we got there. I took the seat next to Emily, while Tyler sat in front of me next to Nate, with Clark beside him. Emily was smiling like a dork - she knows that we are only fake dating, but she thinks that it is pretty much real - and Nate is sitting back on his chair with his arms crossed and a satisfied smirk on his face. Oh, he is never going to live this down.

To stop the awkward stare-at-Tyler-and-Nova situation, I opened my bag and pulled out the green cookies. "I've got cookies!" I held them up, Tyler and Nate practically had heart eyes, while Clark looked like he'd seen a ghost.

"What the fuck did you cook? That looks like babies shit," Clark wrinkled his nose up and fake gagged.

"I cooked cookies," duh, what else was there to cook? "And they don't look like shit, they're freaking delicious, in the best colour and you're not getting some."

"Bitch."

"Hedgehog."

"Turtle."

"Drop bear."

"Toilet bowl licker."

I nearly barfed. "You're a feral Clark. Why am I friends with you?"

"Because you looooove me," he reached over and poked my cheeks. What is it with poking my cheeks? Yeah, they're a little pudgy, but they don't want to be molested!

"Back off," Tyler warned.

Clark smirked, hands still on my cheeks, "Oh, sorry Tyler. Forgot that you and Nova are in a relationship." I rolled my eyes. He remembers fully well, he's just 'pissing' Tyler off for enjoyment. "Change of subject, is everyone here going to Genevieve's this Saturday? I'm going to drink and f*ck bitches."

I wrinkled my nose. He's such a hormonal boy. All the guys hollered and cheered, obviously thinking the same thing as Clark.

The party is going to be at the beach just a few blocks from the Mall. It's a nice, clean beach, but there is a secret hideout/cove a few minutes down the beach - that's obviously where the party will be. It's a popular place for parties, where we have bonfires. There's enough room for half our school there, plus there's also toilets a two minute walk away.

Nate, Clark, Tyler, Emily, Eloise, Brandon and I always go there in the summer to camp for a few nights, sometimes even for a week. We can go back to town to get supplies and food, so it's the perfect camping grounds. This year we didn't get to go camping since Emily was at explosives camp, same as Nate, Brandon, Clark and Tyler who had to go to football camp.

Essentially, summer was boring. Austin became my best friend for two of the three months. He's a pretty good brother, I must admit. We had some serious bonding time, like jet-skiing and tree climbing. The tree climbing ended in a horrific accident on my part. I went a little bit too high and the weak branch broke, I gave myself concussion and had to go to the hospital to get stitches on my neck since I cut it on the branch. Yeah, I'm clumsy as all hell.

Break soon ended and we all made our way to Gym. Every single senior has gym at the same time, with there being four classes. Octavia High isn't a huge school; there are about 120 kids in each grade, which I think is a good thing since it isn't overly crowded.

I was fortunate enough to be stuck in a class with Tyler, Nate, Emily and Alex - he's a football guy. The whole group and I walked to gym together. We were all like a huge clog in the hallway, we're the large. Students trying to go the other way had to push through all twenty of us. Allie and Sophia trailed behind, Allie sending me vindictive glares and Sophia being off with the fairies.

Sophia is nice, but damn does she have a lot of air in her head. She's convinced that Allie is an angel - that much of an airhead.

By the time we reached the gym, it was half full with students. One of our four gym teachers (two of them aren't even qualified, they just wing it) stood at the top of the bleachers, shouting at everyone to shut up.

"Okay, so unfortunately, two of our coaches quit," he grimaced. Mr Jacobs is a bulky, protein obsessed gym coach. He is also the football teams coach and a big softie towards girls. He'll let you get out of anything if you give him the puppy dog face, yet his strict on the guys. We, girls, all use it as an advantage.

"And since we haven't done this since freshman year, I'm afraid two of our classes will be doing gym while the other does Sex-Ed." The gym goes into an uproar. Some people are laughing while others are looking terrified. "Classes 1 and 3 are doing gym this week, while classes 2 and 4 will be doing sex-ed. Enjoy."

Goddamnit! I'm in class 2.

"Oh my god, I love sex-ed!" Clark grins like a maniac, jumping around with excitement.

"Yeah, only cause' they give out free condoms without a limit on how many you can take," Nate adds.

"The safer the better," Clark imitates the sex-ed teacher in freshman year who encouraged us all to take as many as we pleased.

Clark wasn't even sexually active back then, but he still jumped at the chance and took a whole bowl full. Apparently, his parents looked through his bag to find around 100 condoms, they nearly fainted. Clark is no saint, but having 100 condoms in your bag makes it a little bit suspicious. Plus, he made sure he got the extra-large once also. Cocky dickhead.

"If you go into heat, package your meat," Tyler shrugs. I gasp, slapping his arm. Gosh, boys are so sex-orientated it's crazy. "What?" Tyler whines, "Would you rather have a baby than me covering my stump?"

"Who said I'm having babies with you," I wrinkled my nose. Tyler's eye twitched, making me remember that I'm supposed to be keeping up this whole act. "Maybe in five years."

"Five," he chokes out. "I was thinking more like one."

I just glared at him.

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Ten minutes later, and classes 2 and 4 were seated on the bleachers in the gym, watching a very intimate video. As in, the video they show you of a woman giving birth to ward you away from ever having sex again.

"This isn't going to stop me from having sex," Clark comments beside me. "I think it's sexy that a girl can do that."

"Oh my god," I sighed, "Would you just shut up?"

"Sorry," he smirked, "I forgot that you love watching babies come out of vaginas."

"I'm sure you would love to give birth through your penis," I smiled sarcastically.

"Ooooh, apply some water to that burn," Nate cheered. We turned to Nate with a flat look. "Okay, yeah, that's getting a little old."

"You think," I rolled my eyes.

I turned to look back at the TV, but grimaced. Ugh, this is not what I want to watch after devouring half of the green cookies. Nate and Tyler helped me, but others were too scared, thinking they would kill them.

They don't know a good thing when they see it.

The clip finally finished. Clark was collecting condoms again, Emily was looking a little pale - she can't even handle horror movies - and Nate is in an awkward exorcist sleeping position. His back is against the bleacher seat, while his neck is tilted backwards and he's swallowing flies with his mouth right open. Tyler spent most of the movie playing Angry Birds while I tried to make him fail the levels.

That's for getting me the detention, I had said. He glared, saying that it was the hardest level which he was about to win, but I blew it and his bird didn't hit the last pig. Ah, good times.

"Trojans," Clark squealed. "At least this school gives away one good thing."

Oh for freaks sake. I can't believe I even dated him. What on Earth was I thinking?

"He must have a whole draw of condoms at his house," Tyler comments from beside me. We're walking from Sex-Ed to English Literature. He has his arm around me, as per usual, and we are following Brandon and Eloise as they fight over who hit each other the hardest in dodge ball.

I bet that was much more fun than watching a baby being pushed out a tiny hole.

"I agree," I laugh, looking up at him. Written on his shirt is 'I look better without this on' and I can't help but agree. He must have worn it on purpose, I swear. His wardrobe consists mainly of t-shirts with inappropriate slogans. Boys. "Last time I went to his, he even offered to lend me a few. I didn't take them so we ended up blowing them into balloons and turning ourselves into a daisy by tying them to our face."

"What?" Tyler snorts out a laugh, "He doesn't even get laid that much. He's just a klepto when it comes to expensive stuff."

"Exactly! I feel sorry for his future girlfriend."

"Hey, you dated him," he points out.

I shrug, "It wasn't serious at all. He's like a brother to me, just like Nate."

"What about me?" Tyler cocks his head to the right. We're at my classroom, but making no effort to let go of each other.

"What about you?" I frown. Where is he going with this?

"Do you think of me as a brother?"

I think for a second. "No," I breathed out.

"Good," he smiled a genuine, boyish smile which made his left dimple stand out and creases to form beside his eyes.

Wow, talk about weird? I was about to ask him what he meant by that, but he was already gone and I wasn't bothered to race after him. I guess I'll just have to ask him in detention then.

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